“WHAT??!?” The rage in the boss’ voice was almost as unbearable as the look on his face when I told him the reason why Minseok wasn’t at work. I couldn’t tell if it was pain or fear or anger or despair, but it was as unpleasant as forcing metal bars through your bones by hand. His gaze immediately went over to Sehun, a look which could have murdered anyone twice, before he grabbed his coat and ran out the door again. Tears welled up in Sehun’s eyes, and Chanyeol hugged him tight while we all stared after the boss’ back as he hurried away down the street. I wished I could hug Minseok like that, but not only was he too far away for that to even happen, it would also have caused him a great deal of pain still. Minnam had dropped by two days ago to examine him for the second time, and I had felt relief wash over me like fresh waves of strong peppermint tea on a drowsy morning, when she concluded that there was no further damage and that he only had to rest for a few more days before he could start going back to his normal routine. I’d done my best to nurse him and make him better; I’d fluffed his pillows and made him coffee, I’d prepared healthy meals and bought him magazines, I’d given him music and restrained myself completely from touching him so much so I wouldn’t reopen any wounds or add pressure to any bruises. Not once had he complained or asked me for anything, and he always seemed genuinely surprised whenever I did any of these things – except maybe giving him food, that was our arrangement after all. He’d made it harder on me though, to restrain myself from touching him. Nothing had happened, not even a hug, after the night of confessions and kisses, and it had almost driven me insane – but at least I wasn’t alone. However, for his speedy recovery I wouldn’t allow myself to be that close with him, and I had to pretend to be asleep at night as I felt him through my hair and fumble with my hand, trying to lace his fingers between mine. We hadn’t spoken much, not about us or anything like that. I just wanted to focus on him healing up, and he was in too much pain to bother convincing me otherwise. I’d made a plan on my own; the day he feels well enough to return to work, I will spend the evening making us something really good, and then we’ll talk. Hopefully he won’t be too tired for that - at least not if I make him sleep while I make the food. That was my plan. So I focused on doing my best at work, assisting the others and serving the customers. It wasn’t until later in the afternoon that the boss returned again, this time less unpleasant and called Sehun to his office. The poor boy looked devastated as he entered the office, but returned an hour later with a slightly more confident yet confused manner.
“Luhan, can you come here for a second?” I looked up to find him leaning against the doorway, arms crossed over his chest, and staring at me. I put down the cloth I was using to wipe over the table, wiped my hands on my apron and walked over to him. He led me into his office and closed the door behind me as I sat down, before he came over and sat down across from me.
“So I went to see Minseok,” he said, and I felt my stomach tighten with jealousy over him getting to see Minseok during the day when I couldn’t.
“He said, the last time I spoke to him, that you and he had made an arrangement,” he continued. I wasn’t sure what to expect from this conversation.
“While I was there now, I saw a lot of your stuff in his apartment.” I could feel my cheeks burning, and I didn’t know what to say or how to respond, instead I just stared at him, waiting for him to continue.
“They looked neatly arranged. Not left there by coincidence. Are you two living together now?” My throat was so dry all of a sudden, and I hadn’t noticed until I dryly replied with low “yes” and found myself substituting with nodding as I desperately attempted to wet my throat with swallowing spit. He leaned back and stared at me, as if he was pondering what to ask me next.
“But there was only one bed,” he settled for.
“Yes, we share,” I confirmed, not knowing if I should play this off as a ‘what does it matter, we’re both grown men and we’re friends’ sort of situation, or if I should come clean about what sloppy attempt of a relationship we had begun. After all, he did seem to take things nicely considering Chanyeol and Sehun’s relationship, but at the same time there seemed to be more there. And his relationship with Minseok was definitely not all what we had been led to believe, so I didn’t know what to reveal. He kept sitting like that, leaned back in his chair, his chin resting on one hand, and regarding me for a long while.
“You’ve been coming here for a long time,” he suddenly said.
“I’ve got eyes you know.”
“…I know.”
“Do you really? Because our eyes haven’t met once, and from day one whenever I have regarded you, yours have been glued on him.” Something vile was spreading inside of me, and I was pretty sure it was shame. Shame of being caught, shame of knowing he had known all along, shame of realising there was someone I hadn’t fooled at all. I didn’t know what to say, I could only look down, and the room was filled with pressuring silence for a very long time until he sighed.
“…Honestly, as angry as it makes me I don’t know if you are confusing him or helping him, but if you two are going to sleep together then you better know to be careful, Luhan.” he said and emphasised my name, and all I could thing was that I wasn’t sure if he fully understood our intent to sleep together.
“At least he has someone to take care of him,” he mumbled to himself as he got up from his chair and showed me out. It wasn’t until I got outside that I realised his words could have been a threat more than a warning, nor did I know if he was concerned for Minseok or concerned about the relationship, or what he was getting at. Did he know we had a relationship going or not? Or did he only think I was going after Minseok after having wanted him for so long? I suddenly realised that there must be a lot about Minseok I didn’t know, just like he didn’t know about me, and I decided we had to start with his relationship with the boss. I couldn’t wait to get home, I needed to talk to him now. Screw my plan. Forget the romance. We needed to talk now.

---

The sweat is running down my body now, and despite the cold autumn day, I’m only wearing a tank top while working. I feel warm and my arms are heavy, but I keep working. I’ve already finished the three smaller ones, but I’ve barely just begun on the fourth large hole I’m digging in the ground. I need to be prepared, have this all ready. Anytime now, pretty soon, I’m going to have to carry their foul bodies out here and bury them. I’m not sure how I’m going to get all four of them here at once without touching them, but that’s a problem I’ll leave for another tomorrow. This tomorrow I have to finish digging, so the earth doesn’t freeze over before it’s time to bury their bodies. I keep my arms moving on sheer willpower now, too tired to function, but I cannot leave yet. I don’t want to go back there. Their screaming is so silent these days, the absent of noise is almost deafening. I feel my heart shaking at the thought of letting them go. I want them to die. I have wanted that for many years now. But I’m just so used to being their slave. So used to hearing them moan and shout and cry. I cannot imagine a life without that. But I keep digging none the less, suppressing my thoughts and ignoring my feelings a little longer, as if I’m not preparing four future, unmarked graves.

---

I’d just sat up in the bed when there was a knock on the door.
“Who is it?” But instead of a reply, the door just opened and Joonmyun entered the apartment. He closed the door behind him, took of his shoes and was removing his coat when he finally looked up at me.
“,” he whispered.
“Shut up. You’ve seen me worse,” I growled annoyed.
“Hyung, I…”
“I said shut up. What do you want?”
“…I…” His motions had stopped, and he just stood there with his arms behind his back, leaving his coat half removed, and he stared at me, uncertain, like the young boy I once had been introduced to. He might only have been one year my junior, but he had felt much younger back then. And it made me so angry. It made me angry to think about, and it made me angry to see him like that, reminding me of that boy.
“Do you have a purpose here,” I snarled, not wanting to see him right now.
“Your wounds… Have you got them checked out?”
“What’s it to you? Will you take me to the hospital if I haven’t?” My questions were met by silence, and I found him staring at the ground.
“Thought so,” I said, laughing sarcastically.
“I’ve been worse than this,” I said at the same time as he spoke.
“I was worried-…” He stopped, halted at my silence, and I stared at him, eyes wide with anger.
“Worried?! You were worried?!? WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT WORRY YOU SPOILED ING BRAT??!!?”
“I… I don’t know. Nothing. I’m sorry.” The guilt on my face reminded me of that boy again and I felt something twist my heart at the sight of him.
“I’m. Sorry. Okay? It’s just that… I don’t mean to. You just…”
“I know.”
“NO, YOU DON’T KNOW! THAT’S THE PROBLEM! And it’s not your fault, I get that, but it just seems so unfair! It’s her fault, I know that, but then you go chasing after her, and I can’t even blame you for it, but it’s just so frustrating, so… so infuriating!! I shouldn’t take it out on you, but it’s hard not to…”
“I’m sorry hyung.”
“Don’t be.” He slowly removed his coat completely and cradled in his arm, and stood there looking like a lost school boy after being scolded by the teacher, and I sat there on the bed and we revelled in our own silence until I sighed.
“Come here. Sit down,” I said, and motioned for him to sit down next to me on the bed. He hung up his coat quickly and obediently came over and sat. I placed a hand on his knee gently, patting him, before I drew my breath.
“I need to work on my anger issues.”
“You have every right to be angry.”
“Yes, but not with you,” I said.
“How did your trip go?”
“Can we just… Not talk about it?” I looked over at him, trying to see his face, but he was looking away. I leaned over further and caught a glimpse of his lips shaking as he struggled not to cry, and all my anger disappeared just like that. As if it was never there, and I let one hand trough his hair and pulled him closer by his head. He still fought for quite a while, until I felt my shirt go damp and warm with his tears, and I leaned over and laid down in the bed, and he followed after, snuggled in closely and cried his heart out. I always hated seeing him like this. I his hair and his back and let him cry on me, comforting him as best as I could until he fell asleep. I wasn’t tired, so I just laid there with him over me, feeling his warmth as he breathed in and out against my neck, the tears drying and he were sleeping and I once again found myself plotting her murder as I could think of no other way to protect him. His arms found their way around my neck as he was sleeping and he pulled closer to me, allowing me to wrap my arms around him tighter. I hugged him close, doing my best to let this sink into my memory so that I once and for all could learn that he too had been hurt and that it wasn’t just me. I didn’t want to get angry with him again. I never did. So I lied like that with him until he woke up again. He slowly sat up and rubbed his eyes. I ruffled his hair. He mumbled something and I joked about what he said. We got out of the bed, I gave him a glass of water, I followed him to the door and smiled and talked to him while he put on his shoes and coat. I hugged him, and he accepted, and for once neither of us felt like we were forcing ourselves as much, and then he left and I went to the bathroom and took a shower.

---

A few hours had passed when I finally hear the door unlock and Luhan entered. This was the first day I greeted him out of bed, and it felt much better to meet him like this. He arrived looking stressed and tired, while I was feeling fresh, eating a strawberry ice cream. He was obviously surprised to see me out of bed, but soon enough changed to seem pleased and relived. He places some grocery bags on the kitchen counter and began unpacking.
“So you seem to be feeling better,” he asked, his voice more cheery than he looked.
“Mhm,” I mumbled happily in return as I finished my ice cream, regarding him carefully as he unpacked all the things he’d bought.
“I understand the boss dropped by today,” he said, and I found myself mumbling in response while staring at him. There was something about him… I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, but there was something special about him today and I intended to find out.
“How did that go? What did he want? Just to see if you would be coming back to work anytime soon?” He kept on questioning, and I stared at his back as he moved back and forth across the kitchen, his white shirt almost shining in the pale light from the window.
“Something like that, yeah,” I said and I stared more intensely. I slowly moved over to the rubbish bin to dispose of my ice cream wrapper when it dawned on me. I chucked it in quickly before I spun around on my heel and hurried over to him and turning him around.
“What do you mean something like tha-HEY!” I left my hands on his hips as I stared up at his face, then down at his shirt and up at his face again.
“What are you-…”
“This is the shirt you wore the first time we met, isn’t it?”
“What?”
“It is, isn’t it? The one I spilled orange juice on.”
“What, I…” He looked down at himself then back up at me.
“You remembered?”
“Of course I did. You looked really handsome that day. And I also felt really bad about possibly ruining it. But you were right. There is no stain here,” I said and let my hands slide up and down over the fabric. We were really close now. We hadn’t been this close since the night I confessed, despite having shared a bed every night after, and we were finally in a good position for anything to happen. I’d tried desperately to make something happen over the past few days and nights, but the timing had never been right – however as I looked up at him now and our eyes met while I was leaning against him with my hands on his chest and he was leaning slightly against the counter, I knew he wanted it just as much as I did. I slowly pressed him harder against the counter, waiting for his reaction, but he did nothing but submit to my action. So I let myself come closer to him, pressing myself against him as I grabbed a hold of his shirt and pulled him in, placing my lips softly on his. The second they met I felt him relax against me, and I sighed contently at the contact. He was the first to break the kiss, but he only readjusted himself so he would stand a bit taller, wrapped his arms around my waist and connected our lips again. I felt myself arch against him as I moved my lips against his, and I pulled him closer by his collar, allowing us to deepen the kiss even further. My hands slid up to his neck and he placed one of his hands on my cheek as I opened my mouth and let him stick his tongue in. I had almost forgotten how sweet he tasted, and I found myself feeling light headed and drunk at the contact. My hand shot up and into his hair and I latched on to him, pressing us harder together as our tongues began to dance and slowly the both of us began to moan weakly into the other’s mouth. This was so good, so incredibly good, my legs were trembling and my mind was blank. I felt his arms wrapped around me, his hands moving up and down my back and I pulled him down towards me so he had to lean down and I could stop tip-toeing to reach up. The action was a little too sudden and we almost toppled over, sending us stumbling over until I hit the kitchen table and he leaned down pressing against me, our tongues sliding and rubbing together and I suddenly felt the need to lie down on the kitchen table so I could feel him over me. We pulled apart, gasping for air, before I could get to go through with that, and I wasn’t sure if I was relieved or disappointed.
“Wow,” he whispered and let his head sink so it was resting on my shoulder.
“We need to do that more often,” I decided loudly and wrapped my arms around his neck.
“We definitely do,” he said and I felt his arms around my body again. I pulled my head back a little and stared up at his face before I kissed him again. I intended for it to be short, but as soon as his breath entered my mouth I was hooked again and my tongue forced its way out of my mouth and into his and my fingers wrapped themselves in his hair as his taste filled my entire being again and it felt as if the whole of me was breathing Luhan. His fingers dug into my back as I pressed us together again, and I pulled apart, on his tongue and bit his lip. His hands slid down my body and landed on my arse as he pressed his lips harder against mine, his tongue over my lips and entering when I opened my mouth in a gasp as his fingers pressed into my cheeks while he pulled me closer to him like that. I felt my whole body shiver at the feeling of him like that and I wanted to have him over me again. He detached our lips and began kissing his way down my neck, before he found a sweet spot where he bit down and I moaned and arched back, pulling him with me until we were leaning over the table top and I felt our crotches connect. I wasn’t surprised, but it felt weird to feel him against me like that. It felt weirder though, when I realised my own only hardened further at the feeling of his length against me. Luhan’s hands kept rubbing and squeezing my arse, pressing us against each other, while he nibbled and on my neck, before his mouth appeared over mine again. It wasn’t until he pulled away gasping that I realised my hands were ing his shirt. I wanted his skin. I wanted to feel what he felt like against me, I wanted to taste what he tasted like, I wanted to know where he liked to be kissed and . But that would be going a little fast, I thought. We were already way ahead of ourselves.
“Okay, so this feels good,” he panted, trying to regain himself, prying himself off of me.
“Good may be an understatement,” I continued and sat up and got off of the table.
“But we need to talk first,” he finished. I stood leaned against the table while he stood next to me and leaned over it until we could both catch our breath and our pulse evened out a bit.
“Yeah, we do,” I finally said in agreement.
“Honestly,” he said.
“No more lies,” I confirmed, just as much asking him as telling him I would open up too.
“No more lies,” he replied.
“We don’t want to take in too much at a time though, so let’s go slowly,” I hesitated.
“We’re not really good at that,” he pointed out.
“True, but let’s try anyway. Where do you want to start?”
“Who is Joonmyun boss to you?”
“…Ouch. We’re really not good at that.” He looked over at me, and he sat down in a chair and motioned for me to copy him.
“…Too deep already?”
“Yes. Can you handle the short, corny, not too correct version with very little explanation?”
“Will it leave me with more questions?”
“Most definitely.”
“Well, it’s a start. Who is he to you?”
…
“He’s my brother.”
“WHAT? Is he really?”
“No, not really. Not if I’m being honest. Actually, he’s not my brother at all. Not when I think about it. But he is my brother. That is our relationship.” Luhan sat there in shock, staring at me for a long time, before he composed himself and pondered my reply for a while.
“That definitely leaves me with more questions than answers. I don’t get it at all. Will you explain later?”
“Yes. But it’s… It’s a little difficult right now. Can you wait a little while?”
“I don’t think I have much of a choice in the matter. But somehow, despite not feeling satisfied with the answer, I think I can deal with this much for a while. If suddenly saying he is your brother is the least complicated version of things, then I guess I could understand that you need some time to gather yourself for such a reveal.”
“Thank you. I guess. So… I guess were also finally doing this then…”
“I guess we are,” Luhan nodded to himself, thinking more deeply about something.
“I think it’s your turn,” I mustered the courage to say after a while.
“What? Oh, right. Sure. What do you want to know?”
“Hmmm…” I said, wondering where to start. There was a lot to choose from.
“…The… Family business?”
“Okay wow, we’re really, REALLY not good at this, are we?”
“Do you want to start somewhere else?”
“Yes.”
“Okay, but we can do tha-…”
“But it is better to start there. For you. This is going to be a very long story, and… I don’t know if I’ll be able to tell it. And I’m not sure you really want to hear it. But you have to. So I’m going to try. Is that okay?”
“That’s okay,” I said and smiled at him.
“Take all the time that you need.”
“Thank you,” he replied and copied my smile, but his eyes were filled with worry. He got up, made us some tea and brought out some cookies he had bought before he sat down again, and we finally did it. We talked about the family thing.