Yongguk figured that he was, indeed in love with Himchan.

 

                He wasn't going to tell him any soon. Actually, he will absolutely never ever tell Himchan. No matter how much Himchan has opened him and learned almost every detail about him that Yongguk constantly hid from the world, this was the only thing he would never tell Himchan. He'd keep the feeling bottled up because he has to -- Himchan was too precious a person for him to lose because of just some stupid feelings. He could wait until the feeling went away; but the more he spent his days with Himchan, the more he feels that he'd have to keep it in himself forever.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

                On a boring and painfully slow Friday, Himchan came to Yongguk to ask (or demanded, more like) if he wanted to sleep over. At that time, they were spending a break in between classes on a bench by the school garden.

               

                "Hey, you're sleeping over at my place tonight!" He said brightly.

 

                "I'm not free tonight." Yongguk replied, a joking smile playing on his lips. Himchan pouted, and then took a seat right next to him.

 

                "You're not fooling anyone, Yongguk. You hardly do anything at home." Himchan said. "Come on, it won't be weird. My parents are out of town, and my sister is who-knows-where with one of her boyfriends. It'll be fun! I have movies and popcorn."

 

                "Oh, are you going to paint my nails too? Are we going to have pillow fights and giggle about boys?"

 

                Himchan gently punched Yongguk's arm. "You implying I'm girly?"

 

                "Sorta."

 

                Himchan feigned taking offense with an over-dramatic gasp. He grabbed the cap from Yongguk's head and wore it over his head. "Just 'cause I ain't gangsta like you don't mean I'm unmanly. Y'nam sayin'?" Himchan tried to act like however a 'gangsta' did, and the two both laughed.

 

                "I don't talk like that." Yongguk defended. He claimed his cap back from Himchan, grinning.

               

                Himchan rolled his eyes and checked the time on his watch. "Well, break time's over." He announced, but just to Yongguk since he's the only one around. "I'll see you later, yeah?"

 

                The other just nodded and watched as Himchan pick up his bag.

 

                "One more thing,"

 

                Yongguk cocked his head to Himchan's direction. "Yes?"

 

                "You totally do talk like that."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

xxxx

 

 

 

 

                Himchan's room was neat, as expected of him. It was themed monochromatically blue. He had a desk on the far right of the room, right next to his window. He had a laptop and an orderly stack of papers on top of it which Yongguk assumed were all his homework. The room was complete with a single bed in the middle of the carpeted room, pushed to the plain wall, positioned below a wall clock. Up front were a TV and a collection of several books and movies.

 

                Yongguk was seated on the floor and leaned on footboard of the bed, waiting for Himchan.

 

                "So, what does one do on a sleepover of Kim Himchan's?" Yongguk asked when he does come back. The brunette brought along a bowl of popcorn and two cans of soda, as he sat with Yongguk. He reached over to a horizontal shelf near his television, pulled out a DVD, and showed it to Yongguk.

 

                "Dear John..." Yongguk read the title. He stared at Himchan incredulously. "Seriously?"

 

                "Seriously!" The other repeated. "I cried like a baby watching this thing."

 

                "Dude, there's no way I'm watching a chick flick."

 

                "Aw, come on Mr. Tough Guy. Inside there, is a soft heart~" Himchan was grinning while he pointed to where Yongguk's heart was.

               

                Yongguk felt himself blush (which was totally not okay), but he looked away before Himchan could spot it. The other boy would have embarrassed him for that. " Why do you think that?" He coughed out awkwardly.

 

                "Well, I don't know." Himchan giggled. He then,  moved so close---much too close---that it took alot of effort from Yongguk's part to not kiss him right then and there. "You have good heart, I'm sure.."

                Himchan pulled away quickly, leaving the other hanging. He began to operate the DVD player with a few pressing of buttons. Yongguk felt a drop of disappointment, or frustration, or a mix of both. Himchan was still like how he'd first met him. Sometimes, he was normal. Most of the times, he drove him insane.

 

               

 

 

 

                The lights were turned off, and the movie started to play. Somewhere along the middle, Yongguk heard a sniffle from the boy sitting with him. Because of that, he found himself wrapping one arm around Himchan. And well, he jumped at the opportunity and buried half of his face onto Yongguk's chest.

 

                Yep. These were normal friend activities.

 

                Very normal.

 

 

 

                There was a scene in which the lead male character and the lead female character break-up. It made Yongguk wonder about something he'd been meaning to ask for some time now.

 

 

 

 

                "Why haven't you been with Sunhwa for so long?"

 

 

                "Oh, you know Sunhwa?" It wasn't like Himchan introduced them before, and Yongguk would much rather not meet Sunhwa anyway. "Well, she has a boyfriend. I wouldn't want to be third-wheeling." He explained. "Besides, I have you~ Right?"

 

                Yongguk pretended to ignore the last part of what Himchan said. "Isn't she your girlfriend?"

 

                To this, Himchan let out a boisterous laughter. Ironically, since the scene in the movie right was pretty dramatic, and Himchan was in the middle of crying over it.

 

                Yongguk was confused, as per usual.

 

                "Oh, god, no! She's just a family friend." He managed to say in between his laughter. "Jesus, Yongguk, you're really funny."

 

               

 

 

                Yongguk was relieved. It put an ease to this hard unrequited love he's been made out to deal with.

 

 

                "But, I'll let you in on a secret." Himchan looked up at Yongguk as he said this. "I'm..."

 

                He closed his eyes and took a breath. "...gay." His voice became small; Yongguk barely heard it because of the speaker's louder audio.

 

                Himchan was still looking at him; as if expecting a reply. Maybe he was bracing for a negative one too. "That's totally fine." He replied, giving Himchan a reassuring smile because it was, like he said, perfectly fine. It was more than fine. And even if let's say Yongguk hadn't fallen for him or whatever, he'd still be fine with it. Because Himchan's still perfect to him; nothing can really change that.

 

 

 

                However, he had more to ask. More to say.

 

 

 

                Like always, although, he kept quiet. These times prove completely that he was an expert at keeping quiet.

 

 

                Even until he’s facing Himchan’s sleeping back,

 

 

                All he ever thinks of is to lock all his feelings away.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

xxxx

 

 

 

 

 

 

                He woke up earlier than Himchan did. The other seemed to be quite a heavy sleeper. He watched him peacefully sleep, until he eventually did awaken. Himchan asked if he waited long, and Yongguk lied, saying no.

 

 

                Himchan’s inebriated sister also returned home that morning, much to Himchan’s dismay. A few clanks and crashes were heard from downstairs; both boys winced at each sound.

 

 

                “Oh my god, she’s drunk again…” Himchan grumbled into his pillow. His older sister never was the dependable type during most situations. He was hoping she’d sleep over at her boy toy’s house or something.

 

 

                “Is she… fine?” Yongguk asked.

 

 

                Himchan sighed. “Yeah. Maybe she just broke a couple of lamps.”

 

 

                Then came another loud crash.

 

 

                “Or, I don’t know, the whole living room.” He corrected himself sarcastically. “Come on, let’s eat breakfast.”

 

 

                “Ah, actually, it’s fine; I’m heading home.” Yongguk tried to say – but Himchan had none of it as he dragged Yongguk downstairs with him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

                “Himchannie, my little bro, did you sleep well?” His sister pinched his cheeks and baby-talked as if Himchan was 5 years old. Yongguk attempted to stifle his laughter, and Himchan could see it from the corner of his eye. Needless to say, he was embarrassed. “I have a friend over…” He mumbled.

 

 

 

 

                “Oh!” She giggled. “I’m sorry, Himchannie~” She peeked to the side, and saw Yongguk. She smirked.

 

 

                “You’re a cute one, y’know that?” She almost fell over as she sauntered over to him, but he held her up. “Oh~ And strong too~”

 

                 All the while his pretty and not to mention drunk sister flirted with his friend, Himchan watched with a pissed off look on his face.

 

 

                “That’s enough, sis.” Himchan hissed, pulling her wobbly self away from Yongguk’s hold.

 

 

                “Relax, Himchannie. I’m not gonna steal your boyfriend. I have tons of ‘em.” She cackled, before going to the kitchen counter to search for food, any food at all, for her empty stomach.

 

 

                “I—what?” Himchan turned bright red. “Sis!”

 

 

 

                For the rest of breakfast, his sister kept teasing his little brother. Himchan had his cheeks puffed, and his head down to hide his reddened face. Yongguk found it cute.

 

 

 

 

                Even if just momentarily, Yongguk thought Himchan might, just might have felt the same way.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

                “What? You can’t leave now. It’s raining.” Himchan said, over the loud thunder. It looked pretty bad outside; the streets were gushing with water---and you could barely see from a window because the hard rain showers turned everything white.

 

 

                “I’ll be fine.” Yongguk pulled his hoodie over his head. “Besides, I overstayed.”

 

 

                “You’re going to get sick! And it’s going to be my fault. I’ll have to take care of you!”

 

 

                Yongguk playfully smiled. “I don’t mind.”

 

                Himchan always worried for Yongguk; he reminded him of a mother. It was a nice feeling. Yongguk was rarely taken care of like Himchan did to him, in his own subtle ways.

 

                “Okay. Fine. Be stubborn.”

 

                Yongguk shrugged. He went to the front door, twisting a knob to open it. The air outside was harshly cold and wet. He’d probably miss school for the next week because of a series of sickness.

 

                “Wait,” Himchan pulled out an umbrella from a rack by the doorframe. “At least take this.”

 

                Yongguk just stared at the elongated item in Himchan’s hand.

 

                “Come on, I won’t let you say no.”

 

                Yongguk felt like didn’t deserve all this kindness from Himchan, he really didn’t. “I… Uh, thank you. I’ll return it tomorrow.”

                “No need.” Himchan said, smiling. “Be safe!”

 

 

 

 

                He started to walk in the direction to his house, ultimately feeling happy because of well, Himchan. That boy never failed to lift his spirits. But there was still a haunting feeling in his chest.

 

 

                He didn’t deserve this. Any of this.

 

 

 

                It was all too good for him.

 

 

 

 

                He didn’t deserve Himchan.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

------

A/N: i'm sorry asjfkhsdjgfa this was a boring and confusing chapter 

but

uh

yeah i promise the next chapter'll be better ;u;

i love you