Siwon POV

I waited quietly in the Parking lot as Yunho and Yesung conversed few meters away, close to Yunho's car.

I talked Yesung over to at least give the guy few minutes to say whatever he came all the way here to say.

I closed my eyes momentarily, recalling the words he let out abruptly earlier..

''you said I should give it a try…. ''

''I…. I want you Siwon….. please be mine…."

I sighed, feeling my stomach tightening as his words echoed in the back of my head..

I didn't wanna overthink… he was panicking… the least he expected was Yunho walking into him after the drama we had all day long, not to mention…. Asking him to.. get back together?

I shook my head in an attempt to dismiss the unreasonable anger that was starting to build in my veins, and the attempt went to waste as I glanced at the pair of guys standing few meters away…

They were hugging..

End of POV

"Yunho no.. stop this… let go…" Yesung struggled in Yunho's embrace.

"I know you miss this Yesung.. you always loved hugging, cuddling.. you always loved being so close from one another…" Yunho held tighter into the smaller one of the two.

"that was then… we are no longer in a relationship… you ended it, remember?" Yesung, and for some reason felt his need to fight the other fading..

"no.. that's not entirely true… you were pushing me away.. you acted like another Yesung.. a Yesung I never knew… you didn't want me around when you were struggling with the therapy and the treatment… what does that make us if we turn our backs into one another during the hardest of times…? Huh? Tell me?'' and Yunho's voice cracked…. Was he crying?

There was a brief silence…

"whatever lead to that ending… is no longer a topic of discussion… we are over Yunho… you have no right to hold me like this… I told you… I have someone el-''

''liar…." Yunho then broke the hug, and held both Yesung's arms tightly.

"a lousy liar.. you used the other guy to piss me off.. to kick me out of there.. you really thought I'd buy it.. did you even notice the hurt in his eyes when you said it? He knew you were using him to get me out of there, and guess what, your attempt went wasted…''

Yesung were shaking… he averted his eyes to Siwon's side, their eyes met and he felt his heart cracking at the thought of the other, yet, still waiting to take him home, make him dinner…. And make him happy? As he bravely claimed he is fully capable of..

He closed his eyes and lowered his head.. pressing his palms on Yunho's chest..

"I can't think of anything right now… let's talk about this later….'' Yesung said, eyes still closed… voice is barely audible.

Yunho sighed before cubbing the smaller man's face, forcing the elder of the two to lock gazes with him.

''I will call you… and if you don't want me to break into your place.. pick the damn call and let us talk this over okay…'' he then stared at Yesung for a minute before leaning closer. ''Oh God…just how much I missed you…'' he whispered before placing a gentle kiss on the elder's forehead.

~~~

Few minutes later, Yunho drove off… and Yesung stood there, staring at the blank horizon… he felt a pair of hands landing on his shoulders before turning him around…

''all clear?'' Siwon asked with a brief smile.

Yesung eyes looked sad, and glossy.

"am..sorry.. you had to witness the lousy drama of my love life…"

Siwon tilted his head.

"love life???''

Yesung was silent for a minute before holding into Siwon's shirt.

"the things I said earl-"

"its okay… I know you were panicking…"

"its not like th-"

"I understand Yesung… you don't have to feel guilty about it.. we are fine, okay?''

Yesung lowered his head, feeling the frustratin chewing his inside.

''hey…'' Siwon raised the elder's face, holding gently into his chin.

''you had enough for one day, let's reschedule that dinner.. let me take you home.'' He said with a gentle smile.

Yesung wanted to yell at the younger for something he thought the other might have felt…. But he didn't… or simply, didn't want to show disappointments over..

The ride home was silent, the bus was half-empty, and it was Yesung who wanted to held into the pillar instead of getting seated… he looked so pale and Siwon was starting to worry.. he didn't really know whether or not, he wanted to know what kind of conversation did Yesung had with his ex… he felt so lost that it was starting to feel ultra-disorienting..

The bus driver wasn't the best out there, as the bus kept shaking due to the one in charge of pressing on the gas and break was being a but hasty.. Siwon was in no room to complain, as Yesung powerlessly enveloped him into a hug.. which had to little to do with the reckless driver's behavior… and a lot more to do with the loss the elder was feeling as well..

''aren't you being a bit too heartless.. you are giving me so many parts of yourself in too little time…'' Siwon whispered, holding securely into the elder's waist.

''how is hugging you make me heartless…''

''because my crush is too fragile for me to hug tightly….''

Yesung chuckled at that and Siwon felt relieved, he managed to make him smile yet once again.

''and how am I giving you so many parts of myself…?''

''you are holding into me like this, yet you tell me you are scared, hesitant, not ready.. you are unconsciously accounting me as a shelter Yesung, you are giving me almost.. all of you… for me to look after… and take care of…''

Yesung pressed the side of his face on Siwon's chest, nose nuzzling in Siwon's crock of a neck..

''is it too much to ask for? Am such a burden…'' he said with a smile, he was unaware of the intensity of emotions the two of them were sharing in a place where many pair of eyes were watching them suspiciously.

''a burden I can't resist…'' the taller said, trying not to lose his self-composure as Yesung closeness did wander to his nerves and chest..

~~~

The bus stopped and the two males got off, Yesung held into Siwon's arm.

''Siwon am sorry again, you were supposed to be home earlier…''

'' yes… with you and Noona.. am sure she would have dragged you in a corner and started gossiping about me to no end…''

Yesung laughed, his face showing signs of… temporal recovery? It was such a hectic day..

''I am liking your noona already…''

''just make sure not to like her more than me…'' Siwon said, crossing his arms.

Yesung smiled…

''for a while.. I thought you never gets jealous…''

''why wouldn’t I… you claimed that you 'wanted' me then walked to the side hugging another guy…'' Siwon immediately regretted what he said.

''so I did hurt you by that… couldn't you just bark out your anger…''

''what right do I have? The two of you had history together, who am I to compete with him? He is the love of your life…''

''was…''

''are you sure? The hug earlier looked so real, you two, looked so real…''

Yesung held the taller guy's arm, and the two walked few steps away from the bus stop.

''he said he want to talk over…''

''he also said he wants you back… I was there.. he looked as he meant every word he said…''

Yesung stopped walking and turned to look at the younger of the two.

''I don't want to, and okay I take back what I said about you not sounding jealous, now you sound annoying..''

''because am saying what you don't want to admit to yourself?''

''what do I don’t wanna admit to myself?'' Yesung voice was filled with anger.

''that you still have feelings for him…'' Siwon eyes looked lifeless. ''Yesung, when he held you earlier, you perfectly fit in his arms.. maybe.. you guys should-''

''give it a chance? Get back together? Is this the happiness you promised to shower me with? You wanna send me back to the painful past? I told you I moved on…''

''you also told me you sent him away because you loved him so much that you couldn't stand seeing him getting hurt by observing you going through all that pain, treatment, surgeries…''

''is this all I am worth? You made me feel that you will grant all my wishes, that you will be the shelter I will seek security from when everything felt so painful and scary…''

Siwon sighed.

''you know I want to..''

''I know nothing anymore… what am I to you Siwon? Why are we being like this? What the hell is going on between you and I?''

''i… I don't know what to call it…''

''I do… and I said it… yet you cut me off..'' Yesung closed his eyes for a minute. ''when Yunho walked in earlier, I felt the barrier I half-heartedly created from love, people and my past, crashing in an instant… I told you and I told Hae and Zhoumi and Luna.. I also told myself that I no longer have the heart to let someone be the center of my world, I am the type whose ready to give up everything to the one I love… and you….'' He then looked at the taller with hurtful eyes. ''Daringly came into my life, and with too little effort you shoved yourself into the world I always bragged about securing from strangers, love and people like you….''

''people… like me?'' Siwon was confused.

''yeah… the type of people I would come to love without reservation… you'' and he choked into the lodge of tears he was squeezing in his throat. ''you are the kind of a man I would come to love completely…'' and he stopped Siwon as the younger wanted to… hold him?

''yet you are cowardly struggling into the confusing you drown yourself into, as to whether you want me or not? You are sincere about making me happy, I know it… yet you lack the bravery to tell me that that happiness will require two of us, ready to fight for a love we both never expected to knock into our doors at the most unexpected time…''

''you …. You love me?'' Siwon asked, feeling his knees going numb.

''do I…? do I love a coward who showed me the tiniest of light by the end of the tunnel then walked away?''

''don't be so harsh on me Yesung… I didn’t walk away… I want you to be happy.''

''with another man? Aren't you human? Can't you hold tightly into what you claim yours?''

''your not mine…''

''but I wanna be yours….'' He said, voice breaking, as the tears dried but needless-like feelings kicked him in the heart.

Siwon felt so much pain and heaviness landing into his chest.. Yesung words were his downfall… the man wants him… he had no reason to hesitate or hold back… he was finally aware that all what he wanted isn't just to make Yesung happy…  but..

''I want to be your happiness…'' Siwon finally said and the other smiled, making few steps forward, he circled the elder's neck and kissed him full on the lips.

''I want to be yours too…'' he smiled before kissing him again, and again and again.

~~~

The walk home felt so short, as the tension and awkwardness and maybe shyness fell on both of them making their linked palms. Sweaty.

''so…. How… are we gonna do this from now on?'' Siwon asked, he felt dumb, the feverish kisses the elder pressed on his lips felt so alive, he felt his lips burning still..

''do what?'' Yesung acted dumb, enjoying all the emotions he was causing the others to feel all at once.

''are we…. Together now? You and I…?'' Siwon asked in a low tone.

''Yes Wonniee am over here, with you baby…'' The elder clinged into the taller, enjoying this a bit too much…

''you surely is deceiving…. You were so angry at me half an hour ago…'' Siwon said, feeling his anxiety subsiding, it was replaced with sweet helplessness as the elder was touching his face.

''I told you am a mess.. I can yell at you and kiss you right after…''

''I kind of have been through that already…''

Yesung chuckled.

''for a minute I thought we were about to drift apart…''

''you really thought I will let you go just like this?''

''we have the most confusing relationship of all..''

''I have a different view of this, I think we were brought into each other's life at a very random time, to fix it…?''

''am I supposed to fix yours? Mine is so messed up itself…''

''just love me okay, that all am asking from you….'' Siwon said, caressing the elder's hair.

''I will.. you would regret not meeting me earlier… not falling for me ages ago….''

''is this the same Yesung who told me he didn't wanna ever try opening up and breaking the barriers few days ago…''

''maybe I should thank Yunho… he made me realize am really over him, am over my fears… you're so lucky that am so recharged with life and motivation to start afresh…''

'' shall I worry?'' Siwon asked in concern. ''the guys looked so determined, he wants you back, he is threatening the company's future…''

''don't worry, even if you weren't in my life by now Siwon, I wouldn't have got back with him.. I need to forget the past and look forward into a future that has no Yunho element on it… the company will be fine too… have some faith on me…''

''I do.. ''

Their goodbyes for the night took as long as it could take..

Siwon texted him the moment he arrived home and the elder called him… they had too much and too little to talk about..

Stuff like ..

'I wanna hear your voice the moment I wake up, the moment I drift to sleep'

 and

'I want to see your face when you wake up in the morning, and when your rub the sleep off of your eyes'..

And countless plans for dates and picnics and gatherings for couple of months ahead of time..

~~~

The morning came a bit too fast and the dreamy existence from last night was rapidly thrown into abounded memories..

''Mr. Choi am so sorry that I had to deliver such news to you, but Mrs. Kim have been trying to pass you these information for a while now.. yet-….'' Assistant Soo held a mass of papers into his hands, as the two of them stood in the balcony attached to Assistant Soo's office, the cold breeze caressed Siwon's skin in an attempt to knock some sense into the now, nearly shattered male..

''he… killed my father…. Is that what you are trying to tell me?''

''He was suffering from a severe nervous break down due to the hiccup that he went through during his heart treatment 4 years ago, Yesung was aware of the affair his mother had with Mr. Choi KiHo, the former driver of her and her two children… and what so many people don't know, is that rather than hatred, Yesung, in contrast, used to hold intense feeling of filiation towards his mother, he was so emotionally attached to her all the way during his childhood and adolescence period, but things changed when his parents started drifting apart slowly, and the affair was known to almost everyone…''

''he… killed him?? Just like that?''

Assistant Soo felt so bad, the sight of trembling Siwon made him feel the guilt dripping off of his voice.

''he caught them and was holding a gun, he was furious… nothing could have been done, he shoot your dad and assaulted his mom, am so sorry… I wish I didn't have to tell you this but… I see the two of you growing so close to one another… please son… you need to stop this before it hurts you more than what you can ever recover from… you… should leave…''

TBC~

A.N: again, too lazy to read through this so, sorry for typos/grammatical mistakes ..... // RUNS