Wooyoung spends most of his time at home again that day and will probably do the same for the next couple of days. Apparently Nichkhun’s brother is in town, so he can’t meet up with Wooyoung and hang out as usual. Although Wooyoung knows he will feel a little lonely without Nichkhun, he really doesn’t mind that much especially when he sees how unusually ecstatic Nichkhun was to have his brother around. Nichkhun said he would call but so far Wooyoung’s only been receiving texts from him telling him how busy he is with his brother, that he’s very sorry but they’ll be able to hang out again soon. Wooyoung keeps telling him it’s okay, and his heart flutters just a little when Nichkhun tells him that he missed him.

So when Jinyoung comes running up to Wooyoung’s room and telling him he has a visitor, Wooyoung is a little surprised. “Who is it?” he asks, although he really hopes for it to be Nichkhun. Jinyoung bites his lower lip as he turns back when Wooyoung asked him a question, stomping his feet impatiently on the floor with his hands just right above his crotch.

“Your friend. Gotta pee!” Jinyoung rushes out of Wooyoung’s view and goes straight for the bathroom. Wooyoung chuckles, but he feels bright out of sudden. It might really be Nichkhun because after all, Wooyoung doesn’t have any other friend aside from him. Maybe Nichkhun has made some time to visit Wooyoung, and the thought brings out a wide smile on his face. Wooyoung closes his sketch book and hurriedly walks downstairs.

“Nichkhun!” Wooyoung calls cheerfully, lightly jumping in to the bakeshop from the kitchen. However, he stops and falters back in shock when he sees it isn’t Nichkhun. Of course he should have known it’s not Nichkhun. If it was, Jinyoung would have told him it’s Khun hyung, or Nichkhun himself would go upstairs looking for him. The other person was reaching out for one of the pastries but his hand is stopped midway as he looks over at Wooyoung and blinks his eyes with mild surprise and amusement. It takes a couple of minutes for Wooyoung to recover, straightening up and clearing his throat but unfortunately the blush has successfully made its way onto his face. The smirk on the guy’s face eventually turns into a wide grin that makes his eyes curled into crescent-moon shapes.

“Hi,” he says, waving one hand at Wooyoung and shoving the other hand into the pocket of his jeans.

“J-Junho,” Wooyoung acknowledges with a stutter. “What are you doing here?” Although he has met Junho before, Wooyoung clearly remembers it was only just that one time when they had basketball match together. Junho hums casually, like finally remembering again of what brought him here, as he walks around the bakeshop and checks the prices of the different kinds of buns and pastries.

“Just happened to pass by,” Junho shrugs. Wooyoung knows their school is not located in the neighborhood, and unless Junho lives around here -which Wooyoung is sure he doesn’t-, there is no way he would randomly pass by their bakeshop. Nichkhun used to use this excuse very often (back to when they weren’t as close as they are now), buthappened to pass by turned out to be I came here to look for you so we could hang out together, so now Wooyoung is very certain that Junho is here for a reason.

“Really,” Wooyoung says, not really questioning, carefully eyeing Junho and wondering why he’s here.

“Yeah,” Junho confirms. “And I am kinda hungry too.” He grins when he finally sees the packets of cream bun, bending down and taking one from the lower part of the counter. Wooyoung notices that it’s one of Nichkhun’s favorites, and he doesn’t know why it bothers him. Jinyoung shows up shortly after that, skipping his way to the counter.

“Junho hyung!” Jinyoung puts his hand up. “Sorry, I really had to pee just now,” he says, sitting down on the stool. Junho chuckles and approaches him, handing him the money he fished out from his pocket.

“It’s okay,” Junho says. He opens the packet and turns to Wooyoung. “Are you busy?” he asks, taking a small bite on his cream bun. “Can we talk?” he points to the bench just outside the bakeshop with his eyes, before waiting for Wooyoung’s answer for his first question.

“I guess,” Wooyoung nods dumbly. So he is here for something after all, Wooyoung thinks to himself. He tells Junho to wait as he would get his jacket and scarf first. When he peeks at the door separating the kitchen and bakeshop again, he notices Junho is already sitting outside. Wooyoung quickly puts his scarf on, takes two paper cups and pours hot cocoa in before walking out to Junho, all the while his mind wondering what Junho wanted to talk with him about. Wooyoung pushes the door open with his body and the chilly, winter breeze immediately greets him. “Here,” Wooyoung offers the cup to Junho. Junho seems a little surprised by his sudden offer, but quickly eats the remaining of his bun and accepts the cup from Wooyoung’s hand.

“Thanks,” he says, hands immediately wrapped around the small cup. Wooyoung sits down next to him and almost cursed at how cold the wooden bench is. Instead, he lets himself shiver a little, sipping some of the drink before covering his lower face with the thick scarf around his neck.

“You wanted to talk…?” Wooyoung begins, unsure, and his voice sounds muffled under the piece of garment. Junho only nods his head and pursed his lips into a straight line. “What about?”

This time, Junho shrugs. “I just wanted to talk,” he tells Wooyoung. Wooyoung frowns, just slightly, because he feels even more confused now. “Chansung and Nichkhun are busy practicing for their basketball match,” he continues. Wooyoung’s ears perked up at the mention of Nichkhun’s name. “I wouldn’t have minded waiting until practice is over, but, you know, Nichan is there too.”

“Nichan?” Wooyoung raises his eyebrows up, unfamiliar with the name. Junho his lips, swallows and sips on his drink.

“Nichkhun’s brother,” he explains, warm breath fogging in the cold air.

“Oh,” Wooyoung replies. He never knew Nichkhun’s older brother’s name and Nichkhun never told him before. But it isn’t like Wooyoung’s ever asked either, and the reason why Junho knows is probably because of the fact that Nichkhun had been friends with Junho and Chansung for quite a long time. They’ve probably shared a lot of things together. This makes a tinge of jealousy to spark inside of Wooyoung because this means that Nichkhun doesn’t exclusively share stuff with only Wooyoung. In fact, Junho and Chansung probably know more about Nichkhun than Wooyoung does. “Aren’t you in the basketball team too?” Wooyoung asks, just to distract himself from his own thoughts. Junho snorts.

“I wish. Apparently, I was too short for the team. They have an average height of 183.5 cm, by the way. Nichkhun is probably the shortest, but even he is 181cm tall,” Junho chuckles. There’s just something about the way Junho says Nichkhun’s name, or talks about him and it makes Wooyoung feels weirdly unsettled. Wooyoung doesn’t say anything about it, only fidgeting on his seat. Junho exhales quietly and stares at the dark liquid in the cup. “Nichkhun talks a lot about you.” This interests Wooyoung, somehow.

“Really?” he asks, trying hard not to sound too excited. Nichkhun rarely talks about Junho and Chansung, or really, just about anyone else when they’re together. It probably doesn’t mean a thing, but for Nichkhun to be talking about him to two of his other closest friends, that should mean something. “Does he talk bad about me?” Wooyoung jokes.

“Of course no,” Junho smiles. “He always talks nice thing about you. Sometimes too much, he doesn’t even care if we’re listening or not. He just, talks and talks.”

“Hmm,” Wooyoung hums, for once glad that his smile is hidden under his scarf. Junho mumbles something but Wooyoung doesn’t quite hear him. “What?” Junho exhales but doesn’t repeat himself. “Um, so why aren’t you there with Chansung and Nichkhun?”

“I told you. Nichan is there,” Junho simply answers. “It’s just weird having him around.” Wooyoung feels so intrigued with Junho’s words and behavior, so he asks why is it weird to have Nichan around?, only to get a stare from the other guy.

“Um,” Wooyoung fidgets and looks away. Junho scoffs, not at Wooyoung, but rather at his question.

“Nichkhun didn’t tell you, did he?” Wooyoung blinks at Junho’s question, turning his head to the side and looking up to meet Junho’s gaze.

“Tell me what?”

Junho smiles. “Maybe I’m not supposed to tell you.”

“What?” Wooyoung knits his eyebrows together, feeling really unpleasantly curious now and he doesn’t want to stay that way. “No, tell me. Tell me.”

Junho searches for Wooyoung’s eyes, silently contemplating before the edges of his lips curled up into another smile. “Maybe it was about four to five years ago?” Junho starts off. Wooyoung nods once as a sign of encouragement for him to continue. “I was a part of the exchange student program,” he shrugs his shoulder nonchalantly. Wooyoung tries to sink in the information and connect the dots together, but it’s still too early for that. Too much empty holes everywhere and he doesn’t know which way to go. “So, I was sent to an international school in Thailand.”

Thailand? Oh. Oh, Wooyoung swallows in sick realization. But wait— what are the chances? It’s too coincident. Maybe he didn’t met Nichkhun there. Maybe he just knew Nichan from somewhere. Maybe—

“Nichkhun was my classmate.”

Something inside of Wooyoung stirs, the uneasiness settling down at the pit of his stomach. He doesn’t think he likes where this is going and he wants Junho to stop, but at the same time his curiosity is winning again just like any other time. He stays quiet, waiting for Junho to continue. Junho seems to be taking his time, and Wooyoung impatiently scuffs his sneakers onto the concrete ground.

“It was a very short time, but,” Junho stops, seemingly reminiscing the memories in his head a little too fondly but sadly at the same time. “It was the best time of my life.”

“You and Nichkhun…” Wooyoung trails off. The uneasiness in his stomach twitches painfully and lurches, and Wooyoung immediately feels nauseated. He quickly downs his drink, in hope for the warm liquid to wash the feelings away. It doesn’t.

“I’ve had so many of my firsts with him,” Junho says quietly. Wooyoung screams for him to stop in his mind, although nothing comes out from his mouth. “It was an odd feeling. But a good kind of odd, you know?”

Wooyoung thinks he knows but he doesn’t want to admit it. “I was literally alone there, with no one to restrict me. I was free to do anything I want to, try everything new there. It was better with Khun around.” Why is Junho still telling him this? He should take a hint and stop talking, now.

“You were together,” Wooyoung asks— states. Wooyoung scowls at himself for encouraging to take this conversation further.

“Hmm,” Junho affirms with his eyebrows slightly pulled up. He looks at the small field right in front of the house, eyes suddenly distant. Wooyoung follows his train of sight, blinking his eyes at the field. When it’s not too cold, his younger brothers would usually bring their friends over to play soccer or baseball there. Right now, it’s just empty. Wooyoung feels the cold biting on him. He throws the empty cup away and presses his hands on the edge of the bench as he bends forward.

“But you guys are long over, right?” he asks, and hopes he doesn’t sound too desperate. His knuckles turn white from his tight grip.

“Yeah. It’s been too long. We had our fun and realized things wouldn’t work out between us. Not with the distance and years separating us. We were both young and willing and all. It was just a phase,” Junho says. Just like what Nichkhun had said as well. Wooyoung presses his lips together, eyes shutting close and mouth letting out a silent sigh of relief.

“Weren’t you scared?” Wooyoung asks again.

“Hmmwell,” Junho drags the word. “Maybe a little. But it was rare and awesome, honestly, although a bit confusing at first. It did take a little time for me to acknowledge the feeling, but in the end, I‘m glad I did.”

“You don’t really look like— that kind of person, though. I mean— liking another guy.”

Junho chuckles. “I don’t know. Maybe I don’t but like I said, I was young and willing. No one could stop me and no one really judges people there. Not like this ed up society we live in here,” Junho shakes his head in disappointment. “To me, it was like a once in a lifetime opportunity to try something really new.”

“Did you…love him, though?” Wooyoung asks softly.

“He’s very special to me, and we had a lot of history together,” Junho considers. “I cared— care for him very much. Yeah, actually, I think I did. It’s just different with Nichkhun. But yeah, we parted in a good way. I treasure that part of my life very much. Who knew we‘d meet again a few years later? It‘s such a small world after all.”

“Why are you telling me this?”

“Because you told me to,” Junho playfully rolls his eyes at Wooyoung, his shoulder nudging on Wooyoung’s lightly. “Because you’re Khun’s— friend, and that means you deserve to know it too. Don’t worry, though. We’re really over.” Wooyoung blushes a little, as if his feelings for Nichkhun are that obvious and Junho’s the only one who catches on. Now he’s kinda scared, because he doesn’t know how many people actually took notice of it. He should really start to be careful.

“But what does this have anything to do with Nichan?”

Junho’s eyes go dark instantly, something unknown flashing in his orbs. “Just tell me one thing, Wooyoung. Do you like Nichkhun?” Wooyoung is genuinely caught off guard with his question, because he doesn’t really think Junho would be so frank with him. At least not on their second meeting.

“Uh,” he says awkwardly, eyes going unfocused as he thinks of how to avoid answering this. It’s a rather personal question and Wooyoung wouldn’t want to talk about it with Junho.

“Do you really like him?” Junho repeats himself. He sounds so serious that Wooyoung actually averts his gaze back at him, wanting to know where did this side of Junho came from. Something must have shown in Wooyoung’s eyes, silently answering his question, because Junho is suddenly smiling at him with a warm a smile. “Then I guess it shouldn’t be a problem.”

“What do you mean? What are you talking about?”

“The Horvejkuls, they—. Well, they’re a very picture-perfect family. They’re very well known and respected amongst the other people around them. Nichan and Nichkhun have had everything laid out for them since the day they were born. It’s rather sad, actually. They’ve been trained to be the perfect sons and heirs of their family’s business since they were small,” Junho says. “Their parents don’t care about anything else other than that.” Wooyoung carefully thinks of what Junho’s said. “So, long story short, Nichan didn’t really like me that much.”

“You’ve met Nichan before?” Wooyoung widens his eyes. Maybe it’s a rather stupid question, because, of course they’ve met before. Wooyoung’s just curious how, and why? Junho laughs quietly. “But why didn’t he like you?”

“Yeah, I have. Nichan and Nichkhun are very close, and Nichkhun just has this— how do I say? A brother complex? Nichan is probably the only one who cares for Nichkhun and actually loves him like a real family. Nichkhun really loves and respects him for that.” Wooyoung stays silent. “It doesn’t mean Nichan hates the way they were raised though. It’s strict and suffocating, but he thinks that with a little love it doesn’t seems as bad. He provides that love for Nichkhun so Nichkhun wouldn’t have a hard time going through everything.”

“How do you…know all of these things?”

“Khun told me enough for me to observe and figure them out on my own,” Junho says. Wooyoung’s knuckles turn even whiter than they already have. He feels sick that Nichkhun never told him any of these things. Maybe, he doesn’t mean as much to Nichkhun as he does to Wooyoung. And what if this feeling he has for Nichkhun is just the same temporary phase as what Nichkhun and Junho experienced with each other before?

“And Nichan actually met and talked to me,” Junho’s voice brings Wooyoung back from his thoughts. “I never doubt Nichan’s love for his brother but it’s just icky how he thinks Nichkhun is and should be as perfect as he is. He didn’tunderstand why Khun was with me, why I was standing in his way. Khun deserves better, he said,” Junho smiles but it doesn’t reach his eyes. “I know he does but whomever he chooses to love, it’s his right. Nichkhun doesn’t want to be perfect; he wants to break free from that image. He just hasn’t figured out how to do it without letting Nichan down yet. So if you care for Nichkhun, if you chose him too,” Junho says, standing up from his seat and zipping his winter jacket close. Wooyoung stares up at him. “Then please fight with him. For him.”

+

Although Wooyoung was the one who asked Junho to tell him everything, he’s still a little upset that he had to find it out from someone else instead of from Nichkhun himself. Wooyoung’s head is filled with so many questions and things, and it’s really in a mess right now. He doesn’t want to think —worry— about what Junho’s said about Nichan and the Horvejkuls yet, so all his feelings (mostly anger and jealousy) are channeled towards Nichkhun and Junho instead.

Wooyoung hears familiar thuds of footsteps on the stairs, and soon feels someone approaching him from behind. He exhales deeply and presses the lead harder against the paper and sharpens the outlines of his drawing.

“Don’t even try,” he deadpans. The movements stop, quickly followed by a loud whine.

“How did you know?” Nichkhun asks. “I was sure I was quiet enough.” Wooyoung doesn’t turn to look at him, but he hears the squeaking of his mattress and can only guess that Nichkhun had thrown himself and lay there on his bed.

“You’re a lousy ninja,” Wooyoung says, voice still lacking of emotion. And a lousy friend, Wooyoung thinks. He knows he is being selfish and unfair towards Nichkhun, but whenever he thinks of Nichkhun and Junho having a great time in Thailand, doing whatever things they were doing, the blood boils in him. It’s a feeling he’s never felt before, tremors vibrating within him and breaking whatever walls and sense in him like an earthquake, releasing all kinds of negative feelings.

I’ve had so many of my firsts with him.

Wooyoung clenches his teeth and presses the pencil a little too hard until the lead snaps, where he finally hears Nichkhun’s voice rambling about his day away. Wooyoung knows he should be happy that Nichkhun’s finally come to visit him after so long, but he’s feeling too worked up over this stupid matter, and the things is— Nichkhun will never understand why.

“Shut up, Nichkhun.” Wooyoung swivels his head towards Nichkhun, so suddenly that Nichkhun stops talking and looks back at him. Nichkhun opens his mouth to say something, but nothing comes up so he closes it back. He stares at Wooyoung some more and then grins as he sits up. That idiot. Why is he smiling?

“Oh, come on. You can do better than that,” Nichkhun says. “Welcoming me, I mean,” he explains when Wooyoung arches an eyebrow at him. Nichkhun sighs when Wooyoung doesn’t respond to him. “Did I come at the wrong time or something? I’m sorry.” Wooyoung huffs and looks back ahead of him, his arms crossed on his chest. “I missed you, and I thought you missed me too, so I came to check on you.” It came out quieter than it seemed. Something inside Wooyoung shakes a little, and he feels the familiar flutters in his belly at Nichkhun’s confession. Wooyoung feels bad for treating Nichkhun this way, but his pride slaps everything else aside.

“No one misses you,” Wooyoung mumbles. He sounds sulky but it doesn’t sound as strained as his voice was right before this, and Wooyoung knows Nichkhun knows Wooyoung’s already feeling slightly better.

“Okay, I won’t bother you. I promise I’ll be really quiet,” he says, a smile in his voice. “Just don’t chase me away, please. I just got here.”

True to his words, Nichkhun stays quiet right after that. Wooyoung closes his eyes and takes a deep breath in and out. Then he takes out another pencil from his case and continues drawing, using the silence to sort his thoughts properly and his feelings back to normal. He briefly wonders what Nichkhun is doing in the silence, and although he is curious, he doesn’t turn back to find out. (He feels Nichkhun staring at him though, but maybe he’s just imagining it.)

Wooyoung feels slightly calm by now, ignoring his thoughts and concentrating on finishing his drawing instead. That’s until he hears the rustling sound of plastic breaking the silence. Wooyoung puts his pencil down and finally turns around to see what Nichkhun’s doing now. He is taking out a packet of cream bun from his duffel bag and Wooyoung’s eyes turn shifty with annoyance. He remembers Junho eating the same bun yesterday and he feels mad again, accusations running around in his mind. Was that their thing? Liking the same cream bun? Do the cream buns come with a special story or memory? What else do they have in common? The anger and frustration quickly rushes in his system again, realizing he doesn’t really know much about Nichkhun. What’s his favorite food? Favorite color? How tall is he? What’s his last name? When is his birthday?

Junho probably knows all of these stuffs about Nichkhun, right?

Wooyoung stands up abruptly, the chair behind him falling down onto the floor. Nichkhun jumps a little in shock, looking at the chair and then up to Wooyoung.

“Wooyoung? What‘s wrong?”

Wooyoung heaves angrily at Nichkhun. “Don’t eat that,” Wooyoung narrows his eyes at him. Nichkhun laughs nervously.

“Why? I’m hungry and—” Before Nichkhun can finish his words, Wooyoung rudely snatches the packet and throws it onto his table. “Wooyoung!” Nichkhun frowns at him. Wooyoung feels better and satisfied looking at the offended look on Nichkhun’s face. Let him be! Let him know Wooyoung is serious and upset at him. Nichkhun tries not to lose his temper, arranging his breath and tone carefully when he says “That’s mine. I paid for that.”

Wooyoung’s eyes widen incredulously when he sees Nichkhun reaches for the packet. “I said don’t eat it!” Wooyoung shouts, taking the packet into his hand and hiding it from Nichkhun’s reach.

“What is wrong with you?” Nichkhun’s eyes are also wide open in disbelief, a glint of hurt and confusion in them.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Tell you what?”

“That Junho— he— you—,” Wooyoung quivers. Nichkhun looks very surprised at the mention of Junho‘s name, like he finally gets it that Wooyoung knows about his history with Junho. He suddenly feels so tired, and he knows the upcoming attack of his heart condition will not make this any better. Wooyoung stumbles behind, leaning against his table and clutching his hand onto his t-shirt.

“Wooyoung,” Nichkhun calls. “Wooyoung, are you okay?” he reaches out worriedly, but Wooyoung stops him. Wooyoung grimaces, feeling his heartbeat’s pace quickly picking up. He tries to breathe properly, tries to let the oxygen enter his lungs.

“Did you—,” Wooyoung frowns. “When you came here, did you— did you stay because you found Junho again?” Nichkhun doesn’t answer for a very long time, and somehow Wooyoung takes the silence as a yes. “Go home, Khun. I’m— I’m tired,” Wooyoung sits at the edge of his bed.

“Wooyoung—”

“Go home,” Wooyoung presses. Nichkhun hesitates but he eventually stands up, taking up something from his pocket and settling it onto the table. He stands in front of Wooyoung, but Wooyoung refuses to look up. He feels cold sweat trickling down his forehead and the side of his face, his heart beating so quickly he thinks he might pass out if Nichkhun stays any longer. But then Nichkhun moves, although there’s hesitance in the way he walks away but he is eventually gone from the room. There’s another different set of footsteps rushing up the stairs and Jaebeom comes running in.

“Hyung! Hyung are you okay??” he asks worriedly, sitting down next to Wooyoung and wrapping his arm around Wooyoung’s shoulders. “Khun hyung said you’re not feeling well!”

“Shh, I’m fine,” Wooyoung assures. He closes his eyes and leans onto Jaebeom, just waiting for the attack to be over. Jaebeom holds him carefully, his hand rubbing at the side of Wooyoung’s arm.

“Do you want me to call mom?”

“Shh,” Wooyoung shushes him. He swallows thickly as he opens his eyes, and through his blurry vision he sees the small paper on the table— the thing Nichkhun’s left for him. Wooyoung takes it into his shaky hand and realizes it’s a ticket to Nichkhun’s basketball match.