"I love you,Chansung." I heard her whisper into my ear just before she disintegrated into thin air in my embrace.

"I love you,Chansung."

"I love you,Chansung."

"I love you."

Her voice kept ringing in my ears.Such sweet words,but filled with so much pain.The kind of pain I would never be able to experience until I die.

I dropped to my knees after she left and looked at the ground,stunned by the fact that Hillary has departed again.It was just like reliving a nightmare again,except in reality.

"No..." I heard myself say. The tears continue to flowed down my cheeks and onto the spot where Hillary was standing just 2 minutes ago.

"Please stop crying."

That's right,Hillary would be even more heartbroken if she knew that I was still crying.I hurriedly wiped away my fat tears with the back of my hand and managed a smile.She'll love a smiling Chansung more than a crybaby Chansung.I want her to love me more,so I shall stop crying.

I composed myself and kept my emotions in check before I cleaned up the mess I made in the park.I picked up the recyclable bag Hillary left and swung it over my shoulder while walking out of the park with forced smiles.

"Chansung..." I heard a voice call my name.I turned around and saw Cordelia popping out her tear-stained face from behind a nearby tree.Her eyes were puffy from the crying,and her nose was as red as rudolph's.My nose prickled and I felt like crying as well.

"Please stop crying."

That's right,I have to smile and refrain from crying.

"Cordelia!" I greeted cheerfully with a beaming face. "Didn't you head home already? Don't you know that it's bad to stay up late?" I wagged a finger at her.

Cordelia blinked at me and then her lips twisted into an ugly line.Her eyes started to rain and Cordelia hugged me.

"Chansung,she's gone.She's gone again!" Cordelia wailed. "Why didn't you ask her to stay a little longer? Why didn't you pray that she will become alive again? Why didn't you try to hold her hands before they disappeared? Why didn't you? Why?!" Cordelia's words pierced my heart and Cordelia hit my back as hard as she could. "You jerk.You can't even keep the girl you love.You big idiot.You idiotic,stupid,useless,good-for-nothing jerk!"

Tears started to appear again and in a deep breath to keep them in.That's right,I'm an idiotic,stupid,useless and good-for-nothing jerk.I only waited till the last minute to tell her that I love her.I'm a jerk,because I could not keep her.

Can I go back to the time before she first died?

"Please stop crying."

I placed a hand on Cordelia's head and it. "There,there," I whispered shakily. "Hillary would be really devastated if she happens to see you cry.She wants us to smile for her.She loves our smiling faces,doesn't she?"

Cordelia's cries became softer and softer and she eventually stopped crying.Cordelia let go of me and stumbled a few steps back.She grinned as wide as she could and said,"Yes,she does.".Her eyes were filled with sadness,but her heart was strong."I'm going to make sure that I won't cry because of Hillary anymore.I'm going to make Hillary happy by smiling!" With that,Cordelia skipped away from me,and I thought I saw a trail of sparkle on her face from her eyes when she turned back to look at me.

~~~

2 days has passed since you left.

I wonder how are you doing in heaven right now?

Do you miss me?

Because I miss you.

I miss you so,so much it hurts.

~~~

I finally opened the package Hillary left for me.An SD card slipped out and I picked it up.Hurriedly slotting it into my laptop,I explored to file.In it were 2 videos,one named 'To you' and the other 'When you miss me open this file'.I double-clicked the first video file and waited for it to play.

"HELLO,CHANSUNG!" Hillary screamed from the screen."By the time you're watching this,I'm already gone.I just want to say that today's date with you was really awesome,and I enjoyed myself thoroughly! Honestly,I did not expect you to be so nice to me since you always bully me during club trainings without fail," Hillary pouted into the camera. "I think you enjoyed watching me suffer.You horrible person."

That's because your expression was exceptionally adorable when I teased you.I wanted to see more of that.

"Anyway," Hillary continued to ramble on in the video. "Remember when you gave me a bouquet of flowers when I was diagnosed with the cancer? I kept the purple one in the middle because you chose it for me.I made it into a bookmark,you know? It's in the package I passed you."

The purple flower.The one I picked out.

"You know," Hillary hesitantly continued in the video. "you really shouldn't had lied that day.You should had told me that you bought the flowers yourself,and added the lilac in.Cordelia is allergic to flowers,so there's no way she would had bought it.Besides,Cordelia is a complete idiot when it comes to the types of flowers.Did I ever mention that she's so dense to the point that she is unable to differentiate a daisy from a sunflower.What a joke,isn't it?" Hillary gave a light-hearted laugh in the video. "However,my sweet Cordelia thinks that she's an expert when it comes to plants because she is able to tell the difference between a Venus Fly Trap and grass.Haha!"

I found myself smiling to myself.

"Oh yeah,I did some online research about the purple lilac a few days after I was diagnosed with the cancer,and I'm,uhm,honoured." Hillary bowed in the video. "The reason why I kept mum about the fact that I know what the flower meant was because I don't want to leave you hanging if I confessed.I thought that it would be more painful for you if we were to date and my health deteriorates to the point of no return when I was alive.I wanted to put you out of agony."

She knew about the meaning of the purple lilac: First love.

"However,I most probably have already confessed by the time I leave this world again,since that is what I came back for.Thank you for the joy and encouragement you gave me,it was pleasant.Now that I've already bid farewell to this world,I hope that you'll find someone else healthy to love." Hillary's hand extended towards the screen.

"Oh yeah," she paused for a moment. "No matter how sad you are,please do me a favour and do not cry.Thank you!" And then the video stopped.

I patted my face to see if there were tears.None.I did exactly what I was told successfully.I closed the first video and opened the second video.As the video loaded,I took out the bookmark Hillary was talking about.Indeed,the flower was laminated onto the bookmark,and it looked exceptionally beautiful.Handmade items always seem much more amazing.

I turned my gaze towards my computer screen and continued to wait for the video to finish buffering.When it finished buffering,Hillary's face appeared on the screen and I sat up straight before I hit the 'Play' button.

Hillary smiled at the screen.

"I love you!"