ღ Review | Amore Effrenatus

rєvíєwєr: SavvyXD

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ღ Title(5/5): Your title is really unique! I actually had to look up what ‘Effrenatus’ meant, so it’s definitely creative! Just one suggestion would be to put the translation into your description so the readers can get a clearer idea of what it means.

ღ Poster&Background(5/5): The poster looks great! I noticed you didn’t have a background, but in this case, because your poster had a darker color scheme, the original white background did compliment the poster itself. But I really liked the crossed swords right in the center.

ღ Forword&Description(6/10): Your foreword did a good job of leaving me hanging, but I was a little confused as well. I suggest being a little more specific on what your story will be about so the reader can get a better understanding of the story. For example, you could briefly explain the characters a little more. I was a bit confused reading your foreword just because it was a bit too vague.

ღ Plot’s uniqueness(16/20): Your plot was really unique considering the fact that it’s set in a completely different time period and location. Yes, there are historical fan fictions on the internet, but those are usually set in Korea. This is a completely different area of the world and I appreciate seeing the different plot, especially the coliseum fighting. It was a bit cliché with the one-sided love and the fact that Taemin would do anything to help. Also, it’s not too common, but I could start to predict how the plot would roll out just after Taemin’s death, like how Key would talk to Minho. And the part where Jonghyun feels an attraction to Key despite his relationship with Sekyung isn’t unheard of either. But other than that, I think your plot is quite unique! Especially the parts where you’re in Minho’s point of view and how he must make complicated decisions, weighing out his need for Key or Taemin as fighters.

ღ Flow(17/20): The flow of your story seems to be progressing at a good pace for the plot. One suggestion I want to give is to write smoother transitions between chapters, scenes, and even the different paragraphs. At points in the story, the jumps are a bit abrupt and choppy.

ღ Grammar&Spelling(11/20): Your spelling was good, but there were a lot of issues with the grammar, which is incredibly important when trying to convey your plot to your readers. You could understand what was going on, but the mistakes broke me out of the flow of the story, making the plot more difficult to understand. There are also some instances of awkward wording that wouldn’t commonly be used, for example, “ His hairs were glue to his forehead with sweat.” Should really be, “His hair was glued to his forehead with sweat.” There were also some mistakes with using the right tense of a word (i.e. past tense, present tense, future tense). For example, “The man jumped on the occasion and was about to stab his sword in Key’s chest when Key rolled over, collecting his helmet and throwing it with a deadly precision.” You would use past tense for ‘collecting’ and ‘throwing’ which would be ‘collected’ and ‘threw’. The grammar is a bit off in this sentence as well.

ღ Words(6/10): Your vocabulary wasn’t bad, but there wasn’t a huge variety of words either. I noticed you tended to use the pronoun, “He” a lot, as well as the article, “The.” Now, normally, this wouldn’t be a problem but in your story, you tended to use them right after another. For example, “The spectators gasped. The issue that had seemed so predictable in the beginning had changed. The man jumped on the occasion and was about to stab his sword in Key’s chest when Key rolled over, collecting his helmet and throwing it with a deadly precision. The spike penetrated the man’s thigh, cutting a main artery resulting in a fountain of blood. The pain made him release his sword as he let out a scream and Key jumped on his feet, grabbing his own weapon before hitting the man’s chest with his feet, making him fall down.” In that whole paragraph, you started each sentence with ‘the’. It’s a bit awkward to keep reading that over and over again. It would be fine if you just hadn’t used that word so foten. Perhaps you could try this: “The spectators gasped. The issue that had seemed so predictable in the beginning had changed. Jumping on the occasion (occasion is a bit of an awkward word to use here. Maybe you could use opportunity?), the man tried to stab Key’s chest but failed as the other rolled over. Key managed to grab his helmet…etc.”

ღ Interest&Enjoyment(6.5/10): I did enjoy the story but what kept throwing me off was the grammar. When the grammar is awkward or doesn’t make sense, it’s hard for the reader to fully immerse themselves in the story.

ღ Overall Grade: 72.5%

ღ Extra Notes: There were quite a few errors grammatically, but don’t let that bring you down at all! The more you write and practice, the better your grammar will become, and when your grammar improves, the easier readers can be immersed in your story, especially with your unique plot!

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Kamsahamnida for requesting at Sueweetie's Boutique.
Don't forget to credit us in your foreword & description.
Special thanks to our reviewer!