soupandcrisp123 | What Bullying Really Does To You | Review by SOHEESHUSBAND

Title: (5/5)
The title definitely relates to the story as far as I can tell. The real bullying hasn't started yet since there's only one chapter, but you've hinted towards it, and even the description lets readers know that it's coming. It definitely caught my attention, and I wanted to know what kind of story it was. I know that it clearly had "bullying" in the title, but I still wasn't sure what type of story I'd be reading.
 

Foreword/Description: (9 /10)
The foreword and description both made me want to read the story immediately. The bold words gave me more information that I'd probably be slightly confused without. The letter in the description foreshadowed something serious (maybe even fatal?) that might occur later on in the story, and it really made me want to know what would happen to Luhan. The poster is a nice addition, and I'd recommend adding a subtle background. You don't have to, but it's appealing to readers too. It doesn't have to be a picture. Maybe a soft grey or maybe even black? I only marked off one point because it's a little plain, but it's still neat and very easy on the eyes. So, good job with this overall.
 

Characters: (17 /20)
The characters have already begun to develop even though there's only one chapter. I like that you introduced us to both sides of Sehun: the comforting and caring best friend and the cruel-hearted, homophobic guy. The only thing wrong was that the switched happened so fast that it threw me off for a second. I wasn't expecting Sehun to turn against Luhan so quickly, for Luhan's supposed friends to make fun of him so quickly, and for the seemingly nice Jessica to become so mean so quickly. It all happened so fast. It was okay for the father, because he was cruel from the beginning, as it goes with your plot line. However, the switch that the other characters had seemed a bit unrealistic because it seemed rushed. I just have a hard time believing that someone would discard his best friend so quickly, even if they were slightly homophobic. Maybe I'm just too naive about the world. Either way, I do like that you're developing the characters, even if you're doing it rather quickly. But maybe you're planning another switch in a character's development? I hope so. I only docked you 3 points because of the rushed development, but I love the character's so far.
 

Plot Line: (19 /20)
The plot line is very unique for me because, even though South Korea is a country with one of the highesy bullying and suicide rates in the world, I've rarely seen stories that focus on bullying as the main topic. I think this story is the second one. Maybe it's just me, but I love how you just threw the readers into the story without really explaining everything. I love how you let everything unfold by itself without describing every single thing because then the readers get to question some things and leave some to the imagination. Like Luhan's mother: where did she go? Did she die? Is her death/departure the reason for Luhan's father's anger? And Sehun and Luhan's relationship: How close are they? Why didn't Sehun know about this abuse problem? It's great that you're letting readers question things like this because it keeps them (including me) interested and on their toes about what will happen next. Despite there only being one chapter of this story so far, I'm already anticipating Sehun's next move, Luhan's next reaction, Luhan and his father's relationship. There's so many things that I want answered already, and you did a great job letting things unfold. I only docked one point because, like I said in the character section, some things unfolded rather quickly, which threw me off a bit. Only a bit, though.
 

Mechanics: (13 /15)
Your spelling and grammar is pretty much spot on. I only took away 2 points because your punctuation is a little lacking. There are commas where there should be periods, making some of your sentences run-on. I suggest going back through and maybe rereading some of your sentences over to see if there are 2 or 3 sentences crammed into one with only a comma in between.
 

Writing Style: (10 /10)
You get full points for your writing style because it's consistent and very enjoyable to read! Please keep it up because it makes for such a better story.
 

Flow: (9 /10)
You're rushing the story line just a little, like I told you before. I think maybe you should slow it down just a bit, and you should be fine.
 

Overall Enjoyment: (10 /10)
This is the type of story that will make you take a second look at the Idol as if the story were real, which is a very good thing. To be honest, I subscribed to your story and upvoted it. I really hope you continue with it because it is a very interesting story so far, and I really cannot wait to read more of it!

TOTAL: 92 | A

Thank you so much for requesting, and please come again! :)