158 hours

The clock ticks to the morning dew. Cold surrounded us and it made me shiver. Upon remembering Jinri, I felt startled and turned my head to her with my sleepy eyes and saw her being half covered with the blanket. She was sleeping peacefully and though her face was pale and her lips were dry, she kept her angelic look on her.

And she looked more angelic as the millisecond hand of the clock ticked.

Taking a deep breath, I held the blanket and covered her full body. I stood up and walked to the bathroom to wash my face. Then I cooked, served breakfast and did all other things her mother left for me to do.

"Jinri, let's eat."

She had no response other than murmurs that do not seem to have any sense. I know she's hard to wake up due to her sickness. So I had to try more than once to wake her up.

"Jinri-ah, let's eat. Oppa cooked for you."

She opened her eyes, got up from her bed and smiled sweetly which urged me to pinch her cheeks.

"Ah sorry. You're too cute that I can't resist. Let's eat!"

Assisting her to her wheel chair, I held her hand and waist. My heart let out beats again like loud drum rolls.

I pushed her wheelchair towards the table. We shared with 4 pancakes, a small bowl of soup and water together. She could hardly eat so 1/16 of a small bowl of soup is actually too much for her.

"Oppa...we-we're...we're going to...our favorite...kim...chi res..taurant..to...day...right?"

"Yeah. We're going to eat special kimchi again! Like the usual!"

Jinri smiled and continued eating slowly. 

"Would...would I...be...a...ble to...eat."

She looked at me with eyes asking. Smiling, I continued eating and spoke with words to encourage her.

"Of course! You're strong and like to eat. I'm sure you could eat a plate of kimchi! You liked that so much right?"

Grinning, Jinri spoke weakly. Still eating the pancakes slowly.

"Lies."

Her smile faded and I felt sad as her. I know she is losing hope.

I know her heart is heavy and burdened.

I know she wanted to cry.

152 hours

Sun shines at its peak and made the atmosphere warm. It suits well for a stay in a restaurant and drink some cold soft drinks while eating kimchi.

This restaurant is our favorite. Jinri and I would eat here together. She likes to eat so she eats a lot of kimchi and other dishes. But now that she is sick, she could only eat a piece.

And I should feel happiness embracing me now. Because I am here again together with the bestfriend that I love so much. But it vanished as I saw Chanyeol here. And that he is eating with us now with his friends, Baekhyun and Kyungsoo. Chanyeol was close to me. But he developed feelings for Jinri and he started courting her. He disappeared when Jinri became a novelist. And it surprised me a lot to see him here again after those years that he wasn't by Jinri's side. When she was sleeping very late just to finish a book which made her blood platelet decrease and acquire leukemia.

He wasn't by her side, taking care of her at the hospital. Cheering her and doing things that could make her happy. Like what I am doing.

And it made me mad that he returned here to flirt with the girl I have loved for a long time.

A girl that I want to take care of.

Forever.

"So, she got sick, Jongin?"

With looks teasing, Chanyeol took a sip from the orange juice and grinned.

"Yeah."

"Weren't you taking care of her?"

He took another sip and smiled at Baekhyun. I was annoyed by his question but, I shouldn't show it.

“What was that suppose to mean-“

"Oppa...I want...wa-wan't...to...go to...the hosp-pital now..."

Jinri looked at me with eyes blazing of the desire to encourage me. With her stare, I know she has a purpose.

Right, she needs to go to the hospital for blood transfer.

She had to stay in the hospital again.

"Guys, we’ll be leaving now. Please excuse us."

"Ah. We'll leave now too. Let's go out together!"

Standing up from our seat, I scratched my head and assisted Jinri to her wheel chair. The guys stood up too and went out the restaurant with us.

I don't know if Chanyeol is planning something or not. But if he does, I'll punch his face. He can never get Jinri.

149 hours

Beep beep beep

Jinri sleeps peacefully. She just got a blood transfer and she needed rest since she was stressed from too much speaking. And she always has to drink water because she easily gets thirsty.

Taking care of her was harder than ever. But because I love her, I'm willing to take care of her even the day that she forgets me will come.

I stared at her pale face and thin body. The weakness she feels transfer unto me. And it makes me feel pity for her.

"I'm sorry we're not able to eat kimchi well."

I kept murmuring things though she could not hear me. Suddenly, her eyes opened and she stared at me and gave me a bright smile that could move a saddened heart.

"Oppa..."

"Yes?"

"I want...to...e-eat.. eat kimchi again..."

"Now?"

"Yeah..."

"Then wait for me. I'll just buy one and-"

"Ah...! No...I...b-brought one..."

With a trace of confusion on my face, I asked her.

"From the restaurant?"

She nodded as an agreement to what I have said. Breathing and speaking is difficult for her so at times, she have to keep quiet and relax.

“Silly.”

With a smile on my face, I patted her head and pinched her pale cheeks. She smiled in return and pointed at a lunchbox. Happiness ruled my feelings.

That was the lunchbox I gave her on her birthday.

And she still uses it.

I stood up and picked the lunchbox up from the bedside table and returned at my seat, by the hospital bed. Upon opening it, the aroma of kimchi diffused on the room.

“There’s only two?”

Smiling shyly, she let out words that are almost whisper for a human’s ears.

“Two…just for… the two… of-of us.”

Heaving out a sigh of delight, and a bit of sympathy, I held a piece with a fork, and slowly drew it nearer to Jinri’s lips. Weakly, she opened and chewed the kimchi. I smiled at her faintly and was about to eat the other piece but she held my hand and slowly, snatched the fork away from my hand and drew it nearer to my lips. Her hand were shaking. And she was obviously tolerating the pain.

She could hardly stuff it on my mouth but she did her best to do so. My heart moved for every action she did. It made my heart beat fast.

It made every speckle of noise grow fainter that I can only hear my heart telling beats of love.

“It’s …al…already…cold…ri..right?”

With a smile on my face, I held her hands unknowingly. My mind had been telling me to stop. But I just kept holding it, until her innocent stare reminded me that I was doing something wrong. My hands flicked away and I let out nervous breathing and an embarrassed expression.

“Yeah-yeah. It’s cold. Your hands were cold too.”

Laughing shyly, I stared at the floor tiles. I could not look at her. I am too afraid to see her expression. I don’t want to see her being confused. There is silence all over the room.

Later on, awkwardness surrounded my heart and decided to glance at her.

She was covering her face with her shivering and pale hands.

“What’s the problem? Do you feel sick? I’m so sorr-”

Still covering her face, she interrupted me and spoke in a soft voice.

“I…my…heart…it…beats-beats…fast.”

(...)