April 2, 2013

High School, Third Grade

I came in a bit early. An hour and a half to be exact. The corridors were empty, except for the janitor who was busy cleaning up before students start to fill in. I wasn’t able to sleep well last night, decided to get up from bed at three am, prepare as slow as I can but still I ended up riding the bus towards school 5 minutes before six.

School doesn’t start until eight sharp. Suzy wouldn’t be coming here until it’s 8:15am.

I dragged myself towards the last row, down to my seat, and lazily threw my bag on the table. I wanted to at least sleep. I hope I would be able to take a good nap here. Ten minutes will do. Or thirty minutes, please.

Suzy got elected as batch president during the batch election we had just last week. Krystal was our batch’s secretary. Jiyeon was elected as treasurer, and I almost got elected as batch representative not until some girl at the back shouted awful things at me. It wasn’t that bad. But Suzy started yelling at her, defending my side and the other girls followed. I was even surprised that Krystal, the usually quiet in the group, joined in.

It wasn’t that much, really. But it wasn’t right. Suzy didn’t have to defend me. She is the batch president and because of me, she almost got dethroned from her position. We’re thankful she wasn’t.

These three girls were pretty popular in school, I just noticed. Suzy was popular because of her beauty and riches, and how powerful she is because of the sense of authority in her voice, in her eyes, and in her posture. Jiyeon was also head for three years and the founder of the school’s booklovers club. She was known of being the romantic type, the dreamer, the cutest and most lovable girl in our batch. And Krystal. Krystal was the shy one, the girl who wants to be behind the curtains. But she’s strong and witty. The EIC of the school’s paper who stands up and knows the sentiments of the people. Krystal is top one in our batch, the girl who is good in almost anything except in making direct eye contact with other people.

I don’t want people to think that I pushed myself into them just to share the spotlight that they have in school. I don’t want to make my friends think that I am using them to my advantage.

I’m not that type of person and I’m afraid they would think that I am that type of person. I have received a lot of hates from anonymous persons after hanging with them two or three weeks later. And I have been receiving those hates even until now. I wish it would stop. I don’t like receiving hates. Who would?

I wanted to be strong but I am never the strong type. I am easily shaken. And pretty sensitive, too. I overthink a lot. And I couldn’t help but to think what other people would think.

(That is not a good trait. I know. I’m pretty ashamed of myself because if that.)

I felt someone tapping my shoulders so I looked up from my (not really a) nap.

Suzy appeared before me, “Taemin wants to talk with you. He’s waiting outside.”

I leaned back and yawned a little bit, still tired. Still sleepy.

I looked at the clock which is hanging right above the blackboard and discovered it’s already 8:20. Our teacher was running late.

“Hi.” I greeted him with the best smile I could ever give to the people around me, to cover a tiny drop of hurt inside myself. I hope it wouldn’t show. I hope my smile wouldn’t fail me this time.

You know, Taemin and I had been summer best friends since forever. I don’t want to sound immature but I felt somehow upset when Taemin started to avoid me. I’m not sure if he’s avoiding me actually. But he didn’t show up for nearly a month. I’ve heard from Krystal that he’s always coming to class, he’s not the type to skip classes unlike his best friend Minho, Jiyeon filled me in.

But Taemin didn’t bother to show his face or even just his shadow. I’m not being immature. Or possessive (at least, that’s what I think). But we were not usually like this. We used to stick together like we’re twins. And have fun. And just stay as summer best friends.

I missed Taemin. Maybe that’s why I’m acting this way?

“Hi.” He greeted me shortly, his eyes curving at the tip and his lips forming into a curve that is perfect an