Now you're just somebody that I used to know
Dark Love
Yoomin turned in bed to hug the warm body beside her. But the place normally occupied by Yoochun was empty. The cold sheets got her out gradually from the torpor of sleep. She hadn’t had a nightmare last night. But the emptiness beside her left an unpleasant sensation, as the ones of her nightmares. She jumped out of bed. Where could he be at this time of morning? She needed to feel his hands on hers, to hear his voice, feel his presence. The blow of the brutal death of her father wasn’t yet past. She took a shirt and put it on, while heading to the kitchen, hoping to find Yoochun. But when she arrived in the room, she only found Yunjoong, his head resting on one hand and the other holding an envelope.
"Yun?" She called cautiously.
He lifted his head. He had dark circles under his eyes and looked exhausted. Despite this, he smiled weakly.
"You're already awake? You should take the opportunity to rest a little more."
She stared at him suspiciously. She and Yun became closer and got along lately, but he had never been so nice.
"Yoochun wasn’t in the room when I woke up, you know where he is?"
He sighed as if it was exactly the question he dreaded. He ran a weary hand over his forehead and pointed to the chair in front of him, prompting the girl to sit. Feeling that something was wrong she sat obediently. He took a deep breath before starting.
"Listen... Yoochun and I, we thought it was time for both of you to get out of here. This story with Jae is turning into an obsession, and I think everyone has suffered enough for a lifetime."
Yoomin frowned.
"We're going to run away? But even if we leave, the situation here won’t change, you will always be at war against them."
"You’re not running away, you’re going to start living your life now! This doesn’t concern you anymore...”
"How could this not concern us? We are in the middle of it!"
Yun sighed again.
"This story now concerns only the clan. We don’t need two chieftains to do that. We talked with father and I would be the one who will inherit the clan."
Yoomin stared at him without understanding what the implications of this decision were.
"And that means what exactly?"
"It means that Yoochun has no more links to us and this family. He is free to do what he likes, even though of course you will always have a refuge with us if necessary. "
She couldn’t believe it. How had he convinced his father to let him go? How many things had happened just in one night?
"But Jae won’t leave us alone."
He looked down, avoiding her gaze.
"He won’t touch you anymore."
It was too simple. It was too good not to have something suspicious behind it. And it's still didn’t explained where Yoochun was. Yunjoong slipped the envelope up to the girl.
"Here, there is one bus ticket and the address of a motel of an acquaintance of mine. He’ll let you stay there as long as it takes, until you find a place to live."
She looked at the envelope nervously, without daring to touch it.
"What do you mean there is "one" bus ticket? Where is Yoochun?"
Yunjoong swallowed hard.
"You’re going first. He will join you there when he's done some things he needs to do here. "
She didn’t understand... Everything was going so fast! Why let her go alone? She thought he would be with her all the time. Again she had a bad feeling. She looked Yunjoong in the eye.
"Where's Micky?"
He stood up. "He left a letter in the envelope." Then he left the kitchen.
With a calculated calm Yoomin opened the letter addressed to her. Inside she could recognize Yoochun’s sloppy writing.
Morning love,
If you are reading this, is that Yun has already explained everything to you. I know you must find it strange that I’m not coming with you, but trust me on this one. I have things to settle but don’t worry about it I'm not in danger.
Follow all the instructions that Yunjoong gave you, and soon you'll be safe. And we'll be together.
I never get tired of saying this and I hope you will never doubt it, of how much I love you! You changed my life and I will be forever indebted to you. I'm so sorry I have hurt you....
I love you forever.
Yoochun.
After she finished reading the letter she put it down on the table with a sharp movement. She should have been very moved by a letter as touching and loving, but she had the unpleasant feeling that it was a farewell letter. He certainly wrote that they would be together, but deep in her heart she couldn’t help but doubt. She would trust him; she would follow what he asked, because anyway she couldn’t do anything else. He wanted her to flee the city and go into hiding in a motel in the meantime? Then she would. Yoomin would do anything for him.
***
Yoomin watched the landscape pass before her. She was on the bus for several hours now; Yunjoong hadn’t lost time to send her off. She had no idea where she went, but she had to admit that it felt good to feel this damn city behind her; the only thing missing was her Micky. The girl had the unpleasant feeling that she abandoned him. Every fiber of her body screamed for her to retrace her steps, wait at home until she heard everything that was said in the letter by him orally. But she decided to help. She had caused enough problems like that, so she would follow his instructions without protest. In the meantime, all she could do is read and re read the letter.
.
Late at night she finally arrived at the motel. It was pouring rain, it was cold and dark. She could see the abject color of the neon lights of the motel, flashing alarmingly. She ran to take shelf and ask for a room, the man at the reception pointed a room on the 3rd floor without a word. Surely he wasn’t happy being forced to host a client for free. She went with her suitcase, room 303.
The room was as shabby as this place. The curtains were torn, the bed had sheets with old-prints and only one light worked the bedside lamp. And there was the smell of damp mold that wouldn’t leave the room. It was a motel; what was she expecting? She hastened to throw the bag on the bed and undress, if she stayed in these wet clothes, she would probably fall ill. Fortunately she couldn’t complain about the hot water. She took a burning shower and changed to dry clothes. Then she sat on the foot at the end of the bed. The bedside light blinked and gave up, throwing the girl in complete darkness. She was alone in a strange place; again... She laid her head against the bed and closed her eyes trying to be lulled by the ringing of the rain against the window.
If everything could be as beautiful as a melody. If life could be made of triads and conciliatory words it would be so much easier and enjoyable. She wasn’t afraid to get carried away and give herself completely to the sound of silence. But in return life frightened her. For years, she asked herself why she had become so messed up. When was she wrong? At what point she became like this? What was her mistake? As a human being she just wanted to be someone who was capable of loving as much as she could be loved, she just wanted happiness! Yet she couldn’t reach this ideal. She could never find a good way to get out on all occasions and situations that occurred to her. And most importantly she couldn’t understand humans. Her social life was only a summary of mistrust, jealousy, malice in its pure state, desire and sadness. How after that, could she trust anything that the world had to offer her? She was not in her place, she had always known that. But while growing up, the gap between her and the world became huge. Yet there she was. Did she really have a choice? After she had finally found something that made her want to continue. Something that gave her a reason to exist and who had given her the love she cried for so long famine. At the same time that the image of her Micky imposed to her, something vibrated in her pocket. She pulled out her cellphone and looked who could call. It was Yunjoong.
"Did you arrive safely?"
"I'm at the motel."
She almost heard a sigh of relief at the other end.
"Good.”
"You just called me for that? "
"I have good news ... Jae's father has agreed to stop attacking you and Jae too. So you're free now. "
For some reason, hearing it didn’t reassure or comforted Yoomin.
"I guess this negotiation wasn’t free."
Yun lowered his voice.
"No, indeed..."
Tears began to bead along Yoomin’s cheeks while her fears became reality.
"Yoochun’s not joining me, is he?"
"Yoomin..."
"Answer me." She yelled.
A few seconds of silence passed, she could hear his breathing on the other side of the handset.
"No... he won’t come. "
The girl clenched her fists. She already expected that answer.
"I will never forgive him...! "
"Yoomin he did it for you! He wanted to protect you, there was no other way. But he is fine you don’t have to worry about him."
"He is a selfish bastard! He thinks the sacrifice is the only solution, but on this one he only thought about him! He didn’t think for one second that I couldn’t live without him! I wouldn’t have mind to be chased all my life, as I had him with me... "
Yun said nothing and Yoomin said in a firm voice.
"If he wants me to go away, alone, then that's what I'll do. You won’t hear from me again and I’ll never look back. "
"Yoomin wait..."
But she hung up without giving him time to say anything and snatched the phone's battery to throw it at the other end of the room. She began to pace, hitting the walls and all it was before her. She was in an indescribable rage. How could he choose to give up? How could he leave her alone? She didn’t know what he did to calm Jae's family, and she didn’t want to know. But he had to pay a high price, she was sure of it. And there she was, safe in a motel while he... She grabbed a pillow and screamed into it to release her frustration, which calmed her a bit. Yoochun... her Micky... what has he done?
Wasn’t she who behaved like a selfish brat? Yoomin was frustrated and upset not to have thought of that before Yoochun. Upon completion of the current situation, the girl curled up and began to cry. She wept as she had never done before, like a fragile and broken child. Yoomin clutched her chest. It hurt… it hurt so much! She couldn’t breathe…
She never felt so alone in the world at that moment, not even at the death of her mother, who was the only person in the world she ever loved. It was as if she knew inside her, she was going to meet him, find the one that would complete her, the one who would become everything to her. And now she had lost him, he had only one thing to do... Wait life to pass, without any direction, meaningless as it was...
***
6 months later.
Another table to clear, the wash the ground and she would finish her service. For three months she worked in a cocktail bar. The boss was very generous with Yoomin, offering her to live in apartments she rented, against Yoomin’s hard work. The girl working at the evening service and during the day she found a small job in an antique shop.
Six months she hadn’t seen Yoochun and two months she had no more news. Since the night at the motel where she realized that Yoochun wouldn’t come, she had tried to start a life. Maybe if she managed to build something he would come live with her. This was what she had hoped. But she hadn’t received any letter or phone call, and no life sign from him. Yunjoong often called to see how she was and to always tell her that Yoochun was fine but he couldn’t give news. He was gone too. He had vanished into the world. Yoomin was tired of hearing the same excuses from Yunjoong and she stopped answering his calls. The only thing that still connected her to the memory of her love was the ring she wore on her finger and never left her and the letter, the last words he addressed to her. She had read the letter so many times that the paper was now worn and the writing began slowly to fade as his presence in the life of the young girl.
Now she had two jobs to save to go far away. She had in mind to go abroad. She couldn’t speak other languages, had no education or diploma but if there was one thing she could do was that she could work with anything and manage it. So she would try her luck away from the country that had only being hostile towards her. A pang of guilt pierced her heart. Why wasn’t she looking for him? If she really wanted to find her Micky she could have. No, it was not her Micky anymore. She must forget him. Yoomin veiled her face by saying she hadn’t sought to meet him because she wanted to respect his choice and the sacrifice he had made for her. But the reality was that she convinced herself that he was much better without her. She didn’t doubt his love, but she knew that every time he was with her, he felt guilty for having thrown her into such a life and making her suffer. Except that she had never been happier and stronger than when she was with him. But he wouldn’t understand, because they were alike. He also couldn’t believe he deserved to be loved. Yoomin understood that during these six months of separation. These six months have been like an agony for her. But she was determined to continue her plan. Determined to stay away from him, from her love, her half, her soul mate.
Yoomin closed the bar. Once she was outside, it was particularly cold for spring. She had a few blocks to do to reach her apartment. Smoke was coming out of when she breathed, she pulled up her coat up to her neck and put hiers hands in her pockets to keep out the cold. Suddenly it began to snow. Small flakes that melted before touching the ground, but it was still snowing. Snow in spring? The snow that once reminded her of the memories with her mother left today, that gaping hole of her memories with Yoochun. Their whole week in the second house, where there were only the two of them, the first time he kissed her, the first time that he had touched her and they shared the same bed. His warmth, his hands, his kisses... She missed him. She missed him to death. She hurried on, feeling tears prickle her eyes.
Almost reached the height of her apartment she noted a man standing at the door. She saw only his back. He was tall, had black hair and wore a long black coat. A wild hope seized her. She came near, containing not to run. Hearing the footsteps approaching the man turned. The heart of Yoomin sank when she saw that it wasn’t Yoochun. But she was still happy to see him. When she arrived at his height she took him in her arms. She felt safe, as if she had finally come home. He was family; he was the only connection she had with Yoochun.
"Hi Yoomin." Said Yunjoong.
She pulled away from him and gave him a weak smile.
"You took your time to come and check that I was okay."
"I never lost touch with you. I knew very well what was happening in your life and that you were okay. "
She had a smile.
"You made me followed?"
"I promised Yoochun to keep an eye on you."
The mention of his name shook the girl’s heart. She noticed that although Yunjoong had hugged her back, he wasn’t smiling. If he knew she was okay then why was he here?
"So it's just a courtesy visit?"
"No... I think you should come with me..."
She lost her smile.
"Why, did something happen? "
Yunjoong face was hard and you could see in his eyes a dull ache.
"There was an accident... Yoomin... Yoochun is dead."
_______
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