The house is quiet as the grave the night after Minjun’s funeral. It’s going to be another night alone with my pain and grief. Even after such a hard day for their son my parents didn’t think of staying home with me and left for a dinner with some acquaintances. My dad said I had to be strong, I’m his oldest son after all, the pride of the family. My mom simply kissed me on the forehead before they left the house. Not that I mind having  some time for my own. Even when they would have stayed home I wouldn’t have been able to express the pain I feel in my heart. I’ve never told them the truth about my ual preference and my relationship with Minjun. I’d always introduce Minjun as my best friend, nothing more. But still, what kind of parent are you when your son’s best friend has died and you’re not even there to support your son at the day of the other’s funeral?

The tears of sorrow and frustration find their way down my cheeks as my legs give in and I fall onto the wooden floor of the hallway. I wonder if there’s a certain limit on a person’s amount of tears, because I’m sure I have almost reached that limit. A couple of tears drop onto my empty hand as if they’re reproaching me for not bringing an obituary.

After the small, modest ceremony I wanted to bring Minjun a personal final salute. As everyone left the room in silence, I turned around to the beautifully decorated altar. However, when I saw the angelic smile on the giant sepia picture I had a complete breakdown. I fell on my knees, my hands resting on the floor in support. The small sobs turned into hideous howling. I was bawling like a little child and I couldn’t calm down until Junho dragged me outside and forced me to take in some fresh air. When I had finally come back to my senses, I noticed  the people who had gathered at the entrance of the ceremony hall were staring at me in confusion and shock. The look in their eyes told me they were thinking something similar to ‘Why on earth is he screaming and acting like a madman?’ Well, I can’t say  I blame them. I would probably think the same when I’d see a 6-foot tall giant crying like a little baby.

I heave a sigh and get up to prepare for the night, although I know I’ll probably won’t be able to sleep at all. Every time I close my eyes I see that angelic smile again and hear Minjun’s sweet voice calling my name. But when I reopen my eyes I realise that my love is gone… gone forever, never coming back. Once arrived in my bedroom, I let my body fall onto  the bed. I lay with my back on the comforting sheets and my eyes are glued on the white ceiling. I absentmindedly play with the silver ring that hangs around my neck on a fine necklace.

Why my lovely Minjun? Why did God decide to end his life so early? And why didn’t he ever bid goodbye when he knew the end was getting closer? The same questions that have been torturing me since my love’s death fill my thoughts once more. Grumbling and mumbling in frustration, knowing I’ll never find the answers, I get up to my feet and leave my bedroom. Still silently sobbing, I run down the stairs to get a cup of calming tea or something. I know my house and the placing of the furniture perfectly, so I don’t bother to switch on the lights.

When I make my way to the kitchen to fetch my drink, my ears pick up a soft, tingling sound behind me. I turn on my heels, searching for the source of the sound. My eyes fall on the white keys of the black piano, which seem to reflect the moonlight that shimmers through the window. Then I hear the same sound for a second time, a little louder this time, and I see the piano keys move up and down in the dim moonlight. Only a few notes and the house turns silent again. My heart starts to race like a hummingbird, just like it did at the drinking fountain a few days ago. Surprised, shocked and scared I take a step back, falling over my father’s briefcase, which is lying inconveniently in the middle of the living room. I crawl back up and run up the stairs, locking myself up in the safety of my bedroom.