CHAPTER EIGHT

Innocent Feelings

 When she was sure she was engulfed in the darkness of the forest’s shadows, Jaehwa ran. She ran despite the weight in her legs and the length of her gown – she couldn’t bear to be close to Sehun. burned with the onset of tears but she tried to force them back as her feet padded against the leafy forest floor – she tried to focus on that. One step at a time, she told her herself.

Snippets of memories ran through her mind as her heart pounded painfully inside her. She remembered how the King had held her hand and looked deep into her eyes – she saw trust in them; trust and hope. In that moment she remembered thinking that Luhan had his father’s eyes – no one but the two of them had looked at her with such faith and she was grateful as much as she was determined.

“I know my son has treated you with ill manners all these years.” He began in a sorrowful tone, “and I know you have put up with a lot in your time here, with our Kingdom but there is no human that I trust more than you. You must know that Jaehwa – that no matter what other people say, you will always be family to me. Princess Song Jaehwa will always be my daughter-in-law.”

She did not know what to say, then. She simply knelt by her father-in-law with her head bowed to him and her eyes glistening with tears. It made her happy to know that he understood her heart and the fact that he acknowledged her so surely as family made her even more grateful.

“I am grateful to you, father.” She whispered softly, “You have given me more than I could have asked for.”

“No, my child.” He reached down to hold her hand and she lifted her gaze to meet his - the face of a beautiful man with eyes that told stories, “You have taught Sehun more than I could have asked for. He is ungrateful for what he has and that is his loss-”

“No.” She began to protest but he squeezed her hands and she stopped whatever she had planned to say in his defense.

“You understand that there is a war coming.” She nodded and he continued, “There is something that my brother and I would like you to do for us.”

“Anything.”

“Don't promise me so quickly. You will have time to choose because I understand that you are with child.”

She screwed her eyes shut and pushed on harder, running faster and faster.

“If you wake, Jaehwa, you must understand that this is not a second chance. This is not a second chance at life because as a guardian you have a destiny to fulfil.” She looked into the Duke’s eyes, as she lay strapped to the cold operating table. From the corner of her eyes she could see twelve syringes locked into the arms of a machine – their vials filled with bright red blood. Her lips were dried and chapped and she felt lightheaded from the abortion she had undergone just hours before.

She knew. She knew she shouldn’t expect that her life now was a second chance but some habits were hard to erase. Inside, her human thoughts and her human ways still remained. She still held onto hope and she still tried to be as optimistic as she possibly could. That was who she was and sometimes she hated herself for being so idealistic.

Seeing Sehun again – it made her jittery, nervous and it made her hope for an ending different than the one they had endured. She had missed him so much in her fifty years alone and in truth, she wanted to tell him everything but sometimes, she would think of the way he never looked at her unless it was in front of someone else or the way he was always so cold and judgemental, and she would be angry. She didn’t want to be that girl again – she didn’t want to be foolish to him and perhaps it was time to grow up and to respect his decision.

Five years – she’d spent five longs years trying to get him to see her and she’d ended up with nothing. Shouldn’t she be getting the hint already? She didn’t want to be desperate – she wasn’t the type to be.

“You mustn’t fall in love with Sehun, if you see him again. It will make things easier for both of you.”

“You have to stop loving him.”

“Remember, Jaehwa, you mustn’t love him again.” Those were the last words she heard before she passed out and when she was delirious, she would hear the King’s voice echoing similar words. She wanted to ask ‘why’ – the word was at the tip of her tongue but all she heard resonating into her own ears were her own sobs and gasps. Pain. This was what pain sounded like.

She felt her feet catch on a tree branch and her body hurled forward too quickly but before she could fall, she felt a pair of strong arms wrap around her. She panted hard as her eyes sought the face of her saviour.

“Lay.” She whispered – he looked upon her with gentle eyes and for a moment she couldn’t resist the kindness that graced his features. “Uhmm… thank you.” She muttered as she straightened herself out, the ache in her legs finally registering in her body – perhaps she had pushed herself too hard.

“It’s ok.” He shook his head as he shrugged out of his blazer and tossed it onto her shoulders while she pulled her heels off her feet.

She was stunned at his gesture and for a moment, didn’t know what to say.

“You don’t have to thank me.” He smiled – one that met his eyes in such a beautiful way. She tried her best to reciprocate his gesture but it came out half-hearted. “So… how did it go?”

She inhaled sharply – the gears in her mind still turning at a speed she could not keep up with, “As usual.”

“It’s not his fault.”

She was quiet for a moment before she started to walk and Lay matched her casual pace with one hand tucked into his pocket. It was only after they heard the distant melody that serenaded the last stage of the dinner party that she spoke again.

“I know it’s not his fault but it’s easier if I blame him.”

“But you don’t.” He pointed out, “You blame yourself.”

She threw him a look of surprise at his ability to read her before she nodded, smiling inwardly - Lay was always this way. He always paid attention to detail - she didn't know why she expected any less of him now, “I guess that’s even easier than blaming Sehun.”

He looked at her, taking a real moment to take her in – the magnificence of this creature that stood before him. Jaehwa always captivated him – from the moment she first set foot into his laboratory, claiming she took an interest in chemistry, he had been intrigued by her. She was beautiful when she concentrated and he always found it such a shame that Sehun never saw this charismatic side to her – the way her brows furrowed together when she was thinking; the way her eyes would glaze over with such determination and yet even then she was elegant and graceful.

He liked to be near her, listening to the st