Broken
Like Air
Yoona felt her head slam against the concrete. Pain began to spread throughout her body, consuming her like a forest fire. Her head was pounding, and her surroundings were fading into a blur. Where are my legs? Where are my legs? She couldn't move, immobile on the ground as her eyelids began weighing down - so heavy. She couldn't keep them open much longer, darkness welcoming her. Was someone calling? The only thing she could hear was a faint tinkling - like someone shouting her name as she succumbed to the darkness. Taemin. Taemin. Taemin.
Yoona woke up in a white room. There was no window, the lights were so bright that they hurt, the pungent smell of anesthetics suffocated her - it was an unfamiliar, unwelcoming place.
There were x-rays pictures all around the room as she took a glance, quickly regretting it because her neck twisted painfully as she turned her head.
"Seems like someone got injured badly," she thought.
"Oh Miss. Im you're awake!"
"Who are you? And why am I here? Who bought me here? Who x-rays are those?" Yoona had to pause to take a breath, surprised at the way her voice cracked - did she sound like that?
"Who are you? And why am I here? Who bought me here? Who x-rays are those?" Yoona had to pause to take a breath, surprised at the way her voice cracked - did she sound like that?
"I'm your doctor."
"Doctor? Why do I need a doctor?"
"You're here because you have been injured severely Miss Im." She stared at him and laughed.
"What are you talking about?! I feel fine!"
She saw the doctor cast a glance at the x-rays and bite his lip, shaking his head.
"Why does it look like his trying to approach a topic or hide something?" She questioned under her breathe.
"You see, Yoona, you were pushed down the stairs," he said softly. Yoona started to remember that Taemin was the one who pushed her.
"A young man bought you here, but we didn't get his name or anything."
"You have a lot of bruises and other small injuries, but those will be gone in about two weeks. Unfortunately there's one part of your body - that will eventually recover, but will be difficult to use unless you diligently perform physical therapy. Most people usually give up practicing, but if you want help I could recommend another doctor right now."
Yoona felt her heart racing as she asked, "Which part is it doctor?"
"Your legs." The doctor stood solemnly at her bedside, and she stared up at him - eyes wide, mouth open, unable to respond. "I recommend not to use them extensively for a period of time."
"Can - can I still dance?" She asked, eyes tearing up - already knowing the answer.
"Your visit here today will be kept secret. Please call your manager; it is not good for the other hospital patients if the media decide to camp out here."
"N-neh."
The doctor decided to take his leave, patting her arm reassuringly as he got up.
Yoona felt her heart shatter.
"My legs. Out of everything why did it have to be my legs?"
The tears were threatening to fall - why did she hold them back, there wasn't anyone there anyway. "My legs are my only way of living. How am I suppose to dance? Dancing is everything. Without it, I'm nothing.." she whispered into the quiet - the room swallowed up her words. Why did she have to meet Taemin, why did she have to go to that place. How will she perform?
Her manager could only frown. "The company will be mad. They will want a reason."
She hung her head in shame. "I know."
"The face of SNSD sneaking out at night - to go dancing. The media will gobble that all up and spit it right back at you. Did you think about the consequences? Did you think about the way your actions could affect your members? Do you care about them at all?" He let out an exasperated sigh, crossing his arms across his chest and glaring down at her.
"I - I'm sorry," she whimpered, heartbroken - confidence gone.
"The company will decide what to do with you. What are they going to do with an idol who can't dance though?" His question struck home - what will become of her? She was utterly useless. A pretty face with lacking vocal talent in a freaking wheelchair. They would terminate her contract and SNSD would be down to eight.
He left the room without another glance at her crestfallen expression. Her face contorted into a hopeless frown - eyebrows creased, tears spilling. She didn't have to hold back anymore - the sobs came, waves and waves of regret for her utterly stupid actions. Was the dream that she had trained for, for five long years, going to disappear before her eyes?
"Snsd's Yoona hospitalized!"
"Yoona injured! On indefinite hiatus!"
"Is SNSD going to keep promoting?"
"Yoona mysteriously injured. Unknown cause."
The headlines were out in less than two days. Her cellphone rang and rang, texts, calls, voice mails from friends and families. Her members came rushing in immediately, forgetting about their schedules.
At first they were full of questions. "What happened?" "Where did it happen?" "How is it? Does it hurt a lot?" But after seeing her tear stained cheeks, puffy red eyes and tight lipped grimace, they let it go. She would talk when she was ready to.
"Yoona please get better and get back on stage with us. It's not complete without you!" Seohyun begged, feeding her some sweet bread that she had bought at the hospital cafe - an injured Yoona still loved food.
"I don't think I'll ever be going back on stage," she sighed, causing all of the girls to turn around in shock - looking at her incredulously.
"But it's your dream! You can't just quit!" Sooyoung burst, screaming as Yoona stared back idly - as if she said those types of things every day.
"What makes you think I can pull through therapy? Huh? What's the point of practicing if you already know the answer?" She answered coldly. "My chances of fully recovering are less than fifty - I will never be able to dance i used to. I am worthless."
They all stared into her deer like eyes, spotting the scared little Yoona they all knew from before. The one that had went off to film a drama all on her own and build a name for them.
Everyone sat in silence after that, Sooyoung wiping away her tears roughly while glaring at the ground as Jessica stared off, lost in her own thoughts. Yoona just played with her fingers, pretending to be fine but really listening to herself falling apart.
Finally, Taeyeon was the one who proposed that they all leave, so that Yoona could "have some time to herself."
As they all filed out of the room solemnly, Seohyun quickly hugged Yoona, wrapping her in a warm embrace.
"Unnie. I know you can do it. We will always be waiting for you - lead dancer or not. You will always have a place with us."
They visited her often, always bringing food and magazines for her to read. She ate the food, read all the magazines, played the board games and watched videos. Though she moved like a ghost, without energy or exuberance. Her adoring fans would wonder where that bright smiley girl went, but she was buried and dead. Dancing was taken out of her reach - she had nothing to prove, to show anymore. Life was miserable, it suffocated her.
She pretended to at least be okay when the girls came by, but they probably could tell. The swollen eyes and dark shadows on her cheeks were tell-tale signs. She was never good at lying, especially to her members. Yet nothing they said could make her happier. She even began writing her departure speech, the one she would give at the press conference the company would surely have. Yoona wanted to write about everyone, thank everyone and laugh when she said goodbye. She wanted to carve out a beautiful farewell - like a dying flower. They wilted beautifully, gracefully. She would leave in that way.
When Seohyun found the scribbles under her pillow, she shrieked - screaming and even cursing.
"How could you do this to me?" Seohyun accused as she slammed her bag on the ground, tears spilling from her eyes, wetting the bed. "You said we would do this together! You freaking promised me that we would get through this together!"
Yoona retorted, "But I'm worthless! I can't dance anymore Hyun! I can't sing like you! I have nothing!" She gasped and hollered, face red - tears blinding her vision. "Be merciful!"
Seohyun ran from the room, leaving Yoona alone, crumpled against her pillow - chest heaving, heart hurting, tears still running.
The next day, Seohyun came back - pretending as if nothing had happened. When Yoona tried to apologize, she was only cut off. "It's okay." But there was something off, a coldness she didn't want to accept. Seohyun was pushing her away. She had hurt her.
Once Yoona was released from the hospital, she didn't say a word to anyone. The fans were waiting outside but she just limped past on her crutches, ignoring their screams. They won't be my fans much longer. The members had dropped her off at the dorm, and she had holed herself in her room. Yuri had moved her bed and gone to sleep in Sooyoung's room, leaving Yoona alone again after Yoona had threatened to break her legs as well.
"You don't understand me!" She had shrieked, launching a pillow at Yuri's face. "Get the hell out of here!"
"Yoona-yah, listen! Do the therapy and get better, we'll be here for you," Yuri had pleaded.
Yoona hissed, "Get out before I break your legs in your damn sleep. You don't know what it's like to lose your dream."
Her hands on her crutches, she knew the exact place she wanted to go to. Even though she couldn't dance, she was determined to go there. To watch what makes her want to live and breathe.
She was still careful as she sneaked out - even though her members probably heard her slam the door, they didn't have the heart to stop her. Jessica had come out, looked at her pitifully and said, "If you aren't back by 4, I'm sending manager oppa after you." Then she went back into her room with a flip of her hair, and a click of the door.
Once she entered, she looked around the familiar place. The memories seeped in slowly; where she had sat, the center where she had danced, the corner from which she had watched. As she was busy wandering around, lost in her thoughts - she ran straight into another figure, falling backwards onto her bottom with a slight yelp. Her crutches flew to a side.
The guy spun around quickly, grabbing her arm and apologizing, "I'm so sorry. Are you alright?". He looked at her for a few more moments, eyes seeming to register her face. "Ah! I see you're better now - just released from the hospital I'm guessing?" He asked, eyeing her crutches as he picked them up for her.
"How did you know that I was in the hospital?"
"Well for one, you're using crutches. And two, I was the one who brought you there."
Yoona gasped, remembering what the doctor had said. "Thank you for your help sir," she said, awkwardly attempting a bow.
"No - no, I wouldn't leave a pretty lady lying on the ground, and you can just call me Donghae," he grinned, offering his hand.
"Ah, Donghae." Like the East Sea.
"That's me."
"Why didn't you just leave me there? If you left me there maybe I could have died from blood loss or something..." He was surprised by her statement. His eyes became like those of fish, mouth slightly open as he stared at her. "If you left me there maybe I would have died. Better than not being to dance," she whispered - voice quivering as her eyes trailed towards the crowd, figures twirling beautifully in the center. Something she wouldn't be able to do again.
"Why don't you just practice then?" He questioned earnestly.
"I would have to go through therapy. Even if I do complete it, I doubt I can dance like before," she answered, suddenly in a staring battle with her shoes. "It's pointless - a waste of time."
There was a long silence before she looked up at him again. He seemed to be thinking quite hard about something, eyes looking at her legs intently.
"I'll help you," he said resolutely, before breaking into a bright smile.
"If my own members can't help me, what makes you think you can?" She fired back, shocked at his sudden offer. He didn't know her, what made him think he could help her?
"Just trust me."
Yoona looked at him skeptically, mulling over his offer. Well, what did she really have to lose anymore? Besides, she could pull out anytime. This stranger had saved her, might as well give it a shot.
"Okay."
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