Daehyun had begun screaming, his sobs shaking his body as his body slid across the water soaked floor. He fought against Yongguk’s hold as the elder drug him backwards, trying to get him to leave Youngjae’s side. His fingers gripped at the soaked clothes as he continued to cling to the lifeless body on the floor.

JB had called the time already, getting up from the floor as he left the room in a haste, unable to look at his friend any longer.

Jongup lead Zelo away as the maknae was beyond incoherent sobs and not too far away from where Daehyun was at, P.O sat on the floor, his eyes wide in shock as he just stared with unseeing eyes.

“Daehyun, please—“ Himchan tried again, trying to help Yongguk to lift him from the floor.

Daehyun only lashed out harder, freeing himself from their hold as he collapsed down again, falling against Youngjae’s chest. His anguished sobs were muffled as he pressed himself into Youngjae, the warmth still having to yet leave his body.

He could feel Himchan’s hands on his arm again, trying to pull him away, and Daehyun leaned forward quickly, his hand in Youngjae’s hair as he stared down at him. The words were lost in his throat as he felt emotion constricting his lungs. He knew that he’d never get over this, no matter how long he was allowed to sit at Youngjae’s side. He pressed one last kiss to his lips, “I’ll never forget you, Youngjae…”

He held his breath, trying not to cry as he willed himself to relax enough for Himchan to pull him away. A sense of calm washed over him slowly as a chill passed through his body, running up his spine and all the way down his arms and to his finger tips before leaving him feeling an eerie sense of not being quite as alone as he thought he was.

That’s when he felt it, the tiniest movement of air against his cheek. Daehyun’s eyes widened, and he pulled sharply out of Himchan’s hold with enough force to send the light blonde to the soaked floor. Daehyun put his hands on either side of Youngjae’s face, pressing closer to him.

There it was again.

“He’s breathing…” Daehyun’s whisper was quiet before he sat up, “Get JB in here now!! He’s breathing again!!”

Daehyun wrapped his arms around Youngjae, lifting him from the floor and sitting him up. “C’mon Jae, take a real breath…. C’mon….”

“Daehyun, I’m sorry, okay! This is enough though, he’s gone! You’re just imagining—“

Daehyun nearly sobbed in relief as Youngjae suddenly spluttered, a mouth full of water spilling from his lips before he gasped for air. Daehyun clutched him tight to his chest as he fell back to sit on the ground. It was a fight once more to get Daehyun to let go of Youngjae once JB had stumbled back into the room.

“Daehyun, let him go! I need to check him!” JB finally snapped, glaring at Daehyun as he finally got him to allow JB near Youngjae.

The nurse watched his watch as he first checked Youngjae’s pulse, amazed by the slow beats of life that had not been there previously.

“Daehyun, carry him back to the room, we need to get him propped up… I’m going to have to go out today and pick up some more antibiotics so he doesn’t end up with pneumonia… P.O can you drive me?”

P.O looked up, slowly shaking his head, still in complete shock. “I-I’ll call Minhyuk…” He said, getting up from the floor slowly.

JB shook his head, understanding why P.O didn’t want to put himself behind the wheel. “Just tell Minhyuk to pick it up for me, it will be easier.” He got up from the floor, following Daehyun out of the small bathroom as he carried Youngjae into the room. He rested him into the bed as gently as possible, reaching down to brush the damp locks from his forehead. JB worked around Daehyun, knowing that he’d be unable to get him to leave Youngjae’s side.

An ache settled into Youngjae’s chest and his brain felt sluggish. Everything sounded muted and Youngjae was afraid for a moment that he was still underwater. The gasp shook his body as he filled his lungs with a sudden breath of oxygen and his eyes fluttered open. He felt like he was drowning all over again, choking on the air he was inhaling and he began to panic.

“Youngjae… Youngjae, calm down… breath…You’re okay…”

Each breath was harder to take then the one before as the raw anxiety clawed at his chest and he screwed his eyes shut as his head was lifted up slightly and something was hooked around his face. The pure oxygen filled his senses and Youngjae took a slow breath as the  air was practically forced into his lungs. With each breath, his brain slowly clicked into gear, however, the heavy fog had yet to leave him and Youngjae found he couldn’t even lift his hand. Everything was still muffled as though he was listening through cotton balls, and even though his eyes were opened, Youngjae found himself unable to tell one object from another as everything blurred together into one in his vision.

“There you go… just focus on breathing… You’ll be okay… alright? Just breathe.”

Youngjae blinked heavily as a hand ran softly through his hair, and he was amazed to find that he was dry. He was sure he’d just climbed into the tub, he’d just gone to sleep, that was all.

Why was he awake?

The tears began to pool in his eyes as a new fear gripped into his heart. He’d failed. After everything… he’d failed. He was still alive.

“Shh… Youngjae, please… don’t cry… okay? Please…”

Youngjae tried to uncurl his hand, his fingers barely twitching against the sheets his hand was rested on. Instantly a warmth gripped over his hands.

“I’m sorry, Jae… they thought it would be best to keep you sedated… until we were sure that… that you wouldn’t try it again.”

Youngjae blinked slowly, taking another slow and shaky breath as once more the gentle touch petted his hair.

“I’ll be right here… go back to sleep… I’ll be here when you wake up…”

The next time Youngjae woke up, he felt a bit more aware, the cotton balls in his ears seemed to have been gone as the sounds came out much sharper and easier to understand. The oxygen mask was gone from his face and although each breath still had a slight ache that accompanied it, Youngjae found breathing to come easier. He opened his eyes slowly, his fingers twitching as he became more aware of his body.

Instantly, a hold tightened onto his hand. “Youngjae… are you awake…” The whisper was soft, and Youngjae tried to focus his eyes. His confusion was high as Daehyun leaned closer to him, his hand still gripping at his as the elder reached up and gently rubbed at his cheek. “Youngjae…” The whisper was soft and beyond tired. He took in Daehyun’s appearance from his unwashed messy hair to his pale skin and the dark circles beneath his eyes. There were imprints on the side of his face from where he had had his head rested on the sheets, but he smiled despite it all as he stared back at Youngjae. Daehyun leaned forward, resting his forehead against Youngjae’s, breathing the same air as him as he closed his eyes. “You scared me, Youngjae…”

Youngjae let his eyes flutter closed as he took slow breaths, feeling Daehyun’s own breath wash over his cheeks, the elders hand still on the side of his face as his thumb slowly rubbed the smooth skin. It took him several times before he could swallow the feeling in his throat and force the words out. “H-How…” he took a deep breath, trying again. “W-why am I still—“

Even though he’d just inhaled, his breath was taken away as Daehyun pressed their lips together, kissing him deeply. He pulled away after a moment, nuzzling into Youngjae again, “Because I’m a selfish son of a that doesn’t deserve anything I have and I couldn’t let you go… Youngjae… I… I don’t want you to go…”

“You’re not selfish—“

“Youngjae, don’t defend me… please…” Daehyun whispered against Youngjae’s skin. “Please… What I did… I-I promised you… I promised you that you’d never lose me… and… you were hurt Youngjae… and I couldn’t even sit with you… I’m a heartless bastard… Y-You gave me everything…”

Youngjae bit his lip, keeping his eyes closed as he began to feel the warm wetness on his cheek and he wasn’t sure which of them was crying at this point. “B-but… I lied, Dae… I’m fake… I betrayed you…”

Daehyun shook his head slowly. “I still want to grow old with you, Jae… I want to live with you in some ty apartment with you and do cheesy things like make a fort tent in the living room and hid under the bed and tell scary stories… I want to cook weird things with you that we find on the internet and eat them even if they are terrible and the food is gross but it’ll be perfect because we made it together…” Daehyun’s voice had grown a bit stronger as he continued to talk, “I still want to start our own family, maybe have some cheesy as marriage overseas… we could have a honeymoon too… I’ll take you where ever you want to go… and I want to tell you each and every day how much I love you because you mean everything to me and every day that I can’t see you smile and laugh and I can’t love you isn’t a day worth living. I want you, Youngjae. Forever and always and no matter what and I couldn’t care less about what has happened because I swear to ing god, I can’t live without you. I want to be the first thing you see in the mornings and the last thing you see at night—“

Youngjae turned his head slowly, his hand felt heavy still, but he managed to reach up and wrap his fingers to the back of Daehyun’s neck and pull the elder down as he kissed him. The butterflies exploded in his chest and he felt like he was flouting on a cloud. “C-Can you lay down with me?” he asked carefully, opening his eyes finally to look up at Daehyun. He slowly wiped away Daehyun’s tears as the blonde nodded and lifted the covers slowly, climbing into the bed with Youngjae as his arms instantly went around him.

“Youngjae, I’m so… so ing sorry…” Daehyun whispered, nuzzling into Youngjae’s shoulder as he felt the steady rise and fall of his chest beneath his arm. “I’m here… okay… I’m never leaving you again…”

Youngjae was slow to wake up the next morning. A sense of dread filling him as he couldn’t feel any movements around him. Tears began to well in his eyes again as he realized that Daehyun must have gotten up in the middle of the night and left him again. Just as he was beginning to wonder why Daehyun had even made any promises to him, why he had even bothered to save him, the bed dipped behind him with a sudden weight and the covers were pulled back.

Youngjae rolled over, quickly flinging his arms around Daehyun as he curled up into his chest. He bit his lip hard, as Daehyun instantly petted his hair.

“Shh, Jae… it’s okay… Himchan hyung had just come into to tell us that breakfast was done and I didn’t want to wake you…” Daehyun explained, kissing Youngjae’s forehead. He waited until Youngjae had calmed down in his arms again and had relaxed before he continued, “C’mon… since your awake, we can go eat…”

Youngjae walked slowly behind Daehyun, his eyes wide as he took in everything around him. Even though he’d been in the house for over two weeks, nearly three if he counted this past week that he had been practically unconscious for, Youngjae had barely left his room.. in fact, he couldn’t remember leaving it at all. He tightened his hold on Daehyun’s hand lightly as the elder pushed the door open to the dining room and lead Youngjae in.

The chatter immediately hushed down, and Youngjae found himself looking down to his feet instantly, feeling the sudden shame and embarrassment hitting him as multiple gazes turned in his direction.

“Good to see you two finally up…” Yongguk said, grinning from ear to ear as he looked at Youngjae and Daehyun. There was a definite air of happiness as he took in the way that the two clung to one another’s hands and Yongguk only hoped that after this last speed bump, the family would be able to patch itself together once more.

Himchan pursed his lips, “I don’t know, Guk… This house is huge and they are sharing a bed again…” He said, pursing his lips and teasing just as he used to.

“Oh shut up, Chan… You sneak into Jongup’s room all the time.”

“That’s cause this house makes weird noises and I still don’t have a night light in my room!”

P.O scoffed from where he was sitting at the table, “Yeah, okay, hyung… You can just take the nightlight that’s in the bathroom in my room, then you can stay in your room.”

Himchan huffed, flopping down into his chair as he continued to pout.

Zelo grinned with a new happiness, happy to hear the light teases being passed around just as old times. There was still a tense feeling in the air, the unspoken words of what had happened, but Zelo felt as though everyone was trying to move past it.

Of course, just as always, no one’s eyes were drawn to the silent figure that had stood up from the table. His presence usually calm, almost unnoticed, so he was able to stride across the dining room without being questioned.

It wasn’t until Jongup and approached Daehyun and Youngjae that Daehyun looked at him. “Uppie… what’s wrong.”

Instead, Jongup’s hand rose, and his open palm smacked into Youngjae’s cheek with just enough force to shock the elder, but not enough to really hurt him.

The room fell into a hushed silence as Daehyun stared at anger and shock at Jongup. He was surprised when Youngjae pulled his hand away from Daehyun’s suddenly, reaching up to gently press his hand against the stinging flesh as he stared at the floor between his and Jongup’s feet.

“You are so… so ing selfish, Youngjae!” Jongup said, his voice quiet but shaking with anger. “Do you really think that that would be the best option, when we have done nothing but been here for you… Do you really think I want to lose another family member in this house! To have to look at their dead body on the floor, to have to think for years later that I could have somehow stopped it! You are so stupid!”

Tears filled Youngjae’s eyes as he listened to Jongup’s words, an ache pulling at his chest as he kept his eyes down cast. Jongup gave him no time to reply as he turned to Daehyun, “And you, you little ! I told you to get yourself together a week ago!”

“Jongup—“

“No! I have had it. You need to get it through your thick skull of yours that it isn’t always about you!” He thumped two fingers against Daehyun’s forehead, “Use  your brain, and then you’ll see that you never had to worry if Youngjae cared about you or not!!” With the last of his words, Jongup pushed passed Daehyun and Youngjae, storming out of the dining room without another word.

Yongguk stood from the table, “I’ll go check on him—“

Himchan however, put his hand on Yongguk’s shoulder, “I’ll go… you don’t even know where to look…”

“And you do?”

“… unfortunately.”

Himchan got up, brushing past Daehyun and Youngjae lightly as he left the dining room. He gnawed at his lower lip as he headed down the hall and came to a stop in front of the closed doorway. He let out a heavy sigh, knowing instantly that his guess was correct.

Carefully, Himchan opened the door, taking a slow and deep breath as he walked into the room. “Uppie… Please come out from under the desk…” Himchan whispered, walking over and kneeling onto the carpet so that he could peer under what was once Jongup’s father’s desk.

Jongup sat, propped up against one side, his knees drawn to his chest and his forehead rested against his knees.

“No.”

“Jonguppie… Please…”

“No.”

Himchan sighed, reaching under the desk and slowly running his hands through Jongup’s hair, “It’s okay, alright…”

“N-No it’s not… I hit Youngjae hyung… I-I didn’t mean too… it’s just…” Jongup broke off, his shoulders shaking as he tried to hold back a sob. He curled up farther into the corner beneath the desk, shying away from Himchan’s touch. Jongup sat quietly for a moment, shifting around as someone slid beneath the desk with him. The area was a bit cramped, and their knees were pressed together, but Jongup didn’t really mind that much.

“I’m sorry, Uppie…”

Jongup looked up slowly, wiping away his tears quickly as he realized that it was Youngjae that had slid beneath the desk with him. He glanced to the left, noticing that Himchan had already left. His attention was brought back to Youngjae as the elder reached over, holding onto his hand tightly.

“I didn’t… think about anyone else… I don’t know why I didn’t just come to you…”

“Youngjae hyung, you don’t have to apologize—“

“Yes, I do, Jongup…” Youngjae looked down, taking a deep breath, “I-I went through absolute hell with him… for a month… I wanted nothing but to die, I thought you guys hated me, and I didn’t want to live without you all… b-but… Jongup, I couldn’t let him get to you guys.”

“Hyung…” Jongup held onto Youngjae’s hand tightly, “It wasn’t your job to do that—“

Youngjae shook his head quickly, “Himchan hyung’s told me before… Everyone deserves protection… Uppie, it was my turn to protect you guys. I had to do it. I wanted to.”

“He hurt you though…”

Youngjae nodded, letting out a gusty sigh, “H-He did… but… not as much as I would have hurt you… Jongup, I am so… so sorry…”

“Jae hyung—“

“Jongup, please… let me apologize…” Youngjae looked up at Jongup, tears in his eyes as he pressed on.

Jongup nodded, “Then… I forgive you, hyung… You don’t have to say it anymore. I forgive you. We all do.”

Youngjae nodded slowly. He curled himself up a bit tighter in the cramped space beneath the desk, “Jongup…”

“Yeah…”

“You look like your mother.”

Jongup stopped, his eyes wide. He tried to remind himself that Youngjae had had a part in clearing his name from the murder charge, and that he’d probably seen a picture of his mother then… or maybe around the house. Then again, on the first day, Jongup had insisted on Yongguk helping him take down every single family picture that had covered the walls and hide them away in the attic until he was able to look at them again. Maybe Youngjae had seen them before they had been taken down… but he’d been bedridden at that time. “Hyung, how—“

“I’m not crazy…” Youngjae said, slowly peaking up at Jongup. “D-Dae… when he pulled me out of the tub… H-He just pulled my body out… I could hear everything… see everything… but… I couldn’t climb out of that water, Jongup… it was so deep and I was so tired… and… she pulled me out.” Youngjae didn’t look away from Jongup as he continued to reaccount the out of body experience he had had, “By then, Yongguk and Himchan hyung’s were trying to drag Daehyun away from me and… she asked me if I wanted to come back… you smile just like she does, Jongup… s-she…” Youngjae smiled a little bit, the small chuckle of laughter somehow still a bit sad, “She called me stupid too…”

Jongup slowly smiled, he didn’t doubt a word that Youngjae said. He wanted to believe that his mother’s spirit was still around, that she had somehow helped in returning Youngjae to them. “That’s because you are an idiot, hyung…” He said in a teasing manor, his smile widening. “C’mon… lets go have breakfast now… okay?”

Youngjae nodded. The two squeezed out from beneath the desk, finding it a bit harder than it had been to get under it as at one point they both thought they were stuck and would have had to call someone in to help them out. Jongup finally pulled himself free, flopping down onto the carpet with a small bit of laughter as Youngjae spilled out next to him.

When the two had stood up, Jongup quickly wrapped his arms around Youngjae, sighing softly as he rested his head on his shoulder. “Thank you, Youngjae hyung… for coming back.”

The walk back to the dining room was quiet, but comfortable for Youngjae as he walked along side Jongup. When they reentered the room, the small talk didn’t quite die down and Youngjae was happy for the lack of stares as he slowly walked over and took his seat next to Daehyun.

The elder quickly helped make Youngjae a plate with a variety of food from everything that was lined up along the center of the table, much to Youngjae’s quiet complains.

Once the food had been set in front of him, Youngjae began to slowly eat. After working with JB for all those days, Youngjae was happy in a way to finally actually be able to eat solid foods. He knew, however, he’d never actually be able to eat everything that Daehyun put on his plate. He listened to everyone’s idle chatting, enjoying the sounds of everyone’s conversations.

He looked up though, as heard his name.

“What I still don’t understand though, is why you and Youngjae got so unbelievably plastered that night… on wine at that!”

P.O grinned, “Whoa! Youngjae, you got drunk?”

Youngjae nodded slowly, thinking back to the night on the yacht when they had been on their way to Japan. He and Daehyun had drunk a lot, having finished nearly four bottles of wine.

“Dude, you’d never drink when we hung out!”

Daehyun smirked, holding Youngjae’s hand above the table still, “That’s just cause I’m special!”

“Or you had some secret agenda, don’t lie now, Dae…” Yongguk said, grinning as Daehyun blushed.

“I did not!”

“Yeah, then why were you two so blushy when I walked in?” Himchan accused.

Youngjae couldn’t help but smile softly as Daehyun and Himchan continued to play argue. He turned his hand over slowly, intertwining his fingers with Daehyun as he merely listened.

“What about the time that Daehyun threated to get in the shower with Youngjae—“

“Yah! That was only because I wanted to thank him for the cheesecake, and he was taking a ridiculous amount of time washing his hair—“

“Secret agendas~” Yongguk teasingly said, smirking as Daehyun blushed harder.

“What about how long it took for Daehyun and Jae hyung to get the chairs when U-kiss came over that time.” Zelo had pipped up.

“Yeah, what were you two doing~” Himchan said.

Daehyun had begun to splutter, trying to make excuses.

“Not as bad as that weekend that I stayed with you guys… Daehyun came into my room in the middle of the night and practically begged for Youngjae to come back to his room…” P.O said, grinning widely.

“I think that’s sweet though!” Zelo pipped up, “That Dae hyung didn’t want to go to sleep without Youngjae hyung~”

“Maybe they weren’t sleeping—“

“Bang Yongguk, there are children present!!”

The light teasing continued as everyone pitched in their own stories of the different things that Daehyun and Youngjae had done, all while accusing Daehyun of constantly having some sort of secret agenda. Even JB and P.O contributed, throwing in their little stories of how they had caught the two doing couple-y things anytime they had been with the group.

Despite being with his friends and family and listening to the laughter as everyone joked just as they had before, Youngjae could still feel the darkness creeping up on him, the small whisper of a voice that kept taunting him and telling him that they were only being nice for his sake, that he meant nothing. The reminder of what he did to the family still stung against his back as though the scars were splitting open still and in a way, Youngjae still felt like he didn’t deserve any of this. He felt as though they should have kicked him out long ago, left him in the tub of water and said they were done.

But at the same time, Youngjae felt a sense of calm. He was alive and he was wanted. His family was safe and still cared about him and he was starting to come to accept it.

He looked down at the table, staring at Daehyun’s hand that still clasped at his own.

He deserved to live, to be happy… to be loved.

Youngjae looked up as he felt Daehyun’s gaze on him.

“Jae… you okay?” Daehyun whispered, just enough so that it was only Youngjae that heard him. Not that it mattered, the focus had now swapped to Himchan as everyone began to accuse him of the same secret agendas that Daehyun seemed to have.

Youngjae stared into Daehyun eyes, taking a moment to lose himself as the sounds of everyone else’s voices just disappeared and he was left with nobody but the blonde before him. Slowly, a real smile shone on his face and lit up his eyes and Youngjae nodded his head, “Not yet, but I will be.”

Sorry, I'm so so so so ing sorry. I ment to have this up the other day, omg. 

I hope you all enjoy it, and yes, I very very much enjoyed watching/reading everyones mental breakdowns from last chapter. Like i said, I ment to update these as a duel update, because I actually didn't want to break the chapter right there and leave at that cliff hanger, but alas... I had to... cause bleeeeh.

Just three more chapters to go~ :D

Cuddles,

Lynn

BTW... did you guys know that I have a writing tumblr? I've been writing alot of really short drabbles/oneshots lately, and I don't feel like uploading them to AFF because half the time, they are written across my arm while i'm at work (yes, i write fanfiction on my body if i can't find paper because i'm that weird) but I digress. I want to start writing out all the little ideas that I get so that i don't get in so many writing blocks where i can't let go of an idea and i end up not working on main fics.

you can also request stuff over there, anon or not, and fic prompts make me really happy.

my writing tumblr