Zelo blames himself when YongGuk begins avoiding him after something a little too different for YongGuk takes place…

Zelo sat on the edge of his bed with his tears dripping down his face. He had that feeling again, that overwhelming feeling of being alone. It filled him up from inside and manifested itself through the small streams of salty water running down his cheeks to drip off his nose and chin.

Zelo wanted to call him, he really did, but he was so scared. The last time they had been alone together had caused so many questions for both of them. They had been in this very room, in this very situation with Zelo crying like a baby in his arms. Zelo had looked up at him with his dark brown eyes full of tears and just begging for comfort…and he had kissed Zelo.

 Zelo could tell by the ever-so-gentle feel of his lips that the kiss wasn’t meant to be arousing. It was meant to do exactly what Zelo’s eyes had asked for. He always knew exactly what Zelo needed just by looking into his eyes so when Zelo pulled back from the kiss and his eyes showed something else, something warranting more fire, he had left. He had left Zelo sitting on his bed just like at this very moment and they hadn’t spoken since.

Zelo gasped for air as his sobs took his breath away and he reached for his phone. His contact was right there: YongGuk. All that was required of him was to press that green button that would reach Bang YongGuk – his best and only friend.

Zelo tugged at his hair and clutched the phone tighter in his hand. He needed YongGuk; he needed him so much right now. Zelo took a deep, shaky breath and pressed ‘call’. He heard the call connect and YongGuk’s deep voice greeted him.

“Zelo?”

Zelo took another deep breath and tried to talk but his words stopped in his throat.

“Zelo, are you there?”

Zelo nodded then remembered YongGuk couldn’t see him, so he whispered a small ‘yes’.

“Hyung…” Zelo started, then stopped again because he hated talking on the phone and how distant it made him feel. He tried to stop his sobs but he had been keeping them in since that day YongGuk had left.

How could he have left Zelo like that? He couldn’t really care if he had done that. Zelo abruptly hung up the phone and crawled under the thick comforter on his bed. He hated himself so much right now. Of course YongGuk had left. Zelo was too needy and he never gave anything back to YongGuk. YongGuk was finally tired of him and the bag of tumbled and confused emotions that he constantly carried around.

Zelo was ashamed. Why did he have to look at YongGuk like that? Everything had been so perfect, so comfortable and he just had to ruin everything didn’t he? He always did. Zelo was tired now. Crying always exhausted him. He wanted to sleep, sleep was an escape…

YongGuk knocked on Zelo’s door and waited for an answer. He was probably asleep. He always fell asleep after he cried. He could turn around and leave now like the coward he was or he could stay and face his best friend on the other side of the door.

“Zelo?” YongGuk called.

He knocked again but still there was no answer. He waited for what felt like an eternity then the doorknob turned and the door slowly opened.

Zelo looked at him with wide red eyes and perfectly disheveled hair.

“Can I come in?” YongGuk asked nervously. He had never asked before.

Zelo stepped back to let YongGuk in and shut the door. He went back under his comforter and turned his pillow over to the dry side. YongGuk knew Zelo was embarrassed and it was completely his fault.

He sat next to Zelo’s prone body on the bed and wondered how to start this conversation.

“I’m sorry I left,” YongGuk said. “I’m sorry I ignored your calls and didn’t come to see you.”

Zelo didn’t move.

“I…I got scared,” YongGuk admitted.

Zelo turned his head to look at YongGuk who could see the questions in his eyes.

“Why?” Zelo asked quietly.

“I wanted to kiss you the way you wanted me to and it scared me because I’ve never felt that way before with you. I thought you were like my little brother…but then…”

YongGuk his lips nervously. To him, Zelo was like a delicate, psychedelic piece of stained glass. Each colour was a different emotion and depending on the time of day he could be any colour. He had to phrase his sentences so that they were truthful yet not hurtful. If Zelo broke he broke too.

Zelo was looking at him, waiting for him to finish his sentence. There was the faintest glimmer of hope in his eyes telling YongGuk how Zelo felt about him. He thought he felt the same way but it wasn’t a feeling he wanted to pursue. What if he told Zelo and then his feelings disappeared later? What if he was just going through some weird phase? Why had he even kissed Zelo in the first place? This was why he had been so long away from Zelo – he had been trying to sort himself out and he still hadn’t. But how selfish was he to distance himself from Zelo when he needed him most? He wasn’t the right person for Zelo.

Zelo sat up and looked at YongGuk with his red and tired yet hopeful eyes. YongGuk looked away. Maybe he should just go…

“Hyung?” Zelo started. “You don’t have to figure everything out right now, ok? I just want to be friends like before. I…I don’t want to hesitate to call you when I need you.”

Then YongGuk remembered what had even prompted him to come here in the first place. Zelo’s phone call had finally made him realize what an idiot he was being by avoiding him.

“What happened earlier? Are you ok?” YongGuk asked, glad to change the subject.

“I just missed you,” Zelo said softly, bringing his knees under the comforter up to chest and resting his chin on them.

“I’m sorry,” YongGuk said, “I was an idiot.”

“Yeah, you were…” Zelo muttered

“Hey!” YongGuk pushed Zelo’s knees so that he flopped over on his side. “I’m still your hyung, don’t disrespect me!”

Zelo laughed and sat back up pushing his hair out of his eyes but YongGuk just tackled him again so that they ended up on their sides with Zelo’s back against YongGuk’s chest. Zelo liked being this close to YongGuk, not just because he liked him but because he needed this – to be physically close to someone and have their arms wrapped around him. He closed his eyes and smiled at the feeling of YongGuk’s body warmth radiating off of him.

“Hyung, will you spend the night?” Zelo asked at the risk of being hurt by the answer. “It’s been so long since you did.”

He turned over to pout at YongGuk to make his request more effective. YongGuk’s eyes flickered to his pouted lips then back to his eyes and Zelo stopped pouting. Maybe that wasn’t the best idea…

YongGuk blushed a little then placed a chaste kiss on Zelo’s forehead.

“Of course I’ll stay, Zelo. I missed you too.”

Zelo grinned and lifted the covers for YongGuk to climb under so they could cuddle. Both Zelo and YongGuk felt a wave of relief wash over them when they  hugged each other.

For now, things were back to normal.   

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pic cr: http://airplanesandcandycanes.wordpress.com/2012/07/09/raindrops/