Conscious Decisions
Closing of Broken Hearts
"I love you"
He kissed her, parting his lips in approach.
Between her lips, Minho could taste the tears that streamed down from her eyes. Beyond that, for more than a decade they've known each other, he never thought would be delighting to kiss.
His one hand gently ran down to her neck and the other trailing by her spine, greatly being affectionate to her but she remained stiff and unresponsive.
Almost letting herself be driven by her emotions, Yoona relentlessly withdraw from him. Her misty eyes are enough to tell her feelings weren't enough to convey action such as kissing him back. This isn't what she wants and that there's one person keeping her from wanting it.
"I can't do this" She walked away, rapidly marching into her house.
To kiss her, it was a conscious decision of Minho with expectations of such which she actually did - walk away as if what he did is a complete mistake. He watched her as her figure slowly retreats from his sight.
He didn't try to reach her through her door, stood there dramatically and endlessly knock for her attention and apologize for what he did, tell her that it was wrong of him to abuse her currently weaken heart and be a jerk because he wasn't. He wanted to do it and it wasn't a mistake for him.
He loves her and it's alright to kiss the girl he loves and let her know that his feelings are genuine. Everyone does it, it was only him who haven't for a really long time even if he is tempted to do so especially when she her lips gracefully with her tongue.
On his way home, he couldn't stop thinking of his self as a fool. Everything that Yoona felt for him was all over the place and yet, he never figured it out nor had a clue. And looking through what happened tonight, he's already too late.
Yoona felt the same foolishness. Sitting behind her front door and embracing her knees as her head is between them, sobbing for a reason she couldn't explain. This was what she used to want but there's barely a feeling of accepting it.
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Jonghyun's mom walked into his office, wanting to see him after returning home secretly last night, only to find out her son was punched on the face. It isn't surprising though. She have seen him worse than today but knowing him lie low from trouble for quite some time, it's like a breath of fresh air.
"What happened to your face?" She worriedly asked, sitting on the chair in front of him.
"I was punched by Minho" He said, casting his eyes skyward in grim.
"And what exactly happened? "
"The fantastic duo seem to have fixed things between them. And you know me, I'm very intuitive. I thought Yoona would be back to her old ways towards him"
"Wait. You're the one that actually started it?" There was a raise in her voice.
"Why are you making me look like the bad guy?" He made a wry smile.
She shook her head. "I'm not saying anything about being bad" His mom teased.
"I just got scared she might give herself up to him again, okay. And she'll be in misery for the nth time. I don't want to see her get hurt by the same person over and over. I told her some things. I was so angry that I didn't know I was already hurting her. So, I was hit before I could realize that"
"What things did you tell her?"
"That I know she still have feelings for him"
His mom mulled for a moment and very confused, she's crinkling her eyes. "I don't understand"
"Mom, it's not easy to make her forget the decade love of her life. How am I supposed to compete with that? And because of my clumsiness, I think Minho already found out" He hissed.
"Are you giving up now?" Her voice was subtle and sounded very motherly that unfolds Jonghyun in his newly known fear - losing Yoona.
"I don't know" He was hopeless.
"Excuse me, Mr. Kim" His male secretary budged in. "A friend of yours would like to discuss with you. His name is Choi Minho"
His face tightened. More likely, he doesn't want to talk to him or see him right now. His mom held his hand and smiled.
"Let him in" He reluctantly commanded.
"It's okay, son. This might be what you need. Besides, he's still your friend"
He nodded.
Minho knocked the opened door, making his entrance known to them. He bowed, seeing Mrs. Kim who is about to leave.
"Minho, I never knew you could punch that hard" She welcomed him in her peculiar way of greeting.
"I'm sorry about that" He blushed, feeling embarassed in a sudden.
"Nah, it's okay. You are boys. It's part of being a boy. But as I leave, I expect a peaceful conversation" She smiled and finally departed.
The air thickened, sharing malignant stares with each other. Jonghyun would clench his teeth, wanting this to end badly. Minho is standing framed at the center of the room, feeling the tension between them.
"What do you want?" He coldly asked.
"I just want to talk" He tried to take a cautious approach but witnessing his fleeting aggravation concluded this attempt.
"Well, I don't so jump off to the conclusion" He bluntly displayed his loathing.
"I love Yoona" He said the words, expecting that Jonghyun would madly rage about it but he just chuckled, malevontly.
"Wow. You realized that just now? Pathetic"
"No. I've been loving her"
Are you giving up now?
His mother's question resurfaced in his head, attesting himself that he won't let his guard down. Not now, not ever.
He's been longingly seeking to finally learn how to love someone that he could just give everything, sacrifice whatever he has and see that girl smile because of him. And now that he does, not even a finger of his would slip away from Yoona's.
"So, what am I supposed to do about it? You want me to give up on Yoona ?"His eyes widened, wanting to make his statement clearer than anything. "No"
Jonghyun has become a completely different man and it's very evident to Minho. He has known his friend for years and this is the first time he felt him eager and determined because of a girl, basically because he loves Yoona very much.
He sometimes do things when he is unaware of the consequences, letting his subconscious do the thinking for him and thus, realizing he wants Yoona in his life and learned to love her.
"I know you won't, even if Yoona and I might be feeling the same way, I know you won't"
"Let me guess, you had the same reasons of not telling her - you both wanted to save the friendship. Oh, my mistake. It's only Yoona who has been doing the saving"
It framed Minho in an astonishing silence and as much as he wanted to, he couldn't say a word. He stayed speechless.
"You wanna know why, Minho?"
He jolted from his seat, marched towards Minho and stood right in front of him. He set his glacial eyes at him and proceeded to outspoke the thoughts he always had about him.
"Because you've never done anything for her. Yoona has always been there for you no matter what, even if it's putting her in misery. She thought it's still the right thing to do because you're her friend. While you, just one distraction, you almost forgot you have a friend named Yoona. And when you realized you're losing her, that's when you started to care about her again. You never cared if it's alright to ask her so many favors for your contentment. You never cared if she's happy or not."
He was right, every word of it and there's nothing that he could say against it. He was never a good friend and it hurts him that he had to realize that from someone else. The only thing he did for Yoona is give her something to be hurtful for yet, she's never gone.
Before his mind could perceive, his legs already brought him to the door, preparing to leave with more disappointment towards his self which he is willing to accept.
"One more thing. I don't want to say this because I still see you as my friend but....." He paused, hesitant to contribute more with Minho's regression.
"Please don't make it more difficult for her. If you really love her, you won't think about yourself this time"
He slightly turned his head and deliberately nodded.
At the corridor, Minho fished his phone from his pocket to call Yoona.
"Minho..."
"Yoona, can we talk later tonight?"
There is a long pause.
"Okay" She sighed once Minho ended the call.
"What did he say?" Sooyoung asked.
"He wanted to talk" She replied, still scribbling some name on her notebook which she's been doing since this morning.
"About?"
"I don't know. Maybe about what happened last night"
Yoona wet her lips, suddenly remembered how Minho kissed her. "I told him I love him and he said he does too. He kissed me but I end up running away"
"He already told you?" Taeyeon hurriedly went to them as she overheard Yoona, careless of her words.
"You knew?" She arched her eyebrows.
"Yeah, he told us" Taeyeon admitted.
"And you never thought of sharing it to me?"
Taeyeon opened but Sooyoung gestured that she'll speak. "Taeyeon did. I'm the one who didn't. I just wanted the two of you to choose if you'll keep it a secret or not instead of making careless decisions just because you found out your feelings for each other from us"
"Since?"
"His feelings for you, he had them all figured out for quite some time already. He thought he could lure himself to love someone besides you but he actually never did" She slowed near the end of her speech, noticing Yoona who began looking very puzzled as her eyes would flicker and teeth are clenched.
He seemed lost. He loved me but he wasn't enough.
The words that Yuri uttered through the phone, they seem to make sense now as she contemplates it. Yuri left because Minho never loved her one hundred percent, it's been her all this time and he couldn't find himself to belong anywhere but her. That's also why Minho wasn't flustered because they are true.
"Yuri knew about his feelings and she called me that time so I'd realize it. Damn it. I should've known this if I wasn't......" She trailed off, clicking her tongue.
"Wasn't what?"
"Unaware? You could have told me about it" She contested.
"We just found out about it too, Yoona. But what are you gonna do if we told you? Tell him that you now know he's in love with you and we spilled the beans to you? And...." Sooyoung felt bothered by Yoona's continuous scribbling so she looked over her notebook that are filled with Jonghyun and Minho's name written all over it.
"And I don't think it's very technical even if we told you since you seem confused" She pointed at the notebook, flipping it over in an instant.
"I...I just...." She couldn't barely keep her words straight, trailing off from speaking.
"Yeah, you just don't know what to do it about it. But in the end of the day, you're the only one who knows. You only need to figure it out" Taeyeon contemplated.
"Well, I don't really know how to figure out. That's the worse part"
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It is a freezing evening which matches the tension beetween Yoona and Minho for they haven't really spoken. They're just sitting uneasily on a bench of their preparatory school playground. Yoona didn't expect that Minho would bring her here, creating this nostalgic atmosphere around them that prevents her from speaking.
This is where everything started for them and it's inevitable to be melancholic while every scenario of their beginnings is flashing in her head.
She kept rubbing her hands over her arms, shivering from the cold night and gritting her teeth that are audible to Minho's ears. He grabbed her hand and slipped it into the pocket of his coat which took her by surprise and he is still held onto it.
This used to be a one of the norms even though she was only aware of her feelings for him but since that night in her house, everything else meant more than how they used to even a simple clasping of hands felt different.
His hand is unbelievably warm enough to pamper her chilled skin that suddenly reminded her of Jonghyun's hands with similar warmth. In the middle of her introspection, she realized that Minho's eyes have been directed to a certain object.
He suddenly snorted, reminiscing the shameful scene that occured at the sandbox where he and Yoona first met when they were around seven. Yoona heard him giggle about a familiar matter.
"You still remember what you did back there, isn't it?" Yoona assumed, holding her laughter.
"That's where we first met. You were building your sand castle and I stumbled on it so it was destroyed then you bursted into tears. I begged you to stop crying but you didn't so I had to dance like a chicken in front of the other kids, including the group of boys that I fight with most of the time"
"You were a really bad dancer" She pointed out, chuckling between her words.
"But I made you laugh and we....." He casted his eyes at her. "became friends" His tone is low, displaying regret that Yoona found to be unnecessary.
"I know you believed everything that I've said but I'm not asking you to choose me instead of him"
She didn't like how he dragged things as if he's gonna continue to put himself down to explain whatever he needed to. It was a complete shift, from nostalgia to underestimation. But even if she speak, he'd just cut her off and not give her a chance to redeem him.
"I saw enough of how he occured to you and yet, you never figured it out. As usual, you never figure out things like how I do. We get too distracted easily that we forget to notice what's happening to us" He laughed. "Maybe that's why we are best friends"
"Minho....." I don't like where this is going. She was supposed to say this but she got cut off.
"He was there at your best and worst. He made you forget the things that make you sad. He made you laugh like you never did before. He knew things I never knew about you. He made you learn to fall in love with someone else" He paused, his voice trailing off between them.
"You love me but Jonghyun deserves you more because he did the things that I was supposed to do"
He completely sunk himself down, feeling tears gathering behind Yoona's eyelids as she watch him effortlessly pulling his compusure together from this devastation he put on his own. She just hates listening to Minho who sulk under his own presumed mistakes and always deciding to blame everything to him when clearly it wasn't all his fault.
"There's a person who made me realize how selfish I was. He was right. I only thought about myself and the fact that I couldn't live without you by all means. So this time, I'm gonna do something for you"
A rush of cold breeze swept as their eyes met and the whistling tone of the wind occupied the temporary silence that occured. His concluding words are sharp but he tossed a smile in between his face that speak rendering pain.
"I'm letting you go now"
a/n: This is a short chapter and I had no intentions to prolong it further because I believe this chapter completely says it all and the significance of other chapters regarding Yoona's feelings for Jonghyun and Minho. Minho gave in Yoona to Jonghyun so the decision is up to her. I have a question though. If someone answered this correctly, I will give that person a spoiler on what will happen to all of them (if you don't want to know the spoiler or answer the question, it's okay). What do you think is the other reason or reasons why Minho gave in Yoona to Jonghyun except for what was mentioned which is "Jonghyun deserves you more because he did the things that I was supposed to do"? There are clues if you read attentively. I have a specific answer but if I find your answer to be very rational, I might consider. I hope you'll enjoy this chapter
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