* Gray Italic is memory, Italic is thought/self talk

Seungri’s POV

I walked and I walked and I walked... Away from the studio, away from YG building, away from Jiyong..

Why? Why? Why? The questions kept playing in my head.. Repetitively like a broken recorder.

I needed to calm down. I needed to think. Everything that happened must have a reason. This was a really bad joke, right? Was I dreaming all about this, right? Was I, the one with the wrong memory? I thought we were in love with each other; instead, this was all a dream?

No. That was not possible. My feelings were too real. It was Jiyong who forgot about us. Did everything happen because that was what Jiyong really wanted? Jiyong wanted to forget us. Jiyong wanted to forget this love. Was that the reason for him to forget, but not me?

‘Damn you Jiyong! How can you do this to me?’

My heart throbbed. I was sad, but it slowly changed to anger and to hate. I hated him. I really hated him. How could he want this to happen? Why, Jiyong? Why?

“Seungri-ah.. Baby… I am so sorry.. I love you.. I really love you.. I don’t want to forget this feeling. This is what been keeping me alive all this time. I love you so much!”

Jiyong’s words from last night came to my mind again. It seemed like my heart desperately wanted to forgive Jiyong. Yet he said our love was what kept him alive all this time? So, was he be alive now?

He loved me. Desperately. But that was last night.

“...We belong together. We can get through this.. And please never give up on us. Promise me, Seungri.”

Jiyong’s desperate eyes. Jiyong’s desperate pleas. Jiyong’s sweet kisses. Why did I have to remember it now? Oh my Jiyongie. My love.

I couldn’t bare it anymore. I couldn’t walk anymore. My Jiyongie, please remember me. Please remember our love.

“Please never give up on us. Promise me, Seungri.”

He asked me to never give up.

Without realization, I was standing in front of our home. Our home. I was home. Unconsciously, my feet brought me back home.

I knew why I was home. Yet I didn’t want to believe it, everything seemed so surreal. I needed to reconfirm this reality. With shaking hands I dug through the trash. I needed to see it. There, I found it - the bottle of my doom. It was real. We had drunk it last night.

“Jiyong doesn’t love me anymore.. This is really happening.”

The moment I said it, I felt my world crashed. Jiyong didn’t love me anymore.

”Jiyongie.. Please.. Why are you doing this to me?”

“Jiyongie… Jiyongie… My Jiyongie…”

I cried. I cried so hard. I wailed and screamed my lover’s name. I couldn’t accept this. I really can’t. I didn’t care if other members were at home.

...

I didn’t know how long I cried. I didn’t know if I fall asleep or I fainted. But when I woke up, it was dark.

Everything was dark. Had I already died? Could people die from broken hearts?

The bottles were still in my hand and it made me realized that I was still alive. I couldn’t be dead if I was holding these hateful bottles. Perhaps, sleeping did help me because my brain seemed to function properly again. This all started at the carnival, and it was the place where I should be going. I could ask the lady to reverse all of this.

There must be some kind of mistake for only me to remember everything.

I took my phone out and called my Jiyongie. He needed to come with me.

‘Please pick-up the phone Jiyongie.. Please..’

“Hello.”

“Hello.”

“Oh maknae.. Why are you calling me? Do you need something?” ‘You should have asked how my day was. Did I smile today? Did I miss you?’

“Ji.. hyung.” Again, it felt so wrong.. ‘My dear Jiyongie’

“Are you free now? Can we go to the carnival? I will pick you up.” ‘Please Jiyongie.. Please.’  I tried to sound normal.

“Seungri-ah.. Why do you want to go there again? We went there yesterday and it wasn’t fun at all.”

I was shocked. He remembered that. My heart pounded so hard with that little hope. The tears were threatening to fall again.

“You remembered?” I asked while I held my breath. I was excited.  

“It was last night. Of course, I remembered it Seungri.”

“So, do you remember the fortune lady? Do you remember what happened?“ I asked in one breath.