Yongguk was suffocating. Outside the air was laced with a thin breeze, running through Yongguk’s hair and fanning his heated cheeks. The shade of the parasol proved to be of great comfort as the relentless midday sun beat down on Bordeaux. The cold glass of water between Yongguk’s fingers sent a nice wave of cold through his body that contrasted with the hot spring air. And yet, despite these methods of refreshment, Yongguk was still suffocating. Drowning, in fact. The silence between him and Jieun was too much for him to bear. His mind juggled between thoughts of Himchan and Jieun whose eyes seemed to be dissecting those very thoughts.

He gently raised his hazelnut eyes to hers, watching as her gaze flickered from him to Youngjae. She wore a sullen pout on her lips that twitched with the need to speak.

“Jieun…” Yongguk lurched forward slightly, setting his fork on her fine china with a screeching noise. “Darling, what is bothering you?”

From across the table, she chose to ignore his question. Picking up a soft linen napkin she turned her attention to Youngjae, wiping his chubby face in haste. The baby whined under her rough and inexperienced touch as she dabbed away at some food on the corners of his mouth.

“We can eat inside if you like.” Yongguk pushed his plate towards the middle of the table. He had wanted to eat outside despite the sweltering heat. He wanted to change things up even though Jieun had protested. The beautiful mansion in which they lived had a giant patio that gave view on his prized vineyards. The smell of grapes baking in the sun was pleasant and wetted one’s appetite. The soothing music of the cicadas filled the air, creating an air of peace around the contrastingly tense couple.

“It’s not that, Yongguk.” Jieun sighed. Yongguk took a good look at his wife. He hadn’t done so in weeks.

Her chestnut locks were up in a casual bun at  the base of her neck. Her pale skin was slightly wrinkled; dark circles had formed under her eyes. Her movements weren’t as sharp as before, almost as if she had aged considerably during the last weeks. Her soft white dress billowed loosely over her thin body as she stood up to readjust Youngjae, who was slipping from his seat.  Yongguk assumed that this was all the after effects of having a child, but surely the hired help provided a type of relief to Jieun. He couldn’t understand her fatigue. 

“Please tell me.” As little as Yongguk felt towards his wife, he still had a sense of responsibility towards her.

“This is not a matter I’m ready to discuss yet.” Jieun’s voice was spiked with frustration.

“When are you going to tell me?”

She glanced at Yongguk but kept her lips sealed.  Another suffocating silence settled between the two for a moment. Yongguk couldn’t think of anything that could be bothering her. It angered him. He used to be able to read her like an open book; their thoughts had once been perfectly linked together by the invisible string of love that was now cut in half. Her eyes revealed nothing as she set them on his. They were simply beautiful brown orbs without depth.

“When I’m ready.”

Yongguk sighed. He didn’t like when people played games with him.

“We used to share everything, Jieun.” Yongguk growled at his wife in a low voice.

She turned his sharp eyes to him, biting her lip. “Time has pushed us apart Yongguk, there’s no denying it anymore.”

“Do you think this is helping us get closer?” Yongguk spewed the words out, stringing them together thoughtlessly. “Keeping secrets from each other?” His words were ablaze with hypocrisy.

“Secrets? I have not kept any secrets from you.”

“Then what is this?”

“It’s a matter of timing, Yongguk.”

Yongguk scoffed at Jieun. He could barely recognize her and the angry words that slipped past her lips. He’d had enough of his wife. She was becoming a bore who moped at her own existence. As if she was preciously counting her minutes left on this earth. He no longer felt any attachment to her, leading him to wonder why he was still married to her. His head swung away from her gaze and narrowed on his vineyards. “Did you invite guests?” Yongguk asked suddenly, changing the course of their conversation.

“No, I assumed they were yours.” Jieun too looked at the troupe of men approaching the patio. Yongguk hadn’t remembered inviting anyone to lunch on this day.

Anger and heat flowed through Yongguk’s veins as he rose to greet the uninvited guests. He gently hopped from each patio step and out on the little dirt path towards the vineyard. The dust kicked up by his own feet found its way in his mouth, coating his throat with an uncomfortable dryness.

His arm brushed past the vine leaves protruding into the aisle as he walked briskly to the group of visitors. There were three men, two of which he didn’t recognize. But he could not mistake the third man. He stood in the middle, talking rather passionately to the two men. He didn’t seem to have noticed Yongguk, or even the fact that he was on his property.

“Good afternoon.” Yongguk greeted them suavely, as was his trademark. “Jung Daehyun.”

“Yongguk.” Daehyun nodded curtly.

“What brings you to my estate?” Yongguk eyed the two men behind Daehyun nervously.

“Business matters.” Daehyun sniffed. 

“Please elaborate.” Yongguk sighed. 
 

“Well…it has come to my attention that these lands actually belong to my family.” Daehyun said nonchalantly. “So I’m buying them.” His bluntness stunned Yongguk.

“They’re not for sale.” The young bourgeois frowned in irritation. 

“Oh please, Mr. Bang, you and I both know that with a good lawyer I can take full ownership of your vineyards.”

“This isn’t 1750 anymore, Jung Daehyun. The monarchy has been abolished. This land has no name.” Yongguk took a step towards Daehyun. “It belongs to whoever purchases it. Not to some broke noble family who has abandoned it.”

“Tell that to the duke. And Mrs. Bang.” Daehyun chuckled darkly. “I’m sure she’d appreciate that you toss aside her lineage like such.” His hot breath hit the side of Yongguk’s face as he whispered his venomous words into Yongguk’s ears. A frisson ran down Yongguk’s spine in anger.

“Get off of my property.” Yongguk eyed Daehyun, but the tanned Niceois refused to move. His eyes showed a light air of amusement in them as he watched Yongguk struggle with the sudden hammer that had fallen on him.

“I’ll be back, Mr. Bang.” Daehyun rolled his lip between his teeth and reached out to smooth out the folds and wrinkles in Yongguk’s suit. He did so mockingly, his fingers flicking Yongguk’s shoulders with maliciousness. 

*

Yongguk sat in his armchair, watching the flames of the hearth at the empty air. The night air had filled the large living room, making Yongguk shiver as he took another sip of Scotch to warm himself up. The cold marble underfoot made him curse inwardly for forgetting his slippers by the large spiraling staircase. He continued to stare at the orange flames, hoping they could invade his mind and burn all the thoughts that were twisting inside his head.

One thing was for sure, he couldn’t get his mind off of Himchan. He was craving his touch. It had been nearly a week since he had seen the younger, or even heard from him. He his lips trying to taste the saltiness of Himchan’s skin again, but he couldn’t. To hydrate his cracked lips, he took another sip of his bitter drink, his eyes never leaving the fire.

The encounter with Daehyun and his entanglement with Jieun had left Yongguk feeling defeated. He hadn’t felt so powerless in a long time. Heaving a sigh, he hoisted himself from the armchair. Earlier in the day, he had noticed a letter from his lover, but had been too flustered to read it. He hoped it would bring him good news after the day he had had.

In the silence of the night, he softly shuffled towards the silver platter of mail. He searched eagerly through the letters, his fingers trembling as he fell upon Himchan’s. It was a small, beige envelope, marked with a wax seal and curly black ink.

Yongguk’s fingers worked over the red seal, a satisfying feeling engulfing him as he heard the subtle crack of the wax. Shaking lightly, he pulled out the letter. The writing, in black ink, was of similar style as the address Himchan had written on the envelope.

His eyes never left the letter, out of fear that it would suddenly vanish from his grip, as he headed back towards the fire for light. Despite being a small piece of paper, it seemed to weigh heavily on his fingers with each step he took towards the light. He was beginning to dread its content.

Dearest Yongguk,

I’m sorry I could not write to you earlier. I hope you do not find this letter awkward, I find it difficult to express myself on paper. I have missed you dearly. You are constantly on my mind, and I’m waiting for the days I can return to Bordeaux. It seems, however, that our fates have been graced. I am meeting business associates with my firm in Bordeaux just in time for the Spring Festival. I will be arriving two days early ,though,  to entertain Lord Choi and his court.

Please find me at the hotel in Room 51.

I will be patiently waiting.

Sincerely,

Himchan.  

Yongguk’s heart fluttered against his ribcage as he read each line again. His eyes focused on the second to last line, next to the word ‘sincerely’. Himchan had clearly meant to write another greeting, but he had crossed it out. Yongguk ran his finger over the black ink-scratched surface, trying desperately to decipher the word or words Himchan had originally written. Unable to read it, he just lay his head back on the seat and sighed contently. He would finally be able to see Himchan again.

He felt a smile spread across his face, but stopped it when he heard soft footsteps approaching him.

“Are you coming to bed?” Jieun’s sleepy voice echoed softly though the living room.

“Yes, dear.” Yongguk rose from the armchair and prepared to throw Himchan’s letter in the hungry flames, but something inside him decided against it. Looking to see if Jieun wasn’t watching, he quickly stuffed it in a drawer of a commode.