I've been diagnosed with permanent cancer in my lungs just a little while ago, so it is obvious that I don't have a lot of time left.

I cried a lot about my upcoming death but finally got a grip of myself now.

I've done a list with ten things that I had to do before I died.

…

My name is Kim Kibum and this is my story.




*




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Seoul, South Korea
2012.12.01, Monday


When I woke up this morning I felt a little weird.

My throat was strangely dry and I felt a throbbing feeling in my lungs, making it difficult for me to breathe. Since I was used to that already I only had to pull the blanket down and lean over to the little table next to me and grab a small bottle. The little white pills inside were painkillers that were designed especially for people like me, in order to make the usual pain in the morning ease at least a little.
I just swallowed two in one gulp and laid back in my comfortable bed, closing my eyes and waiting for the effects to kick in.

When they did though a few minutes had passed and I felt relief wash over me when I could breathe properly again.
So I sat up, stretched myself and took a quick look around my rather small room.

My walls were plastered with posters of Idols and movies that I loved and adored while my furniture was rather simple. I used to have a bunk bed, but ever since the accident I had to switch to a normal, quite low, one so that I could get up on my own in the morning. I was trying to keep everything very unique and colorful, so all of the pillows and cushions that I had were in all sorts of different colors … it was nothing like any room I had ever seen before, and I loved that about my room. There was quite a big window right next to my bed, showing me that it was quite clear and sunny outside today. I glanced at my alarm clock and realized that it was almost lunch time, so I had missed the beginning of school by a few hours already.

But it didn't matter much anyway.

I sighed and leaned over, pulling the wheelchair that I had been given a while ago over. It was a little difficult for me to get myself onto it, but as soon as I was seated I wrapped my blanket around my legs and rolled into the hallway.
There were noises coming from out of the kitchen, so I figured that my mother was probably preparing breakfast. My father was usually at work during this time, but he spent a lot of time with me in the evening.

I had to literally drive against the door in order to get it open, but as soon as I did I saw my mother at the stove, preparing a mixture of breakfast and lunch. She smiled sadly when she saw me and gave me time to get over to the kitchen table before she wished me a good morning.
“Good morning, baby. How are you feeling? Are you well?”

“Yes, thanks, Umma.” I replied and leaned forward, putting both of my arms onto the table. “Are you cooking lunch already? It's not that late, is it?”

“No, but I thought you were gonna sleep some more.” she laughed quietly and finished preparing the pancakes and vegetables she was doing. “Did you dream nicely? Better than the night before, I hope?”

“I can't remember.” I told her honestly and put my chin on my arms, pouting. “But I guess it was alright …”

“That's nice.”
Afterwards we didn't speak much, but she just finished cooking and eventually prepared the table for me and sat on my opposite as I ate. After a while however she spoke up and asked me whether I had any plans. Even though I wasn't really in the mood of having a conversation now I just replied lowly: “I'm seeing Minho today … probably. We're going out.”

“Oh, that's good!” she smiled widely and patted my shoulder. “Are you doing sports again today?”

“… no.”

“But you did do sports a few times, didn't you?”

“We went to play soccer and basketball …” I mumbled and felt my heart throbbing in my chest. “But that was before the accident.” my mood darkened at once and I saw the same happening in my mothers eyes. We stayed silent for a while until I had finished my breakfast. And right afterwards I heard my phone ringing from out of my room.

My mother went to get it for me right away even though I would have wanted to go on my own … it made me feel less crippled to be honest.

So I rolled after her and met her halfway back in the hallway between the kitchen and my room. She handed me my phone, kissed my cheek and went back into the kitchen to clean up. I stayed where I was and picked up without checking who it was – but that was alright since there were only two people in the whole world who called me up from time to time.

Choi Minho was my best friend who had moved to Incheon about one year ago. He had been living in Seoul, close to where I was, but was forced to leave when his parents had been given a better job in Incheon. Since it wasn't too far away though Minho often came to visit, but of course it was not the same. But anyway, Minho was a very handsome young man who loved sports and soccer more than anything. We were quite different when it came to that, but that was alright with me. But since I had become so sick our differences seemed to have vanished somehow. He was really considerate and took care of me as much as he could … he never argued with me, not even when I was being difficult.

The other person was a boy called Lee Taemin. He was a mixture of British and Korean, so he looked a little different than Minho and I did. His eyes were a tad rounder than mine and his hair was naturally dark blonde, which was actually quite awkward for him sometimes. I had met him three years ago when I had traveled to London and ever since then we were really close. He usually came to Korea a few times during the year because his mother wanted to visit her parents, but he stayed with me whenever he came over. And still, ever since I had become sick Taemin hadn't been able to see me again because his fathers company wasn't earning enough money … so we were only calling and doing video-chat all the time in order to stay in contact.

“Hello?” I finally picked up after I had pulled myself out of my thoughts.
“Kibum Hyung, good morning!” Minhos cheerful voice greeted at once. “I thought you wouldn't pick up anymore … How are you today? Are you well?”

“I was just in the kitchen, Minho-ah.” I replied and felt the usual smile spread out on my face – I always had to smile when I talked to him … it was really troublesome to have a slight crush on your best friend. “But yes, I am well. And you? Are you in school?”

“Yes, but I'll be done soon! Do you still want to go shopping?”

“If you come with me, then yes.” I jammed the phone in between my shoulder and cheek and rolled my wheelchair back into my room, closing the door behind myself.
“Of course I will.” he chuckled and I heard some people talking in the background as he apparently walked back to class. “Do you want me to bring the car or do you want to walk?”

There was a weird feeling in my chest as he asked that. It wasn't because he was mean or anything like that, it was rather that that question was usually a sort of key-word that actually meant “Are you well enough to walk or do you have to use your wheelchair today?”

“… I'd prefer the car, Minho-ah …” I mumbled and gulped when I heard him sigh quietly. Still, he didn't let that ruin his good mood and he just went all like: “I'll come with the car then! That's no problem!”

“Thanks.”

“I'll be over around two, yes? School finish at one so I can go home, get the car and pick you up then. I'm looking forward to it, Hyung! See you in a bit!”




*




By the time Minho arrived to pick me up I had showered, changed clothes and got more than half of the money that I had saved over the years into my wallet … I was planning to spend it all today.

There was only a tiny bit of money left which I was going to use for something very special in the future.

Since my mother had left for work a little while ago Minho had to come all the way upstairs and get both, me and my wheelchair, down the stairs and into his car. Even though he always said he didn't mind I felt bad about it anyways. Just the way he had to carry me downstairs whenever I felt too weak to go on my crutches made me feel like I was just using him … but he said he enjoyed caring for me … said it was the least he could do for me anyway …

Anyway, we drove to the shopping mall, parked somewhere close and got ready to go in. Minho helped me to put a blanket around my legs and drove me through the different parking spaces and into the mall. I didn't like the way people were looking at us, but tried to get along with it. Minho and I were chatting a lot and went into a lot of shops just to check everything out. At first I was hesitant, since I had never had lots of money to spend for no specific reason … but now that I had set myself the goal to spend all of this money on stuff that I liked on first sight I had to get over that somehow.
And so I started by buying the very first bag that I found funny. It was a green one with fat frog eyes on the back, I actually just decided to buy it because it reminded me of Minho so much. He didn't find it funny at all, but I liked the thought of carrying him on my back from now on … even if it was just an idea.

However, as we continued strolling around in the mall I was becoming more and more open for everything. I soon just bought whatever, clothes, bags, accessorizes and make-up as well. Minho was enjoying it a lot, he seemed to like it the most whenever I asked for his help for some things. He often had to give me clothes that were hung up high, had to help me try them on and carry some stuff for me.

Since I didn't like how he was doing everything for me I decided to treat him to late lunch after a few hours had passed. At first he refused but when I threatened to poison him if he didn't let me he only laughed and finally agreed. We looked around for a little while until we found an Italian restaurant and sat down there.
We decided to share a pizza and both had some special kind of bread with vegetables and fruits.

All together we both liked the food we got.

“My mother asked whether we were going to do sports again some day.” I then said, trying to make him stop talking about school. “I think she'd like us to do that again.”

“Sports?” he repeated and raised his eyebrows as he continued eating. “I'd love to do sports with you again, Hyung!” he smiled. “What would you want to do?”

“I don't know …” I mumbled and shrugged. “I'm actually not in the mood of going. I don't think I could win against you, anyway.”

“Well we don't have to turn it into a competition.” when I raised my eyebrows and gave him a questioning look he chuckled and added: “My cousin can come so that you'll have a chance against me.” I laughed and nudged him softly, telling him to stop it already.
“Seriously, Minho …” I mumbled and smiled to myself – he made me feel really well, I liked that a lot about him. “I'd love to do sports with you, but basketball and soccer … It's not for me I guess.”

“We could do something different as well, I don't mind.” he thought for a second before his face lit up. He handed me some bread and his glass of water, causing me to give him a funny look. “You'll need it when you hear my suggestion.” he covered his smile with his hand and waited until I started drinking – and what he suggested made me spit the water out and onto the table.

“Let's go skydiving!”

He laughed a lot at me and clapped his hands while I could only wipe away the water than ran down my chin.

“I told you you'd need it!” Minho said and grinned. “You're too funny sometimes!”

“I hate you.” I said through gritted teeth. “You know I'm afraid of heights.”

“Do I look like I care?”

“There won't be much left when I'm done with you.” I glared at him and went back to drinking and eating again.

However, I did consider what he had said.

Skydiving?

Hadn't that actually been what I wanted to do …?

It said so on my list at least … just overcome that stupid fear some time and go skydiving … Minho had done it many times already anyway … and there was not much that I could have lost …

“I'll think about it.” I then said, finally wrapping my mind around it. “But don't expect anything special, alright?”

“Of course not.” he curled his nose a little and continued eating.
We stayed silent for a few moments, but Minho soon looked up and smiled, causing me to frown. When he stood up and waved at someone behind me I put my silverware down and turned around. To my surprise I saw his cousin Jinki heading towards us with a bright smile on his face and a boy walking next to him.

“Jinki Hyung!” he said loudly and headed over to him, leaving me alone for a moment. “How are you doing?” Jinki grinned at him widely and told him that he was fine. Since he didn't see me straight away he asked whether Minho had come here on his own, but he hurried over to me when Minho told him about my presence.
“It's so good to see you again!” he said happily and leaned down to me so that he could hug me. I returned that to him and laughed when he knelt in front of my wheelchair, putting his hands onto my knees. I coughed a little though because my lungs throbbed a little somehow.

“How are you doing, Kibum-ah?” he asked. “I hope you're doing better already?”

“I'm fine.” I said and ruffled his hair playfully. “What about you?”
We chatted for like a minute until Minho and that other boy came back over. Minho had his arm around that boys shoulder and told me: “Hyung, this is Kim Jonghyun.” he pointed at him, “And this is Kibum.” and then at me. “I don't think you've met before?”

“Nope.” Jonghyun said and grinned as he saw me. “Nice to meet you.” he held his hand out to me, waiting for me to shake it.

I hesitated a second though in order to look at him.

Truth to be told, he was really handsome … even more handsome than Minho … which I never thought could be true.

Someone being more handsome than my best friend Choi Minho?

No way.

But Jonghyun had rather short, dark hair with blonde mixed in between. His jawline was really sharp, just like his other facial features as well, so he looked quite manly and actually pretty y, too. I liked how he was not as tall as Minho and could hardly keep my eyes off of his well-trained arms and shoulders … I would have bet money that he was hiding abs underneath of that shirt he was wearing.

“Kibum-ah?”
I snapped out of it when Minho nudged me softly.
“Are you alright?”
I quickly opened my mouth in order to reply but swallowed weirdly and broke out into a couple of coughs, making my lung burn quite badly. Minho was right next to me immediately and patted my back while Jinki rubbed my knee and told me to breathe normal and calmly. I nodded only and desperately tried to calm myself.

This was so embarrassing.

I didn't even want to know what Jonghyun was thinking right now.

“Did you bring your … you know?” Minho asked as soon as I had calmed down a little. I was thankful that he didn't mention the word pills or medicine now.
“No, I forgot it at home.” I mumbled and rubbed my throat a little. When I reached over to grab my glass I realized that it was empty. However, Minho immediately offered to go and get a new one for me and left quickly to the front desk.

“Are you sure you're alright?” Jonghyun asked after a few seconds of silence had passed. He had somehow hid himself behind my wheelchair but came out again, a confused – but also cute – smile spread on his face.
“Yes, thank you.” I said and rubbed my teary eyes with the back of my hand. “I just swallowed something.”

“I see.” when he patted my shoulder and chuckled I felt my cheeks heating up quickly and tried not to look at him. “By the way, where are you from?”

“Me?”

“Yeah. You don't seem like a native from Seoul.”

“… why not?” I furrowed my eyebrow at that, because I couldn't explain why he'd think like that.
Were my clothes that ugly? Or was it my hair?
“You've got an accent, that's why.” Jonghyun grinned even wider. “Don't worry, your appearance is just fine.”

“W-What?” I blinked, trying to figure out how he would have been able to read my thoughts. “Who said anything about my appearance?”

“You just seem like the person who'd be worried about that first.” he shrugged. “I think your thoughts and emotions are easy to read.”
I was kind of speechless at that.

Who was this guy?

“You look cute when you don't know what to say.” Jonghyun laughed once more, causing me to shiver a little. “By the way, there's your water.” when he pointed in front of me I looked back and found Minho standing there with a little bottle and a glass – he was grinning at me with a sly grin.

“Are you two getting along?” he asked in a funny way as he put both down on the table. “I hope Jonghyun Hyung isn't being … well … isn't being himself?” his arm got hit by Jonghyun at that.
“I'm such a nice person.” Jonghyun whined in a playful way and pouted. “Don't say things like that.”

“I'm not even sorry.” Minho said completely unmoved but in a friendly way. “Anyway, are you two going to join us for the rest of our lunch?”

“Sadly, we can't.” Jinki said and shrugged. “We were actually on our way to the cinema just now, so we gotta run.”

“Maybe some other time?”

“Of course.” Jinki ruffled Minhos hair and leaned back down to me then, giving me a hug. “Get well, will you? I'll see you soon.”

“Same.” Jonghyun said and raised his hand as a see you later gesture. “Pleasure to have met you.”

“Yeah, thanks.” I said and examined him a little more before he and Jinki left. However, as soon as they were gone Minho took his spot again and asked me: “Did you like him?”, catching me a little of-guard. “Jonghyun Hyung is always a little blunt, I'm sorry.”

“No, he's fine.” I needed a second to realize how that sounded and so I quickly corrected myself and changed my answer to He's nice.
“Yeah, he's nice.” Minho enhanced that word a little weirdly, so I raised my eyebrows. He noticed of course and admitted: “I think you two would get along really well. You're so alike.”

“Excuse me.” I said and gasped. “I am not like him. No way. He was blunt, like you said. I am not blunt.”

“Well, let's just say it like this …” he chuckled and poured some water into my glass, literally showing me to finally drink something. “I know you and I know Jonghyun Hyung … I think I know how this is going to turn out.”
I was speechless again, but soon decided to just go with a single, simple sentence that left him grinning and obviously excited.

“We'll see about that.”




*

Minho drove me back home in the late evening, carrying all of my bags and stuff. He brought them to my room, greeted my parents before giving me a hug and leaving again. We said that we were gonna call each other soon so that we could spend some more time together, and I really appreciated that.

Since I was really tired I wished my parents a good night and went to bed myself as well, pulling out my little diary from underneath of my pillow.
I put a little tick behind the 1. Spending all of my money during a long shopping day – point and wrote a small report about my day.

I was really relieved when I could fall asleep with a smile on my face tonight.





 

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First chapter is done, yay! ^_^

It took me a while to get started because I had slight problems with figuring out how I wanted to portray Jonghyuns and Kibums interaction for the first time ... I wanted Jonghyun to be a little cocky, but didn't know how I should have let Kibum react to that ... Anyway, I like the way it is now and I think that I can work out on that a lot :3

I hope that you enjoyed the first chapter and will look forward to the rest as well :3

Thanks for reading!!~