I hesitated a moment and then sighed in resignation.

                I thought back to all the things he’d said to me that night before. His criticisms had stung. I’d never imagined that he’d thought of me in such a negative way. But maybe he was right.

                Maybe I was too impulsive, too flighty, and too exuberant. Perhaps I could be more controlled, more guarded, show more of a knack of self-preservation.

                It was evident that he didn’t want the person I was. It was evident he didn’t love flighty, impulsive, and stubborn woman.

                If he didn’t want or love that person, then the only two options left to me were to walk away and get a divorce or to become someone he could love.

                Could I make him fall in love with me? It was time for one hell of a makeover.

                But the idea didn’t excite me. It didn’t infuse enthusiasm into my flagging spirits. It was a bleak thought and I dimly wondered if Siwon was worth such an effort. Would his love be enough, provided I could even make him fall in love with me?

                I stiffened when I heard a sound on the terrace. I knew it was Siwon but I wasn’t ready to face him yet.

                “Have you been out here all night?” he asked quietly.

                I nodded wordlessly and continued to stare at the water. 

                “Yoong, don’t torture yourself over this. There’s no reason we can’t have a perfectly good marriage, no matter what the circumstances of how we came to be married.”

I bit my lip to keep the angry flood from rushing out because at this point it did not do me any good and I didn’t have the emotional energy to spare. “I agree,” I said before he could launch into another list of my shortcomings.

He promptly shut his mouth and stared at me, his brows drawn together in confusion. “You do?”

“You’re absolutely right. I was being silly. I had unrealistic expectations and I shouldn’t allow them to get in the way of marriage.”

He winced but remained quiet.

“I am agreeable to at least a period of time in which we see how things progress.”

He frowned at that but I looked up with dead eyes. “Be glad I’m not on a plane home with an appointment to see a divorce lawyer. How long do you think this test period will last? ”

I shrugged. “How would I know? I can’t exactly put a time frame on when I can give up all hope of having a happy marriage.”

“Yoong.”

“I’m not trying to punish you, Siwon. I’m trying to get through this without losing what little pride I have left.”

He went pale and pain flickered in his eyes. And shame. Though that hadn’t been my intention, either. I wasn’t trying to make digs at him because that wouldn’t make this go away. It won’t give me back my happiness. It would only make me more miserable than I already was.

“You seem to think that we can have an enjoyable marriage. I personally fine no joy in being married to a man who doesn’t love me, but I am willing to try. You’re probably right in that I shouldn’t allow something so silly as love to enter the equation.”

“Damn it, I care a lot for you—“

“Please,” I bit out, halting his words in midsentence. “Just don’t . Don’t try to make it better by offering me platitudes. It was hard to hear your assessment of my faults. But I am willing to work on not being so impulsive and exuberant or whatever else it was that you mentioned. I’ll try to be the best wife I can be and not disappoint you.”

He bit out a sharp curse but I plunged ahead before I lost all my courage and fled. “I just have one thing to ask in return,” I whispered. “I find the situation humiliating. I’ll make every effort to be a wife you’ll be proud of. All I ask is that you please not embarrass me in front of everyone by making our issues known to them. What I’m asking you to do is pretend.”

“God, Yoong. You act as though I despise you. I’d never embarrass you.”

“I just don’t want them to know you don’t love me,” I choked out. “If you could just act like-like a real husband in front of them. You don’t have to go overboard. Just don’t treat me with indifference now that you don’t have to pretend in order to get me to marry you anymore.”

And then another thought occurred to me that very nearly had me leaning over to empty the contents of my stomach.

“Are you alright?” Siwon asked sharply. Then swore. “Of course you aren’t all right. You look as if you’re going to be ill.”

“Is there someone else?” I croaked out. “I mean did you ever plan to be faithful? I won’t stay married to you if you’re going to sleep around or if you have a mistress on tap somewhere.”

This time the curses were more colorful and they don’t stop for several long seconds. He closed the distance between us; knelt down in front of the lounger I was curled up in and grasped my shoulders. “Stop it Yoona. You’re torturing yourself needlessly. There is no other woman. There won’t be another woman. I take my marriage very seriously. I don’t have a mistress. I have no desire to sleep around. I want you.”

My shoulders sagged in relief and I leaned away from him so that his hands slipped away from my arms.