Yongguk couldn't focus on just about anything. He missed an appointment with Mr. Kang, but that bit was on purpose. Yongguk could only silently hope that Himchan wouldn't notice anything and would steer clear of him; but Himchan continued to worry about the only thing he probably ever worries about. Not grades. Not girls.Yongguk.

 

               

 

                "Hey, you alright?"

 

                Yongguk nodded. But Himchan was clever; he knew better.

 

                "You haven't talked all day and you keep staring out into space---that's not 'alright'. Tell me, what's wrong?"

 

                The taller only shrugged, and dug his hands into his jacket pocket. "I'm fine."

 

                "Are you sure?"

 

 

 

                Himchan cared too much. Yongguk shouldn't have let Jiho's words get to him, but like always, he let everything around him get the better of him. He always put up a strong front; he always made it seem he could handle everything----but really he couldn't. If anything, he was fragile.

 

 

               

 

 

                "I'm sure." He mumbled in reply.

 

               

                If Himchan wasn't genuinely worried, he would have left it at that. He wouldn't press the matter further. That wasn't the case.

 

                "No, I don't think so." Himchan caught Yongguk's wrist as he was about to leave, lifting the ends of his sleeves by accident. It revealed several fresh cuts on his skin; a collection of dull red wounds on flesh. He jolted upon seeing them and retracted from his hold onto Yongguk at once. "Yongguk, I thought you stopped doing that." He whispered, so as no one in the corridor could hear him.

 

                Yongguk was about to say 'I know. I'm sorry. I'll stop.' because it seemed as though Himchan's eyes were pleading. He wanted to assure him. In fact, he'd wanted to do and be alot of things with Himchan, but as of late it's been proven pathetic. "It's not a problem." Was what he decided to say instead.

 

                "It is!" Himchan said. "Yongguk, let me see." He was trying to get a hold of Yongguk, but ended up getting pushed away rather roughly. He was almost knocked out of balance, but he managed to stand up straight.

 

                "It's not a problem!" Yongguk snapped suddenly.

 

               It made Himchan stand like a statue; in non-motion. He'd never gotten Yongguk angry, ever. That's because Yongguk couldn't have the will to; Himchan was too precious, he didn't want to hurt him.

 

 

 

 

 

                Yet here he was, doing exactly the opposite.

 

 

 

 

 

 

                "You don't have to cling around me all the time. You're not entitled to take care of me. It's not your job."

 

 

 

 

 

                What are you saying, Yongguk? You're being stupid. Stop it.

 

 

               

 

 

                But it was like Yongguk's mouth was moving on its own. He was telling himself to stop, yet instead he continued to talk to him with venom dripping from his words. Himchan was biting back tears; Yongguk could clearly see it. "I was doing fine without you. Don't get too full of yourself. I don't need you as much as you think you do."

 

 

 

                "You're just a nuisance, Himchan."

 

 

 

                Himchan looked as if he was shrinking; hiding. He was biting his lip, staring down at the tiled ground so much it might've burnt from his intense gaze. "O-Oh, is that what you think of me...?"

 

               

 

                No. Absolutely not.

 

 

 

                "I'm a nuisance, huh?" He tried to laugh to hide the tears that had slid onto his cheek. He wiped his tears away with the back of his hand.

 

                "No, wait, Himchan---"

 

                "It's fine, Yongguk. I'm so sorry. So, so sorry." He was squeezing his eyes shut, shivering. Yongguk wanted to hold him and wipe his tears for him and apologize a hundred times---but his feet couldn't move.

 

                "I'll... I'll back off. Sorry again." He started to inch away, still wearing a smile on his face. This smile was a broken one, Yongguk could tell. He wanted to stop him, but Himchan had already left.

 

               

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

                Before he knew it, Yongguk was back to the thing he was best at.

 

 

 

                Keeping quiet.

 

 

                Being alone.

 

 

 

 

 

 

xxxx

 

 

 

 

 

                Yongguk spent the next days in the confines of his room, completely ignoring his school work. He was back at square one----back at the time before he met Himchan. He and his bad habits and his undefeatable sadness set out to battle once again. He found it hard to sleep at night; an image of a crying Himchan haunting him, and pain in his chest he so desperately wishes would disappear.

 

               

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

                "Himchan?"

 

                The boy in question shot his head up to meet eyes with a familiar face. She had wavy orange-brown hair, full bangs and a wide grin. It was Han Sunhwa, his close family friend. She gave him a small wave.

 

                "Oh, hey." He said, faking a smile back.

 

                "You seem kinda down. Where's the Yongguk guy?"

 

                Sunhwa transferred her seat to the one in front of Himchan. "I don't know." He told her silently.

 

                Sunhwa hums in acknowledgement. She brought out a mirror from her handbag, fixing her hair fringes as she talked. "So he's absent, I guess. How long has he been gone?"

 

                "Uh, 2-3 weeks?" Himchan half-assedly replied. Deep inside, Himchan wanted to know if he was doing okay. If he wasn't doing anything stupid. But he's been told to stay away, so he's at a loss.

 

                "Aren't you scared for him at all? Like, what do you think he's up to?

 

 

 

                Sunhwa was a pyschic, Himchan now confirmed.

 

 

 

 

                Himchan joked a slap on his table. "Enough about me. What about you? How've you been?"

 

 

 

                "Kwanghee broke up with me."

 

 

 

                Well damn, Himchan felt like an for the second time that month. "Oh, sorry. I shouldn't have asked."

 

                "Nah, it's fine. There are plenty of fish in the sea." Sunhwa waved a hand dismissively. "As for you, mister, I think that fish was the right one for you!" She winked at him, and Himchan couldn't help but chuckle.

 

 

 

 

                Himchan was the most cheerful and the friendliest person in possibly the whole school,

 

 

                But that doesn't mean he's immune to sadness.

 

 

 

 

 

 

xxxx

 

                His day in school consisted of staring out the window and playing with his pens as the teachers lectured. From his early-morning algebra class, until his writing club period, he was kind of out of the zone.

 

 

 

 

                "Himchan!"

 

 

 

                That marked the fourth time that day someone had to call his attention for being blank. That was embarrassing. He quickly stood and bowed to the teacher as an apology, hearing hushed giggles from female students in class. His writing class classmates were sometimes a bother, he admitted to himself.

 

                "Is anything of the problem, Himchan?"

 

                "Of course not, sir. I'm sorry. What was it you wanted me to do?"

 

                The teacher walked along the aisle, eyeing the empty seat next to Himchan knowingly. "No, it's fine. I'll do it myself."

 

                He told Himchan to take his seat once again, and obediently, he does. "Whatever your problem is, whatever missing puzzle piece is missing, I hope you fix it and find it immediately." He said, blatantly referring to Yongguk.

 

                The teacher couldn't have been more right.

 

                Yongguk was his missing puzzle.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

                Jiho never came back anymore, leaving Yongguk to wonder. Well perhaps he didn't wonder that much, since his first guess was that he was off getting wasted at some secluded (and most probably illegal) club some couple of blocks away. Yongguk took some lonely walks for measure; just so that he doesn't feel so suffocated in his own home.

 

                It didn't make sense to him at all. Yongguk staying with Himchan, and Himchan staying with Yongguk had become second-nature to them in no time. It surprises Yongguk----the person who had lived all by himself his whole life----that his world suddenly becomes empty. Just because one person wasn't there.

 

                How was it possible that so much change can happen to him so quickly? Just how powerful was Himchan's effect on him?

 

 

 

 

               

 

 

 

                The sky started to turn from a light blue, to a dark purple quite fast. He didn't even notice it as he walked around his neighborhood. On the sky were beautiful stars Yongguk stopped for a short moment to admire.

 

                It reminded him of that night when he was alone with Himchan, on moist grass, under the sky of endless stars.

 

                The day, he thought, he fell in love with Himchan.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

                At that moment, he felt a spark; an inspiration.

 

 

 

               

 

 

 

 

 

 

xxxx

 

 

 

 

                Needless to say, the writer spent the rest of night finishing up the only project he'd been able to in the past few weeks---the writing class final project.

 

                As he wrote, there was a single thought in mind.

 

 

                Or more accurately,

 

 

                a single person in mind.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

-----

A/N:

i'm

so

sorry

THAT'S ALL

okay just kidding i guess this isnt heavy angst but i needed a???? conflict???? there u go banghim has gone separate ways

OR HAVE THEY????