I'm alive, well barely... 

After your discharge from the hospital Jinhee could barely think straight. How come that the past 15 years of your life could feel so lifeless at the moment. You returned to school, returned to your brother and returned to your "old" life. Jiyong didn't contact you after your last day. He didn't picked up his phone nor did he made an effort to come to your house to see you. He was probably too busy or forgot about you.

it I don't care. You're just a simple teenage girl with problems who you couldn't even phantom to have right now.

I don't care about him.

I don't care...

I REALLY DON'T

I hate this feeling. I can't even describe it... 

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Your brother entered your bedroom with a tray of neatly placed side dishes and a bowl of noodles. 

"Have some" He said with pleading eyes "You can't be like this the whole time Jinhee"

You hummed at his words as you saw the tray placed on your legs. 

"Daehyun is coming" 

Your eyes shot wide open at his name. You don't want him to come to your house to hang out with your brother. After his girlfriends "accident", which was a big fat lie, you just couldn't face his appearance right now. Maybe you just felt a bit of shame or guilt...

"Why does he has to come" You softly whispered.

"Because he didn't do anything wrong"

That sentence had a double meaning. Yongguk was referring to Jiyong who somehow DID something wrong for disappearing and that indeed Daehyun didn't do anything wrong to you. He was always the brother you never had and now you are here acting like you don't want him near you. Like he is a stranger to you.

"Let me say this to you Jinhee" after Yongguk saw he lost track of you once again

"Your e of a "boyfriend" isn't coming back" "He won't pop up like a ghost" "He won't come back" "He never liked or..." Yongguk sticked his tongue out of disgust. "Loved you" 

You looked up at the stern expression of Yongguk's face 

"Just focus on school and your life"

Again this...

"Jesus Christ go help my little sister who has been starstruck since the day her eyes landed on that ert" Yongguk said while clapping his hands like Jesus entered the room after his numerous calls to him. 

"Look Jinhee" "He is doing his thing" "He is doing his music" "He is moving on" "He is probably not even thinking about you at the moment" 

"But.." You dared to say "He said that he loved me..." You said saidly while you hang your head low.

Yongguk sighed at your statement.

"YOU ARE 15 YEARS OLD JINHEE" "HE IS 10 YEARS OLDER THAN YOU JINHEE" "LISTEN TO ME" Yongguk screamed while grabbing your small shoulders.

"He just mislead you" "He used your innocene" "He used your purity" "He used your juvenile behaviour to have a playmate who can understand him because he is a kid himself" "Please..." "Jinhee..."

Your eyes got teary as you shrugged your shoulder to loose the grip of your brother, but he wasn't done yet. He looked right through you.

"I just wanna know why he never contacted me"

"Do I have to say it again?" Yongguk said scary with a lifted eyebrow "I can't believe you"

With that he left your room. Your thoughts once again running around like they were trying a marathon who'll they never win. 

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Still 2 years of high school ahead of me. I don't wanna finish it. I don't see any purpose in finishing my high school. Getting a diploma for what exactly ? To get into university or any school who thinks I'm good enough to enter it. it I don't care. 

Jinhee placed her earplugs in her ears as she listened to Jiyong's new album. You loved ROD, Black and Who You the most. The rest of the songs sounded too dark or were too noisy for your taste. Maybe I should just go to YG entertainment and see him myself. Now I sound like a creepy saesang for just thinking that. You walked past the SM building and noticed big audition posters. You stopped in your tracks as you scanned the posters some more. You looked around you and noticed a big crowd chilling in front of the building carrying big colourful posters with the words 

FEED SM ARTISTS 

You cracked and cringed a bit inside. Feed them ? This must be a dark place where you get scolded the whole time for coming one second too late or something far more worse like not eating till you sing that note well or something like that. You thought the SM artists were pretty awesome and had a lot of catchy songs. You won't think that SM would treat their artists that badly, cause they always spoke so fondly about the company. 

Jinhee tore the audition poster from the wall and placed it quickly in her backpack. 

Once Jinhee arrived a small quiet area Jinhee quickly grabbed the audition poster to view more details about entering. You didn't know why you grabbed the poster. Only that your instinct told you that this was your ticket to seeing Jiyong ever again. After scanning the poster with the SUJU members happily laughing at each other on it, you made a promise to yourself. 

"I will work so hard so I can get my revenge later" Jinhee said with a big grin on her face. 

I will see you again Jiyong. I'll make you pay for all the months you left me alone. Jinhee couldn't help but feel a sort of grudge against him. Probably because he didn't keep his words you told yourself. He made his music and now you are going to make your own music on your freaking own. You don't need B.A.P. nor did you need Jiyong to stand by you. You found a new family as you stared down the poster. The smiling SUJU members looked more happy after you thought they would become your family. 

Jinhee runned back to the SM building helding the audition poster of her new family members tightly in her hands. Jinhee runned inside passed the big crowd with the saddening words on them. Running inside her new life of being a SM trainee.

You forgot about school when they let you sign the contract right away after they heard you singing. Forgetting everyone and everything after you entered your new dorm with 4 other girls. Forgetting the past miserable 15 years of your life just to begin this new chapter of being a SM trainee. Even when you have to train like you're a puppet of a company, all you could really think of was the satisfaction of being a step closer to become a superstar. 

Just wait and see

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