October 11, 2013

I’ve lost sleep.

It was pretty evident since there were bags under my eyes. Umma, Appa, and Tao begin to worry but I keep telling them that I’ve been staying up late to study. But that wasn’t true, not at all. The scene of… Kai and that girl heating things up kept on repeating in my head every night. I really need to sleep but my mind keeps on betraying me. I want to cry. It just won’t stop. I’m becoming delusional.

But why am I like this? I talk about this all the time with Myung Hee like it was nothing; I read about it and even wrote a fan fiction of Taemin a couple of times. What’s happening to me? I’m acting like a pure, innocent little girl that just saw someone kiss, but nope. I’m a dirty minded girl that heard someone have .

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“Maybe you should stop studying so late at night,” Umma offered the idea.

“Yeah, maybe,” I said, exhausted. I had my delicious Starbucks in my hands, sitting at Umma’s kitchen counter. I played around with the straw, soullessly. I haven’t seen Kai ever since that day. Well, he was there, I just decided not to look at him anymore, it was too hard. I let out a sigh and stood up from the table, only to stumble backwards because the weight of not sleeping caused me to tip over.

But instead of falling to the ground like I thought I would, I landed into someone’s arms.

“Are you okay?” – Someone says in a husky voice.

I turn around and my eyes widened when I saw who caught me: Jongin. “Y-yeah; I’m fine,” I push myself away from him and run up to my room, abandoning my drink.

I shut the door and slid my body down on it. Are you okay? Jongin doesn’t do that. He would say something like: you’re so stupid or watch where you’re going. Just not: are you okay? I could hear the sound of my heart rapidly beating. It hurts, a lot. A mean, jerk face player was enough. I didn’t need that player to change to some sweet guy. I don’t get why my heart is beating so loud and fast. Maybe it’s because of the sleep I lost, or because I got sick.

I could still feel Jongin’s warm embrace as I lay on my bed, attempting to sleep once again.

His arms s around my waist and he pulled me closer to him. His warmth travels around my body, enveloping me with bliss. His legs get tangled with mine and his even breathing brushes past my ears.

And with that, I fell asleep, the best sleep I had in ages.