It was thought to be a jubilant reunion. Instead, I was  angry. ‘That man’ had the nerve to come back. And because of ‘that man’ I had to raise my son alone.  Think about how hard it was for me to tell him that his daddy was not coming back? Four years without ‘that man’, it was like waiting in purgatory. When was I supposed to move on? I didn’t know where to go because I still loved ‘that man.’

‘That man’......

‘Park Chanyeol’... the name replays over and over in my head. How and when? Must I think about that night? Must I remember the way my heart still raced as the handsome giant appeared before my eyes.The way his warm hands took mine for a caressing to his cheeks.  Must I hold dear the silent memory?

My thoughts were disturbed when I felt three small taps on my forearm. “Ms. Kim! Look!”  I found myself on my chair and one of my children proudly flaunting her finger painting of a skewed rainbow.

“Very nice, Subin-ah.” I praised the child. She smiled a cute toothy smile ,for all her baby teeth were still intact , then she returned to the drawing station with the rest of her classmates.

It’s funny how easy it is to distract a child and make them forget their troubling thoughts.

Give them a piece of paper and a set of markers, the only thing on their mind is putting colors on the paper. Give them a friend to color with, they forget that the other kid is there because their goal is solely to color, not make friends.

Put past lovers in the same room and it’s hard to ignore the fact that the other person is there. A sudden burst of unwanted feelings return and its hard to not breakdown. Now ,the goal is to let the other cave in first. But what if neither is willing?

I sat there watching my kindergarteners and smiled vividly as they enjoyed their innocence.

After leaving the school, I stopped by my apartment to drop off some of the  books I had picked up at the library. It would only be a quick stop since my Hyunwoo was waiting for me at his grandparents’.

As I drove down my street, I noticed a massive moving truck parked at my usual spot so I pulled up behind it. ‘Oh, it’s probably a new neighbor.’ I thought. After all, the space next door had been vacant for quite awhile already, it was about time I saw new faces.

Indeed,I was right. Movers were coming in and out of the apartment next door, I was kind of excited to meet the new resident.

By the looks of it, I figured the newcomer would be a man because climbing up the stairs, I noticed the movers carrying a box filled with classic car collector’s items. What girl would be so into cars. Another clue was a box in front of the door, labelled ‘uniforms & suits’. Everyone knows that women don’t wear suits, we wear dresses. Common logic.

I refrained from being nosey so I went straight to my door. I held and tried to balance the stack of books on my left arm as I used the free one to insert the key into the lock. The key made it into the lock and the door opened but the books couldn’t stay put. They ended up tumbling to the ground.

“Dammit.” I said as I bent down to retrieve them.

Unanticipatedly, a pair of dirtied sneakers came into my view and then hands.The pair of large veiny hands grabbed two of the books. I stood up once I had gotten the ones in reach and then I looked up the figure…

“I guess some things never change.” Chanyeol said. My eyes gradually widened in sight.

“YOU’RE my new neighbor? Oh please tell me you’re just helping the renters move in.” I semi begged. Call it being too wishful.

Chanyeol shook his head and chuckled, “Sorry.”  He wasn’t sorry at all.

“Well, that is...just great.” I said with a strong tone of sarcasm.

Instead my intended offense, he smiled widely with this damn rich teeth of his. “Thank you. I feel so-

welcomed.” There was his turn in spite.

The venomous glares came naturally as the atmosphere darkened. I grabbed the books out of his hold and hurried inside before anything else could happen.

Just my luck.

◊

After that VERY unpleasant encounter and after the movers had finished bringing in all of my things, I met up with Baekhyun at the bar.

I saw him sitting on the furthest right of the bar table when I came in. He was alone and that was the plan. Today, we’d have a guy’s day out.

He already ordered our drinks and mine was waiting with him.

“What took you so long?” Baek asked as I took the empty stool next to him.

“There were many things that contributed to the delay, actually. First, your parents  but mostly you mom tried to stall so that I wouldn’t leave. I had to listen to a twenty minute account of all the things you and I did together.”

“Oh brother, it can’t be as bad as when I moved out. Let’s just say that baby albums were pulled out.” Baekhyun shook his head at the memory.

I kind of laughed and then I continued.“Second, the movers took forever to unload… do you want to hear the next one?” I asked.

“Throw it at me.” Baek challenged.

“Alright then.” I replied then leaned in a little closer. “I had a VERY unpleasant encounter with my new neighbor. She just frustrates me yenno?” It almost sounded as if I were whispering.

“Oh, She?” Baek leaned back and smiled, wiggling his eyebrows. “Is she young, hot, or possibly single?” He asked.

“Um, she’s young, hot, and has a child. Taken.” I told him. It was a bit hard to say so I clenched my fists in the process. “Guess who?” I asked.

“No...” Baek said in disbelief. I was pretty sure he had the right person in mind.

“Mhm.” I nodded.

We each took a sip of our drinks. If only alcohol could make you forget permanently but that would mean you were dead. It’s just a shame that I wasn’t in the mood to get drunk.

Later, I asked Baek about his married life with Yura and he replied by saying, “amazing.” Oh, how I envied my dear friend. He found love long ago and he commenced to spending the rest of his life with her.

“Do you plan on having children?” I asked out of curiosity.

“Maybe later. Yura thinks it’s a good idea to wait, after seeing Minhee. You have no clue about what went on with her after you left.”

“What happened?”

“I’m not so sure and Yura doesn’t know either. After you left, Minhee lost touch and suddenly moved out of her home. Surprisingly, her parents were fine with it. As far as we know, Minhyuk, her longtime neighbor, was the only other person who knew where the hell she was. And one day, as Yura and I were strolling the market, we happened to run into Minhee and that dude,after a couple of months. She was already pregnant. I felt kind of betrayed you know, for you.I mean, how could she do that to you? But what could I do. She was my fiancé’s best friend.” He explained.

I took a large gulp of the alcohol and swallowed it entirely. I closed my eyes in distress.

Why did my heart hurt so much? I already knew she moved on but why couldn’t I? I could blame it on the small things, the big things didn’t matter. I could blame it on all of the lies and the regrets that filled my chest. Or the dreams instead of memories.

There were walls that surrounded my heart that I like to call barricades for they could protect me from hurting again.

There was only one person who can knock them down; my first love who drifted away. I wanted her destroy it and tear me to pieces.

But to break one’s family, that wasn’t like me. If I could just love her, my heart would then feel at ease. If…

“She’s engaged, not married, Chanyeol. You still have a chance.” Baekhyun spoke as if he had deliberately read my mind.

Hi guys. Heheh