Chapter 9

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The members of EXO trudged into their dorm a little sleepily, the exuberance having faded as they bundled into the warm vehicle, the stories lessening, just comfortable after a fairly happy evening for all of them.

 Even Kris found that he had nothing  much to complain about, expect the fact that he was stuck next to Jongdae, the bastard a clingy little thing when he was tired, the playful brattiness fading away to unsolicited cuteness, sleeping on his arm and he was sure the spot of wetness that he saw was drool, but he was trying very hard not to think about it.

Luhan didn't fare much better, wrapped in a cocoon of limps, Sehun getting first preference as the maknae, draped entirely over Luhan, head buried in his throat, and Jongin on the other side, just resting against him, the three of them with linked hands and sleepy yawns.

Kris still thought Luhan was better off--at least no one was drooling on him.

Luhan seemed to share that view, smirking at Kris and gloating at his misfortune, mouthing something that seemed suspiciously close to -'I told you so' when he tried to shift Jongdae and got a grunt and a smack in return, Jongin offering an amused smile, but not inclined to help.

Thankfully Jongdae was willing to raise from his slumber when they arrived back at the dorms, getting out of the car as if nothing had happened, and then had to audacity to look at Kris as if he was mad when Kris complained about drool, Luhan and Jongin laughing, Sehun too comfortable to care.

Sehun only shifting when his standing weight became too much for Luhan, shifting over to Kris, who didn't dare protest, allowing his look-alike-- or child if the Chinese part of their fandom  was to believed, to lean against him, Sehun trying to smile at him, but it was weak and unenthusiastic, Kris still holding on to his waist diligently, only to be abandoned when they arrived at the dorms, Sehun pushing himself off of Kris and retreating not to his room, but Jongin's and Jongdae's, more than likely just going to slip into bed with Suho and allow their leader the opportunity to coddle him some more.

 Jongin and Jongdae waved at them sleepily, Jongdae promising to ask about their 'date' tomorrow since he was too sleepy and they would have to be up at a respectable hour the following day, cutely rubbing his eyes and wondering out loud why he didn't beat Sehun to Suho's bed, Jongin just sleepily following him.

It was in that way that Kris found himself alone in their living room with Luhan, the older man having made no effort to get to his room on the far end of the way, instead just standing there looking at him, shining expressive eyes trained on him before he looked away, the ground and then the wall opposite, which would seem to be enough time for him to finally decide what he wanted to say to him.

"Wait. I'll make us some tea" Luhan invited, not waiting for the answer, simply walking past him and into their small kitchen.

Kris figuring it would be a little stupid to tell him that he was still full from all the cake that he ate and wasn't really in the mood for anything and the fact that Luhan was a dreadful cook was not forgotten, Kris wondering if he was really going to chance Luhan's hand in the kitchen, but decided that he had to make the sacrifice. He doubted Luhan really wanted anything and he was sure Luhan knew he didn't care for anything either. He more than likely just wanted them to talk and figured doing so over tea was the best solution.

Kris supposed he had spaced out wondering what Luhan wanted to talk to him about, startled when Luhan a cup of murky brown liquid to him, smelling like green tea, so he figured it would be safe, Luhan inhaling his with a satisfied smile, walking over to the couch, taking a seat.

Kris didn't have to be invited, awkwardly taking the seat next to him, sipping at the  bitter tea. Luhan didn't put enough sugar, but he stayed quiet, in fact he was silent. The awkwardness swallowing him, his expression reflecting his mood, jaw set in that classic scowl that formed naturally, only changing when Luhan giggled, Kris turning to him with a raised eyebrow that made him laugh some more.

"Why are you always so awkward?" Luhan teased, voice low and playful, whatever uneasiness that he was feeling pushed to the side by his amusement, something that he was definitely more comfortable with, Kris frowning at him, not chastised in the least finding the younger man to be cute instead.

"Just because" Kris offered with a shrug of his shoulder, positive that he wouldn't come up with a real reason even if he thought about it for a lifetime, so he was better off just dismissing it and moving on.

Well…not really.

He will wonder about it later, wonder if his awkwardness was the reason talking to Luhan was so hard and so easy at the same time. Luhan didn't make talking to him easy of course. He was the most approachable person alive, whilst being the most closed off at the same time. It was always all on his terms, never offering more than he saw fit and while he would easily ramble and talk about everything forever, he would speak endlessly and say nothing at all. Kris loved his sweet honey voice, but sometimes he wished he would use it to actually speak to him.

"About earlier…" Luhan began hesitantly, the giggles falling away, his expression changing to one of concentration, the words caught in his throat, his hands warm from the tea, his heart thumping in his chest, his emotions always too strong to control when he was with Kris.

Everything was easy. He could show the world himself but hide it all away behind bright eyes and a wide smile, he was seen by everyone and no one at the same time, perfect and simple. He could laugh at his own mind.

When had anything with Kris ever been simple?

"I'm sorry" Kris used the pause to apologize, turning to Luhan, looking him with thoughtful eyes, saying his peace in the matter.

"I'm sorry that I put you in an awkward position and I am sorry that I acted rashly. As a leader that was wrong. I am not sorry for protecting you though. Even if you don't need it or even want it, I am not sorry for trying to protect you" Kris confessed, the effort that it took making his chest burn, his cheeks warm, but the conviction was strong within him.

He had never considered himself a stubborn person, but he had his moments of excessive will and it just happened that then would was just one of those moments. Even when he was spending time with their hyungduel and dongsaengs, he had thought about it, considered all aspects of it, listen to the encouragement or condemnation.

He knew he was wrong to just hold Yesung's hand.

If it was a real saesang it would have been a dangerous thing to do and he should have found a better non physical way to protect Luhan and himself. He should have thought more about it and not just reacted on instinct, as he was in a position where his reputation was very important, but at no point in time did he think he was wrong for trying to guard Luhan.

He had never thought of Luhan as helpless either, but if he was in a position to protect Luhan he saw it as his duty to do so, as his leader and as a friend. He would do whatever it took to protect him and he would never be sorry for that, giving Luhan a stubborn look, the older man listening patiently, expression closed but somehow welcoming.

 Kris was entirely surprised however when Luhan sighed, a long heaving sort of sigh that Kris couldn't read, which was the only unsurprising part, entirely displaced when Luhan reached for his hand. Luhan touching him wasn't uncommon, but to touch him with gentleness and sincerity was something else entirely, his hand small in comparison to Kris, but warm and filled with meaning and purpose, making it a million times more prominent that it probably was.

 Kris looked at the hand holding on to his with wide eyes, unable to mask his surprise as he nearly gaped at the smaller man, who gave him a warm smile in return. Luhan inching closer to him, Kris once more unable to figure out what was happening in that active mind of his, Luhan's bright eyes staring right at him, yet clouded in a way that he couldn't read him, relying instead on the heat in his hand and the slight tremble to Luhan's movements.

He was nervous too. Kris smiled.

"I'm sorry too" Luhan admitted, lips pursed as he reflected on his own conduct.

He was so annoyed at everything then, mad that Kris had put himself in harm's way, mad that he had ached rashly, mad that he treated him like a helpless child, mad that he got himself in trouble, frustrated and annoyed at so many things , when in fact he was just mad at only one thing.

"I overreacted and was too harsh" Luhan continued his own confession, eyes solely on their joint hands, unable to face Kris.

It was hard to admit he was wrong, especially since he still felt that he was justified in his concerns.

 He had tried his best to look at it from Kris's perspective and taking what Yesung and Kyuhyun had said to him into consideration, he could recognize that he was also a little harsh. Kyuhyun was right. Kris did what he thought was best and if he was honest with himself he would have probably done the same if Kris was involved or Sehun or Jongin or anyone of them.

 He was supposed to protect them, just as Kris thought he was supposed to protect him. He had to be understanding and with that in mind, he could recognize that he was being a little too harsh on Kris, wanting to make his apologies, yet there was still one thing he had to address.

"I know you did what you thought was right and I can understand that…it's just that…well…I want you know that I can take care of myself too. I don't want you to act as if I am helpless" Luhan confessed finally looking up at the taller man, who was looking down with concerned eyes, the flash of understanding going across his eyes, Luhan praying that he understood what he was trying to say.

 That was the reason he rather stay silent.

He could never say what he wanted too in the right way and having these sorts of conversations with Kris were exceptionally hard for him. Kris messed with his brain and instead of reacting with his brain, teasing and playful, he ended being illogical and emotional. He hated the things Kris did to him, hated the uncertainty and despised the nervousness. He just wished he could hate the heat surrounding his hand, instead all he felt were small flutters in the pits of his stomach and thumping of his hearts, binding him the person that he sat next to.

 He had so many thoughts and so many fears, so many worries, his mind a maze of struggle, wanting to give in and wanting to hold strong, wanting to hug the life out of the big idiot for caring so much, whilst wanting to strangle him for that very fact, wanting to thank him for protecting him and punching him for thinking that he had to, a tumultuous convoluted raging storm that he couldn't control.

 He can only wonder if he would ever get out of the vortex he had created with his contradicting feelings, but finds that the warmth surrounding his hands and the scent of crisp spring freshness only heightened by the night's cold air was a good enough anchor.

"I would be an idiot to think you  are helpless Luhan" Kris spoke with a bit of amusement that was entirely out of place in the situation but was entirely reflective of his feeling in the matter.

 Luhan was a far cry from helpless.

The man was probably the most stubborn person that he knew, entirely too strong willed and had the most outrageous sense of justice from anyone that he had ever met. There was nothing that Luhan couldn't do and whilst he would laugh him out of town each time he proclaimed that he was manly, he knew it was true, the older man despite his doll like features was a exceptionally capable and perseverant, insisting on achieving his goals and set upon his beliefs.

Kris would have to be stark raving mad to ever think Luhan was helpless and despite his endeavours and endless wish to protect Luhan, he never once did it because he thought Luhan was helpless. He did it because he was the helpless one.

 That was only he could do for him…….did Luhan not know that?

"I know you can take care of yourself….just let me help now and then. Can you do that?" Kris asked, his long fingers across palm in his, looking up to meet Luhan's eyes, but could only see the perfect side profile of the older man who had decided he needed to have his thoughts to himself. Kris frowned but he expected as much.

Luhan was the most open person he knew, showing all his emotions, yet remained the most closed off person he knew as well, everything hidden behind that perfected mask of enthusiasm, never what he seemed, but honest to a fault.

In a way he was a contradiction of himself.

If Kris had any sense at all he would stay far away as possible and then further than that. It was just too bad that Kris never did have enough sense when it came to things like that. His mother always told him he knew when to leave well enough alone and didn't have the sense to know when to step away.

Instead of avoiding Luhan, he found that the mystery and the uncertainty seemed to draw him even closer, wanting to be the one that Luhan eventually let in, to be the one that he let look behind the bright eyes and see his true thoughts. He knew he was probably asking for too much but he refused to back away. He could never force Luhan, instead he would let him come to him when he was ready.

For now he would tug him out on little 'dates' and hold his hand and try not to murder meddling dongsaengs. If that was all he could get for now, he would take it. If Luhan was willing to give that to him though he didn't know, unlikely to admit that he had held his breath whilst he wanted for a response.

"Then you better do a good job" Luhan finally turned back to him, teasing smile and playful wink , amusement dancing in his countenance, Kris however determined to look passed all the playful and see the real answer.

The twist of his lips and the tightening of the fingers in his grasp spoke more than the words uttered, the slight nod of his head letting Kris know that he had thought it over and would try to allow it, Kris looking at him with a caught expression, only a nod of Luhan's head answering the silent question that was not uttered permitted him to breath, Luhan's playful smile giving way to something a lot more true, a small awkward twist of his lips that was a million times more beautiful than his brightest most cheerful smile.

Luhan knew what Kris was asking, he just didn't know if he could give it to him.

He took care of himself. He took care of Minseok and his dongsaengs, he didn't let people take care of him. The idea of it was so foreign to him. He knew that Sehun and the others took care of him as well, but this was something else entirely.

 Kris was asking for the right to do it, the right to help him, to have him rely on him and the idea of it scared him.

 He wasn't accustomed trusting people in that way and he was even more hesitant to willingly let someone get that close. His mind was once more thrown into raptures, but the warmth against his hand seemed to say it was alright and for once he was going to give it a chance. He didn't know how much he could give, but he was willing to try, Kris grinning at him, gums and all.

A/N: One more to come and that's the end. Probably update it soon. Thanks for being here still.

----> Luhan likes to play with Kris....lol