Yongguk set forth on the cobble stone paved streets of Bordeaux. He gently pushed a white and blue stroller through the narrow streets, watching his son’s face as he peacefully slept. Though the roads were uneven and the large steel wheels bumped the carriage mercilessly around, Youngjae seemed too deep in sleep to be bothered.

Yongguk was thankful that the little bundle didn’t wake up. He had no idea how to deal with a crying baby, and he took comfort in the fact that Jieun probably didn’t know either. Youngjae was always at the of one of his nannies, handed off to them whenever he became too loud or rambunctious. It was the first time Yongguk was spending a father-son moment. He felt a flash of heat creep under his collar, however, as people looked at him as if he had gone mad. Men were never seen pushing strollers, much less without their wives somewhere near them. He fiddled with the hood of the carriage, in an attempt to ignore the glares. But the only reason he had not yet given up and returned home was because he needed an excuse to get Jieun let him meet Himchan tonight.

He had made swift work of writing back to Himchan, promising to meet him in the little hotel that had hosted their first night together. He smiled fondly at the memory, almost hearing Himchan’s soft breaths rattling through his ears in a seductive manner. When the memory faded he realized he was grinning grandly at his fingers that had stopped working with the hood of the carriage. Because it was not helping with the stares he was receiving, he stopped fiddling with the hood, deciding that Youngjae had enough shade over his small face anyways.

Yongguk continued their walk, slowing down as he passed shops with menswear, silently wondering if he should buy a gift for Himchan. It was common practice, for men to get their mistresses gifts, but Yongguk remembered that Himchan would hate it if he treated him has such. There was a distinction between lover and mistress that Yongguk was slowly beginning to make. Although in the dictionary the words were synonymous, to Yongguk the word lover was more graceful. It wasn’t a purely physical relationship, but one that involved a lot of unspoken words and clearly read thoughts. It was a relationship of silent connections and understanding mixed with strong emotions. Besides, Yongguk reminded himself, mistress was a strictly feminine word. And as Himchan had clearly noted; he was pretty, but he wasn’t a woman.

His eyes skimmed the colorful storefronts nonetheless. Yongguk’s senses were filled with wonder as the smells of perfume and the colors of the soft fabrics invaded them. He peered into a boutique, putting his hand up against the cold glass to see beyond the glare. Black suits were lined neatly on mannequins, decorated with the latest accessories from Paris. Yongguk was never one to follow trends, but he did appreciate putting effort into his image. Dressing was an art, and Yongguk loved to partake in it.

“Oh, Mr. Bang?” A soft, feminine, voice rose behind him. It was a familiar voice that Yongguk couldn’t quite place.

Turning his head slowly, he squinted against the midday sun. His eyes lowered until he reached the woman’s face. She had covered it carefully with a giant straw hat and black fan that flirted shyly below her eyes. Yongguk squinted harder, trying to recognize her eyes. They didn’t have a distinct color to them; they reminded Yongguk of a shattered mirror, reflecting the surroundings in a blurry mass of colors.

“Mrs. Jeon?” Yongguk tried his luck. If he wasn’t mistaken, he was staring right at Jeon Hyosung, his wife’s best friend. He watched as her hands pushed the black fan up a little more, almost completely hiding her face.

“Good afternoon.” She purred from behind her fan. “Oh I see you’ve brought our little Youngjae.” She pushed gently past Yongguk and cooed affectionately into the carriage. Her blue dress trailed behind her and Yongguk had to be careful of not stepping on it. “My he really has grown. Will you be like your father when you grow up?”

“Mrs. Jeon, might I ask, why this secrecy?” Yongguk watched as the woman struggled to keep her face hidden.

“The town has been talking.” She replied quickly, turning her attention back on Youngjae who was beginning to wake. Youngjae gurgled and his little fists flailed in the air as he stretched out the sleep from his tiny body. “You’re a handsome boy, aren’t you?” Hyosung continued to compliment the baby.

“About what things?” Yongguk’s stomach seized in panic. He began to wonder if words of he and Daehyun’s feud were starting to seep into even the narrowest alley of Bordeaux.

“Adultery.” Hyosung muttered.

Yongguk’s heart stopped. He stared at the woman with his mouth wide open, but no words formed at the precipice of his tongue.

“People think I cheated on my husband. Rubbish, I tell you. Mr. Bang do you think I’d do such a thing?” The young woman scoffed, forgetting she was supposed to hide. She snapped her black fan in her hand, startling the baby who let out a small gasp.

“Of course not.” Yongguk didn’t know if she was sleeping with other men or not, but he knew that Hyosung’s loud mouth might have been the cause of these rumors. She talked incessantly and sometimes didn’t distinguish conversations from one another, which easily led to confusion in the listener’s mind. He didn’t care much, however, he even felt slightly relieved.

“You know, our society is full of hypocrites.” Hyosung brought the fan back to her face. “I couldn’t count all of Lord Choi’s mistresses on all my ten fingers, I’d need my toes too.”

Yongguk shot her a cold smile, unsure of how to respond. “Lord Choi is very young, I doubt he has any mistresses.”

“I’m referring to his father!” Hyosung fanned herself in annoyance. “It’s too bad his father is starting to get old…if I get on Junhong’s bad side then I might not be able to live! I’ll be permanently banned from society!”

Yongguk eyed the woman who was working herself up under the heat. He knew she had a tendency of being overdramatic. He watched as her thin fingers pulled on the strings of her straw hat to loosen it and keep it from digging into her neck. The red burn marks glowed on her skin as she reached up to rub them, hoping to soothe her damaged skin.  “This heat is killer.” She grumbled, readjusting the hat.

“Isn’t it?” Yongguk sighed, hoping that his tone would give her the incentive to leave.

“I apologize if I came head on to you, Mr. Bang.” Hyosung looked back down at Youngjae whose eyes were fixated on the loose strings of her hat. “Is Mrs. Bang doing alright?”

“She’s doing very well.”

Hyosung smiled widely. “I’m very jealous of your relationship. You seem so in love.”

A smile spread across Yongguk’s face, but it wasn’t a smile of contentment or affirmation. It was a smile of deception.

“Oh but please don’t take my admiration as a sign that the relationship with my own husband is bad! Please don’t misunderstand.”

“Of course not, Mrs. Jeon. I believe you.” He looked her right in the eye, to show that he did not doubt her sincerity. He kept his features stable as his mind reeled with Hyosung’s sudden spill on adultery. Yongguk had never paid much attention to cheating husbands and wives of their society before, but now that he was in a secret relationship with Himchan, he couldn’t help but notice people talking about it. Perhaps it was his paranoia, but it seemed like the town had eyes that were watching his every move. Perhaps Hyosung’s frantic rant was a message from the heavens sent to him to end his relationship with Himchan before he got in too deep.

But for now, Yongguk was enjoying the shallow waters. He wasn’t going to let idle gossip crush the precious flower that blooming in his heart. Besides, Yongguk had been looking for this kind of bump in his smoothly flowing life.

“I must get going Mr. Bang, before people begin to assume things.”

“We wouldn’t want that. Assumptions are very dangerous things.” Yongguk chuckled as Hyosung pecked Youngjae on the forehead and gathered her dress in her hand.

“They make criminals out of the innocent.” Hyosung agreed before squeezing between the stroller and the window of the shop, freeing herself from the tight confinement. She waved towards Yongguk before continuing on her incognito stroll through the city.

Yongguk’s eyes landed back on Youngjae who sported a large, toothless smile. The baby’s features scrunched together as small bouts of laughter escaped his throat. A sinking feeling overcame his heart as he realized that sometimes he wished Youngjae had never been born. Youngjae squirmed gleefully on his back, unaware of the betraying acts his father was committing. Unaware that Yongguk was absolutely bored with life, chasing after Himchan like an excited puppy. Youngjae would never know how Yongguk’s flame of desire had been ignited by another man or how blissfully happy he felt with Himchan without a single feeling of remorse towards Jieun or Youngjae.

It was, in fact, a sad reality that he had to accept. Lying together with Himchan, Yongguk did not think once about his family. His mind jumped rather to his work and the society of people who would die to get their hands on it. He knew this dangerous game with Himchan played out on more than an emotional level, and it scared him.

He could lose Jieun and Youngjae. It didn’t matter to him. He knew they’d find a more deserving and loving man. But he couldn’t lose his vineyards or the reputation he had worked so hard to achieve. He had built himself from the ground up, and alas, it was like this for many of his French compatriots.  After the war, there was no longer a sense of well-divided classes as the three estates had provided. The middle class was a giant slump of people who fought each other to get ahead. Gone were the ruling nobility who suppressed the middle class and claimed the wealth; it was up for grabs and up to the people to claim their own. And if you weren’t fast enough, you were swallowed up whole, sinking deeper and deeper into the confounded mass of people who pushed and shoved without relent.

But Yongguk had been fast enough. He had learned quickly and slowly rose to the upper middle class. And he wasn’t about to give that up easily. He would fight to keep it as he had fought to get it.

So tight roping along this thin line with Himchan was the thrill he had always sought in his life, and it became apparent to him that one day he’d have to make a choice. Alas, it seemed like the future always weighed such a heavy burden on the present.  Although, he decided, that choice would be long ways off, and the future shouldn’t have to ruin the moment. By then he would have grown old and he could retire with Himchan perhaps in the south of France..(Although, he wanted to be nowhere near that Jung Daehyun and his kind).

But life didn’t always play according to the rules and sometimes the cards would turn in disfavor of the young bourgeois. But for now, in his young, twenty-three year old mind, this game he was playing was going perfectly according to his rules.

*

Yongguk was back amidst the broken souls of Bordeaux, inhaling the stale stench of sweaty bodies and forgotten liquor that spilled on the floor.

He had convinced Jieun to let him meet a business partner, playing on the fact that he took time out of his day to walk Youngjae. She had easily accepted, and Yongguk noticed that she even seemed a little bit too tired to even think about arguing. But he shoved those thoughts aside as he eagerly made his way to the run down hotel.

Stepping into the lobby, he noticed Himchan, dressed in a simple black attire, sitting at the bar. Yongguk knew it was him because amongst the other bodies strewn about the lobby, he was the only one who glowed. His black hair was a bit shorter than Yongguk remembered. His back was flat as a board as he sipped dark liquid from a shabby crystal glass.

With quick steps, he joined the younger and sat down abruptly next to him. He pretended to ignore Himchan, ordering a drink from the bartender.

“Do I know you?” A raspy voice whispered in Yongguk’s ear, making a smile spread across his face from ear to ear.  He felt Himchan’s body heat as he leaned in to whisper, smelling the liquor on his breath.

Yongguk turned to face Himchan. He had a sly smile on his face. His sharp features were accentuated by the candle light, making him look terrifyingly beautiful.

“I do apologize, I must have been mistaken.” Yongguk grinned and slowly rose from his seat. Like a viper, Himchan’s hand flew to Yongguk’s thigh, his nails slightly digging through his pants and scratching his skin.

“Did I surprise you?”  Himchan leaned back again, straightening his posture. His head was cocked to the side, his eyes wide. Candlelight flickered playfully in his lustrous black orbs revealing their warmth and affection.

“Not in the least.” Yongguk replied. Himchan hadn’t let up his death grip on his thigh, but he didn’t mind. “I missed you, you know.”

Himchan grunted, throwing his head back and rolling it on his shoulders, as if Yongguk’s phrase was a severe understatement compared to how he had felt. “Yongguk I-“ Tears sparkled in his eyes as he focused his feline gaze back on the older.

Yongguk reached out and wiped his thumb gracefully over Himchan’s smooth skin, clearing the tear from his eye. He felt Himchan’s soft hand lay on top his, keeping it on his face for a moment longer. A sense of need flashed through Himchan’s narrowed eyes. He needed to feel Yongguk’s warmth, to make sure he was real. Himchan looked Yongguk up and down, his eyes never leaving the older, trying his best to capture the mental image of the man before him that adored.

“Come, let me take you out to a better place.” Yongguk breathed softly.

Himchan’s hand slipped from Yongguk’s thigh, subtly snaking down to his knees. He took a look around the room, squinting in the cheap light of the fading bulbs and flickering flames. “This is the only place where people are too drunk to even think straight, much less remember us…here…together.”

Himchan was right. If they went to a nice restaurant or inn, they’d have to act like friends. And they were far from friends, as they both knew.

Himchan suddenly pinched Yongguk’s knee, hitting the nerves at its base. In shock, Yongguk flinched and gripped onto the wooden bar table, feeling its splinters, from years of being worn down, dig into his skin. Himchan smirked sultrily. Yongguk quickly wiped away the pricks from his hand and bit his lip as he traced his hand up Himchan’s thigh, inching closer to his crotch. He let his fingers drum the sensitive skin in his upper thigh, teasing Himchan until he whimpered. Yongguk watched as a pained expression found its way on Himchan’s delicate features. His eyebrows were knitted together, his pink lips trapped under his teeth as he struggled to keep a moan from escaping them.

“Yes, Himchan?” Yongguk leaned in as Himchan’s face contorted in a mix of pain and pleasure. His lips trembled like he was going to say something. Yongguk smiled as he crept his fingers further up millimeter by millimeter.

With all the strength he could muster, Himchan daintily moved Yongguk’s hand down from his upper thigh, letting it rest mid thigh, before exhaling in relief. “Let’s go somewhere more appropriate for these sorts of things, shall we?” Himchan suggested, not taking his eyes off of Yongguk’s wandering hands.

“As you wish.” Yongguk stood up and peered over to the hallway.  He smiled down at Himchan who ran his hands along Yongguk’s strong torso. He craned his neck, taking a last sip of his drink and Yongguk could see his its white skin, looking as if it had been untouched. There was nothing left of the red and pink love bites Yongguk had left, except for one, slowly fading at the base of Himchan’s earlobe.

But that didn’t matter to Yongguk. He was more than pleased to mark Himchan as his all over again tonight.