a/n  apologies for the super late update! Life got in the way, my muse and will to continue writing this died and revived several times. But now that I am actually able to write again, I wanted to update this fic first =) some additional notes before I forget again - in the previous chapter, I mentioned Wooyoung and Nichkhun playing a piece on the piano. Wooyoung’s song was To Be Fortunate by Lee Juck, while Nichkhun’s was 2PM’s Beautiful Day =) I hope you will like this chapter (unlikely…)!

+

Wooyoung’s tuned everything out so the only thing he hears right now is the beating of his own heart and uneven breathing. The words on the paper in the result file go unfocused several times as Wooyoung reads it over and over to make sure he didn’t see wrong.

“Wooyoung,”  a  mumbled voice calls for him. Wooyoung’s vision goes blurry.

“Wooyoung.” The voice is clearer this time, affectively snapping Wooyoung from his trance with a sharp gasp. “Wooyoung, you need to tell someone.”

Wooyoung’s eyebrows knitted together into a frown. “You want me to tell my family about this? How— How do I tell them about this?” Wooyoung asks. A tear trickles down his cheek.

How is he supposed to tell his family about this? What does he say to them?

To Nichkhun?

+

A few days earlier.

The throbbing in his chest is getting annoying, in the way that, these days, it comes very frequently in every two to three days time. It’s like his usual attack, except that this one actually hurts, like nails hammered onto his heart repeatedly. Cold sweat starts to form on his forehead, trickling down to his face as Wooyoung clutches his hand on his left chest and teeth sinking on his lower lip to muffle any wanted noises from coming out of his mouth. Through half-lidded eyes, he gazes over the slightly ajar door in worry and fear that one of his family members will walk on him like this. It’s not what he wants, obviously, because worrying his family again is the last thing he wanted to do. He’s fine, really. Just been overusing his body and overworking his heart too much. He’ll be fine again, Wooyoung knows, so there’s no need to alert and worry his family.

Wooyoung waits and waits for the attack to be over, just like what he’s been doing for all his life. When it does go away, it leaves a dull ache on his chest. Wooyoung rolls onto his stomach and presses his forehead on the pillow, breathing heavily panting for breaths. Once the attacks are over, Wooyoung still has to work on stabilizing his breathing and even that seems to be such a hard task these days. But Wooyoung tries, because he knows he can take control of this again.

Footsteps are heard thumping on the staircase. Wooyoung his dry lips, waiting for the person to come into view. When he does, it’s a quick movement heading further inside the hallway, and by the look of the hair, Wooyoung recognizes him as Jinyoung.

“Jinyoungie…” Wooyoung tries to call. His voice was really hushed, but Jinyoung stops moving and pushes the door open, his phone in his hand.

“Hyung?” Jinyoung walks into the room. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Wooyoung swallows. He feels Jinyoung wiping the sweat on his forehead. “Can you get me something to drink?”

“Of course.” As soon as Jinyoung said that, he rushes out of the room and then comes back a few minutes later with a glass of water. He helps Wooyoung to sit up and Wooyoung downs the drink greedily. “You sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah. Just—” Wooyoung lets Jinyoung help him lay back down. “You know. The attack.”

“You feeling better now?” Jinyoung asks with concern, his hand rubbing on Wooyoung’s back.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Come lay down with me here for a little while,” Wooyoung invites. The truth is, Wooyoung still feels a little awful. It even hurts to breathe, the ache on his chest comes with occasional sharp pain. Maybe, with having a company and someone to talk with, the pain will go away or at least it will help to distract Wooyoung from it. Jinyoung does as what he says.

“Hyung, if you don’t feel too good, let me know, okay? I’ll go get mom for you.”

Wooyoung nods and offers a small smile at his brother. “Remember the festival you mentioned to me before? Is it going to happen anytime soon?”

“Ah, yes!” Jinyoung’s eyes brightened up at the mention of the summer festival. “I think it’s already started, hyung. They have all these cool rides charged for half the normal price for the opening and second week.”

“Really? Cool. I wish I could try all those rides too.”

“Of course you can! When you get better, I’ll take you there for us to get on all the rides.”

Wooyoung chuckles. “Are you going to pay for my ticket?”

“I’ll ask for money from Minjun hyung,” Jinyoung giggles. “Get better soon, okay? I’ll wait for you.”

“You’re so nice,” Wooyoung Jinyoung’s hair.

“You still can go there and enjoy the food. And play other games! You know, they also have Ferris wheel.”

“They do?” Wooyoung immediately perks up at this. He remembers telling Nichkhun about wanting to go on an amusement park date before, and Nichkhun telling him about getting a kiss on the Ferris wheel. Wooyoung smiles at the memory. “Hey, how about we go there this weekend, huh?”

Jinyoung gets really excited at this, sitting up on his knees and grinning widely. “Really??”

“Yeah, it’ll be fun, right? You, me, Jaebeommie, Minjun hyung, Fei noona—”

“And Khun hyung!”

Wooyoung lets out another quiet chuckle. “Yes, Khun hyung, too.”

There‘s a knock on the door, and then a “Who’s calling for Khun hyung?”

Wooyoung shifts his train of sight towards where the voice came from and sees Nichkhun leaning against the doorframe on his side. Jinyoung giggles and gets up from the bed, heading straight for the door.

“Hyung, we’re going to the amusement park this weekend!” he tells Nichkhun while he was on his way out of the room, his shout of “Jaebeommie, Jaebeommie!” echoing at the stairway.

“What?” Nichkhun looks at where Jinyoung disappeared to, and then back at Wooyoung. “We are?” he asks as he approaches Wooyoung after he closed the door.

“I guess we are,” Wooyoung grins and accepts the greeting kiss from Nichkhun. “That is if you’re free, of course.”

“I am always free here. How are you feeling today?” There’s a trace of concern in Nichkhun’s voice when he asks that, a slight frown on his face as he wipes the sweat off Wooyoung’s face. “I think it’s a bit warm and stuffy in here,” he concludes, kneeling on the bed so he could unlock the window and slides it open to let the air in. “There, that should be better.”

“Thank you,” Wooyoung smiles. The pain is still there and then there’s also exhaustion taking over his body, so Wooyoung couldn’t move much even if he wanted to. Nichkhun doesn’t seem to mind this. Nichkhun sits near the edge of the bed, leaning over Wooyoung’s body and pressing his hand on the bed on Wooyoung’s side to support himself up. He brushes his fingers onto Wooyoung’s cheek with his other hand.

“Babe, you look a little pale.”

“Are you calling me that to bring the colors back to my face or what?” Wooyoung grumbles, feeling his face flushed with embarrassment. Nichkhun laughs softly at his words, his hand now resting on Wooyoung’s shoulder.

“You’re red now alright.”

“Stop it,” Wooyoung whines, lightly hitting Nichkhun’s arm. He takes a deep breath in and out and turns his head so he can see the sky from his window. Beside him, Nichkhun shifts on the bed so he is lying next to Wooyoung now. Wooyoung doesn’t shy away even when he feels the tip of Nichkhun’s nose brushed on his jawline. “You’re coming with us, right?” Wooyoung asks again, just to make sure.

“To the amusement park? Yeah, of course. It’ll be fun.”

“Nichkhun?” Wooyoung turns on his side to face Nichkhun, their noses lightly pressed together. Wooyoung’s hand goes to rest on Nichkhun’s nape, while Nichkhun’s naturally rests on Wooyoung’s waist.

“Hmm?”

“You know I can’t go on those rides, right?” Nichkhun nods his head. “You still think it’ll be fun?”

“Yeah,” Nichkhun shrugs nonchalantly. “We don’t have to go on those rides. Or, I mean, I could, and you can just wait for me at the sides and take pictures for my wall.”

Wooyoung chuckles and nods his head, thumb rubbing on Nichkhun‘s cheek. “I could, but I’m no good photographer like you.”

“That’s okay. I’ll still look good.”

Wooyoung laughs heartily this time. “Oh yes you will, it’s almost unfair. Who gave you permission to look good all the time, huh?”

“The same person who gave you the permission to look cute all the time.”

“What? I’m not cute,” Wooyoung denies with the roll of his eyes. “Anyway, you know what?”

“What? You love me? You missed me? Yeah, I know.”

Wooyoung can’t help but laugh again. “Yes, that. We both know that.”

Nichkhun chuckles. “Okay, seriously, what?”

Wooyoung’s laughter fades and a smirk curled on his face. “They have Ferris wheel at the festival.”

“They do?”

“They do.”

Nichkhun searches for Wooyoung’s eyes to find the meaning behind him telling him about this. Somehow, the grin on Wooyoung’s face might have given him away. Nichkhun seems to catch on Wooyoung’s intention, the smile on his face just as cheeky and suggestive as Wooyoung’s is.

“You remember.”

“I do,” Wooyoung confirms with the nod of his head.

“So you’re going to give it to me?”

“If you’re still interested.”

“When did I ever lose interest in things involving you and me?”

“You have your point there, romeo,” Wooyoung teases and snuggles closer to Nichkhun.

“I take it that you have no interest to do anything else aside from this today?”

Wooyoung exhales deeply and buries his face on the crook of Nichkhun’s shoulder. “Nope.”

“Well, that’s fine with me.”

“Good,” Wooyoung murmurs. The exhaustion is knocking Wooyoung off of his consciousness, fingers absentmindedly playing with the hem of Nichkhun’s shirt and eyes slowly sliding shut.

“Wait, wait.”

“Hmm?” Wooyoung sleepily opens his eyes again.

“Where’s Minjun hyung?”

Despite himself, Wooyoung manages a small, tired laugh. “Don’t worry, he won’t be here until much, much later today.” There’s silence again and Wooyoung lets his eyelids droop closed. The hand rubbing on his back is very comforting, Nichkhun’s steady heartbeat and breathing calming Wooyoung’s entire nerve. He’s right on the verge of slumber when Nichkhun speaks up again.

“I have something to tell you.”

That alerts Wooyoung a little, his arm around Nichkhun tightened unknowingly. Thoughts after thoughts begin to run in his mind, sending the anxiety straight to his heart. Wooyoung feels a little panic, scared of Nichkhun telling bad news to him. “What?” Wooyoung asks quietly, ready and not ready to hear it at the same time.

“It’s my birthday today.”

Wooyoung holds his breath as he tries to register what Nichkhun’s just told him in his head. His mind begins to work again as the words finally sank in, alerting Wooyoung completely back into his wake. He tilts his head up to meet his gaze with Nichkhun’s expecting one. “No way.”

“It’s June 24th today, yes.”

Wooyoung scrambles on the bed on his knees and looks at Nichkhun in a mix of disbelief and embarrassment. “No way.” Nichkhun chuckles and sits up as well, his hair slightly disheveled. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I just told you!”

“No, no. Why didn’t you remind me?” Wooyoung grabs the desk calendar and scans through the dates with his finger. “Oh my God,” he drops his hand on the bed. “It is your birthday today.”

“Yes, it is.”

“Oh no. I’m sorry!” Wooyoung leaps forward and pulls Nichkhun into his embrace, whom immediately returns back the hug. “I lost track of the days! I swear I didn’t mean to forget it.”

“It’s okay,” Nichkhun coos. Wooyoung’s taking none of that, of course. It is not okay. Wooyoung’s embarrassed and sad he forgot Nichkhun’s birthday. Not only did he not prepare any present or event for Nichkhun, he didn’t even get to be the first to greet him a happy birthday.

“Nichkhun, I’m so sorry,” he tells Nichkhun, regrets in his eyes and sad curl on his lips. “Sorry, sorry, sorry,” he repeats, leaving kisses of apologies all over Nichkhun’s face.

“Hey, don’t be!” Nichkhun says, though he doesn’t try to stop Wooyoung from pressing kisses on his face.

“I’m still sorry…Were you waiting for me to greet you? Oh God, I’m such a bad person.”

“Hey, hey,” Nichkhun cups his hands on Wooyoung’s cheeks. “You’re not a bad person for forgetting. It happens!” Wooyoung pouts and gives an apologetic look at Nichkhun. “Though, I was waiting for some sort of a birthday kiss,” he teases.

“I’m sorry,” Wooyoung pecks Nichkhun’s lips. He gives another two pecks before greeting Nichkhun. “Happy birthday. Thanks for being born into this world and finding your way to me.”

“Thank you,” Nichkhun gives a soft gaze at Wooyoung. Wooyoung returns the gaze, leaning in for a longer, chaste kiss.

“We have to do something for your birthday,” Wooyoung says when he pulls away from the kiss.

“Yeah, actually,” Nichkhun pauses to on his lips. “It’s my birthday today but that wasn’t what I wanted to tell you. I wanted to tell you that I’ve decided to get a tattoo as well, and if you’re still up for it, maybe we can get it together today…” Wooyoung widens his eyes. “I know it’s so sudden and you haven’t even discussed about it with your parents yet I bet—”

“Let’s do it,” Wooyoung interrupts, excitement in his eyes. “Oh my God, Nichkhun let’s do it.”

“What? Is this really okay? I mean—”

“We have to do it,” Wooyoung gets up from the bed and pulls Nichkhun with him, finding himself buzzed with newfound thrill and excitement.

“Are you sure about this? Wait, weren’t you feeling tired?”

“Not anymore,” Wooyoung grins. He’s still tired, but the sleepiness is all gone so he figured he’ll be just fine.

“This is so exhilarating,” Wooyoung says. There’s that annoying pain on his chest again but Wooyoung tries to brush it off by rubbing his hand on it and focusing on Nichkhun instead. They’re only a few minutes away from the tattoo parlor now.

“It is,” Nichkhun admits. He’s pumped with excitement too, Wooyoung can see. But underneath it all, there’s still worry in the unsure glances he throws at Wooyoung. “Wait, wait,” he stops Wooyoung.

“What is it?”

“We don’t have to do this.”

“Are you crazy? We’re doing this,” Wooyoung tugs on Nichkhun’s arm and pulls him into the parlor.

“Welcome!” a cheery voice greets them. They look around to find the owner of the voice and sees her coming out from the back room. Even in the dim light, her hair is striking pink. Her gummy smile fades into a thin line and then she throws her hands up in the air. “Please tell me you’re both legal,” she demands. “Or at least, one of you are,” she raises her eyebrow up at Nichkhun.

“Hey, we both are,” Wooyoung frowns, a bit offended the girl thinks he’s still underage. He’s twenty-one, for crying out loud!

“We both are,” Nichkhun affirms. “Do you…do tattoos for guys here?”

“Yes honey, we do.” Wooyoung’s frowns deepened at her words. “You’re the one who’s going to get a tattoo?”

“Me, too,” Wooyoung announces, arms crossed on his chest and chin lifted up in arrogance.

“You sure, hon?” she gives him a once-over skeptically. “Cause you look very young. Can I see your ID?’

“Jia!” someone squeaks, and then scurries next to the pink-haired girl. “Of course they’re legal for this, God, don’t scare our customers away.” The new girl is petite, blonde and very cute— the kind of person Wooyoung wouldn’t expect to be in this kind of place, so Wooyoung‘s a bit surprised she‘s a staff here.

“Min, please,” Jia rolls her eyes. “It’s standard procedure. Show me your ID, boys,” she beckons with her hand. Nichkhun takes out his ID and Wooyoung takes out his, and they silently hand it over to Jia. She looks impressed, almost in disbelief when she sees their birthdays. “Okay, you’re of age to get tattoos. And it’s your birthday today, huh? Happy birthday. Will give you a special ten percent discount,” she winks at Nichkhun and gives the ID back to him. Wooyoung widens his eyes but before he can say anything, Nichkhun covers his mouth with his hand. Wooyoung looks in disapproval. Nichkhun gives an apologetic smile, but thanks Jia for her generosity.

“Um, have you guys thought of what tattoo you want to get?” Min asks, pretending to ignore whatever is happening with her customers in front of her.

“Yeah, actually, no. Can you give us a moment to discuss first?”

“Sure!” Min gladly agrees. “Here’s some pictures to give you some directions,” she hands them over two huge files, and then scurries to Jia, who’s getting all the materials ready. Nichkhun only lets go of his hand when they’re sitting further away from both girls.

“She winked at you!” Wooyoung hisses.

“Shhh, I know, I know,” Nichkhun tries to shush Wooyoung. Wooyoung only squints his eyes and crosses his arms on his chest again, turning away from Nichkhun. “But hey, she says we’re getting ten percent discount.”

“Are you happy you’re getting a discount?”

“Who doesn’t like discount?” Nichkhun hugs Wooyoung’s waist and leans his chin on Wooyoung’s shoulder. “Come on, don’t be upset. It was nothing, I’m sure.”

“Huh,” was all Wooyoung said.

“Come on,” Nichkhun shakes him gently. “Are you really going to be upset at me on my birthday? Over something I didn’t do?”

Wooyoung sighs and puts his arms down. Nichkhun is right. It wasn’t him who initiate anything with the pink-haired girl. Besides, he’s probably overreacting again and getting jealous over nothing. “Oh, okay.”

“That’s more like it,” Nichkhun smiles— Wooyoung feels him smile against his shoulder and that makes Wooyoung smile too.

“What tattoo are we getting?” Wooyoung asks. He flips the file open and looks over the pictures in there. Nichkhun stops Wooyoung by grabbing on his hand.

“Before we really do this, I just want to make sure one last time. Are you sure about this?”

“Yes, Nichkhun, I’m very, very positively sure about this,” Wooyoung tries to convince. “It’s not like anything bad will happen,” he shrugs. “So stop worrying too much! We’re doing this together. If something bad happens, it’ll happen to both of— wait. That’s not right…”

That makes Nichkhun laughs and loosens up a little. “Well, I guess we can do this then.”

“Yes, we can, Nichkhun!” Wooyoung encourages. “Now, what tattoo are we getting?”

“I was thinking of getting birth date tattooed in roman numbers. On the back, just below my shoulder…?”

“Why would you want to get your birthday tattooed on you? Oh, so people will remember when they see it?” he chuckles.

“No. Not my birth date, Wooyoung. Yours…”

Wooyoung stops flipping through the pages. “Mine?” Nichkhun nods. “Why?” Wooyoung smiles unsurely, not understanding why Nichkhun would do that. Nichkhun tries to appear nonchalant, but there’s already red on his face even before he says a thing.

“It’s just— like—. The day you were born, it was also when— I exist for a reason.”

Wooyoung swore he could have melted right there— from the adorable, shy look on Nichkhun’s face, the red on the tips of his ears and cheesy but sincere words. Wooyoung bites back a grin, but couldn’t deny the warm and fuzzy feelings from filling his heart.

“You sure you want that tattooed on your skin? This is serious, Nichkhun. The process of getting rid of it will be expensive and painful.”

“Who said I was going to get rid of it? I’m going to have it tattooed on my skin forever.”

“Nichkhun…” Wooyoung gives him a look. Even though he feels happy and touched and honored that Nichkhun wants to have his birthday tattooed on him, he wants Nichkhun to be really sure of his decision, to be really sure that he won’t be regretting it in the future. What would his future lovers think about it? How would Nichkhun answer their question about the tattoo? As much as he hates the thoughts of Nichkhun with someone else, he doesn’t want that tattoo to put a strain on Nichkhun’s relationship with his partner and everyone else around him.

“I’ve made my decision.”

“Wait, wait, wait. Let’s think about this over again,” Wooyoung tries to persuade.

“What, you don’t approve of it?”

“I think it’s really sweet of you to want that, but let’s think this over again seriously.”

“I am serious,” Nichkhun mumbles.

“Hey, how about this—” Wooyoung clicks his tongue and puts a finger up as something crosses in his mind. “We’ll get the same tattoo this time?”

“Like…couple tattoos? What do you have in mind?”

“Just…” Wooyoung shrugs, suddenly unsure of his own idea. Nichkhun may or may not like it, but he figured there’s no harm in sharing it with him anyway. “I don’t know, like, wings maybe?”

“Wings?” Nichkhun’s eyes light up with interest.

“Yeah…” Nichkhun appears to be contemplating about it. “You can get one, and I can get one…”

“One wing for each of us?”

Wooyoung nods. “We can fly together, but without the presence of either one of us, it’ll just be a useless half of a pair of wings.”

Nichkhun’s smile slowly turns into a grin. “I like it. I like it very much.”

“You do?” Wooyoung returns the smile. “Don’t worry, though. If I had to leave one day, I’ll give you my wing so you can continue flying.”

Nichkhun furrows his eyebrows together at that. “Don’t say things like that…”

“Sorry,” Wooyoung chuckles, half sheepish, half apologetic. Nichkhun grabs Wooyoung’s hand and rubs his thumb on it.

“I really like the idea, but I don’t know if we should do it? Maybe we can do it some other time. Let’s get something small and simple first.”

Wooyoung pouts but Nichkhun has a point. It’ll probably be too big and easily noticeable by his eagle-eyed Minjun hyung, and not to mention painful as well. Wooyoung will have to compromise this time, but that doesn’t mean he won’t be holding on to Nichkhun’s word, because he will.

“Okay then, whatever you say….”

“But what if we do…oh! Connected heartbeat on our wrists? That won’t be so bad, right?” Nichkhun suggests quickly, as if noticing Wooyoung’s feeling sulky that his idea was rejected. “We can do a subtle N on your wrist— I mean, if you want—, and I’ll do W on mine. Yes, yes?” A grin makes its way onto Wooyoung’s face. “You’re smiling,” Nichkhun states the obvious. He can’t help but grin too. “Is that a yes or, “oh my god yes!”? ”

“Yes, yes, yes!” Wooyoung agrees. He can’t hide the fact that he really likes Nichkhun’s idea. It’s simple but meaningful, and the best part is that they’re going to get it together. “Let’s do that. I want it here,” Wooyoung points on his left wrist.

“Then I’ll do it on my right,” Nichkhun says, calling the tattoo artist over so they can discuss more about their tattoo before finally getting it.

+

The thing is that, Wooyoung obediently takes in his medicines on the right time every day, practices a healthy diet and avoids as much stress as he could, but still, the attacks and pain never seem to go away. It’s becoming too frequent and Wooyoung’s getting bothered and worried about it that he finally decides to see his doctor. Without the knowledge of his family nor Nichkhun, that is.

Wooyoung wakes up so early in the morning and tells his mom he’s leaving to see Nichkhun that day. It’s not a complete lie as they did promise to meet that morning, but it was to be later in the day so Wooyoung has a few hours to spend to meet his doctor. He doesn’t like lying to his mom, but he doesn’t want to worry her either. Maybe it’s nothing. Maybe, it’s just the new medicines that his body is trying to adjust to. He’ll be fine and no one has to worry about him, Wooyoung thinks to himself.

The hospital is a no foreign place to Wooyoung, but he still feels a little uneasy being here. The air conditioner helps to cool Wooyoung down from the summer heat, but it’s not enough to calm him down. Wooyoung waits for his turn, nervously playing with the straps of his backpack. Every once in a while, his fingers would gently brush against the bandage around his left wrist. Today, he and Nichkhun will finally remove the bandage so they can see the final result of their tattoos and that small thought put a smile on his face, temporarily distracting him from his worries.

“Choi Wooyoung,” the nurse calls for Wooyoung. He abruptly stands up from his seat and follows the nurse walking towards Doctor Ok’s office.

“Good morning,” Wooyoung greets as soon as he gets inside the office, slightly bowing his head and body.

“Good morning, Wooyoung!” Doctor Ok greets back cheerfully. “Please have a seat. How are you doing?”

“Uh. Yeah, about that. That’s why I’m here,” Wooyoung starts unsurely. “I’m— um. Not doing so good?”

The look on Doctor Ok’s face turns serious. “What seems to be the problem?”

“I’ve been getting these series of attacks. It’s getting very frequent. It’s not like my usual episodes. I actually feel pain on my chest when this one happens.”

“How long has it been going?”

“Two weeks maybe? Why? Is there something wrong with me?” Wooyoung asks when he sees the look on the doctor’s face. “Could it be the new medicines?”

“It could…” Wooyoung wanted to feel relief at his answer, but he worries even more when Doctor Ok adds in a “But I will need to check thoroughly to see what’s really wrong.”

“Is it necessary? How much will all of this cost?” Wooyoung frowns. Is not that they don’t have the money for this. In fact, the family has an account specially kept for Wooyoung’s treatment needs. But if the check up costs a lot of money, both his parents and brother will notice and start asking where the money went to. Wooyoung wants to keep this to himself first before he gets the final result.

“Yes, it is necessary, Wooyoung. It’s so it will be easier for me to know the core of this problem. It will cost a little money, but we’ll talk about the bill later. The quicker we get to this, the faster I will find the problem and find the solution for it.”

“Uh, okay,” Wooyoung reluctantly agrees, suddenly feeling scared. He hopes it’s really nothing so he can tell his family about it in peace.

The whole examination takes up about an hour of Wooyoung’s time. Since Doctor Ok has two surgeries today, he can’t wait and sit down to discuss with Wooyoung so they agreed to meet again tomorrow morning. By the time Wooyoung goes out, it’s already close to his promised meet up time with Nichkhun. Even on his way to meet Nichkhun, Wooyoung can’t seem to take his mind off the same matter. Is something really wrong with his heart this time? Is he really sick and done for this time around? Wooyoung wonders and wonders.

The bus pulls up on Wooyoung’s stop and Wooyoung hops down the vehicle. He tries to think of other stuff but it’s to no avail. Wooyoung sighs and walks quicker, in hope that meeting Nichkhun will help distract him from everything, especially his paranoid thoughts.

When he arrives in front of Nichkhun’s house, he can hear loud music playing on the other side of the door. Clicking the pass code to unlock the door, Wooyoung carefully opens it to take a peek to see if Nichkhun has company in his home. To his surprise, the house is empty. “Nichkhun?” he calls out. There is no response. Wooyoung walks up to the stereo and turns it off. “Nichkhun?” he tries again.

“Wooyoung?” Nichkhun shouts back. “I’m up here! Be right down in a minute!” Nichkhun literally skips down the stairs and Wooyoung squints his eyes in slight suspicion at Nichkhun’s overexcitement. “Now, let’s open the bandages,” Nichkhun shows his wrist and pulls Wooyoung to the bathroom.

“Open it for me,” Wooyoung requests.

“Open mine.” Wooyoung grabs Nichkhun’s arm and pulls his wrist closer to him. They wet the bandage with warm water first and start unrolling the bandages off their wrists.

“I can’t believe we really did this.” Nichkhun only chuckles and takes off the bandage with gentle care. Wooyoung can see traces of black ink on Nichkhun’s milky white skin, slowly revealing the whole tattoo. It’s just a simple heartbeat line exactly like what they wanted. It forms a W in the middle of Nichkhun’s tattoo and an N on Wooyoung’s.

With his thumb, Wooyoung touches the tattoo permanently inked on Nichkhun’s wrist and then he pulls on his own wrist to look at his tattoo. Nichkhun washes their wrists and carefully removes the dried blood and leaked ink. Then, he presses the side of his wrist onto Wooyoung’s to connect their tattoos. “One heartbeat.”

Wooyoung smiles. “I’m glad we got them. But, oh my God. Minjun hyung is going to freak out,” he says, making Nichkhun laughs in agreement.

“He will. When are you going to tell him?”

“I’ll just…let it show and let him notice it himself…”

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

“…Probably not.”

“He will freak out, but there’s really nothing he can do about it,” Nichkhun shrugs and throws the used bandages into the dustbin. “Hey, I have something to show you.”

“What?” Wooyoung blinks at the grin on Nichkhun’s face. “What?!” he half-shouts this time when Nichkhun pulls off his shirt. “What are you—”

Nichkhun spins around and shows his back to Wooyoung. His hand brushes over the skin below his shoulder but Wooyoung’s eyes wander off to Nichkhun’s body first, spotting a set of dimples on his lower back. Wooyoung swallows and feels himself blushing, and quickly shifts his eyes to where Nichkhun’s hand is touching. Seeing another tattoo inked onto Nichkhun’s flesh, Wooyoung widens his eyes.

“Khun, when did you?” Wooyoung’s fingers linger above the tattoo without touching it. It’s Wooyoung’s birthday in roman numbers, just like what Nichkhun said he’d get.

“I just had to get it, and I’m very happy with the result. It’s like a present for myself for my birthday, you know?”

“But when?”

“I went there again later that night. I like it. It turns out really good, huh?”

“But Khun, you shouldn’t have…” Wooyoung wants to argue, but he has to admit that the tattoo does look good. Even though he was against the idea before, now he’s feeling regretful that he doesn’t get it with Nichkhun.

“It’s done, so…”  Nichkhun playfully sticks his tongue out at Wooyoung. He looks at his tattoo through the reflection of the mirror one last time before putting his shirt back on and walking out of the bathroom.

“I want to get that tattoo too,” Wooyoung demands as he follows Nichkhun into the living room. Nichkhun slumps onto the couch and turns the television on with a remote control.

“You already have a tattoo,” he says. “And you don’t need another one.”

“Why can you get two and I can only get one?”

“Because that is what was written on your list.”

Wooyoung exhales deeply and reaches for his backpack to take his list out. The paper is all worn out and a bit dirty but everything can still be read clearly. Looking at it again, Wooyoung realizes just how much he—they have achieved. His eyes found what he was looking for, and indeed, he did write to get a tattoo.

“Well, I’m just going to have to add in another one,” Wooyoung concludes. Conveniently, there’s a pen on the table, so Wooyoung grabs it to write on the paper. However, Wooyoung gasps out loud when he feels Nichkhun wrapping his arms around his waist and pulls Wooyoung down to sit on his lap. “Excuse me, mister. I’m busy here?”

“No, you’re not.”

Wooyoung ignores Nichkhun— determined to write down on his list. His hand comes into a stop when he feels Nichkhun nuzzling his nose on Wooyoung’s nape, his steady, warm breaths tickling Wooyoung’s skin. One of Nichkhun’s hands rubs on Wooyoung’s side, while the other rubs on Wooyoung’s arm. Wooyoung sighs from the comforting gestures, his eyes sliding closed and he relaxes completely in Nichkhun’s arms. Wooyoung doesn’t even notice he was being all tensed up before this, but he is hundred percent sure it was because of all the worries that got to him.

“What are you worried about?” Nichkhun asks knowingly, his rubs turning into massages on Wooyoung’s shoulders. The gesture— coupled with Nichkhun’s question— causes an involuntary whimper to escape from Wooyoung’s mouth.

“Nothing,” Wooyoung lies. He’s been worrying over his visit to the hospital and all the check ups, but right now all he can feel is Nichkhun’s touches on him and he would like to concentrate only on that feeling. Nichkhun’s arms have come to circle around Wooyoung’s waist again, his kisses pressed onto Wooyoung’s shoulder and the crook of his neck. The kisses trailed up onto Wooyoung’s jawline as Wooyoung turns his face to the side a little, his hand tightening around Nichkhun’s arm.

As much as Wooyoung loves the feeling and Nichkhun’s attention on him, he finds their position rather annoying because he can’t completely see and kiss Nichkhun back. Wooyoung shifts around to straddle Nichkhun, dropping the paper and pen onto the floor and forgetting about them, along with all of his worries. His arms quickly find their way around Nichkhun’s neck, their mouths meeting in a longing kiss.

Wooyoung feels Nichkhun grabbing the backs of his knees and pulling him closer until there is no more space separating them. Wooyoung presses himself onto Nichkhun, their hesitant but curious hands wandering around their bodies. Wooyoung feels hot, the sudden rise in temperature in them turns the kiss more urgent and demanding. Mouths mold on each other perfectly, tongues sliding and tangling together, and Wooyoung feels the oxygen quickly leaving his lungs. He pulls away to breathe in air, but his hands flex on Nichkhun’s shoulders and a small whimper escapes his mouth when Nichkhun latches his mouth on a spot on Wooyoung’s neck and it hard.

Panting hard, they look at each other with a flushed face and half-lidded eyes. Nichkhun looks at Wooyoung with a questioning gaze, but there’s a mutual want and lust reflected in them as well. Wooyoung pulls his hand up to touch and caress Nichkhun’s cheek, a small smile adorning his face. He feels Nichkhun’s heart beating fast against his own, and before Wooyoung can worry more about his potential incoming attack or even think about what they‘re doing, he leans forward and connects their mouths in another kiss. It’s slow and patient this time, just lips pressing on lips with occasional nibbles and until Nichkhun carefully lifts Wooyoung up without breaking their kiss and presses him down against the couch.

It is then when all the thoughts begin entering and crowding Wooyoung’s mind. He can’t lie and say he doesn’t like this, but this interruption by his thoughts is making it all too hard for him to enjoy this fully.

Nichkhun lets go of the kiss and presses his mouth on Wooyoung’s jawline, murmuring a “Maybe we should stop.” His hands say otherwise though, as they slip under Wooyoung’s shirt, gently rubbing on Wooyoung’s sides and thumbs rubbing circles there, causing him to squirm a little.

“What?” Wooyoung says airily, instinctive hands tangling in Nichkhun’s hair as he presses closer to him. Maybe Wooyoung does want to stop as well, but just like Nichkhun, his body seems to have a mind of its own. Nichkhun groans on the crook of Wooyoung’s neck and his hold on Wooyoung’s waist tightens in an almost bruising grip. “Nichkhun, it’s…okay…” Wooyoung swallows, giving Nichkhun his permission. He tries to will away as much thoughts at he can and concentrate on Nichkhun and his needs instead. They’ve been together for a while now, and Nichkhun’s been nothing but caring and patient with him, so now Wooyoung wants to give and do something for him.

Wooyoung’s eyes slide closed again as Nichkhun peppers kisses on his neck, shoulder and clothed collarbone. He’s beginning to feel dizzy but it’s not until he feels the sharp pain on his chest does he realize he’s having another attack. “Wait. Nichkhun, wait,” he hisses, hands tugging on Nichkhun’s sleeves. Nichkhun immediately looks up at him, worry quickly written all over his face.

“Wooyoung?” he kneels and hovers above Wooyoung, panic in his tone of voice. Wooyoung’s hand reaches for Nichkhun’s and Nichkhun squeezes it tightly.

“Help me get through this.”

“I’m calling for help,” Nichkhun suggests, hand reaching for the phone but Wooyoung quickly stops him.

“No, please, don’t,” Wooyoung frowns, biting on his lower lip to fight the pain. His breathing turns irregular and it feels like his heart is going to explode in his chest. Nichkhun seems to disagree but he tries to calm himself down and focus on Wooyoung.

“I’m keeping it near just in case I really have to call for help,” he reasons. Wooyoung only nods his head. “Wooyoung, listen to me.” Wooyoung takes a deep breath and holds it in, gaze shifting to Nichkhun. Nichkhun touches Wooyoung’s cheek and then he rests their linked hands on Wooyoung’s chest. “Babe, I need you to calm down.”

“Okay,” Wooyoung nods again.

“I need you to calm down and breathe. Breathe. Wooyoung, breathe.” Even though it hurts to breathe, Wooyoung knows he needs to get the air back into his lungs. Wooyoung exhales shakily, and then inhales a mouthful of air following Nichkhun’s rhythm. “Yeah, that’s it,” Nichkhun encourages. He seems a lot calmer after seeing Wooyoung slowly recovering, but he is visibly trembling. When the pain doesn’t go away, Wooyoung asks Nichkhun to get his medicines in his backpack.

Nichkhun quickly stands up to get a glass of water and feeds Wooyoung his medicines. It takes a few minutes for the medicines to kick in and calm down his nerves until all that’s left is the familiar dull ache in Wooyoung’s chest. Nichkhun pulls and fixes Wooyoung’s disheveled shirt, rubbing his hand on Wooyoung’s back when he turns away from Nichkhun. 

“You feeling better now?” Nichkhun asks worriedly. “Wooyoung, please, let’s go to the hospital,” he persuades.

“I’m fine.” Wooyoung sniffles, angry and frustrated tears swelling in his eyes. Never had he felt embarrassed of his sickness before and this would be the first. “God, I’m so stupid and useless.”

“Wooyoung, hey,” Nichkhun moves closer and leans his chin on the side of Wooyoung’s arm. “You’re not stupid and you’re definitely not useless. Don’t think like that.”

“All I wanted was to do something for you and I can’t even do that.”

“By still being here, it’s the best thing you could have done for me. It’s enough for me to see you’re doing fine and still holding on. I wouldn’t want you to think any less of that because it means a lot to me to still have you by my side.”

Wooyoung wipes the tears that managed to escape his eyes. “But…”

“Shh. It’s okay.”

“If—” Wooyoung turns his head a little to see Nichkhun. “If I could do it next time, would you stop me?”

“If it’s for the best, of course I would.”

“Don’t you want me?” Wooyoung blushes as soon as he asked that. Nichkhun smiles fondly at him.

“I always will.” Wooyoung blushes even more at that. “But right now, I want you to get better more than anything else.”

Wooyoung turns around fully so he can link his arms around Nichkhun’s neck. “Do you still love me?”

Nichkhun coos and leans down to hug Wooyoung. “Of course I do. Can’t imagine the time I don’t.”

“You will always love me?” Even when something bad happened to? When I’m gone? When you find someone new? Wooyoung hates feeling insecure like this but at the same time, he also loves the feeling of being comforted and assured by Nichkhun.

“Loved you yesterday, love you today, will still be in love with you tomorrow,” Nichkhun whispers. “There will never be a time where I stop loving you.”

“Okay,” Wooyoung smiles and nods, tightening his arms around Nichkhun. Wooyoung can never be sure how long this would last, but he knows better to appreciate all these moments with Nichkhun while he still can. So he lets himself drown in the comfort of Nichkhun’s words and warmth, unknowing what lies ahead in the near future.

+

Present day.

Annual rainy season for the summer is here and it hasn’t stopped pouring since three days ago. It’s busy in the café, and even though it’s pouring heavily outside, murmurs of voices and happy laughter can still be heard ringing in the cozy place. 

It’s a whole different story on Wooyoung’s and Nichkhun’s table.

Neither of them said a word. Wooyoung can sense Nichkhun’s worry, confusion, sadness and anger all in one gaze but he doesn’t dare to meet Nichkhun in the eye. Ever since the day they went on a day out to the amusement park, he stops seeing Nichkhun and completely shut him off of his life. Apparently, Nichkhun doesn’t get the hint that Wooyoung wants him to leave him alone, but Wooyoung doesn’t blame him. He would be confused and angry at the sudden cold shoulders and silent treatments too. But what was he to do? Tell Nichkhun the truth and watch Nichkhun suffer with him?

No, he doesn’t want that.

“Why are you mad at me?” Nichkhun finally asks. It’s the only conclusion he can get seeing how Wooyoung is giving him the cold shoulders.

“Just, please. Get mad at me. Get tired of me.”

“But…why?”

“Because I’m going to forget you. I’m going to forget all of our promises. So get mad at me and leave me because I‘m being a jerk to you.”

“What? Why are you doing this? What’s going on?” Nichkhun panics. “Is it my brother??”

“Nichkhun,” Wooyoung quickly cuts in. Under the table, Wooyoung clenches his fists tightly as a gesture to give himself some strength. He needs to do this. He needs to do this now. “I can’t do this anymore.”

“What…?”

Wooyoung frowns. “I’m trying— to break up with you,” he says shakily. “Can you not make this any harder for me?”

“Break…up…?”

Wooyoung takes out a ring from his pocket and puts it down, sliding it across the table towards Nichkhun. Nichkhun stares at the ring and then at Wooyoung, confusion and fear mix into one realizing how serious Wooyoung is about this.

“I don’t want to do this anymore.”

“No,” Nichkhun quickly disagrees and stands up from his seat. “You’re not breaking up with me.”

“Nichkhun—”

“I said no!” Nichkhun says angrily, trying to dash out of the café but Wooyoung stops him by grabbing onto his wrist without moving from his seat.

“Nichkhun, please.” Wooyoung swallows the sobs in but let the tears escape his eyes. “Let’s stop seeing each other.”