Entry #1 - 5th March, 2012. 

Weight: 91.0kg.

For breakfast today I had one boiled egg, seven pieces of cashew nut, half a cup of milk, and half an apple. Ji Kyung says that the other half of the apple can only be eaten if I've done 50 squats and 30 sit ups. At precisely 1:00pm she fed me the other apple half, a glass of water, and a small beef steak with a vegetable side (boiled in water, with little next to no salt and no seasoning). 

The remainder of the afternoon passed quickly.  Amber tried to get me interested in some basic dance steps; which I followed, but failed miserably at due to my hunger and lack of focus. "This won't do...do you have a dance you would like to learn? Something you're interested in?" she asked me. I thought about it briefly, and then asked her to teach me the choreography Jongin danced to for EXO's teaser 'Baby Don't Cry'.

At 6pm, Ji Kyung came back from her other appointment, and drove Amber back to the f(x) dorms - leaving me to revise the steps I had learned with Amber in the afternoon. Note to self: It doesn't matter how much you beg her, dinner is off-limits.

Entry #2 - 8th March, 2012.

Weight: 89.5kg.

I was praised for the first time today! Ji Kyung said that I have been working hard, and that 1.5kg in 3 days is a very good rate to be going at. She did some calculations today, and came up with an average of 0.24kg everyday for the remaining 147 days of the course of my diet.

I smiled and said "that doesn't sound too hard!"

She laughed at me, and told me to get back to the treadmill. Apparently weight is easiest in the first two month, but maintaining the new weight will be hard for the rest of the year.

P.S. Today EXO's 'History' was released, and their debut is scheduled to be in a month! I am so excited along with all the fans they have gained! 

Entry #3 - 26th March, 2012.

Weight: 85.0kg.

Happy birthday to Xiumin oppa! He is turning 22 today! The members all gave him hugs and pinched his cheeks and it was a lovely bonding moment for the 12 boys! I baked a birthday cake for him whilst trying to not drool on it.

Of course - I wasn't allowed to eat any of the cake, especially since I lost so little weight in the last 18 days...

...That may or may not have to do with the ice cream I bought two days ago...and the fried chicken I ordered at 3am last week...

Entry #4 - 7th April, 2012.

Weight: 76.5kg.

Ji Kyung finally praised me today! But Amber worried about my health due to the sudden change in my weight since the last time we checked with the scale. It's been 12 days since my last entry, and I've lost more than eight kilograms in this time! Even Ji Kyung agrees that there may be danger if we continue with this insane weight loss plan, so now I am allowed an extra handful of lentils along with some chicken for breakfast! I still dream about chocolate and samgyeopsal* though...  *Korean grilled pork

The down side to losing a lot of weight is that there are side effects due to the fast change, and my body isn't responding well. Amber caught me nearly fainting at dance practice yesterday... 

P.S. I haven't seen Baekhyun or Jongin for more than a week now due to their busy schedules in preparation for the upcoming debut stage. I think I miss Baekhyun more than food...so I am determined to lose another kilogram today, in order to proudly congratulate them for their debut with my beautiful body tomorrow! 

|8th April, EXO debut stage|

", I'm so nervous," Chanyeol looks around at his bandmates, biting his lip and eyes the size of ping pong balls with stage fright.

"We're all in this together," Kris smiles at him, eyesbrows squeezing together out of nervous habit, "this is what we've been preparing and sweating for these past few years."

"This is it, guys," Suho gives them all a nervous smile, before turning to the stage director and giving a big thumbs up.

"Microphones will be in 3...2...1...now!"

"Next up on Inkigayo, we have...EXO-K! The group EXO is divided into two sub-groups, one being EXO-M mainly focusing in China and the other being EXO-K in Korea. This is their debut stage, so please give a lot of suppo-"

"Kyaaah!!! Kai oppa!!!"

"Look this way!!!"

"EXO! EXO! EXO!"

"Yaaaaah~ Sehun!!! Kai!!!"

Baekhyun stares wide eyed at the audience, feet moving into his position on stage despite his mind being disconnected from his actions. What's so great about Kai? He takes a deep breath, channeling out the feelings of envy at the amount of fan girls screaming for his fellow bandmate. Looking towards the boy on his mind, however, his eyes widen at Jongin's suddenly confident eyes as the music begins; his body moving naturally in response to the beat.

"Listen, neukkil su inni?

Nae simjangi, ttwijireul anha"

He looks at Baekhyun out of the corner of his eye, and Baekhyun takes the action as a silent challenge from the other to use his vocal skills to win over the fan girls chanting Kai's name.

Baekhyun inhales, mentally egged on by Jongin's seemingly confident smirk, and gives his all into the notes he is assigned to sing.

"Nunhan maeume ureodo bogo

Sori jilleo, HA! Oechyeodo bwasseo"

The fan chants grow louder, and lighted signs with 'EXO' imprinted in neon colours wave back and forth excitedly at the boys' performance. With each scream and every pair of eyes that catch his attention, Baekhyun grows more and more confident, singing more and more loudly. This is the stage he was born to stand on; the stage he has dreamed of and practiced for and sweated for.

Contrasting the older boy's growing enthusiasm, however, Jongin's heart shakes with an uncontrollable fear.

He loves performing - he loves the audience and applause and appreciation for his talent. But he hates standing under the stage lights. He hates the loud beating of his heart, which is different from the adrenaline rush and feeling of liveliness he gets from dancing by himself in the studio. To Jongin, the masses of people standing off stage watching his body move is not a motivation to him - it is a reminder for his fear of failure.

I have to work harder, he thinks to himself as he throws his arms out and taps his feet, I have to show the audience what I've been working on - I have to smile wider and seduce their eyes to look only at me.

He looks at Baekhyun again, smirking as he had the previous time, checking on how the older boy was doing and trying to draw strength from his team mates. But Baekhyun has already shut his eyes for a particularly high note. Baekhyun is already adapting to the new world of spotlights and adoration and fame. Baekhyun is not like Jongin.

"Oh~ Oh~ modu hamkke ganeun uri miraero

I need you and you want me, jiguran i byeoreseo, Oh~ Oh~

Every every everyday, naega mandeun History."

EXO finishes the prologue with a satisfied grin at each other, and quickly reposition themselves for the title track, 'MAMA'.

Jongin immediately feels the stab of pain in his waist as his body stops moving to music, and he wheezes in laboured breaths while trying all he could to stop himself doubling over in pain. You can't stop now, he grits his teeth, this is the debut stage - this is just the beginning.

And when he least expected it; when his eyes were already clouding over with unshed tears and his tongue tasted blood from the strength of his teeth biting on his lower lip in suppression...Jongin randomly saw Yun gazing back at him in the crowd.

Yun... he begins to move as the title track plays, Yun is watching us...watching me...

Jongin's mind blanked; he didn't know what was happening anymore, but the sharp stabs of his waist injury sent dizzying stars to his eyes. His body moved of its own accord - dancing automatically only because of the muscle memory he has obtained after months of practicing; but the steps had no life in them.

Don't stop...you can't stop...

Finally, he heard the final line of lyrics for MAMA, and sighed in almost unconscious relief as the audience burst into applause and loud cheers.

We did it...I didn't ruin the show...

Those were Jongin's last thoughts, before he walked behind the stage curtains and his legs gave out underneath him.

A/N: Yun's diet's pretty strict, right? Omg I've never truly succeeded at my diets because I always cheat OTL too many yummy foods