Kiss - is the pressing of one's lips against another person or an object. Cultural connotations of kissing vary widely. Depending on the culture and context, a kiss can express sentiments of love, passion, romance, ual attraction, affection, respect, greeting, friendship, peace and good luck, among many others. - Wikipedia

Chapter 13:

Kiss.

There are lots of different kinds of kiss.

The kiss you got from your parents when they laid their eyes on you for the very first time. The kiss your mom gave you at the first day of school. The kiss you gave your dad when you want that delicious cookie on top of the fridge. The kiss your mom or your dad gave you whenever they tucked you in bed at night. The kiss your grandmother gave you during your birthdays. And of course the first kiss you got from that one boy.

He might be your pre-school crush, or a playground playmate, or sometimes, someone who had managed to turn your world upside down and teach you how to love at such a young age.

For me. It’s not Jiyong.

Yeah, bummer. He’s my first boyfriend, but he isn’t my first kiss. I wish had this fairytale story about my first love. I wish I could say to my future daughter or my future grand kids that I’ve experience all my firsts with my first love. But I didn’t.

Lame, I know.

Before I could have a chance to share my first kiss with him, our relationship ended as fast as it begun.

I stared blankly at the big screen showing the protagonist and her male lead kissing for the last 5 minutes. Some worth cringing music resonating across the cinema and everyone inside seems to be focused at these two actors eating each other’s mouth. I rolled my eyes.

The movie is all about first love. Yeah, I’m a masochist. Why would I even watch this movie in the first place?

Bom. Yep, blame it all to my dearest best friend.

I glance at my side and saw her blowing her nose. “Why are you even crying? It’s a happy ending. Duh. You should be happy.”

Bom glared at me. “I’m just happy for them.” she sniffed and blows her nose again. “After all they had gone through, they still end up together.”

Cliché. Typical.

“Hey, I’m hungry. Let’s eat.” I heard Donghae said on my other side. I glance towards at his side and saw him standing up as soon as the credits are rolling on the big screen.

I’m not even sure, why Donghae tagged along with us. This day was supposed to be me and Bom’s date, but somehow this buffoon ends up watching the movie with us. 'Got nothing to do' he had said before I had a chance to walk out of the apartment this afternoon.

“Yey! Let’s go, I’m craving for some cold noodles.” Bom said with much delight.

In a girl’s life, there will always be this one girl who, eventhough you aren’t blood related, is like your twin sister, the girl who understands you better than your own mother, the girl which is totally differently from you but somehow you two seems to be the same in weird ways than one. She may like nuts on her ice cream, but you hate ‘em. You may love that black skull shirt you always wore, but it disgusts her. However, at the end of the day,  you two would end up at your room giggling over some popular lead singer while excitedly singing his song, not minding the ice cream on her hands neither the black shirt you’re wearing. That girl might be your best friend or just a close friend from your school. Either way, Bom is like that to me. My sister from another mother. And I love her to death.

Yet, sometimes, I can’t help but to hate her. Just like today.

“The movie was so touching, I can still feel my heart beating.” Bom dreamily said as she stirs her noodles with her chopsticks. "and their first kiss was just... just.. heartwarming."

"Looks pretty ordinary to me." I said, teasing her.

"Fine. I know you got the most awesome romantic first kiss ever. Tch. conceited." Bom deadpanned.

Right. My first kiss was.. Wooyoung. However, one thing Bom is wrong, it wasn’t romantic at all. Not even close. It was sloppy and wet. I don’t even want to remember it. I locked it up from the deepest darkest corner of my brain along with other worth  not remembering moments of my life.

I took a quick glance from Donghae, who’d been awfully quiet since we arrive at this noodle house.

I nudge his elbow and threw him my most ‘help me’ look.

He looked at me and smiled. “What?” he asked feigning ignorance.

I furrowed my brow. “Help me..”

He ruffled my hair and glance at Bom. “Bommie-ah, I’m going to tell you something that will shock your entire life.”

Bom raised a brow. I leaned forward, waiting for him to tell us this shocking news. Instead, he leaned towards Bom and whispered close to her ears. Bom’s eyes widen in shock and then she looked right at me.

“What?” I asked excited for them to tell me.

Donghae leaned back on his chair and continued to finish his noodles, not even glancing at me. Bom on the other hand seemed like she had seen a ghost.

It’s frustrating.

Great. My two best friends are ganging up on me. Fine.

Why am I friends with them again?

“What?!” I asked again. Donghae and Bom didn’t utter a word.  Then Bom suddenly smiled so wide, I could even see all her white teeth.

This is weird, I glance at Donghae and gave him my ‘what-the-heck-did-you-tell-her’ look, but he just shrugs and shove a mouthful of kimchi into my mouth.

I angrily chew my food and narrow my eyes. Fine. Atleast, whatever Donghae said to Bom made her stop ranting about that stupid movie and that ‘kiss.’

..

I glance at Donghae and tilted my head. After splitting with Bom from the train station, Donghae asked if we could just walk home instead of riding a taxi back to the apartment. It was just a couple blocks away anyways, and I usually walk from there too, so why not.

“What was it?” I asked him.

“Hmm?” He hummed, both his hands on his pocket, eyes staring straight.

“What you told Bom that made her smile like a lunatic.”

“Nothing.”

I stared at him for a second before looking away. “Anyways, Thank you. Atleast she totally stopped ranting about that dreadful movie.”

“No worries. What are friends for.” He said.

We walked for awhile in silence. I didn’t mind, Donghae didn’t mind. It was a few steps away from our building when I heard him asked. “Are you ok?”

“Yup, why wouldn’t I be?” I non-chalantly said.

“Tsk. You’re really a terrible liar huh?” he chuckled and laid his arm over my shoulder.

I rolled my eyes as I shrug his arm off my shoulder.

He stubbornly laid his arm back. “I’ve known you since you were 10 Dara-ah, you can’t lie to me.”

“I am FINE. It was just a movie.”

“Mmhmmm.. Nothing that reminds you of anythng... or anyone in that matter?”

“Nope. I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Of course, I know what he’s talking about. Donghae knows me so well. Donghae more or less knows everything that had happened to me. Donghae was always there for me. And again, I can’t thank him enough for that, but sometimes, I wish he didn’t.

I wish he didn’t come with me when I asked for his help to break up with Wooyoung. I wish he didn’t brought me those countless ice creams when I was crying my eyes out during those first few months after Jiyong left. I wish he didn’t hugged me and listened to me cry until I fell asleep. I wish he didn’t know me this well. I wish. But he did, and he had promised he will always be there for me… as a friend.

A year after Jiyong and I broke up, Donghae gave me a letter. He said Jiyong gave it to him a month after he left. Donghae plead for my forgiveness for not giving the letter soon. For thinking that it was for the better, seeing I was devastated, he thought that he was making the right choice for me. He thought I could forget about Jiyong soon, and giving that letter might only trigger more unwanted emotions from me. I understood. Donghae was just being a good friend.

He was right, that letter made me hate Jiyong. Maybe that was why, after reading it. The longing I felt for Jiyong was replaced by this unwanted hatred.

I sat on my bed and opened my old wallet. I hesitantly pulled an old, slightly crumpled white folded paper. I rub my thumb against it for awhile before putting it back inside.

“I’m not gonna torture myself tonight.” I mumbled. Jiyong left. He left without saying goodbye and all I’ve got was this stupid letter. I’m not even sure why I’ve kept his letter with me all these years, maybe because I knew it would remind me of how much I should hate him, at least with this harbored hatred I could move on. And for awhile I could forget about my first love.

I felt a lump formed on my throat.. I’m so gonna pull Bom’s hair for making me watch that stupid