JAEJOONGS POV

Her arms wrap around me like a snake with its prey, refusing to let me out of her grip but something feels off about the way she just accepted the situation. The Boa I know doesn’t give up that easily.

“are you really okay?” the confusions clear in my voice but she just giggles with her eyes closed.

I feel a tidal wave of emotion wash over me. This feeling isn’t exactly happy, but it isn’t exactly sad. It’s more like caution, as if at any moment this picture of bliss and harmony will disappear into thin air and I’ll be all alone again, staring forever from across the street always having her within my reach but unable to touch. Her small body feels so fragile in my arms it’s almost like I would crush her if I were to tighten my arms around her any more. Though I have her right here with literally no space between us, I can feel the oceans of distance between our hearts.  This feels more like a desperate reach rather than a reunion. Even as she snuggles her head into my chest even more, I can sense something’s wrong, she accepted what I said too gracefully, she didn’t do half the screaming and shouting that I expected. She just took it, as if she was giving up on a battle that meant nothing to her.
Then I finally notice the scent of wine so heavy in the air I feel as though I’d get drunk just by standing here.

“aaah, so that’s why you gave up so easily.” I feel stab of pain in my stomach knowing it’s not her forgiving me and hugging me at the moment, she’s just drunk. Her giggles confirm what I already knew.

“Is that a problem?”

She lifts her head up and stares into my eyes, her beautiful half mooned eyes look glazed over, as if she’s dreaming with her eyes open and suddenly I want to cry again. I let the back of my finger graze her cheek - light as a butterfly’s kiss - as I stare back into her eyes.

“For me? No. For you when you wake up sober? Yes.” Seeing her this close after so many years makes me feel like we weren’t separated in the first place, her smile gives me the exact same feeling, when I touch her skin I still feel every inch of mine light on fire and the sound of her voice is still the sweetest music that ever blessed my ears. But things have changed.

“ What if I just never get sober?” she laughs some more but I can hear the choke in and the tears rising in her eyes.

“now why would you do that?” I laugh what’s meant to be a genuine one, but a hollow sounding grief comes out instead.

“Because I’m happy like this” Her hands grip the front of my t shirt and she starts to reel her body back into mine, but I catch her hands in mine and hold them for a moment, staring at the two delicate pieces in my hands.

“No. I’ll come back when you’re sober. When you’re really able to think properly” The words leave cuts down my throat and mouth, every single one feeling more painful than the last, and I untangle her fingers from my tshirt and return them to their rightful place by her sides.

“Goodbye boa.” I lean into her, her silky brown waves and plant one final kiss on top of her head, trying my hardest to be gentle and restrain myself. She whimpers a little when I do but other wise stands still.

“Don’t go, please” her whisper tightens my throat and stomach in a way nothing has ever done before.

“I love you. No matter what, remember that” I close the door between us before she has a chance to say anything, but not before seeing her face twist in pain and her first teardrop. Stay with her….

“No.” though the door is only a few inches thick, I feel like the wall that’s been stuck between us these past few years is back and much thicker than it was before.

“This is enough. For now, I will accept this as enough” Though she was drunk, I know that there’s a piece of her heart that I still live in, no matter how tiny the piece, no matter how miniscule the possibility, it’s enough. It has to be.

sorry if the chapter is a bit of a let down... i just had to bridge together everything ^.^ so yeah sorry again but i hope you kind of liked it hahaha