YUNHO POV

How am i going to tell her? what am i going to tell her? 

"yunho ah, you're scary when your silent" she tugs at my sleeve pulling my hand away from the bridge of my nose and grabs my face hard turning it towards her.

"Once he's gone i'll tell you, promise. Just wait please." i push her hand away from my face but she refuses to move it.

"Why? Why can't he hear this?" I know it's not fair on her but she's really wearing my patience thin. I push her hand away, this time grabbing her wrist a little harshly to make sure she gets the message noot to do it again. She winces a little and rubs her wrist but doesn't break eye contact.

"Well to be honest, i don't give a if he hears. I just need a little time to figure out what i'm going to say. So please, for once, just get off your high horse and listen to me." i snap at her moving away a little. I can see the hurt in her eyes, but i'm too worried about how i'm going to tell her what i want to.

"ah, i'll get going now" Eunhyuk walks downstairs and looks at Boa "look about what i said before... i meant it. Just think about it okay?" I flick quick glances between the two trying to figure out what's going on there, i think i know but i seriously couldn't give two s at the moment. Without another word Eunhyuk leaves out the door to a loud honking coming from Donghae's car. Boa looks frozen to the spot staring after Hyuk. I don't like how close those two have gotten. I stare at her with questioning eyes, trying to evaluate just how close they really are. She turns back to me and quickly covers whatever emotions are on her face, getting back to the issue at hand.

"He's gone. Now tell me" She demands.

"Well i think you'd better sit down, i don't know exactly how your going to react to this. Well, i have a fair idea... which is why i want you to sit down." She looks confused and stares at me wearily before walking slowly to the couch and sitting down. 

"Yunho, no more stalling, tell me now." she seperates her knees slightly and rests her elbows on them, leaning forward on them she gives me the "cut the bull" look. I walk over to the couch and sit right beside her, leaning my elbows on my knees aswell, ruffling my hair in my hands before starting.

"Okay, theres a few things you need to know. I haven't been completely honest with you. In fact, I haven't been honest with you at all." I avoid eye contact with her and turn away, i can't look at her, i might change my mind about telling her. 

"Yunho ah, what is it? you know you can tell me anything" she grabs my hands - know locked together - and rubs her thumb in circles on the back of my hand.

"Boa, Jaejoong didn't want to leave. He had to. He left for you. And..." i turn towards her and grasp her hands this time, feeling her grip loosen made my stomach twist. "and he still loved you..." Her face twisted in what seems like anger and pure dark grief she snatched her hands away from me and stood up looking away from me.

"shutup. I don't want to hear it. Your lying! Go away!" she suddenly dropped to the ground in a crouching position covering her ears speaking meaningless words to block out the sound of mine.

"Boa! Boa! It's not a lie! just listen! YAH!" i reach down and pick her up turning her to face me. When i do, what i see silences me and makes my heart shatter at the sight. Her tears. She's actually... CRYING? I haven't seen her cry since he left. She shakes her arms and screams at me to let go but i just tighten my grip and shake her harder, forcing her to open her eyes and look at me. The tears are streaming down her face.

"WHY ARE YOU CRYING?! Isn't this what you want to hear? Boa he still loves you! why don't you listen to me!" her eyes fill with anger and she screams as she wrips her wrist out of my hands.

"Get out! GET OUT! If he loved me then why did he let me suffer like this for all these years? Why didn't he call ONCE? Why the did he just lewave without saying a single ING word to me huh? Does that sound like love to you? Does it?" She takes a few deep breaths, trying to control her breathing.

"Boa, you don't understand-" i reach for her face but she turns away and wipes her tears herself.

"did it ever occur to you that maybe i don't want to see him again?" she whispered looking towards the ground. "that maybe, just maybe, i want to move on? That i'm sick of hurting and getting angry at him all the time?" she raises her head and looks straight into my eyes. is she talking about me? Has she finally seen the way i look at her?  My heart flutters at the possibility. "Yunho ah, Eunhyuk loves me." I felt as if she had rammed a knife into my heart and slowly started to twist it. 

"and?" i ask her, cupping her face. please. please don't say you love him too, i swear i couldn't handle it if you did. 

"and i don't know, i think i want to try be with him." she held my wrists softly and stared at me with helpless eyes. "You see, i can't... i just can't continue loving Jaejoong, i can't keep loving him, it hurts so much, to the point where i don't even want to live anymore." she sobbed softly.

"And me?" i asked her leaning in closer. "what about me? am i not enough for you?" i can feel the tears welling in my eyes aswell and try hard to fight them back, waiting for her response. Shepulls her head back a little and stares at me with eyes full of sorrow.

"Yunho ah, i do love you, but not like that" no, no no no no no , god no, i don't want to hear this. "I wish i did, i wish i could! and once upon a time, maybe it was possible, but after all that i've been through, after everthing that you've pulled me through, you've become my rock. My saviour, my best friend as much as it pains me to admit, i know how you feel about me. I just pretend i don't because i didn't want to hurt you." her words leave me numb and i stare at her dumbfounded. "Yunho ah, isn't this enough?" she grabbed my hand from her face and held it tightly in hers, but i pull it away and move past her.

"No, no it's not"

"Yunho ah, Kajima, Jebal! don't go!" she moves forward to me and tries to reach for me.

"isn't this enough? can't we just be best friends? don't you love me enough for that?" I turn swiftly towards her startling her. 

"NO ! OKAY! It's not enough! and no i don't love you tthat much! I love you even more! too much! Do you even realise how much i've hurt on the sidelines because of you? How many tears i've shed because you were hurting? How many times i wished that i was him so that you could love me? NO . NO YOU DON'T! and suddenly Eunhyuk comes along and confesses his love and you straight away turn towards him with favour as if he actually deserves to have a ing shot?" i walk backwards out the door making sure she doesn't touch me. "That's bull! That's absolute bull! What about me huh?"

"Yunho-"

"No! Cut the crap boa. tell me honestly, why can't you love me?" silence

"Because your my bestfriend" she says hesitantly

"I said cut the bull" i repeat through gritted teeth

"because..."

"BECAUSE WHAT!" i scream at her finally losing it, she snaps as well and yells straight back at me.

"BECAUSE YOUR HIS BESTFRIEND! BECAUSE WHEN I LOOK AT YOU I THINK OF HIM! BECAUSE EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU REMINDS ME OF THE TIME THAT THERE WAS AN *US* BETWEEN ME AND HIM!" as soon as she said it she covered with her eyes gaping wide open looking at me with regretful eyes. I ust stare at her shocked. just when i though i couldn't hurt anymore. "'yunho ah im sorry i didn'-" she tries to grab me again but this time i turn around fully and walk swiftly to my car leaving her at her door staring after me shocked. Once inside my car I start the engine and leave, only making it about a mile away before i pull over and finally release the tears i was holding in. The uncontrollable sobs won't stop, and my stomach starts to feel sick. Still, i reach for my phone and dial a number.

phoneconversation*

person: yunho?

yunho: see her, tell her. 

person: mwo? are you okay? are you crying?

yunho: you know, i really envy you. I wish she love me the way she loves you.

person: yunho ah *his voice is full of concern and a hint of sadness lingers in every word*

yunho: Go to her now. tell her everything. I'm letting her go... between you and hyuk... i'm rooting for you.... brother.

As soon as i hang up, i burst into tears again and hit the steering wheel hard multiple times. Why does it have to turn out like this? What did i do to deserve this? Haven't i been good to her? To everyone? Or is this payback for me sending him away the way i did. Well one thing's for sure, It's over, i'm not even fighting anymore, this is goodbye. 

HELLOOOOOO! ^_^ i know it's been soooooo long since i updated and i'm so happy and thankful that more of you have subscribed and that my first subscribers haven't left me yet ^^ thank you <3 well i'm finished my exams now so i can focus on this xDDDDD mianhae for the boring chapter but i swear to make things interesting soon, for HyukBoa AND BoJoong shippers ^.^ goodnight my lovelies ;)