Kyuhyun was blinding, something that he noticed as time went by. His affection was suffocating and his love was overwhelming. Eunhyuk was in his own heaven. Kyuhyun’s touches brought him joy and his smile made him felt content. It was perfect. Kyuhyun was perfect.

    Kyuhyun made him felt loved with every attention that he got. Every kisses and every hugs intoxicated him. He was indeed blessed. He felt like teenager in love. Young, rebellious, blinded with Kyuhyun’s perfection. Eunhyuk was amazed by the impact that a single man could bring in his life.

    Not that Eunhyuk didn’t notice Kyuhyun was frightened and hesitant most of the time. Like every time they talked about their past, he could see how his valiant husband turned into a timid boy. Not that he was oblivious with the fact that sometimes Kyuhyun would hold him a little too tightly. How Kyuhyun refused to let go of his hand some of the times. He was aware with it.

    He was so in love with this man. It was a certainty for him yet Kyuhyun always doubted himself. He stated it before that he thought Eunhyuk was too good for him. He doubted himself for being a burden for Eunhyuk. He just couldn’t accept himself which was ridiculous because he was perfection.

    “Hyukjae, what’s wrong?” As he glanced up, a pair of keen brown eyes met his own, it blares with worries and loves. Drowning… Eunhyuk looked at his own reflection on Kyuhyun’s eyes.

    “Nothing.” He answered shortly while the taller man only sighed as he gulped on his mineral water.

    “You barely touch your food, love.” He said, emphasizing his words to express his worries and concern toward Eunhyuk. “You don’t like it?”

    “It’s fine, Kyuhyun.” He said with a smile plastered on his face but as he felt Kyuhyun’s hand on his own, his thumb caressing on his knuckles, he felt his wall crumbled. His smile dropped rather instantly.

    “You don’t have to tell me, Hyukjae.” Kyuhyun said, reassuring him with a kiss on his knuckles. “But I’m here to listen to you.” He continued and Eunhyuk felt his heart fluttered as he looked at the love that blared in Kyuhyun’s eyes. Kyuhyun was always more than what he expected. He was unpredictable but Eunhyuk loved everything about him. Kyuhyun was his definition of perfection.

    “Thank you…” He said as he felt his heart was calmer as Kyuhyun held his hand tight.

    “Can you please eat, Hyukjae? Just some bites.” He asked as he turned his attention to Eunhyuk’s untouched meal. “You need to fill your stomach.” He continued and a smile of content appeared on his face as Eunhyuk fed himself with his meal. “Perfect…” He said in content.

    “I’m full…” Eunhyuk said as he put down his fork and wiped his lips with the napkin.

    “Can’t you eat for more bites?” Kyuhyun pleaded while Eunhyuk mentally slapped himself for doing what his husband asked him. He stopped though after three or four bites.

    “Happy?” He asked while Kyuhyun chuckled as he stated that he was rather satisfied with it.

    “What do you want to do now?” Kyuhyun asked as Eunhyuk gulped down his beverage while the smaller man hummed a bit as he thought of a way to spend their free time in the ship.

    “Can’t we just go back to our cabin?” The smaller man asked while the taller one declared his refusal right away.

    “I don’t know what’s bothering you but the least thing that I could do is to make you smile.” Kyuhyun said bluntly while the smaller male felt his body melt as he heard the blunt statement. “So tell me, Hyukjae, what do you like?” He asked.

    “Music.” The smaller man answered after a while. “I really like music.” He continued but he could feel that Kyuhyun’s smile was loosened a bit.

    “You love to sing?” He asked.

    “I can’t sing… I enjoy dancing though.” He answered and the taller man nodded. Kyuhyun gestured him to follow him out from the dining area of the ship and led him to the empty auditorium. It was supposed to be used for entertainment purpose. Most of the night in their cruise, a group of entertainer were performing on this spacious area but since it was a little past lunch time, no one was seen in it.

    “Kyuhyun, are we allowed to be here?” Eunhyuk asked, hesitating a bit as he thought about the idea of trespassing but Kyuhyun paid him no heed.

    He went to the stage right away while the smaller man tailed him silently with no clue of what was going on. Kyuhyun made him sit on the chair of a big grand piano and Kyuhyun settled himself on his side.

    “What are we doing here?” Eunhyuk asked in confusion while Kyuhyun only grinned as he planted a kiss on his cheek as he said that they would have some fun there. His boyish grin was intoxicating and Eunhyuk could only chuckle as he leaned his body on the taller man’s figure.

    Opening the lid of the piano keys, Kyuhyun touched the keys of the piano, a simple note could be heard throughout the room. Eunhyuk could feel Kyuhyun’s body tensed a bit at the sound. “If I could recall, you told me that you don’t play piano anymore. You were mad at me before.”

    “Yes, I did. I’m sorry.” He said, planting another kiss on the side of Eunhyuk’s head before he turned his attention to the piano on his front. “Even till now, I still despite the idea of playing.”

    “Then why do you bring me here?” Eunhyuk asked, shifting his body a bit to have a better look of his husband, feeling a bit guilty as he saw the uneasiness on his face.

    “I want to make you feel better.” Kyuhyun said and a genuine smile appeared on his face. “You said you like music.”

    “No… You told me before you don’t want to play.” Eunhyuk said. “I’m fine. I appreciate the sentiment, Kyuhyun.” He assured but Kyuhyun paid him no heed as he touched a note on the piano.

    “I used to love piano, Hyukjae… I really enjoyed playing.” He said as he tried to touch another notes randomly. “I loved to play for my mother.” He continued. His fingers started to move on the note. It was a simple sonata which Eunhyuk found shooting his wrecked mind. “That’s my mother’s favorite.” He said as he finished the sonata. It sounded like he never stopped playing.

    “I like it…” Eunhyuk murmured as he rested his head on Kyuhyun’s shoulder and he smiled when he felt a light kiss on his forehead. Why did you stop playing?” He asked.

    “You want to know?” Kyuhyun asked and he nodded.

    “Because my mother died, Hyukjae.” He said bluntly while Eunhyuk felt his body tensed as he heard his reason. “I lost my purpose on playing.” He continued. “My mother died when I was ten and my father remarried with my mother’s sister.” His voice sounded stern and his eyes blared with hatred. Kyuhyun was furious and Eunhyuk didn’t know what to do.

    “I’m sorry…” Eunhyuk murmured as he lingered his hand on Kyuhyun’s middle and buried his face on Kyuhyun’s crook while the taller male only sighed as he distracted his fingers with the piano keys.

    “I’m okay, Hyukjae. I’m fine.” Kyuhyun said. “Have you heard this song?” He asked as he played a kid song on the piano while Eunhyuk giggled as he listened to the funny song. “It’s the first song that I played when I was younger.” He stated proudly.

    “You’re pretty good.” Eunhyuk praised and one more time his boyish grin appeared yet again.

    “I’m the best.” He said jokingly while Eunhyuk only laughed at it.

    “Why are you telling me this?” He asked.

    “You wanted me to open up and right now I’m trying to, Hyukjae.” He murmured.

    “Thank you…” He said as he kissed Kyuhyun’s neck which brought smile in the taller man’s face.

    “I’ll do anything for you, Hyukjae… Anything.” And the smaller man said nothing as he sealed their lips in a kiss.

***

    He couldn’t help his tears to fall down the moment he opened his eyes and heard his husband groaned on his side. He has nightmare again… He thought as he pulled his body closer to have a closer look at his husband, eyes lidded rather forcedly, teeth clenching as another groaned escaped his body, sweat was visible on his face and bare chest. Kyuhyun was suffering yet again.

    “Oh God… Kyuhyun wake up…” He pleaded as he reached out to hold his husband yet the taller man showed no sign of waking up. His eyes remained closed even when Eunhyuk shook his tensed and cold body. Eunhyuk didn’t know what to do.

    “Please, Kyuhyun… Open your eyes. I’m here…” He cried as he tightened his hold on his husband’s body but Kyuhyun was still trapped on his nightmare. His breath was uneven and his muscles were tensing even more. Kyuhyun was tortured and Eunhyuk felt like he was dying.

    More tears fell from his eyes as he prayed without letting go of his husband and after a while, he could felt Kyuhyun’s muscles relaxed a bit and his breathing became even again. Thanking God in his heart, he wiped the sweats on his husband’s body before he covered it back with the blanket. “God, please bring peace to his heart…” He prayed as he touched the skin on his husband’s chest, feeling his heart beat which was low and steady.

    “I’m begging you… Please help him.” He prayed as he planted a kiss on his husband’s face and wiped the remaining sweats on his face. “I can’t bear to see him like this…” He said as he inhaled the masculine scent of his husband before he pulled himself out from the bed and sat himself on the couch.

    He never had a nightmare in the past week, even Eunhyuk forgot when the last time Kyuhyun had one. Kyuhyun told him once that he felt calm every night he slept with Eunhyuk on his arms. He told him that Eunhyuk was his panacea. Yet, the torturous nightmares came back yet again.

    He thought they passed the nights full of nightmares already. He thought they were fine yet it was all coming back to them. His body shivered as he recalled all the nights where they had to dwell with the painful nightmares. It was just too painful for him to bear.

    Was it because he made Kyuhyun told him about his past before? Did he make Kyuhyun recall all of the memory that he despite so much? Was he the cause of this? He was lost… Eunhyuk just didn’t know what to do.

    Kyuhyun was his rock. Kyuhyun was the one who tell him what to do. Kyuhyun was the one who look after him with cares and affection. It was all Kyuhyun. He was dependent to his husband, he couldn’t do it by himself. But Kyuhyun needed him. He needed to be Kyuhyun’s rock. He needed to help Kyuhyun. He had to… for Kyuhyun.

***

   “Daddy!” Kyuhyun’s eyes were wide opened as he felt a frantic pull on his sleeve and his jaw mentally dropped as he saw a little girl on his side, holding his sleeve tightly while her watery eyes were directed to him. “Daddy, my elbow hurts.” She sobbed as she stretch her hands to reach him and Kyuhyun could do nothing other than lifting her up to soothe her.

   “Come on, stop crying…” He said as he glanced at the girl’s elbow, caressing it softly before he blew some air on it. “See? That doesn’t felt so bad, right?” He asked and the girl nodded her head slowly before she asked Kyuhyun to put her down.

   She was running clumsily and Kyuhyun immediately tailed her from behind, asking her to slow down before she fell but she paid him no heed as she ran to a man figure on their front. Hyukjae… He thought as he looked at the small man figure and a wide smile appeared on his face.

   “Papa!” The little girl squealed and Hyukjae laughed as he lifted her up, planting a kiss on her cheek, only to make the girl laughed heartedly for him. It looked so right… It felt splendid.

   It happened in a second. A gunfire was heard and the girl’s dress slowly turning its color to red. The wonderful laughter disappeared with nothing left. Hyukjae’s cry could be heard in an instant.

   She was lifeless in Hyukjae’s arms and Hyukjae was crying as he held her tight, asking for help. His hands were doped with fresh blood, tears kept falling from his pretty eyes. His heart broke, it was torn apart as he saw Hyukjae crying in front of him. Another gunfire was heard…

   He couldn’t hear Hyukjae’s cry anymore…

    “NO!” He exclaimed as he opened his eyes wide, only to be greeted by the darkness of his cabin. There was nothing in front of him… It was just a dream.

He turned his attention to the other side of the bed but it was left unoccupied. Hyukjae wasn’t there. Almost jumping from his bed, he caught the view of Hyukjae sleeping by the couch on the other side of the cabin. He looked tired and uncomfortable.

    Kyuhyun got up from the bed and went to Hyukjae’s side, slowly patting his arms to wake him up but the smaller man was deep in his slumber. Slowly, he lifted the smaller man up and brought him to the bed, tugging him to his bed before he went to the bathroom to clean his body.

    It was after he finished his bath, he wore his clean clothes and went out from the bathroom with towel covering his damp hair, only to find Hyukjae was waking up already. “Good morning…” He said with a smile plastered on his face but Hyukjae didn’t turn his attention at him. He was staring at the floor, his gaze were empty… He seemed lost.

    “Hyukjae… Love…” He said, knelling in front of Hyukjae, only to see those pretty eyes of him were wet with tears. “Dear Lord, Hyukjae… What’s wrong?” He asked as he tried to reach the smaller man in worries.  He stumbled to the floor though when Hyukjae launched his body to Kyuhyun’s own and cried on his chest.

    Hyukjae was clutching on Kyuhyun’s shirt for his dear life and Kyuhyun could do nothing other than enveloping the shivering body in his hold. “Hyukjae… Tell me what’s wrong?” He whispered, caressing the tensing back as he showered Hyukjae’s crown with kisses. “Love, talk to me…” He continued while Hyukjae was sobbing even harder as he buried his face on Kyuhyun’s chest.

    “K-Kyuhyun…” He called between his tears and Kyuhyun held him tighter as he planted a kiss on his forehead. “Kyuhyun…” He reached for Kyuhyun’s cheek and caressed it softly while Kyuhyun looked down to search for his eyes. He saw his reflection on Hyukjae’s eyes… Those pretty eyes that blinded him.

    “Hyukjae, I’m here…” Kyuhyun said with a smile appeared on his face and a drop of tear escaped Hyukjae’s eyes.

    “You’re scaring me…” Hyukjae whispered as he closed his eyes and leaned to Kyuhyun’s touch again, calming himself as he listened Kyuhyun’s steady heartbeat. “You’re scaring me again…”

    “Hyukjae, what did I do?” Kyuhyun asked in confusion while Hyukjae bit his bottom lip as he looked at his husband.

    “You were having a nightmare again…” He cried. “I was so scared… You were suffering and I could do nothing…” He continued and Kyuhyun felt a dagger was stabbed on his heart, knowing that he was the reason of Hyukjae’s tears again.

    “Hyukjae… I’m sorry.” He whispered. “I really do…” He continued.

    “I’m scared…” He whispered and Kyuhyun planted another kiss on his forehead. “It was all because of me.” He continued.

    “Hyukjae, stop talking.” Kyuhyun said but Hyukjae paid him no heed.

    “It’s all because of me. I make you suffer.” He kept on blabbering while Kyuhyun felt his body tensing as he heard at the nonsense.   

    “Hyukjae, that’s nonsense.” Kyuhyun said. “It’s my past that haunts me and I’m trying to get over it. You have nothing to blame for.” He continued.

    “No! It’s my entire fault! I made you remembering your past even thought I know you don’t want to! I kept on making you suffering with me being selfish.”

    “Hyukjae, that’s not true. Please, stop talking.” Kyuhyun pleaded but Hyukjae only cried harder.

    “I’m sorry…” Hyukjae whispered and Kyuhyun did nothing other than sealing Hyukjae’s lips with his own.

***

    A frown appeared on Lee Donghae’s face as he closed the small journal on his hands and threw it to his desk. Massaging his own temple, he closed his eyes as a long sigh escaped his lips.

   Cho Kyuhyun. He cursed under his breath as he remembered that name, anger was nurtured in his mind. Reading the small journal that used to be his brother’s belonging, he learned about things that used to be vague for him. Cho Kyuhyun. He remembered how many times that name was mentioned inside his brother’s journal… Anger was built in his mind. 

    A small rusty paper was hidden inside the journal and as he opened it, he was greeted with the sketch of a man that was slightly familiar for him. Cho Kyuhyun… He thought as he stared at the paper. Cho Kyuhyun who turned his brother’s life upside down. Cho Kyuhyun who turned his perfect brother into a rebellious boy. Cho Kyuhyun who took his brother away from him. Cho Kyuhyun who took the life of his brother. 

    He was furious. He was mad. Cho Kyuhyun. Cho Kyuhyun who lived a perfect life after his brother’s death. Cho Kyuhyun who he held his perfect spouse tightly to claim him in front of everyone. Cho Kyuhyun who was smiling as if he had the best life in the whole world. Cho Kyuhyun who laugh happily, forgetting the death of his brother.

    No… Cho Kyuhyun wouldn’t get away with this. There was no way he would let Cho Kyuhyun had the perfect life that could be tasted by his late brother. Cho Kyuhyun would suffer and he would make sure it would happen.

***