“How long have you been sleeping with Zitao?”

Joonmyun almost closes his book in shock, turning to face Yixing with furrowed brows. “What are you talking about?”  Yixing stares at him, expression blank until Joonmyun swallows and looks down. “How did you find out?”

Yixing sits down next to him on the couch, patting his knee. “I had my suspicions and I asked Luhan about it.”

Joonmyun nods and plays with the edge of his book. “Does anyone else know?”

Yixing smiles and leans back against the couch. “I know that people have their suspicions.” Joonmyun sighs and closes the book, setting down in his lap and playing with his fingers. “Does he know that you’ve slept with me?”

Joonmyun glances at Yixing but he’s unable to gather anything from the other man’s serene expression. “No. He knows I’ve slept with another person just not who.”

Yixing nods and leans against him, head resting lightly on his shoulder. “Are you going to tell him?”

Joonmyun sighs and pokes at his knees. “Does it matter? I’m not sleeping with you anymore.”

A shrug that bumps their shoulders together and Joonmyun pokes at the carpet with his toes.”What am I supposed to do Yixing?”

“About?”

“About Zitao?”

Yixing looks at him curiously. “Do you love him?”

Joonmyun sighs and covers his face. “Yes.”

Shrugging, Yixing leans further back into the couch. “Then the answer should be simple.”

Joonmyun scoffs and shakes his head, clutching at his book once more. “You know it’s not that easy. We’re idols and homouality is kind of frowned upon here in Korea.”

Yixing sighs and stands up, ruffling Joonmyun’s hair as he turns to leave. “You have to speak with Zitao about it. I’m not the person you should be talking to about this, I just came to give you a nice push.”

A soft smile and Joonmyun is left alone with his thoughts. Picking at the corners of his book, he closes his eyes and leans his head back against the couch. He knows what he wants he just isn’t sure if it’s possible. Tossing the book onto the coffee table, he pushes himself up off the couch and trudges to his room.

“Hyung.” Zitao is seated on his bed, hands clasped tightly in his lap and Sehun is nowhere in sight. Before he can open his mouth, Zitao holds up a hand. “We need to talk.”

Closing the door carefully behind him, Joonmyun goes and sits down next to the younger boy. They both hesitate unwilling to speak first until Zitao sighs heavily. “Joonmyun hyung, what are we to each other?”

He fiddles with the bracelet around his wrist and Joonmyun touches his fingers to its match on his own wrist. “I don’t know.”

Zitao’s mouth sets into a firm line and he turns his head to look out the window. “Do you like Yixing ge?”

“No.” The answer is immediate because Joonmyun doesn’t, the feelings between him and Yixing had always been platonic. “How did you find out?”

Zitao looks extremely uncomfortable and Joonmyun sighs.” You were listening in.”

Zitao fidgets for a moment before nodding. “I didn’t hear anything else, I came back in here.” Zitao reaches out and grasps his wrist lightly, thumb rubbing alongside the underside of his palm. “I don’t want to just be someone that you’re sleeping with Joonmyun. I love you.”

He pushes a fingers against Joonmyun’s lips when he goes to speak. “I have something to admit.” Swallowing hard, Zitao his lips before continuing and Joonmyun looks at him curiously. “I was hoping that you’d find me that first day. I told Sehun to somehow convince you to come back to get me from the dorms.” A pause as Zitao’s face colors with embarrassment. “I wanted to see how you’d react, I was interested in you but I didn’t love you then.” His thumb traces along the inside of his wrist and Joonmyun looks down at his knees.

“You’re always so tender with me and so giving and I just couldn’t help but fall in love with you.” Zitao tilts his chin up and presses a soft kiss to the side of his lips. “I wanted to talk to you because, I-” His voice breaks and Joonmyun can see tears pooling at the corners of his eyes. “I don’t want to trap you in something you don’t want. I know what I want and I know what that means.”

He blinks quickly and turns his head away. “I love you Joonmyun but if you don’t want to pursue a relationship with me. I don’t blame you. It would be hard and you’ve been here for so long before finally debuting. I don’t want to make you feel like you have to choose me or your idol status.”

Joonmyun opens his mouth wanting to say something but nothing comes out. Not even a, ‘you’ve been talking to me in Mandarin’ because he can’t find his voice. Zitao stands abruptly, wiping his face harshly with his sleeve.

“I’m not even asking for you to make a decision now but I just needed to let you know.” He turns a little to give Joonmyun a small. watery smile.” I’m sorry. I think I need a moment alone. I didn’t mean to spill that all on you at once.”

Joonmyun doesn’t do anything to stop Zitao from fleeing the room. He turns over the younger boy’s words in his head and closes his eyes tightly. To pursue a relationship with Zitao, did it really mean he’d have to give up other things? With a heavy heart, he covers his face and sighs. He had a long night ahead of him and the doubt that Zitao had presented him with hurt.

Did the younger boy really think that he’d be that quick and willing to pick his job over him? He itches to reach out and call someone but this is something he knows he has to figure out for himself.