I woke up and tried to adjust myself to my new bedroom: it’s a lot smaller than my old room and my mother got me to sell a lot of my old belongings so we could have some extra money. My father has always had a serious gambling problem, but when he received his new promotion last month, it became even worse. He said he had it under control, and we were foolish enough to believe him.

That is, until he gambled away our entire estate and umma was forced to freeze our assets so that he could not access anything else.
Our house now belongs to the bank and we had to move out of our house, taking only the bare minimum.

I fixed my wig and wore baggy jeans, sneakers and a hoodie. I don’t know what I would do if any of my old schoolmates discovered me now! It would be so humiliating! I feel so... tacky, being dressed like this.

I walked for ages to reach the uniform shop. My mother has been working extra hours in an effort to pay for the house and earn a proper income, and she gave me her credit card to buy a new school uniform for tomorrow, as well as some extra cash just in case. She had heard from a friend that this was the only uniform shop in town, but that it sold a number of different uniforms.

I finally found the little building and was about to enter when I noticed a young boy and girl in the alleyway beside the store. The girl was pinned against the wall with her legs wrapped around the guy, and after a moment I suddenly realized what they were doing, averting my eyes immediately.

Before I could enter the building, the guy saw me and yelled at me:
“ off, you ert!”

My eyes widened, as I had never had such crude language directed at me before. I look him in the eye and he gave me the coldest glare I have ever seen – it sent chills up and down my spine, making me shiver.

I quickly lowered my gaze to the ground and ran inside.

I guess I should start getting used to behavior like that now. I’ve been lucky enough to attend only the elite private schools ever since I was a child, where even the “bad” children were refined and respectful. Now umma and I have moved to the city with the highest crime rate, where people are, well … very different. This view is only reaffirmed for me when I look around the uniform shop.

At my previous school, my uniform came as a set that made each student look more distinguished. Here, on the other hand, I could only see a few different blazers on display, for schools that are miles away. I approached the old lady at the counter, but she didn’t notice me. She was too busy scowling at the boy and girl outside the shop. I look at the clock above the lady’s head and note that it’s been just over two hours since I left home – that was one long walk. I then follow her lead and look at the young couple. They have … finished up, and are walking away in opposite directions.

The lady suddenly notices me and smiles:
“Hello, and welcome to our store! How may I help you today?” she greets me.

I return her greeting and ask for the uniform for my new school.
She stares at me for a few moments in shock, and then says, “But… but you’re so well-mannered!! Why would you attend that school?”
I have no idea how to respond and I guess she could sense my unease, because she quickly apologized.

“I’m really sorry sweetie! I guess you haven’t really been informed about your school yet?”
I said “no” and shook my head, wondering what I may have missed out on.
“Well, for starters, your school doesn’t actually have a uniform. You may wear any clothes you want to, as there are no rules regarding the way you dress!”

I nod my head as she talks, showing that I’m listening, although I can’t help but be disappointed that I just wasted two hours walking here for nothing!

“Also, some advice to survive school there: keep your head down, don’t raise your hand in class or draw attention to yourself and don’t get on anyone’s bad side. The students there have a rather violent reputation.”

I start to panic.

If a totally stranger feels comfortable warning me about this school, then does that mean it’s a really bad school? It has the most affordable school fees so umma and I decided it would be best to go there, but I guess we didn’t really do much other research into the school.

The lady must have noticed that I was panicking because she puts her hand on my shoulder:
“I’m sorry,” she says gently, “I don’t mean to scare you! You seem like a very lovely young person and I hope that you enjoy yourself there!”
She smiles warmly at me and, after taking a deep breath, I return the smile.

“Thank you very much for your kind words! I will try my best to follow your advice!” I say.

After thanking her once again, I leave the store and almost bump into a policeman.

I apologize for getting in his way but, as I’m about to go around him, he stops me.

“Excuse me, young man, the station received a complaint about an act of public indecency not long ago, did you happen to see anything?” he asks seriously.

“No, sorry!” I reply, not knowing whether to point out that I’m a girl.

“Please, any information would be helpful. This is the third time this week that we have received a complaint like this!” he asks, getting desperate.

“Well … there was a boy and a girl… getting intimate… in that alleyway there.” I say, not sure if that was the type of information he was after.
“Yes! Thank you! That’s what the complaint was about! Now, did you happen to see this young man’s face?” he asked, getting excited that he had some information.

“Yes, officer.” I say while nodding, hoping to go home as soon as possible.

“Is this the guy?” he asks, showing me a photo of the guy I saw in the alleyway.  He is sneering in the photo and he looks like he’s about to kill someone.

My eyes widen when I see the picture and I quickly nod.

“Great!” The officer exclaims, then he picks up his handheld transceiver.

“Okay, I’ve got a positive ID on the Byunghun kid. Bring him in.”

The officer turns to go back into his car, so I start to walk back home.

Suddenly I hear the policeman running after me, calling for me to stop.

“I’m really sorry, but I’m going to need you to come to the station with me to file a witness report.” He says, sounding genuinely apologetic.

I agree to go, as I would never argue with a policeman and he opens the door to the squad car for me. I thank him and sit inside.

We spend the ride to the station in silence, leaving me to my thoughts.

Well, the adults here have all been nice to me so far; I bet that the sales assistant at the uniform shop was just exaggerating before! I’m sure the students at my new school will be just as lovely!

I spend the rest of the ride daydreaming about the new experiences that await me at my new school.

We arrive at the station and I have to go into an interview room with an officer to explain what I saw. I’m asked for my name and address first, but when I tell the officer my name, he looks shocked and his head shoots back up. I thought that maybe he had recognized my name and he had heard of what happened to my father.

Instead, he looks at me with an incredulous expression and says, “wait, you’re a girl?”

“Yes, officer.” I say plainly, not wanting to explain to him how I’m in ‘disguise’ so that nobody from my old life can find me and that I’m wearing a wig to cover up my easily recognizable hair.

He pulls a face and then goes back to writing his notes.

“Now, what exactly did you see?” He asks me.

“Well, the young couple – that is, the boy from the photo and his partner - were getting … intimate … in the alleyway!” I say, repeating what I had said to the other officer.

““Getting intimate”?” he repeats, laughing at my choice of words.

“I’m afraid I’m going to need you to be a bit more specific." he says, then he waits for me to elaborate.

I sit there trying to think of a suitable term to use, very aware of each second ticking by.

He laughs at me and says, “Perhaps I’ll give you a moment to think about it! Feel free to fill out the form when you’re ready!” and walks out of the room.

I finally finish writing my statement but I am unsure of what to do next: do I wait here for the officer to return or do I just leave?

I worry that I will be told off if I leave without permission, so I stay in the room, staring at the clock on the wall. After 20 minutes, the officer returns and collects the form from me. It has now been almost one hour since I left the uniform shop.

Umma must be wondering where I am but as I no longer have a mobile phone, she has no method of contacting me! She had the day off of work today, which means she would just be waiting at home for me!

The police officer that interviewed me said I could use the station’s phone to contact my mother.

I describe to her what happened and she says it’s okay. I explain that I will be home in just over two hours as it takes a while to walk back. She understands and tells me to be safe.

As I’m hanging up the phone, I notice the boy that the officer called Byunghun coming down the corridor with five other guys. I can’t help but note to myself how attractive the 6 guys are, and they look so powerful walking down the corridor side-by-side. I unconsciously begin to swoon as I watch them walk.

Byunghun sees me, and it’s as though a shadow passes over his face. If looks could kill, I would have dropped dead just now. My eyes widen in fear and I quickly turn and head out the back door of the station.

I’m not sure where I’m going, but I head in the general direction of my new home. I run as fast as I can through some streets and cut through an alleyway. Just as I’m near the end of the alley, I see three of the guys from before in front of me.

I skid to a stop and turn to run the other way, but Byunghun and two of his other friends are behind me. I freeze, not knowing where to go.

They begin to close in on me. As if I wasn’t scared enough as it was!

“What, being a ert wasn’t enough for you? You had to go and be a rat too?” Byunghun asks, coming closer with every passing second.

I open my mouth, not even knowing what to say.

He stops me before I can say anything.

“Save it.” he says, his voice dripping with venom, “Maybe you’ll learn to keep your mouth shut next time!” he says, as he er punches me.

I double over, totally winded and gasping for air.

One of the boys, with a really pretty face that kind of reminds me of a squirrel, punches me square in the jaw, forcing my head to whip back.

Apparently they arranged to take it in turns to attack me, because one of the boys (he has really big lips) steps forward next and s his palm towards my nose. I don’t think it’s broken but blood gushes out of it immediately after impact.

As the tallest and toughest looking boy flips me down onto the ground, I close my eyes and decide that it will be best for me to not fight back.

If anyone questions me about this, I will say that I totally could have taken these boys on, but just thought they were too handsome for me to attack! I wouldn’t want to ruin their pretty faces!
Who am I kidding, I’ve never been on the receiving end of such violence and I’m not strong enough to even take ONE of them on, let alone six!

As these four boys continue to kick me, the two others egg them on.

I force myself to not make a sound, and I put my remaining strength into keeping a straight face and keeping still.

A few more kicks later, I hear the deeper voice of the tough one calling the others off.

“But hyung, my bail jar is empty again because of that snitch!” Byunghun argues.

“Don’t be ridiculous! If he’s dead and they connect it to us, you won’t be able to get bailed out!” he replies.

He then sighs and comes closer to me. I remain completely still as he goes through my pockets, taking my cash but leaving my card.

"There you go." he says, passing the money to Byunghun aggressively. 

“Now, in case you had forgotten, i’m the leader and I say run before the cops find him!”

I wait until their footsteps have disappeared and just lie there for a while on the ground. I would never have even considered lying or even sitting on the ground before, but seeing as I’m already down here, I stay.

I lose track of time and eventually begin to stand up. Surprisingly, I’m not in too much pain. My face feels raw, but despite the blows that I took to my body, I feel comfortable walking.

I pull my hood over my face and run.

I regain my bearings and run all the way back to my new home, arriving 3 hours after I left the station. It’s a good thing I have always been more of the athletic type, all that endurance training really pays off!

Umma jumps up the moment I open the door and runs towards me. I look awful, my face covered in dry blood, my clothes covered in dirt (they may have been attractive but their shoes were FILTHY) and I’m limping because my right ankle hurts too much when I put too much pressure on it.

“My poor baby! What on earth happened to you? Are you okay? I was so worried!!” she spurts out, grabbing hold of my chin to look at my face better and check to see where the blood came from.
I look at her and take her hands in mine.

“I’m very sorry for worrying you eomeoni! You look exhausted! Would you like a cup of tea?” I ask, concerned for her.

She hesitates for a moment but realizes that I don’t want to speak about what happened just yet, and agrees to have some tea.

I make her a cup and when she sits down I give her a shoulder/neck massage.  I don’t like seeing her stressed.

She pats my hands and tells me to sit down.

Once seated, I explain to her that the school doesn’t have a uniform, so I’m to wear just normal clothes to school. Most of my clothes are locked up in a warehouse though, to make sure that my father wouldn’t sell them.

Umma looks at me with great sadness, and I know that she wants to apologize again, for not noticing his problem earlier – for not stopping him before he got out of control. She’s been working so hard to help the family, yet she blames herself for everything that has happened.

I rest my hand on top of her own before she starts, and smile at her.

“Eomeoni, I love you!” I say, as I hug her. She sighs and tells me she loves me too, before leaving to go to her room and lie down.

I go to the bathroom and clean myself up, knowing that I’m already starting to bruise.

I finally stumble into my bedroom and collapse onto my bed, my vision blurring.

Why is everything spinning? I think to myself. Who painted these black spots everywhere? What’s going on?