Confession

Overweight, yet Loving You

"I would very much appreciate it if you didn't concern yourself with my woman like this."

Unfortunately for Baekhyun, the hospital room's door wasn't exactly made for private conferences, and sound proof insulation hadn't been install in the wooden structure.

In other words: Yun heard everything.

 

A thick silence envelopes the three as everyone freezes in their respective positions either inside the room or outside; holding their breaths for fear that this was all a joke or moment of irrational hot-headedness.

Jongin didn't even know why Baekhyun was telling him all this. Sure, he admitted to himself a long time ago that he felt for Yun in a romantic way. But Baekhyun didn't know that - Yun herself doesn't even know that! So what reason does Baekhyun have to be barging into a sick man's room, demanding he keep his distance from a girl he may or may not know Jongin likes?

For Yun, however, her muscles were locking out of shock and anticipation of what is to follow after Baekhyun's sudden confession. 

There is an unspoken expectation in this situation that Yun would be the first one to burst the bubble, seeing as she should have been the one with the strongest reaction to this bizarre news; and is the only one able to clear up the misunderstanding caused by Baekhyun.

But oddly enough - her heart feels happy despite her mind scoffing at Baekhyun's lame expression of love.

There is a sharp, pounding ecstacy and a racing excitement. There are stinging of tears behind her eyelids. There is a dull dizziness much alike the feeling after running three kilometers non stop. There is no other feeling: just pure happiness that the finish line she's been waiting for has finally been reached.

 

"So...are you guys dating then?" Jongin forces himself to ask.

Baekhyun hesitates how far he should take the lie, "...Yes."

"Okay."

Again, the dead air threatens to envelope of anyone who dares to voice their thoughts. Jongin refuses to look Baekhyun in the eyes, while Baekhyun looks anxiously backwards and forwards between the door and various inanimate objects.

 

"I'm sorry for intruding..." Lee Yun finally gains enough courage to step into the hospital room, and pretends to notice the silence as if she hadn't been eavesdropping the entire time. "Are you guys okay? Jongin, how are you feeling?" She bites back a whimper when she sees the various tubes hooked to Jongin's arm, and the way his lips cracked at the edges due to dehydration. He's really badly hurt...I feel terrible for not having come keep him company earlier.

"Hi there," Jongin manages to lift his lips into a faint smile at the sight of Yun's newly obtained physical beauty, despite the way his chest constricted painfully when she came in. "Well, don't you look...different! Good different if I may add."

And Jongin was telling the truth - Lee Yun was no longer that sad, overweight girl who could not imagine a happy ending for herself while her brilliance was concealed by the layers of fat. Instead, she looks satisfied, happy, and ready to pursue the right amount of changes in her life.

 

"When will you be deemed healthy enough to go back to the dorms?" Baekhyun interrupts just as Yun was about to go and sit on the bed next to Jongin. His eyes were still avoiding Jongin and cast downward to the floor, but as soon as Yun came into the room he noticeably bristled.

Catching on to the other boy's low key nervousness, Jongin purposefully asked: "Yun, are you in love with Baekhyun?"

Yun's eyes widen, and turns her gaze to Baekhyun, eyes searching in a desperate attempt to unravel the puzzle of emotions Baekhyun was currently displaying.

Anxiety, anger, weakness, and stubborness. Yun could see all of those taking turns flitting across his face. Was he nervous because Yun might tell Jongin the truth and contradict his lie? Was he nervous because he knew Yun overheard him talking to Jongin and was afraid she'd reject him in a roundabout way? Was he nervous because he didn't want Jongin to replace him, and wanted Yun all to himself?

Of course Yun wouldn't betray the boy she loved since middle school; of course she wouldn't go against his wishes and deny him his pride in front of his band mate. "Yes, I am in love with him," she replies Jongin resolutely, looking all the while at Baekhyun as she says this, and internally deciding that what she said was the truth anyway - she wasn't lying to Jongin.

 

While Yun neglected Jongin's feelings as she was too busy worrying about Baekhyun, Jongin felt he didn't really need to confirm Baekhyun's words with Yun.

She loves him - that's all that matters, isn't it? Jongin sighs, shaking his head at a baffled Baekhyun as he stands dumb founded after hearing Yun's confession.

What do I say now? Baekhyun gapes at the girl, Why did you have to make Jongin like you? I only said what I said because I didn't want him to have you! You can't just go ahead and turn this into a confession! I don't even know why I want to keep you, even though I don't like you in the same way you love me. How do I reply to your feelings when I'm so unworthy? Why do you have to be so funny and talented and kind...and so not my type?

 

Thankfully, Yun's cellphone begins to ring at this point, saving Baekhyun from his near panic attack. She checks the call, and answers it immediately after seeing the name displayed on the touch screen.

"Good evening. Yes...Yes. I'm very sorry...Yes. I will keep that in mind. Yes...Thankyou very much, goodbye."

The room is again wrapped in uncomfortable silence.

 

"Who was that?" Jongin finally asks reluctantly, but out of curiosity.

"Lee Soo Man songsae-nim," Yun sighs, "he called to remind me that the weight loss deadline is in ten days - which is also the day that he decides whether or not I can debut as a solo singer." She buries her head into her hands in defeat, "I really can't lose any more weight. 76kg is my limit."

"I would gladly help you, but my condition..." Jongin smiles sadly for his uselessness, and for his unanswered feelings. "You will do well, I believe in you."

"But it was already so hard to get from 96 until now...I really don't have the confidence to lose more..." she looks down at her stomach in disappointment, "I really want to become the perfect girl with the perfect body and sing the most perfect songs on a perfect stage...but reality just makes perfection seem so far away..."

 

"Nothing is perfect," Baekhyun mumbles while he shuffles his feet on the floor, "especially when it involves human beings..."

Yun perks slightly upon hearing Baekhyun's voice again - even though he had clearly avoided her earlier confession. "But this industry is all about achieving whatever is closest to perfection. If I want to be like you guys and stand on a shining stage, I need to look the part, don't I?"

Baekhyun doesn't respond, shuffling his feet awkwardly again.

"You can try your best, but just don't force yourself to do something that's unhealthy," Jongin chuckles humourlessly at the older girl. "Life always has a way of crushing your hopes when you think that you're nearly at your destination anyway. So I'm telling you to care for youself, but you must never give up; fight for your dreams, because without hope, a human is as good as nothing."

I won't give up on your either, Lee Yun, Jongin decides as Yun glances towards the boy looking at the ground again, no matter how much you claim to love Baekhyun; no matter if you're really dating or not. I will fight for that small sliver of hope which hints you hold me inside of your heart as well.

I will fight for you.

 


A/N: JONGINNN OMG ISN'T HE COOL? I SAY JONG, YOU SAY IN, JONG-IN JONG-IN ㅋㅋㅋbut Yun still likes Baek...how will he fight such an unequal battle? Stay tuned for more! <3

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Ideal_Realist
4/11/2015 FEATURE. Thank you so so much to all dear readers and upvoters. Appreciate it so much

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xadrimusicx
#1
Chapter 29: Kinda makes me sad when a story doesnt end with a couple, but such is life. Thank you for a story that is true to life. I have had a similar moment with no confidence like Yun and rejected a guy I liked and he liked me, and he ended up getting into a relationship after that. There is regrets but its life. I'm happy he is happy.
IrisScarlett21 #2
Chapter 29: Nooo! I wanted kai and yun to end up together! ?
Bobby_ankle #3
Chapter 29: quite dissapointed that exo is disbanding
Elizabethguppy #4
Chapter 29: This story was so great but i hope yun and jongin end up together. Great work authornim
ShakPlanet
#5
Lit
-TUANA-
#6
Chapter 29: As much as I wanted her to end with baekhyun since he's my bias lol I loved this story.
Yun is just me.
I am 167 cm, weighing 74 KG right now. . I was 85kg 4 months ago and I feel insecure about my self in every way possible. Whenever people are talking, I just think and believe they are talking about how fat I am. I am always treating myself as a fat bag even though some of my friends clearly pointed out to me that I am no longer fat. However since I am into kpop so much and I know how ideal weight is over there (mid 40s to 50 kgs) I still think that I am really fat. But the thing is I am tired. I am getting into food depression regularly.. I just have no idea what more to do.. and that's what made me read your story.. and I obviously love it because I relate to it.
swaglien
#7
Chapter 3: That hit me. I had a eating disorder and i gained like maybe 10kg i suffered alone though . I wish i had baekhyun that would help :)
swaglien
#8
Chapter 2: At first i wanted to read this bc i as well is struggling with my weight, i've read your blogs i also had drastic hair loss ( well not that drastic ) but i haven't visited the doctor... im quite worried
omonachu #9
Chapter 29: This story is one of the most realistic fanfiction here. Being fat and overweight before, I had similar experiences that could relate to this story. Like knowing yourself that you won't be able to achieve your dreams because your weight is holding you down. Or the simple fact that no one would like you because you're fat / ugly. These thoughts that I have had in the past was one of the things that I regretted the most. Back then I wanted to be socially accepted. I tried my best to be someone who I'm not just to be "accepted". If I could only turn back the time and meet my old self I would say that "You deserve everything the word has to offer. So just be yourself."
I could not agree more with your statement "Yun does not need someone to be happy". Simply because we have to embrace every flaw that we have to be able to accept the love that we deserve and be happy.
pietia #10
Chapter 29: Such a wonderful story author-nim!! Btw at the 'exo disbanding' part tho...Ugh it's life anyways..one day exo will surely be disbanded and married&hv kids T_T thank you authornim <33