The bus shakes and rattles lightly as it hits the bumpy side of the road, and Wooyoung groans to himself as it ruins his handwriting. He crosses the sentence out and rewrites it again just two lines below the original one.

What is love?

Wooyoung taps the tip of the pen beside the question mark, little dots slowly filling the space before he writes careless squiggly lines around the word love.

“Hmm...” Wooyoung wonders, lightly pressing the other end of the pen to his temple and then sighing. “Too young to understand, apparently.”

He puts the pen in between the pages and closes his journal, dumping it in his backpack and zipping it close. Wooyoung looks outside of the window to make sure he’s heading to the right stop, and his hand automatically goes down to the nicely wrapped present that he had settled on the seat beside him. His fingers absentmindedly trace the rough paper, following the outline of the gift inside. Wooyoung’s decided to give Nichkhun his now supposedly late Christmas present, and immediately went out to meet and hand it to Nichkhun himself. Wooyoung still doesn’t know if Nichkhun would want it, but now that he’s made his decision, he hopped onto the bus and is now heading to Nichkhun's place before he changes his mind again. They've never really gone to where Nichkhun lives before and somehow it's so much easier to meet around the neighborhood Wooyoung lives in so they prefer to hang around there more often. But Nichkhun did tell him how to get there before (“Take bus number 043, get down at the fifth stop, cross the street and turn a corner, walk straight up and you’ll find the building.”). But then again, even if Nichkhun hadn’t told him, Wooyoung knew he’d get there somehow. The building isn’t that hard to spot amongst the other buildings surrounding it anyway.

Wooyoung found the place on his first try. What he doesn’t know is that the place has a strict security who asks information on why he’s here and who is he here to visit and Which floor does he live in?

“Umm,” Wooyoung swallows. The security guy narrows his eyes at Wooyoung in suspicion. “I-I don’t know,” Wooyoung says. He really doesn’t, because Nichkhun never told him and he never thought of asking before. “But he does live here. His name is Nichkhun.”

“Oh,” the security says in recognition, though the suspicion in his eyes doesn’t dim a tiny bit. “I know him. He does live here,” he acknowledges. “But if he’s really your friend, you’d know which floor he lives at.”

“But,” Wooyoung frowns. “He is my friend. I just never got around to ask him that.”

“Listen kid,” he puts his hands on his hips. “The safety of the people that live here is very important, and we’re trying to avoid as many trouble as we can around here and preserve the peaceful environment for everyone’s convenience.”

“I…don’t understand.”

The security guard exhales impatiently. “Did you know how many people that came here looking for Nichkhun?” Wooyoung timidly shakes his head. “A lot! Girls, boys, younger, older, and even around your age,” he starts pacing around and Wooyoung just awkwardly stands where he is. “Every each one of them claimed to be Nichkhun’s friend, like you, bringing gifts and stuff.” Wooyoung hides the present at his back in futile attempt. “But none, NONE of them knew where he actually lives.”

“Umm.” Wooyoung responds, still unsure what this is all about.

“I mean, how do I know you’re not here to kidnap him? Or do anything equally nasty?” He narrows his eyes again. Wooyoung quickly shakes his head and waves his hands in denial, taking an alarmed step back away from the guard.

“No! I’m not— I’m not here to cause trouble or hurt anyone!”

The guy seems like he has more to say but before he could, the elevator dings open and a person comes out from there, rushing quickly to the scene.

“Wooyoung!”

Wooyoung looks up at the owner of the voice, relieved to find it’s Nichkhun. Nichkhun stops and stands on Wooyoung’s side, wrapping his arm around Wooyoung’s shoulders and pulling him closer.

“Khun...,” Wooyoung blinks at Nichkhun. Nichkhun grins and squeezes the side of Wooyoung’s arm in assurance, apologies lingering at the edge of his smile.

“You know him?” the security asks Nichkhun.

“Of course! Hyung, he is my friend,” Nichkhun tells him. “Look at how cute and tiny he is, do you think he’s capable of hurting people? You need to calm down.”

Nichkhun and the security guard exchanged a few more words with each other but Wooyoung’s way past hearing anymore. He feels himself lightly shaking and he doesn’t even realize when Nichkhun pulls him to walk with him to somewhere, his arm sliding down and hand grabbing Wooyoung’s. They didn’t enter the elevator though, instead Nichkhun leads him down the hallway to the right and to the door at the other end.

He hears Nichkhun saying something, but he can’t comprehend very well as the heat rises in his body up to his face. The tears swell up in his eyes and the light shaking eventually turns to violent trembling and he falls on his knees as soon as they entered the indoor basketball court. Wooyoung feels really embarrassed and pathetic when he can’t hold the tears from falling, because God it’s such a small matter to cry over, but he really can’t help it.

“Wooyoung?” comes Nichkhun’s worried voice. “Why are you crying? Are you hurt?? Breathe, please. Breathe!” he pats his hand on Wooyoung’s back. Wooyoung blinks and coughs the breath he didn’t realize he was holding back, his palms pressing on the cold, glossy tiles.

“,” he manages to say, wiping the tears at the edge of his eyes with the side of his hand. He meets Nichkhun’s worried gaze for a brief second before looking away again. “I’m not tiny and cute, okay?” Wooyoung tries to joke, but Nichkhun only drops his mouth open in confusion. “Maybe just…tiny compared to you.”

Nichkhun laughs when he gets it, but it sounded so restrained, his worries still overpowering everything else. He’s always worrying over Wooyoung, just like Minjun, and it gets really suffocating. Not like he can do anything about it, afraid that his action might push people away from him. He doesn’t want that, doesn’t need that now.

“God, that was scary,” Wooyoung mumbles and sniffles. “And so embarrassing.”

“Sorry about that,” Nichkhun comforts him, his hand now rubbing on Wooyoung’s back. “He’s always like that. The only visitors he recognizes are Chansung and Junho.”

“Oh,” Wooyoung says but then narrows his eyes in annoyance. “Why were there a lot of people looking for you anyway!”

“He’s just exaggerating. I don’t get a lot of visitors, really. That was only just that one time during valentine’s day. Most of them were my juniors and seniors from school. Nobody meant any harm,” Nichkhun explains.

“Huh,” Wooyoung sits properly on the floor with crossed legs. “I should have called first,” he says, still lingering around the topic even though he’s looking around the place with interested eyes now. “Wait,” he turns to Nichkhun when it clicks in his mind. “How did you know I was coming over?”

“Your mom called me,” Nichkhun says. “She told me you were on your way here so I thought I‘d wait downstairs for you knowing Jinyoung hyung would give you a hard time, and he really did,” Nichkhun chuckles in apology. “Sorry again.”

Wooyoung buries his face in his palms. “I’m not sure if I should be grateful she notified you or feel embarrassed my plan to surprise-visit you failed so badly.” Nichkhun laughs.

“Yah,” he nudges Wooyoung. Wooyoung lowers his hands to look at Nichkhun, who is biting on his lower lip as he expectantly looks over the wrapped gift beside Wooyoung. “Is that for me?” Wooyoung thinks he sees Nichkhun’s eyes sparkling, or could that be the effect of the lightings reflected on the glossy floor? Wooyoung clears his throat and pulls the present closer to himself and hiding it a little out of Nichkhun’s view at the same time as he darts his eyes around the place looking for something to avert Nichkhun’s attention away from the present. His gaze falls upon a trolley full with basketballs and the bulb in his mind lights up.

“Are you going to teach me how to shoot basketball?” he asks. Wooyoung pushes his backpack towards the bench along with the present when Nichkhun swivels his head at the direction of the said trolley, and before Nichkhun has time to react, Wooyoung grabs Nichkhun’s hand and pulls him up. “Right?” Wooyoung smiles cheerfully, jogging his way to the trolley with Nichkhun following closely behind.

“Can you really do this now?” Nichkhun asks. He seems to forget about the present for the time being, or really, he just doesn’t have any choice but to play along with Wooyoung for now. Wooyoung’s going to take full advantage of it because he’s not really sure how to present it to Nichkhun. Maybe later when he’s about to leave, because he doesn’t want Nichkhun to open it in front of him or watch his reaction at all. He can keep it if he wants to, or throw it away, or do whatever he wants with it. Just not with Wooyoung present at the same place, at the same time.

“Of course! What do you take me for?” Wooyoung rolls his eyes, taking one of the basketballs and bouncing it against the floor. Nichkhun snickers and pushes the trolley closer to the basket pole.

“Well, if that’s what you wish for then I will do it.” Wooyoung tries to shoot the ball into the ring but misses his target, and he tries not to mind Nichkhun’s mocking laughter too much.

“Are we gonna do this or not?” Wooyoung pulls a poker face on, eyes boring into Nichkhun’s face. Nichkhun splutters into another laughter and only stops when Wooyoung throws the basketball straight to his head.

“Okay, okay!” Nichkhun catches the ball. “I thought you said you were a bad shooter,” he mumbles and rubs the side of his head.

“I am,” Wooyoung admits with the nod of his head. “Not my fault. I guess not only people are naturally attracted to you. Inanimate things, too, it seems.”

“Pshh,” it’s Nichkhun’s turn to roll his eyes. Wooyoung tries to hide a smile, but fails. Nichkhun ignores him and pulls Wooyoung by the arm and positions him a few meters away from the pole. “It’s not really that hard,” Nichkhun tells him. He shoves a basketball into Wooyoung’s hands and Wooyoung readily shifts into an appropriate stance for shooting as he waits for Nichkhun’s further instructions. “Focus on the ring, and shoot.” The look of (feigned) concentration on Wooyoung’s face quickly turns into a bored one, eyes slanted with judgment as he stares at Nichkhun. “What?” Nichkhun says.

“Khun, that’s pretty common sense. Of course we aim for the ring, did you think all these while I was imagining the ball as a dart and aiming it at non-existent photos of Edward Cullen on the board or something?”

“What’s wrong with Edward Cullen?”

“He sparkles and watches people sleep, what’s not wrong about that? His entire existence is wrong. But that’s not the point. We’re playing basketball here.”

“But that’s really how I do it!” Nichkhun insists. “Aiming and shooting the ball at the ring, I mean.”

“That’s what I do all the time too and I never successfully score a single a ball!”

“Try it first,” Nichkhun encourages.

“It will not go in,” Wooyoung sighs.

“Try it.” Wooyoung sighs again, looking at Nichkhun and lazily throwing the basketball at the ring, and expectedly missing his aim.

“See?”

Nichkhun shakes his head in disappointment at Wooyoung’s lack of confidence. “Watch me,” he says, taking another basketball out from the trolley. He fixes his stance and focuses on the ring, looking straight at it and then confidently throwing it at the ring. The basketball goes straight in. “See?”

Wooyoung juts his lower lip out. “Is there any way I can precisely throw the ball and score?”

“There is,” Nichkhun answers. “But you need to know how to measure your degree and locate the focal point of the ring from the board. You need a lot of practice for that one to know the angles of shooting.”

“Wow,” Wooyoung bounces a different basketball against the floor, the dull thuds echoing in the empty court. “Basketball needs a hard work too, huh?”

“Everything in this world requires hard work. First, there’s the will, there’s the drive and then there’s the efforts, along with your degree of commitment. Hard work is one of the keys to reach for your goals.”

“Lectures, lectures,” Wooyoung waves the basketball from side to side, before deciding to try to shoot it again.

“You want me to teach you, so I am teaching you.”

“You’re a lousy teacher,” Wooyoung comments. He doesn’t mean it and he knows Nichkhun won’t take it to heart, or else he wouldn’t have said it in the first place. Wooyoung stops breathing for a couple of seconds when he feels Nichkhun standing so close to him, in fact too close than they usually do. Wooyoung can feel the warmth from Nichkhun’s chest touching on his back, his arms over Wooyoung’s and hands pressing on Wooyoung’s on the basketball as he adjusts the angle of the shooting from their position. Inside, Wooyoung can feel his heart beating rapidly and can only pray Nichkhun doesn’t hear or feel it. This is so stupid, Wooyoung tells himself. Get yourself back together and calm down.

“Like this,” Nichkhun says, his voice sounding too near and Wooyoung can feel his hot breath tickling the shell of his ear. Wooyoung doesn’t dare too move, doesn’t even dare to swallow or breathe and he can only pray this will be over soon. Wooyoung tries to concentrate his gaze on the ring instead when the other parts of his body are busy concentrating the warmth emitted from Nichkhun’s body, and he (with the guide of Nichkhun’s hands) shoots the basketball at the ring. It goes in.

“Wasn’t that hard, was it?” There’s a smile in Nichkhun’s voice. Wooyoung swallows thickly and quickly moves away, pretending to get another basketball in the trolley while Nichkhun goes around collecting those on the floor. Wooyoung takes this moment to calm himself down.

“Yeah, I guess,” he finally answers, but only after taking a very deep breath in and out. His eyes somehow averts to his backpack near the bench and he suddenly remembers his journal, remembers the question he found he’s been asking himself a lot these days. What is love, and what are these feelings he has for Nichkhun? Are they any closer to how love should be or is he just confused with his feelings? “Hey Khun,” he calls after contemplating.

“Yeah?” Nichkhun briefly turns around at him, and then picks another basketball up.

“What is love?” Wooyoung murmurs, almost embarrassed at his own question.

“What?” Nichkhun asks again. “Sorry, I didn’t hear that?”

Wooyoung turns away from Nichkhun and pretends to be busy playing the basketball so he would appear indifferent when he repeats “What is love?” to Nichkhun.

“Love?” Nichkhun chuckles, sounding amused and a little curious at the same time. “Where did that come from?”

“It was just a question.”

“I know. But, why?” Wooyoung stops and turns back around.

“I don’t know,” Wooyoung shrugs. “Just curious, I guess. When you were with your first love,” Wooyoung hesitates. Nichkhun encourages him to continue with the nod of his head and the rise of his eyebrows. “did you really love him?”

“Hmm,” Nichkhun considers this carefully. He puts the basketballs that he has collected back into the trolley. “It was a totally new feeling for me. I cared for him, that much I was sure of. But did I really love him? I guess so, but not in the way I thought I should. Honestly, with him it was more like a phase, where we both were curious, wanted to have fun and explore more but didn’t really go any further than that. But then again, we were both young, so,” Nichkhun shrugs. Wooyoung only offers a thoughtful nod in return. “What is love to you?” Nichkhun asks. Wooyoung blinks at Nichkhun and gives a timid shrug.

“I’m not sure. Up until now, love is just a four letter word to me. But isn’t it also just another feeling?”

“People view love in different perspectives,” Nichkhun says. “It is a feeling. I guess it is the feeling of being able to just let go and see how things work out without worrying about the consequences.”

Wooyoung thinks it over again. “What is love to you then?”

“Love? Pretty much a simple complexity.”

“Complexity?” Wooyoung raises his eyebrows up in question.

“Yeah,” Nichkhun nods. “Love could mean everything about anything, but probably nothing at the same time. Like you said, it’s just a four letter word and maybe it’s meant to just be that way.”

Wooyoung scoffs, not being rude at Nichkhun’s opinion, but rather in disappointment because he was hoping for a more accurate and detailed answer. Nichkhun smiles knowingly.

“Love is trusting,” Nichkhun says, catching Wooyoung’s attention again. “…understanding and being there for each other through everything. It is patience, it is endurance, it is acceptance of someone else’s faults and flaws. Love knows no boundaries. It is the thing that everyone wants but only a handful would get. I don’t think it’s something you can describe precisely to someone. Rather, it’s to be felt and experienced by yourself.”

“I see your point,” Wooyoung slowly replies, in a slight astonishment with Nichkhun’s answer. “Maybe it’s like when our heart stops, and starts beating for someone else instead,” he muses, pressing his hand on his left chest. Nichkhun laughs heartily.

“Perhaps,” Nichkhun wraps his arm around Wooyoung’s shoulders as they walk to the bench. Wooyoung goes deeper into his thoughts, presses his hand more against his chest. He’s still not sure what these feeling he have for Nichkhun are. He has a general idea of what love is, but how does one know it’s love, that they’re in love with another? What does it feel like to be in love? And with Nichkhun…, Wooyoung shifts his train of sight to Nichkhun and regards him carefully. Is it possible to feel love for another guy? Is this wrong? Is this right? Could love turn out to be a sin as well?

“What?” Nichkhun catches him staring. Wooyoung turns away and shakes his head.

“I want to be loved, too,” he says quietly.

“You are loved. Very much loved by your family,” Nichkhun chuckles.

“No, not that kind of love,” Wooyoung mumbles, looking everywhere but Nichkhun’s eyes as he puts his backpack on. “I want to fall in love too.” If I haven’t already?

“You do?” There’s something in Nichkhun’s tone that immediately makes Wooyoung looks up at him. He has a small smile on, a little sad but very fond nonetheless.

“Don’t you?” Wooyoung whispers. “I mean, doesn’t everyone?” Nichkhun widens his smile, just a little, and nods his head.

“Is that one of your wishes too, then?”

“Hmm,” Wooyoung hums. “I hope I’m one of those handful of people that’s lucky enough to get it.”

“I’m sure you are.”

“Just once. At least, just once before I die. I’d be really grateful.”

“Hey,” Nichkhun frowns. “Don’t talk about death.”

“Anyway,” Wooyoung easily dismisses. He takes the present in his hands, grips at it tightly one last time and then pushes it towards Nichkhun. “This is…for you,” Wooyoung clears his throat, fighting the embarrassment away from creeping onto his face. “It’s a late Christmas present.” Nichkhun runs his fingers down the present, just like what Wooyoung did in the bus, and then they lightly brush against Wooyoung’s fingers before he finally takes it into his hands.

“Really is for me?” Nichkhun asks to make sure. Wooyoung nods his head.

“I’m still not very good at it, but uh I hope you’ll like it.”

“Can I open it now?”

“No!” Wooyoung quickly objects. Nichkhun stares at him in a mix of shock and wonder, and then chuckles.

“Why not?” The smile on his face turns into a teasing grin and eyes glinted with mischief. “I’m opening it now,” he pulls on the wrapper paper. Wooyoung widens his eyes.

“No!” he shouts again, and then runs to the door. “I’m going home then!” he announces and runs out, ignoring Nichkhun’s call for him. However, he falters behind when he sees the security guard lingering around the lobby area.

“Wooyoung, wait!” Nichkhun calls for him as he opens the door, and Wooyoung quickly hides himself behind Nichkhun. “Wooyoung?” Nichkhun looks at him from over his shoulder quizzically. When he sees the security guard too, he laughs with understanding.

“Khun, walk me out of this place,” Wooyoung says.

“Oh, come on, I’ll send you home.” Nichkhun grabs Wooyoung by his backpack and pushes Wooyoung to stand next to him. “I’m expecting a free cake as a reward.”

“Shut up!” Wooyoung hisses, but then quiets down and looks away when the security guard shoots a suspicious look at his way.

Wooyoung does end up serving Nichkhun a mug of hot chocolate and a small plate of strawberry cake, but he thinks he doesn’t mind just as long as he gets to spend a little more time of his Saturday afternoon with Nichkhun.






Wooyoung’s getting ready for bedtime when he receives a text from Nichkhun.

Who knows I at these things?, the text says. Took me hours to put it up, but look how pretty it is decorating my wall now =] Picasso got nothing on you~

There’s a photo attached with the text and Wooyoung smiles when he sees it’s the portrait of Nichkhun he drew and gave to Nichkhun. The wall is a dull shade of white and it reminds Wooyoung of the ones at the hospital. The frame with Nichkhun’s portrait is in the middle of it, right below the light and it beautifully stood out against the otherwise empty wall. Wooyoung thinks his life is like the empty, dull white wall and just like the portrait, Nichkhun’s presence in his life is too prominent, and that Wooyoung’s life is so much better, so much beautiful with Nichkhun in it.

Wooyoung thinks he might have fallen a little for Nichkhun, and there’s no way of stopping now.