I wake up the next morning at 5a.m. to get ready for school. 

I try to get up quietly and not wake the others up, but just as I’m about to get off the bed, I feel an arm wrap around my waist and pull me back onto the bed. I turn around and realize that GD had somehow ended up next to me last night! On his other side, where TOP originally was, lies Seungri.

I’m so confused!

I lie in bed facing GD as he rests his left arm on my waist.

“It’s so early, why are you getting up already?” he asks in a hushed whisper, his voice groggy from sleep.

“I have to leave for school, it takes a while to walk there.” I reply, whispering as well. “If you guys were to leave now too, you could make it back in time for school!” I suggest.

He scoffs gently at that.

“We’re taking the day off school today, there’s no way we’re heading back now!” he whispers. “Anyway, I have a new driver now, he’s been waiting nearby. He can drive you to school later! Go back to sleep now!” he commands.

I laugh softly and close my eyes to sleep once more, but I feel like I’m being watched.

Opening one eye, I notice he is just staring at me, smiling.

“Creep.” I say jokingly.

His smile disappears and he pouts at me.

“Hey, what happened to TOP? Why did the Seunghyuns switch rooms?” I ask, curious.

“Uh… well, Seungri came in here late last night, claiming that he just wanted to see you, but then he refused to leave, so TOP offered to switch beds. That’s when I moved into the middle of the bed. Thanks for noticing by the way.” He whispered, pretending to be offended.

I laugh gently and his cheek. It’s so nice having them back here with me!

“Shhhh,” he whispers gently, “go back to sleep now!”

I synchronize my breathing with his and fall asleep almost immediately.

I wake up the moment I feel his arm is no longer on me. I quickly open my eyes and see the rest of Big Bang dragging GD off of my bed.

“What’s up?” I ask, quickly sitting up.

“You’re awake!” Youngbae exclaimed and they all wished me a good morning.

I laugh at their cuteness. “Good morning!” I say cheerfully as I watch GD struggle to escape TOP’s playful chokehold. I raise one eyebrow quizzically at TOP and he lets go.

“You know I don’t really have a problem with the two of you acting all couple-like, just as long as you don’t do it when I’m in charge!” he says, sighing.

“Yah! I’M in charge!” GD cries out.

“I’m older!” TOP retaliates.

“Honestly, the two of you a more of a couple anyway!” I laugh, causing both of them to pout at me, which just makes me laugh even harder!

Since when did they pout so much?

They leave my room and I get dressed for school, wearing the same clothes as yesterday, just changing my t-shirt.

When I open my bedroom door, I see that they’ve had breakfast prepared. Apparently TOP sent for some of his staff early this morning and they travelled all the way to my house just to cook breakfast! I feel so guilty, but I’m assured that they’ve been paid very well for their troubles.

We all eat breakfast together – it’s delicious! There is such a wide variety of food and we all just dig right in.
Once we finish up and clean the dishes, I ask what their plans for the day are.

“Well, if you don’t mind,” TOP begins, “we would like to check out your school!”

“Really?” I ask, excited.

“Yeah, we’ve heard so many things about public schools and we want to see what it’s like!” Seungri says whilst bouncing up and down.

“Awesome!” I exclaim.

When we open the door to leave, I notice that there are two plain black town cars parked in front of my house. We all pause for a moment, trying to figure out who will go into each car.

“I’ll take Cindy in my car! The rest of you can go in Jiyong’s.” Taeyang finally says.

The others grumble about that, but he gives them a look, communicating with his eyes a message that they clearly receive. They all seem relieved and quickly pile into the first car.

Taeyang holds out his elbow for me to take and he walks me to the car, where his driver holds the door open for us. I sit down as they walk to the other side of the car and the driver opens Taeyang’s door.

The car starts up smoothly and I relax into the seat, satisfied that I don't have to walk to school again.

I smile as I watch him make himself comfortable. When he finally stops moving around he looks at me and I notice that his cheerful smile has disappeared.

“Cindy, are you okay?” he asks, his voice full of concern.

“Of course I am! Seeing you all again has made me so incredibly happy!” I reply, beaming at him.

“No, I don’t mean … I mean, it’s great that you’re happy now but … I mean like, how are you?” he says.

“Sorry, I’m not sure what you’re trying to say, Tae!”

“Last night, when you were sleeping… you … called out. I know that Jiyong told you some story about how Seungri wanted to sleep in your room or something, but that was a lie. We all woke up when you yelled and the three of us in the other room came running to check up on you. You were covered in a cold sweat and you were and twitching, it was terrifying. I was so scared for you! They switched beds because the three of us didn't want to leave you, so we rotated throughout the night.” He finishes, his forehead creased from worry.

“Oh sweetie, thank you for caring for me, but it was just a nightmare! I’m sorry for scaring you! I’m fine though, seriously.” I apologize, feeling guilty for depriving them all of a good night’s sleep.

“IT WASN’T JUST A NIGHTMARE!” he cries out, closing his eyes and breathing heavily. I worry that I’m making him lose patience.

“Tell me honestly, do you often have experiences like this?”

I shake my head.

“Not that I know of.” I tell him, frowning.

He looks me in the eye, as though he is reading my soul, trying to discern whether I am telling the truth.

“I don’t understand what the problem is. Sleep talking is very common and heaps of people say things in their sleep!” I say.

I have no idea why he’s making such a big deal out of it.

He pauses for a few minutes, probably thinking of the best way to explain it to me.

I watch him as he chews his lip, thinking things over.

Too much time has passed since I last spoke, so I assume he isn’t going to say anything. I look out of the window in silence as we near my school.

We begin to pull up behind the school as I watch the others file out of the car in front of us.

Taeyang is deep in thought and hasn’t noticed that the car has stopped.

I move my face in front of his but he doesn’t notice.

I wave my hand in front of his face, laughing when he still doesn’t respond.

“Youngbae!” I sing, still waving my face.

He slowly reaches for my hand and stops it from waving.

After clearing his throat and his lips, he feels ready to explain.

“You …” he sighs, “You didn’t just say it though … you screamed it. You screamed his name.” He says softly, fear in his eyes.

“Cindy,” he whispers, “have you been thinking about him again?”

I shake my head so fast, I feel like my neck is about to break.

“No, please don’t. I don’t want to talk about it. I’m not going to think about this. It’s such a beautiful day outside! I love it when it’s cloudy and there’s just the right amount of wind!” I say happily, completely changing the subject and making sure I don’t have to think about it.

“I just want to know! Just tell me if you’ve been thinking about him or not!” he pleads.

As soon as he says that, I can feel my mind trying to uncover all of those memories that I have deliberately suppressed.

I bring my hands up to cover my ears, squeezing my eyes shut and calling out “Lalalalalala” in an attempt to stop thinking.

I feel a pair of arms wrap around me as I’m lifted out of the car, but I refuse to stop.

I’m slowly lowered onto something soft – grass, I think. I continue acting like a child, trying to get a hold of myself.

Stupid brain! Please leave me alone!