“When we least expect it, life sets us a challenge to test our courage and willingness to change; at such a moment, there is no point in pretending that nothing has happened or in saying that we are not yet ready. The challenge will not wait. Life does not look back. A week is more than enough time for us to decide whether or not to accept our destiny.”
― Paulo Coelho, The Devil and Miss Prym

14: First Change

Changes are freaky things.

Changes are terrifying and at times a bit scary.

Whoever thought that they can ignore these terrifying, freaky little things called Changes are ignorant beings. This may include a girl named Park Sandara.

Yes, me.

Why?

Well I thought I could easily overlook this tiny and trivial change in my life, because really being a girl, we tend to go through a lot of changes especially when it comes to our body. Who would’ve thought your body could grow those two peaks on you chest, right? So, this should be nothing compare to those biological stuff.

Then why on earth am I acting weird all throughout the week?

Sure it’s Donghae and he is my first crush and not to mention, if Bom was actually telling the truth, is my first kiss too. I should be happy right?

YES YOU SHOULD! YOU DIMWIT! – that’s actually my subconscious shouting at me.

Well… I am happy... and confused… and scared… and angry... and anxious all at the same time. Am I even making sense?

“Hey! Stop staring.” Bom whispered beside me. “You look like a creepy obsessed fan girl.” she pushed my elbow, which is currently supporting my head, off my desk.

“Yah! I’m not staring.” I pushed her back.

“Duh, yes you are.” Bom retorted before glancing back at her book. “You’ll drill a whole on his back if you don’t stop staring.”

Fine, I confess, I do stare at him. It’s a newly acquired habit of mine during classes with Donghae ever since Bom told me the shocking news. I’ve been itching to ask him if it’s true or if Bom’s just messing with my head, but seeing Donghae still giving me this cold treatment and me, being the most terrible person when it comes confrontation, isn’t getting me anywhere.

Yes, I’m scared of him when he’s like that. I also admit, he was right, I was being a brat and irresponsible these past few weeks.

So, how am I supposed to confront him in this situation? Oh God of wisdom, please enlighten thy humble and ignorant servant.

..

“C’mon, hurry-up!!” Chaerin hastily said as we run past students towards the university stadium.

Exam week is finally finished and this week, the school is holding its annual Sport Festival. As what the name implies, the university is divided among several colleges (Engineering, Computer Studies, Sciences, Education, etc.) that will compete through all kinds of indoor and outdoor sports. Basketball, football, softball, badminton, chess, etc.

My brother, Sanghyun, Eunhyuk and Donghae, are enlisted on basketball.

Bom joined the football team.

Chaerin joined the baseball competition.

While I, yours truly, has none. Yeah, I know I love and miss playing basketball, but the school got no competition for an all female basketball team. Yeah. Bummer. And besides, I think I won’t have the time to practice and compete this week anyway. ‘Cause since last week, I’m juggling 2 part-time jobs to make me busy and of course to avoid a cold-Donghae at home. In the morning, I work at a café just outside the school and in the evening, I buzz tables at a small diner 2 blocks away from our apartment.

 My parents don’t know about these jobs. My father would go berserk if he finds out. And with mom’s weird imagination, I bet she’ll think I owe a large sum of money to some loan shark or something. So, to avoid unnecessary arguments with them, I’d rather keep this little information for myself.

 “Why are we running anyway, the competition would likely to go on for at least an hour.” I mindlessly said as I run beside her, almost hitting a student balancing a house model on his arms.

”I want us to get a good seat, pabo-ah! Our friends are playing tonight. Imagine, Eunhyuk’s team vs Donghae’s team, aren’t you a bit curious who’s gonna win?” Chaerin asked as we finally arrives at the stadium. Lots of students all huddled inside and loud cheering chants could be heard outside.

 “I don’t know.” I said.

 Chaerin stopped walking a few steps away from the stadium’s double door. “You don’t want to see Donghae play?” she asked surprised.

I wave both my hands,  “Ani, I want to. But I don’t know if he wants me too.” I worriedly said.

 “Aisht, what will I do with you two!? It’s been 4 whole weeks since you two talked, aren’t this a little bit childish? Why don’t you just walk up to him and talk?” Chaerin raised her voice, as the cheers from inside gets louder. I think the game had finally started.

 “I’m scared.” I honestly said.

 She breather out, “Scared of what? That he’ll bite you? Dara-ah, that stupid monkey adores you. He won’t harm or hurt you even if he can. If I knew better, this cold treatment he’s doing to you is the only way he knows how he can get your attention.” Chaerin exasperated.

I furrowed my brow. “But why?” I asked totally confused of what Chaerin had said. My attention? I was always with him, I always talk to him and being his roommate this past year, we always had fun hanging out with each other. Why would he want my attention? He always got my full attention. It doesn’t make sense.

“Aish! Let’s just talk more about this when you’re brain isn’t hibernating,. ok? For now, let’s watch the freaking game!!” Chaerin grabs my hand and pull me inside the stadium.

..

The game finished, Eunhyuk team being the winner by two points.

 It was a bit weird seeing Donghae playing at the court tonight. Don’t get me wrong, I usually watch his games whenever I can, even way back when we were kids. But this time, something change. I don’t know, something is quite different, It was weird enough, that my heart would twitch a knot whenever a player would knock him down, now I had to stop myself from running down at the court and give him a bottle of water or wipe those sweat off his forehead.

 Bom was right, I think I’ve become Donghae’s fangirl. I knew watching tonight isn’t a good idea. I just missed him more. I miss my friend.

 “Dara-ah, now’s your chance. Go over there and talk to him.” Chaerin softly pushed me as she points towards Donghae’s team by the bench. He’s currently packing up his things while talking to one of his team mates.

”B-but, he’s talking to someone.” I reasoned. I really don’t think Donghae would want to talk to me now.

 “Aisht! Pali!” Chaerin pushed me more that I had no choice but to walk anxiously towards Donghae.

 As soon as I was a few feet away, his friend noticed me and bid his goodbye, leaving Donghae alone on the bench still packing up his things.

 “Donghae-ah,” I started, lowering my gaze on my feet. Not knowing if Donghae looked at me or not. “Nice game.” I continued. But I still didn’t hear any response from him. I finally had the courage to look at him and saw him staring straight at me.

 My heart was crashed the moment I saw him looking at me. His eyes were cold as ice. It’s as if he never knew me at all. It’s as if he was staring straight through me. Not seeing me at all. I had to bite my lips to stop myself from crying.

He slowly zipped closed his bag and stood up. Then without a word he walked away and left me.

 I stood there, immobilized.

 Jerk. Was the first word that pops out of my mind, the same time a tear had finally fallen off my eyes. I quickly wipe it off with the back of my hands. I was hurt. Chaerin lied to me, Donghae could hurt me. I slowly sob and sat on the empty bench.

 What did I do to him to deserve this treatment? I’ve been his friend for years, He very well knew that I’m bad with confrontations, he knew that in order for me to walk up to him like this, I need to swallow 100% of my pride just to talk to him. Why can’t he see I’m suffering now? Why can’t he see that I’m regretful of my stupid actions? Why can’t he see that I miss him and I want him back as my friend?

 ..

 “Maybe he doesn’t want to be your friend again?” Eunhyuk said as he pats my back, trying to comfort me. “Let me rephrase that, Maybe he doesn’t want to come back as your friend.”

 I was silently crying inside my room when Eunhyuk suddenly barged in and asking if he could have one of my face packs. But he stopped in surprise to see my face all red and wet from tears.

I told him what happened earlier after the game and those are the words he said right after. So much for trying to cheer me up. I pouted as I glare at him. “Yah, thank you very much. I feel much better now.” I sarcastically said and pushed him off my bed.

 “Hey, I didn’t mean it that way, what I meant was..” He  paused and  heaved a sigh. “No. it isn’t mine to tell.” He shook his head.

 I looked at him more confused. Why the heck is everyone not making sense at all? Why are they talking as if every word that comes out of their mouths is all encrypted?! Is it so hard to damn talk to me as what any normal human being could?

“The heck Hyuk-ah! Are you going to tell me or not?!” I said annoyed.

He looked at me worriedly, “Dara-ah just remember, Donghae has his reason. Just wait for him, ok? He’ll come around, don’t worry. Hang in there.” With that he gave me one last hug and left my room. Leaving me dumbfounded, yet again.

..

“Noona!” I heard someone called my attention. I glance over and saw Sanghyun by the café’s door panting, sweat covered his forehead. He looks like he ran all the way here.

I momentarily tore my gaze from my brother and looked back at the customer in front of me. “Enjoy your coffee sir.” I said as I gave him his Americano.

As soon as the customer walked away, Sanghyun stood in front of me. “Noona! Donghae’s got into an accident!” he exasperated.

“Nice try.” I deadpanned and returned my attention to another customer behind Sanghyun, “May I take your order, Ma’am?” I inquired.

It’s not that I don’t care about Donghae being in an accident. It’s j