BOAS POV

The red wine goes down my throat like nails, leaving streaks of pain with every sip. Usually when I drink to forget something or to loosen up, it works. Tonight’s a different story, I feel as though I haven’t touched one glass of wine even though I’ve had close to ten. Yunho’s face flashes through my mind, the hurt that was written all over it when I told him I could never like him that way.
“What the hell is wrong with you?”
I whisper to myself as I pour me another glass. How could I hurt him? The one person that was always there for me, whenever I had a battle to fight he was always right next to me ready to back me up.
“Oh !”
As I was zoning out, thinking about Yunho, the glass had overflowed and wine spread like a silken blanket right across the little coffee table in front of me. Suddenly, as if my eyes are that exact same glass, the tears win the battle for freedom and finally pour out. Burying my head in my hands, I lose control of myself and just let everything all out, the pain, the confusion, the guilt.
“I’m sorry Yunho ah, I’m so so sorry! Come back please!”
I squeeze the words out through the tears and sobs, shaking uncontrollably.

*Knock Knock Knock*

My head snaps up at the sound. HE’S BACK! Wiping my eyes and taking a few deep breaths, I look towards the door knowing I should move soon before he leaves.  I run to the door, my body washed with relief and happiness. I thought he was gone forever this time! Usually after we argue he comes right back after an hour or two to apologize (even when it’s my own fault) I honestly thought I had lost my best friend. I fling the door open and without even thinking , I wrap my arms around him at the waist and give him a huge hug.

“Mianhae, I didn’t mean what I said” I snuggle my head into his chest and hold him tighter.
“I didn’t mean to hurt you Yunho ah” Something feels different about him, but I don’t even care, I have my best friend back. He’s forgiven me, so why should I even be complaining about the little details? “I thought I had lost my best friend for good.” The tears are dangerously close to pouring again, but I hold them in with closed eyes. It takes me a while to realise Yunho’s not hugging me back. In fact, he’s acting as if it’s a new thing for him, he feels awkward, his body is stiff and his hands are clenched by his sides. Maybe he hasn’t forgiven me yet. The thought only makes me hug him tighter as if it will make him forgive me and hug me again. Only then do I notice a familiar scent, not the scent that drifts off Yunho, Yunho smells like… like summer, a light natural sweet fresh smell. But this man in my arms has a scent that I know from long ago, from a time I’ve tried to forget, a sweet yet husky smell that sends my whole body into shivers and makes me giddy all over again.

“Boa… It’s me.” Those three words confirm what I already knew. This man, this man that I’m hugging, It’s not Yunho.

“Jaejoong”

For a moment I contemplate whether I should let go or not. How am I meant to react when I realise I’m hugging the source of all the pain in my life? I’m so mad at Jaejoong for what he did this morning this morning, what he did to Hyuk… What he did to me. But this moment, this is all that I’ve wanted since he left, this is the only thing I’ve dreamt of since he walked out and took my whole life with him. Feeling his body so close to mine, breathing in his scent and holding him like this. This is all I needed. I pull my head back, to look at his face, not letting go of him. I raise my eyes to him and there I see the same beautifully dangerous eyes from years ago, only now they look darker as if they had endured as much pain and grief as me, no. As if they had been through much more. I let my eyes take in the sight, to just adore the beauty in front of me. They trace every inch of his face, his straight perfectly sculpted nose and jawline, and those lips, those full lips that have so many unspoken words hidden behind them.  My hand reaches for his cheek and he flinches a little moving his head to the side as if my touch were flames. I drop it and finally let go of him, moving back a few steps away from him. His eyebrows furrow as if he’s confused of how he should approach the situation.

“I’m sorry” I speak the words from my mouth but what surprises me is that the sound comes from his. A deep heartfelt, dreadfully painful apology floats from his lips and settles itself in between us, waiting for me to accept it. Slowly, cautiously, as if I were a tiger about to pounce he makes a move forward and grabs my hand sending my skin into a frenzy of goose bumps and lifts it up to his cheek placing my palm right against it. He closes his eyes. His skin feels cold under my palm yet his hand feels warm over mine.
“You have no idea how much I’ve missed this”
He says opening his eyes flashing me a half grin, that barely reaches his eyes but it’s good enough for me.

“Why are you here?” Though my heart is racing like a little school girls, I manage to throw together a sentence that made sense. Jaejoong moves my hand back to my side, with as much caution as he had when he grabbed it.

“Didn’t I tell you I’d always come back?” He attempts a chuckle but fails miserably, leading it into an awkward silence. I shift my hand out of his only just realising he was still holding it, making him rub the back of his neck with his hand as if the rejection didn’t just happen.

“yes. You did.” I hope and pray he can’t see the way my eyes are battling against the tears, and that he can’t hear how  uneven my breathing is.

“well, I’m back” He moves closer again and I only take a few steps backwards. A flash of hurt flickers in his eyes and I just want to hug him again and tell him it’s okay, that I love him and that I want him to stay forever, but I refuse to. What if he hurts you again? What if this is all some sick joke?

“I can see that. I saw that this morning.” I reply icily. He squints as if my words stabbed him.

“Hmm about that-“

“Why are you here?” The desperate note in my voice is impossible to miss but at the moment I just don’t care.

“I said I would, I said I would come back. I promised you I would always come back… Should I have just broken that promise?” He tries to move towards me again, this time making it inside my door and I stand my ground, refusing to let him get any further. I notice that I’m not the only one on the verge of tears and I turn away. If I see him cry, I doubt I’d be able to stop myself from falling for it and running to him, ready to be his little ring wrapped around his finger.

“Really? That’s your excuse? After walking out on me. After hurting my friends, leaving me with nothing and no explanation, not even saying goodbye and refusing to take my calls. Turning me away when I tried to see you for two years straight. After everything you did to push me away, you think you can show up on my door and talk about a promise we made when we were kids expecting me to run back to you like none of it ever happened?” My voice cracks and the tears start to pour out, mirroring the droplets falling from his eyes avoiding my gaze.

“I’m sorry, I had a reason. I couldn’t be around you. You don’t understand! I left to protect you!”

“I think you made a mistake. You promised you’d always come back, but I never promised I’d be here waiting when you decide to come back” The words hurt to say out loud and obviously hurt him, but I want him to. I want him to feel what I’ve been feeling since he left. Feeling as though your unwanted and nothing. Feeling like a last resort, feeling worthless.

 This time when he moved towards me he cupped my face with his hands and even through my efforts to break free he gently kept his hands in place until I looked at him in the eyes.

“I left because I was getting threats from bad people. You don’t understand, I was involved with some horrible people when I was younger. I hung around with the people you were warned not to. They knew about you, to get to me, they wanted to get you. You were the only thing that mattered to me, the only thing I cared about. I had to leave” His voice sounds as if he’s pleading with me and the look on his face is hard to look at. His tears glisten as they streak down his cheeks.

“Why the hell would you keep that a secret? I don’t see the harm in telling me you idiot! Even if that’s true, you could have just told me! I’ll never forgive you for just leaving like that. Don’t you get it? Since you left my life became a downward spiral, even if I was promoting and smiling to the media, I cried waterfalls when I was alone, if it wasn’t for Yunho and Eunhyuk I would probably be six feet under right now, because I seriously didn’t want to live! One freaking word from you was all I needed! You weren’t just my boyfriend, you were my best friend. I had gotten used to just being with you and you know how hard it is for me being alone most of the time. I always knew you were there though, so I was never really alone. Until one day you just left Jaejoong, no words no nothing, just walking down the hallway ignoring my yelling and crying.” If words could kill I had just committed a malicious murder and it was blatantly obvious.

“I’m sorry… I didn’t know it would be that hard for you. You seemed to be doing so good. Yunho promised me he’d look after you. He promised” His shoulders shake and he lowers his head letting himself sob quietly.

“He did. But I never forgot about you” I whisper the sentence making him lift his head again.

“You know I wanted to run away with you? Just me and you against the world? But Yunho knocked some sense into me. You were doing so well here, you represented our company, you were an inspiration to so many people and you were absolutely loving it. You were living your dream, dancing and singing freely, being able to perform was your lifetime dream, he just managed to stop me from ruining it for you. I was going to tell you, but we both knew that if i were to leave, you would follow. You would've gone anywhere with me, and i didn't want you to stop chasing your dream. It meant so much to me” The sincerity in his voice made my heart melt. I rested my hand on his hand that still rested on my cheek and closed my eyes, taking in the moment for a second before opening them and looking him straight in the eyes.

“Pabo. You always meant more” Just like that I reached my arms around his waist once again and buried my head in his chest. This time I feel his arms wrap around me aswell and he plants a kiss on the top of my head then rests his cheek against my head.

“Even if I live a thousand lifetimes, I will always come back to you. I swear I won’t hurt you ever again. I promise.” He tightens his hold on me and so do I.

If this is a dream, don’t ever wake me up. Thank you lord for sending my angel back to me.

SOOOOOO THIS WASN'T MEANT TO BE THE ENDING BECAUSE I HAVE SEVERAL MORE CHAPTERS IN MY COMPUTER (SILLY THING FOR DELETING EVERY SINGLE THING -.- LOL) BUTTTTT I'M WONDERING, DO YOU GUYS LIKE THIS AS AND ENDING ? ^.^ COS I SURE AS HELL DO LOL BUT COMMENT IF YOU WANT MY ENDING OR THIS. THANK YOU FOR STAYING WITH ME :DDDD *WIPESTEARS* <3