NOTE: In case this chapter will be confusing some readers, I just feel the need to notify to those who still not reading the first series of this fiction, to read it. Since this chapter has reminiscing parts from its prequel series.

{Chapter 3: Tormenting memories}

***

All I wanted at first was to have someone pat my head and tell me everything will be okay, and I’m not going to be alone. I would be fine with just that. And that was what this man named Jung Yunho did. When I was in crestfallen state, where nobody ever care about me or notice my existence... this man came and rescued me from keep living on the dark side. He was like a light of my salvation. Just merely having him by my side, was enough to encourage me to keep going and facing this cruelty of life.

My life which once was like living in hell had changed drastically, after I was destined to meet him. At first, it was enough for me to have someone noticed my existence. But I couldn’t help it, when he kept pouring me with his kindness and attention… I found a fondness of wanting more. From just merely noticed my existence, I wanted him to feel like I’m someone important to him, someone he couldn’t live without - just like he did to me.

A realization of that greediness made me feel afraid. Since people said, if you want something too much – something that you can’t possibly have, you have to sacrifice something in return.

And now, the day I’m feared the most finally came, where I have to do the scarification. And because of that, I made this stupid decision…

I sat on the corner of glass wall in campus cafeteria; my favorite spot as here had less people will be passing by. I threw my eyes to look outside the green area where there was a couple seating on the park bench. They were giggling and laughing while chatting happily. Suddenly I felt a surge of bitterness get into me, if only I could do the same thing with my Yunnie.

Why can’t I? Why was it hard for me to express my feelings openly? This was a sole reason why I never give him a call first since I will be such a fool who will go quiet after that. Sometime, this made me feel afraid, what if he gets tired of me and leaves me. Also, I was still confused why in the world a perfect, kind and gentle man like him would set his eyes on such a boring and dull person like me? Mentioning about this, now, it had been five days he didn’t contact me since I moved to live in dormitory. And I was still curious what was with that urgent call that made him left in a rush last time. I wanted to call him back after that, but I don’t know how to start. It was really not like me to be that inquisitive about his business. I was not that kind of person to start with… well, maybe not before I meet him.

The buzzing sound in my backpack snapped me out of my trance. I zipped off my bag and quickly grabbed out my cellphone. There was no need to guess who the caller was. Seeing the caller ID that beeped on my phone screen, brings a surge of tingle feeling seeping through me.

“Yunnie..?” I answered immediately. That will be embarrassing if he noticed how eager I sounded.

“Hey, sweetheart. Why didn’t you give me a call, uh? Are you planning to torture me or what? I’m very worried about you here and you didn’t give me a single phone call.” The gentle voice of him that I missed so much greeted me with his long complain. I felt my heart showered by a warm feeling that made me feel so overwhelmed, as he sounded like I was always been needed.

“Sorry Yunnie...”

“Just that?” He asked discontentedly. “No word of missing me or love?”

Yes, I do miss you so damn much! I do love you so much! If only I could blurting out those words to him shamelessly, I think I need a thick plaster sticking on my face before I do that.

I heard he sighed through the phone. I felt bad… am I a bad lover for him?

“Baby, is everything okay there?”

“Yes…I’m fine.” No I’m not fine, Yunnie.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.” No, I was sure I’m not. I want to go back… back to you.

“Baby, I have something to tell you. This week I ca-”

“Hye beautiful, here your lunch set. I’ve prepare it special for you.”

I jumped on my seat by the sudden approach of someone, and Yunho’s word hung mid-way as he also seemed been interrupted. I looked up at my friend, Changmin, a part timer in this cafeteria. He grinned at me before he mouthed a ‘sorry’ after noticed I was on the phone.

 “Who’s that?” Yunho’s indifferent tone could be heard.

“Huh? Uh… my friend…”

“Friend?”

“Yes.”

“So, you’re having lunch right now?”

“Yes.”

“With him?” His voice sounded a bit firm.

“Yunnie……”

“Okay, I got it.” He cut me off.

“Yunnie, he’s just a friend...” I could catch his tension of curiosity, and that made me feel wanted to subdue his anxiety badly.

“Yes… I said I got it, baby.”

“Yunnie…are you coming this weekend?” I tried to pull him off from thinking anything unnecessary. It was better to just talk about us.

“That… I’m not sure. I can’t promise you any for now.”

I felt a bit down by the answer. Was he still feeling unease? “Hmm… if you’re busy, it’s okay.” I mumbled. I wanted to see him so much. But, I had to hold onto my own vow too - A vow of the need to distance myself from him now…

“Baby, you know I’ll try to find some time no matter how busy I am.  So, if you wanted me to come, just say so okay? And listen, take care of yourself. I’ll call you again tomorrow. I love you.” He said again. His word sounded like he was soothing me.

“Yes…” I love you too…always.

After heard my short response of ‘yes’, Yunho hung up. I stared at my phone for minutes. I still felt like there got a lot of thing that I wanted to tell him, but I couldn’t voice it out.

“Who’s that?”

I shifted my eyes from staring at my phone, looking up to Changmin who sat before me. He seemed had eyeing me the whole time.

“The person who was on phone with you, who’s that?” He asked again as his mouth pointed at my phone.

“Hmm…Jung Yunho.”

“Jung Yunho?” He frowned before eyes widened as he clapped his hands once. “Ah, that cold-scary looking guy?”

“Cold…scary…looking guy?” I stared at him blankly. Why he suddenly called Yunho by that bad nickname?

“Yeah, that cold-scary looking guy who barged into that old café, where we used to work together back then in countryside. Have you forgotten? At that time I noticed your face seemed in the verge of tears when that man seemed forcing you to go back with him. So I had to interrupt both of you and try to chase him out. I still remember how I got a chill run through me when he stared at me with those sharp, burning eyes. But he finally gave up and left after that.” Changmin brought up the story of the day where I felt totally in doom and regret up until now; the time where I decided to break away from dwell into the pampered life that was given to me by Yunho.

To think it back, what I did currently was like repeating the same thing again. But now, it was because of a different reason.

“Is he one of your relatives or something?” Changmin asked.

I nodded my head. “You can think that way.”

“Yah, what with that indirect answer."

I just silenced myself and pulled the plate of lasagna that he had prepared for me.

“How is it?” Changmin asked while wriggled his brows as he watched me started eating. I gave him a nod.

“Aish, that behavior of yours still didn’t change at all. You should look at me and smile, then, compliment my cook properly.” He mumbled.

I looked at him blinkingly, tried to comprehend his words for a moment. “Hmm…everything you cook is always good. And I’m very thankful to have a friend like you to serve me a special meal every day. Thank you...”

Changmin looked at me with a weird expression, like he was speechless. “Yah, what should I do to make you loosen up and show a bit of emotions on your face when you talk. You know what, you always talking with a stiff face. People can’t tell whether that was what you’re really meant or not.” He pinched my nose, which made me jumped a bit by his sudden friendly gesture. It wasn’t like I hated it. I just didn’t used to have a close friend. I was glad that I had been given a chance to befriend with him again. Who knows, after he helped me a lot back then when I was in my attempt to live my own life without holding onto Yunho anymore, we met again today as he moved to the city and worked here in my campus cafeteria.

“So, what’s your plan on weekend? Do you have anything to do?” Changmin asked while open a can of drink for me.

“Hmm…no. I’ll just stay in my dorm and finish my work.”

“Ugh, so boring…you’re such a typical hardworking student.” He commented.

I kept eating until my plate emptied. I just need to gain more energy, preparing myself for what would come next. Since I had learned one thing, in this life the bad things always came unexpectedly...

***

I sprawled on my bed lazily while stared at my phone, waiting for Yunho’s call. I was totally bored since there got nothing to do. Truth to be told, I don’t have much work to finish since I already done it during my short semester break. But to make Yunho allowed me to move out - I had created a lie.

It was the weekend night and he really didn’t come as he told. Also, he seemed not going to call me tonight. Maybe…he was really busy and I shouldn’t bother him.

As I was pondering into space, my cellphone rang. An excitement made me sprung up into seating, but upon seen the unknown number beeping on my cellphone screen, I suddenly felt hesitated to directly answering it.

“H-hello…” I braced myself answering the call.

“Joongie-ah…please…h-help me….”

I froze on the bed; dread settled over me upon heard that weak voice, writhing in pain.

“Appa…” I gasped lowly. I knew he will call me sooner or later, since he had already found me last month. But I didn’t know it would be today.

“Joongie…h-help me…please. T-they… they will kill me…”

“Appa! Are you okay? Where are you?”

I knew, once I let this softhearted side take over me, I will surely be in a deep trouble. But I couldn’t help it. He was the only person who made me feel like I still had a family member, ever living a life like a normal person.

*

I rushed out of my room and found my way running through an alley street that leaded me to the nearby subway station. It took so much courage for me to finally reach and stand in front of the underground building – a place that always sending me a traumatic and bad feeling. I tried to catch my breath before straightened up myself to get going and coerced my staggering legs to move. The people who walked passed me were eyeing me skeptically, some of them were smirking like they knew I wasn’t used to be in this kind of place. It was obvious on their eyes. Why I had to go through this again?!

Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath and fisted my hand into a ball, trying to gain all the courage I had with me. Once I stepped inside, the suffocating atmosphere enveloped me, a medley air of alcohol and smoke filled up the room, sending me a familiar sense of torment. The loud background music that played in the club already made my eardrum ringing. I braced myself to squeeze through the crowd, as the place was totally packed on weekend night by a sea of people that seemed in intoxicated. The dim light of the club made me barely seen the floor where I stepped on, until I felt someone grabbed me by arm and spun me around.

“Hey…” A deep voice of the man made me staring wide-eyed at him. His deep, dark eyes were boring into mine.

“You’re steeping on my foot.”

“Huh?” I looked down and noticed my fault. “Ugh, s-sorry…”

“It’s okay.” He released my arm while eyes still stared at me with some sort of unreadable glint.

“You…are not supposed to be here, aren’t you? I wonder what kind of business brought you here.”

I stared at him, confused by what he said. He sounded like he knew I shouldn’t be in this place. Turning around, I ignored his words and rushed to find the last room which written ‘VIP guest only’ on its solid door. I won’t care. What important to me now was my father.

“Appa!” I barged into the room once I was sure it was the correct one as I’d been informed, and it was right as I found my father was kneeling on the floor with a bleeding face, seemed he was beaten badly. There were three men huddled around him and one of them was stepping on my father’s hand.

“Oh, you really have a son, uh. I thought a person like you don’t have anyone to care about, and a stunning one that hard to believe.” One of the men said as he eyed me up and down. Ignoring this kind of familiar situation, I rushed near my father and pushed the one who stepped on him away.

“Aww…I’m just about to break his hand that only knows to take our money, but doesn’t know how to return it.” The man chuckled.

“Let him go. I’ll pay for his debt.” I blurted out.

“Wow, I’m so touched. But cutie, I believe you can’t hand us two hundred million cash that you