Weekend with Kyuhyun was amazing, Hyukjae loathed it when Monday came. Kyuhyun woke him up with a kiss and Hyukjae felt like melting the moment he opened his eyes to see his husband’s loving gaze.

“How’s your sleep?” Kyuhyun asked as he got up from the bed and stretch his body, Hyukjae drooled when he saw the muscles on his husband’s back flexed in most way.

“Very nice.” He said as he silently crawled to the edge of the bed just behind his husband and kissed the taller man’s spine as he knelled on the fluffy mattress. He could hear the taller male chuckled in return, he didn’t stop though.

“Someone is being a tease. Are you seducing me Cho Hyukjae?” Kyuhyun asked as he turned his body so now he was facing his spouse. The smaller male purred as he inhaled the masculine scent of his husband and tugged his shirt teasingly. He moaned when Kyuhyun pulled him for a kiss. What a morning... he thought as he circled his arm around Kyuhyun’s neck.

“Are you going to work today?” Hyukjae asked as he broke the kiss. A frown appeared on his face when he heard the taller male hummed. “But I don’t want you to go.” He whined childishly as he pulled the taller male by the collar back to the bed and sealed their lips again.

“Can’t, beautiful.” Kyuhyun said firmly even when he was dying to stay with his spouse. “I already got two weeks leave. I can’t extend it anymore.”

“Can’t do it for me?” Hyukjae asked stubbornly, earning a sweet kiss from the taller male.

“I wish I could, love.” He said as he showered the smaller male with kisses before he finally got up from the bed and went to the bathroom for a quick shower.

Hyukjae was rummaging his drawer when Kyuhyun stepped out from the bathroom and the smaller male smiled childishly as he prepared Kyuhyun’s clothes for work. The taller male couldn’t help but showering him with kisses as Hyukjae helped him buttoned his shirt.

“Come on, let’s have breakfast.” Kyuhyun said once he finished dressing up and led the smaller male downstairs.

***

The Lee family was going to hold a fundraising party and it was lunch when Hyukjae received the invitation, he wasn’t pleased. He remembered their last encounter and Hyukjae thought that the family was perfect and sweet. It was the idea of meeting Lee Sungmin’s family that he resented.

Hyukjae was jealous of Lee Sungmin, even thought Kyuhyun told him that he was the only one that he loved. He was envious at him, even when he was just part of Kyuhyun’s past and he was long gone by now, he was still green with envy.  He felt like a bad person. Never before in his life had he felt so resentful of other people. He just couldn’t help it.

Sungmin played a big part in Kyuhyun’s life, Sungmin made Kyuhyun the man that Hyukjae loved so much and Hyukjae didn’t think he could do the same role to Kyuhyun the way Sungmin did. Even before he tried, he knew he lost to Sungmin.

 “Sir, are you coming to the party?” His butler asked, dragging him back from his messed up mind back to the present. “I’ll be delighted to inform them with your attendance.”

“I should ask Kyuhyun first.” Hyukjae answered as he offered the middle aged man a sweet smile and the said man bowed to him.

“If that’s what you want, sir.” He said politely and Hyukjae sipped his tea as he kept looking on the said invitation card. Yeah, he definitely nothing compared to Lee Sungmin.

***

Hyukjae never cooked before but he wanted to, he wanted to cook for his beloved husband. He wasn’t capable on cooking something grand or complicated. He thought about making something simple but perfect, he hoped Kyuhyun would appreciate his intention.

So there he was, on the kitchen of their mansion, trying to cook a simple dinner for his husband with the assistance of their private chef. The expert didn’t do anything though, he only told Hyukjae what to do and watched him from his side.

He guided Hyukjae throughout the whole process but the first attempt didn’t end up so well. The soup that he made was too salty to digest and his meat was slightly overcooked. Hyukjae was irritated and his finger was bleeding due to his clumsiness in cutting the vegetables. The second time he tried, his soup and meat tasted better than before, but it didn’t satisfy him and his hand was aching due to the overheated oil.

He finally perfected his dish by the third time, his soup tasted delicious and his meat was tender. Hyukjae was more than satisfied. He went back to his bedroom to clean up and went back to the living room once he finished. He couldn’t wait to welcome his husband back.

He was grinning as he looked outside the window. Soon his husband would be home and he couldn’t help the thought of pampering the taller male. He imagined Kyuhyun’s amused expression as he heard that Hyukjae prepared their dinner by himself and he could feel Kyuhyun’s sweet kisses already as his gratitude for Hyukjae’s doing. A soft giggle filled the living room.

It was a while past dinner time yet Kyuhyun hasn’t arrived home yet. Hyukjae started to feel anxious. It was rare to have Kyuhyun coming home late. The taller male was always punctual and Hyukjae couldn’t help but being worried.

Another hour or two, Hyukjae remained in the living room, waiting for beloved husband in silence with the warmth from the fireplace as his own company. Hyukjae was restless. It was probably after three hours, Hyukjae settled on the big couch near the fireplace and closed his eyes in weary. He soon drifted off to sleep.

***

It was a while after midnight when Kyuhyun finally arrived at home and his loyal butler welcomed him home politely as he opened the front door for him. “Good evening, sir.” He said politely, not minding the fact that his master disturbed his rest before he closed the front door, Kyuhyun smiled tiredly.

“Where’s everyone?” He asked as he took of his coat and handed it to his butler.

“Sir Hyukjae is in the living room, sir.” And Kyuhyun dashed to the said room once he heard the middle-aged man’s answer only to found his beautiful spouse sleeping uncomfortably on the couch.

“I’m sorry, Sir. But I’ve been trying to ask him back to his room.” His butler said as Kyuhyun took a step closer to Hyukjae. “But he insisted on waiting for your arrival. Sir Hyukjae has prepared your dinner.”

“He prepared my dinner?” Kyuhyun asked as he settled on the small space near his spouse’s head and caressed the smaller man’s hair.

“Yes, sir. Sir Hyukjae himself cooked your dinner.” Kyuhyun couldn’t help but showering the sleeping man with kisses, he found the action very sweet and lovely.

I love you… He whispered and Hyukjae opened his eyes tiredly afterwards. “Kyuhyun…” He called and the said man smiled as he hummed in response.

“You’re home.” Hyukjae said tiredly as he pulled himself up and blinked several times to clear his vision.

“I’m sorry I kept you waiting.” He apologized as he pulled the smaller male closer while Hyukjae mumbled something incoherent as he buried his face on his husband’s chest. Kyuhyun chuckled when he felt Hyukjae snuggled to his warmth.

“What took you so long?” Hyukjae asked tiredly, not noticing a slight change in Kyuhyun’s expression.

“It’s nothing.” Kyuhyun said, clearly avoiding the conversation. “Come on, I heard you cooked for me. I’m starving.” He continued as he dragged the smaller male to the dining room.

“Sir, someone here’s asking to meet you.” A soft knock on his office door disturbed Kyuhyun from his papers and his assistance showed up with the notice that he got himself a guest. Kyuhyun gestured his assistance to let the said guest in and gathered his papers to make it less messy.

“Mr.  Cho.” Kyuhyun was slightly taken a back when he saw Lee Donghae on his office, never he thought the young man would pay him a visit on his office which was the headquarters of National Defense and Armed Forces.

Kyuhyun had worked there for years, mostly because his father was the head of the said forces. It wasn’t his dream but he did it eventually, his father thought it suited him best. Kyuhyun was working as one of the captain on the navy forces, just like his father on his first years of serving the country.

“Donghae-ssi, welcome.” He said politely as he stood up from his chair and offered his hand for a handshake. The cruiser captain held his hand firmly before settled himself on the chair across Kyuhyun’s.

“I’m sorry to come without any notice.” He apologized before anything and Kyuhyun offered him a smile of understanding.

“So, what brings you here, Donghae-ssi?” He asked and Lee Donghae handed him an invitation card. It was a fundraising party, held by Lee Donghae’s family and Kyuhyun was invited.

“My family is going to hold a fundraising party and I hope your family could join us. We heard from everyone how generous you are when it comes to almsman so we thought about inviting you to our party.” The guest explained and Kyuhyun took his time on reading the content of the invitation card.

“I’d love to come.” Kyuhyun said without thinking twice, not noticing a smirk that appeared on Donghae’s face.

“You can bring your spouse along to the party. It would be great to have both of you there.” Donghae said.

“I’ll ask him.” Kyuhyun answered.

It was after a brief conversation, Lee Donghae excused himself to leave and Kyuhyun politely offered to send him home but Donghae politely rejected it. It was when he was going to open the door of Kyuhyun’s office, he stopped for a while.

“It’s for respecting my late brother, you know. The party…” Donghae said out of the blue without looking back at Kyuhyun. “Lee Sungmin, you know him, right?” He continued and Kyuhyun felt like being hit hard once he heard it.

“Donghae-ssi…”

“I know you know him.” Donghae said, cutting Kyuhyun’s words. “And I know he was murdered because of you.”

“It’s no-“

“He was calling out for you before he died… I was there trying to help him.” Donghae continued. “I know you weren’t the one that stabbed him to death but I’m pretty sure you were the reason he got killed.”

“I’ve never have any intention to hurt your brother, Donghae-ssi.”

“But you did anyway. Whatever you were doing with my brother, he was dead and it was because of you.” Donghae stated stubbornly. “It’s torturing you know to lose someone you love so much. I just hope you won’t have to experience the same thing, like losing your beautiful spouse.” Kyuhyun felt like dying the moment Donghae mentioned Hyukjae. His dear Hyukjae, his love.

“What are you trying to imply, Donghae-ssi?” He asked and Donghae could sense venom in his question. He didn’t have to look back to know that Kyuhyun was glaring at him in rage, his cold word was more than enough.

“I’m not trying to imply anything, Kyuhyun-ssi.” Donghae said calmly. “After all, I would never have any intention to hurt your spouse, Kyuhyun-ssi.” He mimicked the words that Kyuhyun said just before he left the room.

“God… No.” Kyuhyun whispered as he slumped to his chair and sighed heavily. Lee Donghae knew about him and Sungmin.

Lee Donghae knew…

Hyukjae…

What would he do to his Hyukjae?

What would Lee Donghae do?

Kyuhyun couldn’t think as rage took over his mind.

“Lee family sent us a party invitation.” Hyukjae said as he digested his meals and he could see Kyuhyun’s body became tense right away.

“I’ve heard.”

“Should we go there?”

“I don’t think I could make it.” Kyuhyun said without looking at him, Hyukjae didn’t like it even a bit.

“Why?” Hyukjae asked. “I thought you were free at that time.” He continued. “You always want to go to this kind of party. What holds you back now?”

It’s Lee Donghae! Lee Donghae holds me back. Kyuhyun screamed inside his mind but he said nothing to his spouse.

“I have something else to do.” Kyuhyun lied and it felt terrible, he felt like vomiting just by lying to his spouse.

“Can I go there by myself, then?” Hyukjae asked and Kyuhyun gripped on his fork a little too tight.

 “No.” He answered right away.

“What’s wrong? I don’t think it’ll be a problem if I go by myself.” Hyukjae was clueless and Kyuhyun felt like screaming. No, he won’t let Hyukjae go near Lee Donghae.

“Let’s just stop talking about this, okay?” Kyuhyun said. “I can’t come and I don’t want you to go there too. End of discussion.” He continued.

“Why? Why can’t I?” Hyukjae asked. “Is it because Lee Sungmin?”

Kyuhyun felt his heart breaking as he saw Hyukjae averted his gaze from him. No, Hyukjae got it wrong. It wasn’t because Lee Sungmin, it was solely because Kyuhyun was afraid to lose Hyukjae. Kyuhyun was afraid, he feared Lee Donghae would do something to his spouse and he wouldn’t forgive himself for doing nothing about it. He just wanted Hyukjae to be safe. He wanted his love to be safe with him.

“It’s no-“ Kyuhyun couldn’t finish his words once Hyukjae threw his napkin to the table and left.

***

Hyukjae wasn’t there when Kyuhyun went inside their shared bedroom. “Hyukjae?” Kyuhyun called but he heard nothing in response so he went to Hyukjae’s old room. The door was closed and as he tried to open it, it was locked from the inside.

“Hyukjae? Baby, are you there?” He asked but Hyukjae remained silent inside. He knew his spouse was there and it hurt him to the core of his heart when Hyukjae refused to even answer him.

“Hyukjae, open up.” He called and he felt like tearing up when Hyukjae still refused him. It was like Hyukjae pushing him away. No, no… He didn’t want that. He couldn’t even think straight if Hyukjae pushed him away like this. Hyukjae still didn’t get it how much Kyuhyun needed him.

“Hyukjae, love… Please open the door.” Kyuhyun pleaded but he heard nothing in return. And it appeared again… The fear of losing Hyukjae. The thought of having Hyukjae running away from him. The thought of living without Hyukjae. Kyuhyun couldn’t bear it.

He banged on the door in fear, it was visible how desperate he was, calling out for the love of his life and with every calls that Hyukjae ignored, more desperate he become. He knew he would be mad anytime soon but he doesn’t care. All he cared was for Hyukjae to open the door and face him.

Kyuhyun felt like hurting himself again. It was always like that, it was the fastest solution, the easiest way, to hurt himself. He grew costumed with the pain, he thought the pain in his body could wash away the pain in his heart. He said nothing as he started to dig his nails to his skins.

***

It was sickening but Hyukjae couldn’t wash it away. His mind was green with envy, he was jealous, he was mad. It was the first time Kyuhyun snapped at him and it was all because of Lee Sungmin. He was taken aback at how harsh Kyuhyun’s words at him before. Kyuhyun was gentle and sweet, Hyukjae wasn’t familiar with this cold Kyuhyun.

He could hear Kyuhyun banged the door from the outside and it took him willpower not to jump and open the door for his husband. He could hear how desperate Kyuhyun’s call was but he chose not to mind it.

It died down after a while but he could Kyuhyun hissed from the back of the door. Kyuhyun groaned in pain and it was loud… Hyukjae was scared.

He dashed to the door and opened it, only to see his husband tiredly waiting for him on the corridor. He looked lost and hurt, Hyukjae’s tears started to form as he saw Kyuhyun’s white shirt was stained with fresh blood. Not again…

“Why are you doing this to yourself?” Hyukjae asked as he tried to stop Kyuhyun from hurting himself more, the taller male said nothing but laughed bitterly.

“Hyukjae…” He called and Hyukjae felt nothing but pain as he saw Kyuhyun smiled at him. Kyuhyun was sick… He didn’t know what to do…

“Kyuhyun, this isn’t right.” Hyukjae said as he choked on his tears. “Oh, God.” He murmured as he saw Kyuhyun’s wounds. Kyuhyun said nothing as he kept on staring at Hyukjae.

Hyukjae did all the work, he pulled Kyuhyun up and led him to his room. He treated Kyuhyun’s wounds and changed Kyuhyun’s stained shirt with a new one. Kyuhyun was silent, he didn’t even hiss when Hyukjae cleaned his wounds. He felt nothing.

“Why are you like this?” Hyukjae asked as he made Kyuhyun face him, the taller male smiled once more.

“It felt good.” Kyuhyun answered. “It feels better than having my heart aches. It’s better…” He continued and Hyukjae felt like punching himself.

“Kyuhyun…”

“It feels like I’m going to die when you’re running away from me.” Kyuhyun said bitterly. “I’d rather hurt my body than feel my heart bleeds.” His words were clear, Hyukjae was scared.

“Ky-“

“I love you.” Kyuhyun said bitterly as if Hyukjae didn’t buy his words. Hyukjae couldn’t help but crying even more. “Only you.” He said once more as he pulled Hyukjae in a kiss. He could tasted Hyukjae’s tears as he sealed their lips together but it was better than not having Hyukjae around.

***

A/N : THIS CHAPTER IS REALLY ...  sorry D: i've been MIA for MONTHS... I'm really sorry. I don't have reason... I'm really sorry... TTATT