ღ Review | Patterned Souls

rєvíєwєr: X_JasielleAle

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ღ Title (4/5)
It sounded interesting, but rather awkward too, I might add. I didn’t really get the meaning of Patterned Souls as it sounded too complicated. At the first look, I won’t have clicked on this story even if I want to. But since that I had to, the title already gave me the feeling of romance, love, and somewhat ghostly. (I always value titles before reading the story. That shows how the title impresses me.)

ღ Poster & Background (2+1/5)
I didn’t like the portrait. No, sorry. Experts would rather crop the picture other than ‘STRETCH’ or ‘SQUEEZE’ it! For sure, your Jonghyun has been ‘squeezed’. Can you ask your designer to ‘re-stretch’ it so he won’t look so ‘flat’? I seriously am very irritated by this! As an artist, - not an graphic artist much, I can't even find the right/correct proportion of his head! Come on, since when Jonghyun’s head was/is that long – alien-type?
The first mark was for good colour scheme and for balanced size of wordings. Second was for a good background, and bonus with Characters’ Graphic which was neatly organized. Sweet!

ღ Foreword & Description (7/10)
Nice. Rather tedious at some point, but still, it was greatly expressed. The font was ‘a little bit’ eye-hurting; try using some soft colours. (Blue, Green.)
The characters were neat!

ღ Plot (10/20)
You know, sometimes it is pointless to be asking for a review when you hardly even started the story itself. Plots are marked when there’re es you know? And I don’t ‘seemingly’ see that es come at the beginning of the story! - Unless, you start of with one. So then, let me tell you; I can’t mark you on this - not that much.
So here I go. Cliché. Similar to what many people would do. Love, partially , searching/waiting for their ‘one’s true love’, Oh, how romantic…
As if!
So, anyhow. It was pretty weird for Kibum to slap Jonghyun. I seriously don’t get it. And why would Jonghyun say, “At your service” anyway? It sounded like he was Kibum’s long gone butler. The ‘turn-around’ at this part was pretty… what’s the word? – er, uncanny…

ღ Flow (10/20)
Hmm… Okay, let me get this straight. You’re pretty good at explaining things, but do bear in mind that people would get BORED! You dragged too much! So long… and boring…
Not everyone is interested in your details;
Not the ‘colour’ of this, or ‘colour’ of that, not how they walk or how they… Ergh! – No!
Especially people like me! (Sorry, you’ve certainly chose the wrong reviewer.) I’m part of the people who would like stories which are Straight-To-The-Point. Your long sentences certainly destroyed the smoothness of the story; in other words, its flow. Check on the WORDS category. This mainly affects there.
Nevertheless, the plot of your story flowed rather uniquely.
This part here, the flow wasn’t quite right.
‘But his anger hatred only last until one day, when he meets them.’ Are you saying that he won’t be mad unless if he meets them? Or he won’t hold his anger anymore as long as he meets them? If I were you I would put it like this;
‘But his anger and hatred would not last as his one true love will soon appear. And which, will it turn his world around.’ (-something like that?)

ღ Grammars & Spellings (14/20)
Not having English as your first language isn’t an excuse for you to not use correct punctuations. Even for me, English isn’t my first language too. But I tend to learn & improve myself by reading, finding great tutors and practicing it (means English) in the ‘RIGHT’ way.
Error in Foreword; But his anger and hatred only lasts until one day, when he meets them.
Corection: But his anger and his hatred only last for one day. (I don’t see why you added, ‘when he meets them’. Since it’s not necessary, better pull it off.)
I think there’s some grammatical errors here; ‘Actually, it was the reason for the boy acting like that.’
Correction: Actually, there are reasons for the boy to be acting that/this way.
You were pretty good. I couldn’t spot much of your errors, as which I won’t, because I’m only reviewing, NOT MARKING YOUR WHOLE STORY FOR AN EXAMINATION...
These were the overall common mistakes you did. So, observe your mistakes and re-right the wrongs, yeah?
And it’s, ‘at your service’, not, ‘for your service’.

ღ Words (7/10)
Your problem wasn’t repetitive words. It was ‘REPETITIVELY LONG SENTENCES’! One right word for this is ‘dull’, but ‘boring’ works the same for me.
Like for example…
1. ‘And it was the little, seemingly, meaningless fact…’ etc. [Why use three adjectives? Two or one is MORE than enough!]
Oh, okay. I know… You were trying to make it sound nice and elaborated. But, don’t forget this one simple thing, “TOO MUCH OF A GOOD THING DESTROYS EVERYTHING.” There, I think you’ll get it. What I mean is, it’s nice having long descriptive sentences, but don’t play with them so frequently. The best it to put one elaborative sentence in one paragraph, that should be enough, right?
2. ‘Of course, he knew that one day he would find someone he could admire… blablabla…’
Mind me, but I think you should divide it into sentences instead of putting all ‘that’ in one. You’re not giving a speech here! So, put some full stops into it, avoid putting too many comas in a sentence, unless in necessary moments.

ღ Interest & Enjoyment (8/10)
(Don’t feel bad, read this in a funny way.)
So, I know, you wanted your story to look longer – (And it’s longer alright. VERY LONG INDEED…)
I could feel the infection called ‘Bored’ affecting me on the very first chapter itself. - Though it might not seem funny to you. Anyhow, try not to pull the sentences. First, it would make is harder to interpret the meaning for the readers. Second, there’ll be too much to remember. Third, simple mistakes would odd to happen in grammars. Forth, the infection called ‘Bored’. Bear in mind that these four important points might help you to improve in future.
Alright, I do admit, although you dragged a lot, your story was interesting. Glad to announce that I’ve enjoyed it.

ღ Overall Grade: 63 / 100

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