Listening to Miracle in December album while writing this. I think you can gather why there's snowflakes, and the memories in the book and the Christmas. And I'm so happy because Luhan and Lay are joining BaekHyun, D.O and Chen for their live stages. I'm screaming for joy.  

SoMi’s POV

I stared at the book lying on the side table, hesitating to pick it up and read. I have no idea why I am reacting like that. It felt like there were too much in there, too many memories, too many feelings. And yet, I know that what’s written in there is something that will fill up the gap I have been experiencing. That feeling of emptiness that I still sense vividly even after remembering the people around. It got even stronger when I saw him, that BaekHyun guy, I just knew he was someone important to me. It’s just like he is the one that had filled up the void in my heart before.

What am I scared of? It’s just a book, I’m not afraid of anything so why am I afraid of a book. Damn it SoMi, just pick up the book and read through whatever is inside.

Taking in a huge breath to calm my palpitating heart, I picked up my courage and grabbed the book. Flipping to the first page, I started to read, “Dear Diary, I guess I should have….”

As I read pages after pages, tears unknowingly fall, falling like the first snowflakes that had arrived for the year. I was remembering everything entries after entries. As I read about BaekHyun having leukemia, my heart ached, remembering how I always thought he was hiding something from me. Now I knew why he was badly trying to conceal this truth from me.

I flipped to a page and realized it was written after he arrived in America:

It’s not even one week here but my heart is already aching for her. Leaving her without saying anything hurts me badly, but I know it was better like that. What if something bad happen to my treatment here, then I would just hurt her. It’s better to just let her think I left her. I checked my cellphone and there were so many missed calls and unread messages from her. Maybe I should not have left without giving her a reason, but I can’t bear to see her crying in front of me.

It makes me feel guilty, because I knew I did not treat you well sometimes, when I get cranky after my treatment. Yet, you did not mind and continued to stick by my side. I tell myself now, if my treatment is a success, I will go back and love you even more. And treat you like a princess.

With jagged breathing and unstoppable tears, I flipped to the next entry:

The doctor said my treatment after my surgery is proceeding well. That amount of happiness that filled me was indescribable.

Just maybe, I can go back to Korea and see her again. I would tell her everything then. Now, I can only pray she would not have found someone else to replace me. Because throughout my time here, my mind was filled with her and her only.

She gave me the strength to fight my illness, even if she is not there physically. I miss her, badly.

I can’t read on anymore, if I did, I know I would never stop crying. When he left, I was a mess. When he left, the thoughts of him not loving me anymore fickle through my mind. When he left, I had thought he left for someone else. I doubted him, yet he was in America, thinking of me every waking minute. I was his strength to fight his illness, and he was my strength to live on.

I needed him to know, that I remembered everything about him. I remembered everything we did together. I remembered every promises we made to each other. I needed him to know, I still love him always, and will continue to love always.

I want to fulfil the last promise we made to each other before he left. We are going to spend a white Christmas together. And we are going to spend the remaining Christmas together, forever.