I get ready for school, putting on my wig and clothes from my small wardrobe and doctor Oh’s box. I also found a watch in the box, and put it on.

Umma went to work a long time ago, but she left a note for me on the door, telling me to be safe and wishing me luck for my new journey. She also advises me to keep my belongings safe, as I still have some items of value. I slip her note into my drawer and leave the house, dressed like this:

http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=77580567

After a one and a half hour walk, I arrive at school, ten minutes before classes commence. I go to the front office and take care of administration business, get handed a map and head off to my first class.

The whole day is just a blur to me. I’m attentive in class and take notes as usual, but I don’t utter a word the whole day. Nobody tries to speak to me, so I just keep to myself. There is a ten-minute break in between each class, where all the students socialize before heading off to their next class. I spent each break wandering the corridors and exploring the school, until the break just after lunch, that is.

I walked through the corridors, familiarizing myself with rooms, not exactly paying any attention to where I was walking. I ended up walking straight into some guy, bumping heads and causing us both to fall backwards.

“Ahhh!” he gasps, “what the hell?”. He looks angry and confused as he rubs his forehead. I study him quietly, not moving. He’s just so beautiful! Then he looks up at me. I expect him to be furious and start yelling at me.

Instead, his gaze softens and he says “I’m so sorry, I wasn’t looking where I was going! Are you okay?”

I nod and try to apologize as well, but it comes out as a whisper. I’m such a creep.

He smiles and laughs, extending a hand to help me up. I grab hold of his hand and stand up, whispering thank you as I brush myself off.

He starts laughing and I look up at him quizzically.

“You’re funny.” He states whilst laughing. “How’s your first day going?”

How does he know it’s my first day? I wonder. Am I that obvious? Aish, I’m such a newbie! I scold myself.

He must have noticed my eyes widening at his question or something, because he quickly clarifies.

“Don’t worry, I’m no stalker. I just know everything!” he says confidently.

I just laugh quietly at that.

“Oh I see, you’re one of those quiet ones.” He says, giving me this look and then laughing.

I was just about to actually speak to him when I notice the guys that attacked me the other day approaching us.

“Pabo, you okay? We saw you fall!” the leader guy, with the deep voice said.

“Yeah,” he says, while laughing and rubbing the back of his neck, “I’m too clumsy for my own good!”

Byunghun then looked up and recognizes me.

“YOU!” he yelled angrily, “why don’t you watch where you’re going next time! You have some nerve coming to our school, you rat!” he spits.

“Hey, it was my fault! Don’t blame him! Please, calm down!” smiling guy says, gently pushing Byunghun away from me.

Wait, “him”? Smiling guy thinks I’m a guy? Does everyone think that? Well, I guess being a guy is better than being recognized!

“Let’s leave, please!” smiling guy says.

The six other boys glare at me menacingly before turning around and walking the other way. Smiling guy starts to walk away with them before quickly turning back to me.

“It was really nice to meet you!” he says, “I hope that we can be very good friends!” He bows to me and then quickly follows after the other guys.

I finish the rest of the day thinking about that boy. He really made my first day special, but I didn’t even get his name! I spend my afternoon classes in a dreamlike state with a smile glued on my face. When the final bell rings, I end up being the last to leave class, and I slowly walk out of the school.

Where Byunghun and co. are waiting for me.

It all happens so fast that I don’t have time to react. One moment they’re a few meters away from me, and the next thing I know they have pounced on me and are kicking me once again. I force myself to relax, as apparently less damage is caused that way and lie there until they stop. They yell things at me, but I can’t comprehend what they’re saying. I think I may have fallen asleep somehow!

When I open my eyes, I’m lying on the ground at school, alone and bruising fast. I hear someone yelling and a teacher runs up to me.

“Are you okay?” he gasps, out of breath.

I quickly sit up, careful not to flinch at the pain.

“Yes, sir! I’m fine thank you!” I say, bowing to him.

He doesn’t believe me and makes me go to the nurse’s station with him. As it turns out, he is the school’s principal. I convinced the nurse to tell him that I was fine and he then made me sit in his office while he gave me an official welcome to the school. After explaining the school rules to me, he sat down in front of me and began asking questions.

I just explain to him honestly that I don’t know what happened and that I think I fell asleep! 

He allows me to go home, but says he will be keeping a close eye on me. He also says that I shouldn’t hesitate to tell him if I have any problems in the future.

Just as I’m about to leave, he remembers something and calls me back.

“If you don’t wish to be caught out, you are welcome to use the restroom located here,” he points to a place on my map, "Here is the key.” He says, handing me over a small silver key.

“This bathroom is all yours!” he adds.

“Thank you sir, but I’m not pretending to be a boy! If people assume that I am, I won’t correct them, but I don’t mind either way!” I say, trying to hand back the key.

“Oh, well, in any case, that bathroom is yours now! Your mother wanted you to have a special place here and her donation to the school made this, and many other projects possible!” he says, smiling.

I thank him once more and return home.

The next month goes by in a blur, just like my first day. My life now has a sort of pattern -  a number of things that I can guarantee will happen without fail each day at school.

1. No student will talk to me
2. I will not see smiling guy, even if I walk around the whole school looking for him
3. Byunghun and co. will find me and attack me

The bright side to this is that each time they attack me and I don’t react, they appear to get more frustrated and seem less willing to attack me now. I should play dead more often! They often just kick me maybe three times before leaving me alone now.

It’s unfortunate that we happen to go to the same school now, but at least they’re not in any of my classes! And if enduring them each day is the only thing i have to do to "help" my family, then I will more than happily do it! As long as my mother doesn't know what's going on, she won't feel pressured to transfer me to a more expensive school! She already works so hard as it is!

Usually, when I’m in Study Hall, (as I complete my studies elsewhere) I often sit down and right about Byunghun and his friends, making observations about them. I have come up with code names for each of his friends so if anybody happened to read my journal, they wouldn’t know who I was talking about. I call Byunghun Tiny Tim, just because he seems so petite! Then there is Big Lips (although he has very large eyes too), Angel Face (the one that reminds me of a squirrel for some reason), Two Face (he's so adorable yet he is so violent and aggressive), Tottie (Tall Hottie) and then the leader guy who I refer to as an Asian Steven Strait. I know, he doesn’t really look like him at all, but is a rather easy codename to write! I like to update my journal at least once a day.

My favourite place at school would definitely have to be my restroom. It makes me long for the life that I have only recently left behind. When I first unlocked the door in order to escape from the Six, I was expecting just a normal toilet, and I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw the restroom. I locked the first door after entering and was in a small, empty room, with only a set of double doors in front of me. Opening the doors, I found an almost exact replica of my old ensuite before it was renovated! My umma must have made a HUGE donation to the school! I feel rather guilty whenever I enter, but it makes me feel less homesick, I guess!

It brought tears to my eyes as I began to realize how much I miss my old life. I have been arriving at school one hour earlier than necessary just to spend more time in my restroom. Principal Jang was very pleased to hear that I liked it!

Every night I would go home, do my homework, cook, clean and wait for umma to return from work. This became my daily routine, involving giving her a massage and taking care of her in general as I knew she was exhausted from working so hard. It’s been almost two months since we moved here and she has already paid off our mortgage for our old house! She works so hard, but she worries more about me than herself! She has noticed my bruises on multiple occasions and at first she asked how I received them, but when I declined to answer, she dropped the subject. 

Umma left me a note today saying that she would be working extra late, so she will be staying over at Doctor Oh’s house. I wasn’t aware that they were that close, but apparently they are!

I returned home from school and finished all my homework, and then I ran out of things to do. One of umma’s friends had recently given us their old plasma television as they upgraded to a 3D TV or something, so I decided to watch a movie, choosing Seducing Mr Perfect (Mr. 로빈 꼬시기) just because Daniel Henney is amazeballs, and I felt like watching him.

Just as I’m finishing the movie, I hear a loud knocking on my front door. It’s not even knocking, it’s a pounding on the door. With umma not coming home tonight, I have no idea who it could be! What if it’s the Six and they know where I live and they have come to kill me?

I panic and cautiously turn the TV off then quickly, but quietly, go to the door and look through the peep hole. Five figures are standing there, all with hoods covering their faces so I cannot distinguish who they are. But if it’s only 5, then that means it’s not the Six so these people can’t be bad, right? Uh, I’m so bad with reasoning!

The figure closest to the door bangs on the door once more and calls out in a high pitched voice “Park Jinyoung, I know you’re theeerreee!”
Umma always told me not to open the door to strangers, but I felt compelled to this time as they knew my name and there was something familiar about the way that first figure spoke. Going against my mother’s words, I slowly open the door, silently praying that they aren't here to murder me...

Only to then be tackled to the floor by the five figures. They all dive on top of me, leaving me totally winded under the weight of their bodies. I look up into their faces and start screaming.

“ARRGGHHH!!! Omo!! You guys!!! How did you find me?” I ask, barely able to think out of excitement.

They get up off of me and help me to my feet, where I quickly leap onto them and hug them all individually.

We all can’t stop smiling as I lead them to the couch to sit down.

“Omo, I can’t believe Big Bang is in my house!” I say, pretending to be a hyperventilating fangirl, fanning my face.

They laugh at my impersonation and Daesung pushes me lightly, making me fall onto the couch.  

Then TOP suddenly remembers my question.

“We just followed the trail of broken-hearted boys back to you, asking them for directions!” he jokes.

I laugh. “But surely I left them too heartbroken to even speak!” I say.

TOP laughs at that, but then his expression changes.

“Actually, your mother called us. She’s really worried about you.” He says seriously.

“Yeah, what’s this we hear about you being attacked?” Taeyang asks, his face contorted with worry.

“I’m fine, really!” I tell them, hoping they will drop the subject.

“Are those guys bothering you still, Cindy?” Seungri asks with concern.

“Wait, how do you know about them?” I ask, super confused.

He sighs heavily. “I sent one of appa’s men to keep an eye on you.” He admits.

“You had me followed?” I ask, not knowing whether to be outraged or touched.

“That’s besides the point!” Daesung butts in, “we just want you to be safe and we’re here to stop those guys from hurting you again!”

It’s my turn to sigh now.

“They’re not really hurting me anymore, they’ll give up on it soon! I can take care of myself, I promise!” I say, looking at each of them individually.

“Fine, but if they don’t, we’re coming back for them!” Seungri says stubbornly while pouting.

“Naww, you’re so cute!” I squeal, while going to ruffle his hair, knocking his hood back.

“Wow! You got a haircut! It really suits you! And you’ve lost so much weight! You’re even skinnier than before!” I exclaim.

“Thanks!” He says while laughing.

I then notice the others quickly holding onto their hoods and I grow suspicious of them, raising one eyebrow at them.

Moving over to Taeyang, I wrestle with him briefly before pulling back his hood.

“What is this?” I gasp, shocked.

“You don’t like it?” he asks, sounding disappointed.

“Well, it’s a strange hairstyle, and I would disapprove under most circumstances,” I begin, and he looks crestfallen, “but… it just looks so perfect on you! You seriously look so amazing right now!” I say, in awe of the iness he exudes with his new haircut.

“Chincha?” he asks, smiling bashfully while rubbing his neck, “You’re not angry?”

“Why would I be angry?” I laugh at his question, “it looks perfect on you! And it’s not like you dyed your hair or anything!” I laugh as I say this, stopping when I notice the awkwardness in the room.

I look at Daesung, TOP and GD and narrow my eyes. They each quickly hold onto their hoods tightly as their eyes widen in fear.

I feign going for Daesung and quickly dive onto GD, pulling back his hood.

I let out a squeal.

“What? What is this?” I ask, hysterical. I hold his blue/green fringe part in my hand as I look at the rest of his hair confused.

I burst out laughing.

“Why?” I eventually ask, my sides beginning to hurt from laughing too much, “well, it’s certainly unique!”

Pulling back Daesung and TOP’s hoods, I have to look down.

“So…bright!!” I gasp, my eyes slightly burning from the bright blond of Daesung’s hair and the aqua color of TOP’s.

They’re all laughing at my reaction; I guess they’d been nervous about how I would react for a while.

“What’s going on guys?” I ask, still laughing.

“Well, the school had an important function last week and they wanted all senior students looking their best,” Taeyang began.

“So, in addition to the old No Hair Dye school rule, they also wanted to control the way we cut our hair!” Seungri continued, “so unfair!” he exclaimed, crossing his arms and pouting.

“Naww, stop it!! Cuteness overload!” I squeal, pinching his cheeks.
He twists around in his seat, trying to avoid my pinches. I laugh as it sit upright once more.

“So, naturally, you guys did the exact opposite of what Headmaster Yang wanted?” I ask, laughing.

“Ne,” they say in unison.

“You naughty boys!” I say, mimicking my former Headmaster and wagging my finger at them.

We all have a good laugh. When the laughter dies down, I notice them looking around my house. They don’t criticize it, but I know they are struggling to accustom themselves to this house, it’s the smallest house they’ve ever been in!
“This place is very… cosy!” Daesung says, while the others agree.

“It’s good that you were able to keep some things though!” Seungri says brightly.

They’re quiet for a few moments, which is weird, because we always have something to say to one another. I look at them and notice they're trying to communicate with their eyes, deciding who will ask the question. I know what they're going to ask before they ask it, it's like we can read each other's minds sometimes! As my parents are the only ones to respect my privacy, i've kept hold of their, uh... magazines, for many years now and they would often visit me to read them.

Then Taeyang elbows Seungri, prompting him to speak.

“Uh, Cindy?” Seungri begins nervously, “um… how much… of your old stuff… did you actually keep?” he asks, only looking me in the eye when he finished asking.

I start giggling. “The bottom right shelf in my cupboard!” I tell them, waving them along into my bedroom. They jump up in excitement and practically race one another into my room.

“Yah!” I call out after them, “You seem more excited to look at your old magazines than you are to see me!” I yell, feigning indignation.

“We love you, dongsaeng!” They chorus from my bedroom.

I look up at GD, who stayed behind and is sitting next to me.

“The famous G-Dragon doesn’t wish to tarnish his reputation by reading dirty magazines?” I ask, raising an eyebrow at him.

He just smiles slightly at that and shakes his head.

“What’s wrong GD? You’ve been quiet the whole time!” I comment.

He stares off into the distance for a few moments, not saying anything.

I just watch him, waiting for him to reply. He would never ignore me, so it’s just a matter of time before he answers.

He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath before looking me in the eye.

“How could you?” he asks, his voice filled with hurt and disappointment.

“How could I what?” I ask, totally confused.

“You just left, JinYoung! Without even a goodbye!” he yells at me, careful to keep his voice low so the others don’t hear.

“I know that they were acting all happy just now, but they were just excited to see you. You know that they never want to cry in front of you! But the past 2 months have been hell. And being the leader, I’m meant to be the one in control; I had to be strong for all of them. It’s been such a burden. Taeyang refused to come to school for the first month, some days he wouldn’t even leave his house! Seungri stopped eating and we had to force him to eat everyday! I didn't even notice until he was hospitalized after collapsing from a lack of nutrition! Daesung took up smoking and TOP’s developed a drinking problem. I feel completely worthless, I can’t even take care of my own group anymore!” he cries, running his hand through his bright colored hair in frustration.

“After all these years, how could you just pack up and leave, not even telling us where you were going or how we could contact you?” His eyes are filling with tears, and he has to sniff frequently as his nose become runny.

“You didn’t leave a note, didn’t come to visit us – you just walked right out of our lives!” he cries. He can’t hold it in anymore and he begins sobbing, letting the tears run down his face.

I can’t bear to see him like this, but I fear that trying to cheer him up would just make things worse. The emotional dam I had built up these past two months was threatening to collapse as I watched him crying in front of me – my brave and strong Jiyong was crying like a child and it was because of me.

I look at the ceiling and try to blink back my tears.

He begins to hyperventilate as he cries, yet continues speaking.

“How *gasp* could *gasp* you *gasp* do that *gasp* to us? You *gasp* don’t *gasp* care *gasp* about *gasp* us *gasp* anymore?” he struggles.

I can’t take it anymore. The dam has broken.

I cover my face with my hands and break down in tears.

“How could you even think that?" I yell at him, keeping my voice low too. My anger is causing my voice to quiver though. "How could you think, even for one second, that I would ever choose to deliberately cause you pain?”

It hurts me to yell at him, I’ve never been angry at him before. He’s still hyperventilating, but now he closes his eyes so he doesn’t have to look at me.

“Do you know how much it hurt ME to have to leave everybody and everything behind? And did you ever stop to think that maybe, just maybe, the only reason why I didn’t say goodbye was because it was too painful?”

I pause to take a breath, only to realize that I’ve made him even more upset.

His head is hanging low as he chokes back his tears and tries to control his breathing.

I can’t do it.

I can’t be angry with him.

I have no right to be angry! It’s entirely my fault; I shouldn’t be yelling at him.

“I’m so sorry Jiji!” I whisper softly, shaking my head, tears still streaming from my eyes.

He slowly raises his head and looks me in the eye.

I reach up to his face, wiping away his tears and then his cheek gently. I keep my hand on his cheek as I speak.

“You guys mean the world to me! It was never my intention to cause you pain. I’ve been missing you all every single minute of the past 35 days that I have been conscious!” I exclaim.

He laughs softly at this, and touches my hand on his cheek. He slowly takes it off his cheek and kisses the back of my hand, then holds it with both of his hands.

“I’m just glad to see you again now.” He says sighing, with a smile on his face.

His tears have stopped flowing by now.

“We were so worried about you and when we got the call from your mother," he whispers softly. "… I had no idea what to do… I just got the guys together immediately and came over here. Cindy, I just … I just don’t know what I would do if you weren’t here anymore! I have literally been so lost without you!” he says, his tears threatening to spill once more as his lip quivers.

There has been too much crying already, I try to lighten the mood by joking with him.

“Aish, you drama queen!” I say jokingly, slightly nudging him.

He doesn’t smile. Instead, he looks at me with his sad eyes and sighs.

“57 days, 13 hours and 30 minutes, give or take a few minutes. That’s how long it’s been since you left me. I know, because on the day you left, I had gone to pick you up for school. I waited outside your house as usual, from 7:30, but when you didn’t come running out, I buzzed through on the intercom. I knew something was up when there was no response and when I climbed your wall and entered your house with the spare key, I found it empty. I didn’t go to school that day. I just sat in your old room. I called the others over and we just sat there, wondering why. I understand now, though. Because if I were in your position, I wouldn’t be able to bring myself to say goodbye either.” He concludes.

I whimper as he speaks, feeling so guilty about all the pain I caused my best friends.

He furrows his brow, not wanting to make me cry and trying to think of a way to cheer me up.

"You’re only three hours away though, it’s not that far! We’ll make sure to visit more often now! Okay?” he says, tilting my chin up and pulling a really cheesy smile to make me laugh.

“Ne, oppa!” I say giggling. I wrap my arms around his neck tight and we hug one another. It feels so good to have them back in my life. We stay like this for a few minutes, before the other four come back into the room.

“Where’s my hug?” TOP whines, pouting.

I begin to stand up to hug him while laughing, but GD doesn’t unwrap his arms from my waist.

He, too, pouts and imitates a young child.

“No! Mine!” He cries, hugging me tighter.

I end up falling onto his lap, but I reach forward and hug TOP around the waist too. He helps to pry GD off of me and then I embrace him properly.

I then hug Daesung and Seungri as well.

I look around for Taeyang, as I’m in a hugging mood, but he’s not standing up with the others.

I spin around looking for him, but then I see that he's lying down on the couch behind the others. His legs are spread open and he blows a kiss at me and winks. I secretly fangirl in my head, while rolling my eyes at him.

“I’m ready!” he says, making me burst out laughing.

“Yah, hyung! You’re so erted!” GD yells out.

“Yeah, you don’t deserve a hug!” TOP says, poking his tongue out.

I can’t stop laughing at their silliness.

“Everyone deserves a hug!” I say, trying to annoy GD and TOP, running over to Taeyang and jumping onto him, hugging him tightly.

The others get annoyed as Taeyang wraps his legs around me and we roll onto the floor as GD and Daesung try to separate us.

Aish, that Taeyang and his skinship!

We finally get up and I ask what they want to do now. It’s a bit late for them to go home, and there’s room in mine and my mother’s beds if they wanted to stay the night. There's also room on the couch luckily, as we were able to keep one of our old couches! They decide to stay the night and Daesung suggests watching a movie, so I let him choose one as I sit down on the couch.

The order on the couch goes: Seungri, Taeyang, me (in the centre/corner part), GD then TOP, with space for Daesung on the end.

Daesung chooses This is 40 with Korean subtitles as they want to improve their English.

He sits next to TOP and presses play. Taeyang rests his hand on my right shoulder as GD snuggles into my right arm. Seungri has his head in Taeyang’s lap and TOP rests his legs on Daesung.

Honestly, I think I spend more time watching them than I do the movie! It just feels so good to have them back with me, acting as though nothing has changed. I feel complete once more.

We can’t stop laughing at the café scene, and when the movie is over, we reenact that scene.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Onq0SQJ4IqQ

Reenacting the scenes helps to learn the English words, but it’s also fun to just fool around!

We stay up a bit longer after the movie has finished, talking. I was really enjoying myself, before GD had to be all grown up and send me off to bed.

“Cindy, it’s bed time now! Don’t forget that you have school tomorrow!” he says.

“But Jiji!!! I just want to stay up and speak with my friends!!” I whine.

“Yeah Jiji,” Daesung copies me, “let her stay up a bit longer!”

“Yah! Only she can call me that!” GD whines, hitting Daesung playfully on the head.

“Aish, children, you’re all so whiny!” TOP says, pretending to be all mature.

I sigh. “Fine, I will go to bed. Where do you guys want to sleep?”

They all decide to share my parents’ bed, but I interject.

“Don’t be silly! You can’t have five grown men in the one king size bed! Take my bed as well, I can sleep on the couch!”

“No.” TOP says firmly, taking charge. “You sleep in your own bed.”

“Okay, then I can share my bed!” I point out.

“Despite the fact that you’re wearing a very masculine wig, you’re still a girl and it wouldn’t be right for any of us to share a bed with you!” TOP says.

“But that hasn’t stopped us before!” I argue.

“Yes, but this time your parents aren’t home so it’s a completely different story! It's just not socially acceptable or proper!” he argues back.

I sigh and concede, going to my room to get changed into my pajamas.

I go into umma’s room, where the five of them are packed like sardines onto her bed. It’s a funny site.

“Is my wig really that masculine?” I ask.

“Ne!” They chorus, straight away.

I scoff in indignation.

“How rude!” I say in English, copying Stephanie Tanner from Full House.

They laugh at my impersonation. GD gets out of the bed then, making more room for the others as he comes up to me. He plays with my wig for a bit, pulling it here and there until he finally takes a step back and admires his handiwork.

“Much better!” he says, satisfied.

“Thank you!” I say, smiling.

He turns around to go back into the bed but I grab his wrist to stop him.

“Don’t be silly! These beds can fit three people on each! Two of you should come and share my bed! There’s no sense in squishing up when there’s a practically empty bed across the hall!” I reason with them.

TOP sighs and nods to GD and together they walk to my room.

I clap my hands happily and skip across the hall. I jump into my bed and GD lies down next to me. TOP eyes us off.

“I don’t want any funny business from either of you children tonight, okay?” he says.

We both nod our head and make room for him in the middle.

Lying in bed, knowing that my five best friends are under the same roof as me once more, I fall asleep almost instantly.