Title: A Big Spoon of Doubt
Pairing: Onkey
Rating: PG-15
Genre: Romance, fluff
Words: 4599

The hallway was always busy and today was no different. Jinki winced at the earsplitting commotions around him and squished through the crowd, bumping into everything imaginable. It came to the point where he could hardly tell between the corners of textbooks and elbows. Somehow, he managed to get to his locker with no harm and he fumbled to open his lock.

The lunch bell rang through the hallway. Jinki took a note of the sound and groaned annoyingly. He stacked his textbook on the upper shelf and hastily grabbed for his brown paper bag. Kicking his locker closed, he picked up his pace towards the field.

“, Minho is going to kill me,” The jogging boy muttered under his breath.

The field came into view and he walked a bit faster. Spotting his hazel hair friend, Jonghyun, Jinki stood beside him.

 Minho, the captain of the track and field team, threw a glance at his arrival. He hated it when the members were late for a meeting. Nevertheless, he continued speaking to the rest with a firm face. “Since the meet is at the end of the month, I expect everyone to meet up tomorrow after school for practice.”

“Tomorrow?” A light gasped rolled off his tongue. “Again?” Jonghyun whined to Jinki, drowning out Minho’s low voice. “I have to go to the music group’s practice tomorrow or Kibum will have my head!”

Jinki’s gaze flickered at the mention of a certain boy.

Everything seemed to happen on its own. First, his body tensed up. His blood, which flowed through his veins, brewed and the temperature rose from within. His heart thumped unsteadily. The soft flawless cheeks tinted pink; his eyes twinkled in cute half crescents and his lips curled into a lopsided grin. Jinki felt tipsy and out of balance as if he just had a can of beer.

It was a spell- Kibum that is.

“Jinki hyung?”

Minho’s sharp deep voice seemed to do the trick of snapping the boy out of his trance. Jinki lightly shook his head, taking his thick bottom lip between his teeth. “Sorry?” By now, the field was empty except the three of them.

“Somebody is head over heals for Kibummie~” Jonghyun teased the rosy cheeks boy. “See I told you Minho, Jinki hyung has a major crush on Kibum!”

The words made the elder glow in embarrassment. “No I don’t!” He tried to defend himself, throwing a light punch on his arm.

“You dazed out and started grinning like an idiot when I mentioned his name.” Jonghyun pointed out the facts. It was fun to poke at his hyung’s sudden condition because of Kibum. He noticed the other’s fist in the air and without delay, he hid behind Minho’s lanky body for protection. “Kibum, Kibum, Kibum~”

“Yah, Kim Jonghyun!” Minho restrained a smile; his hand cupping over his mouth. Jinki pouted. “Not you too Minho!”

Throwing an arm over Jinki’s shoulder, Minho led him back to the school. He glanced over his shoulder just to make sure nobody left anything in the field. “Come on lover boy, let’s go grab some lunch.”

Jonghyun soon came to join them, slinging his arm over the other side of Jinki’s shoulder. “Maybe Kibum would join us for lunch,” The two chuckled and he continued, “Let’s just hope Jinki won’t gap like a fish again this time.” 

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Jinki picked at the lettuce inside the sandwich his mom made for him. He was sitting in the cafeteria with Jonghyun and Minho. Being the chatterbox that he is, Jonghyun kept rambling on about his broken sink beside him. He could tell Minho was only half listening to his story, occasionally giving a nod here and there just to please the other.

His eyes gazed over at the table diagonal from theirs. It was unintentional- almost like an instinct to Jinki. Kibum was sitting there, talking animatedly with exaggerated hand gestures. He propped his elbows up and rested his head on his hand.

Everything that boy did never fail to amaze him.

At times he wondered if this crush was going a bit too far. He hardly even had a good long conversation with Kibum. They two only shared small chats in chemistry class with the help of Jonghyun of course. Jinki was just too shy; he blanked out around Kibum.

“Jinki hyung is checking out Kibum again,” Jonghyun whispered loudly on purpose to the track and field captain. The two snickered.

“Yah,” Jinki stuck out his bottom lip and continued, “You two are being annoying again and I wasn’t even looking at him.”

Minho raised his brow. Jonghyun’s lips curled into a mocking smile, rolling his eyes.

“What? I’m serious.”

“And I am the smartest person on earth,” Jonghyun retorted. “If you want to get Kibum, you should just go up to him and talk. He won’t bite, I can promise you that.”

‘It is much easier said than done.’ The eldest thought in his head. Some things were better kept in rather than spilled out to his friends.

Jinki whipped up his theory of love through a bit of his logic, a pinch of assumptions and a big spoon of doubts. There was a zero percent chance between him and Kibum; he was aware of it. He allowed this thought to hold him back and keep him in the right track.

It was his recipe in keeping his heart in single piece.

Kibum was perfect. He was beautiful with his feline eyes, his rosy bow-shaped lips, his high defined cheeks and his sharp jaw. It made even girls envious of his dazzling features. Everything was so flawless from the way he styled his hair to the way he dressed. He was popular for his looks, his intelligence, his attitude and his humour. It was second nature to him to pull people towards him- to be love drunk for him.

And in the end, Jinki concluded that Kibum was everything he was not. Jinki was quiet and reserve. Kibum was flamboyant and blunt. With that thought alone, he hid behind his doubts, afraid to open up his heart to the boy.

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It was the morning of the next day and school was about to start in five minutes. Jinki was already sitting in his homeroom, early as usual, with books out on his wooden desk.   

The boy enjoyed this class the most for several reasons. One reason weighed heavier than the others combined.

As seconds passed by, other students in his chemistry class filed in. He rested his cheek on top of his textbook, keeping his gaze on the door. He was waiting, more like anticipating, for Kibum to walk in any minute.

Yes, Jinki admitted that it was shallow of him to take chemistry year after year because of Kibum. He wanted nothing more than to spend time with him, to be with him. It came to the point where he would not even mind just sitting silently behind him.

He shook his head, chuckling bitterly to no one in particular. “You really are pathetic Jinki.” His words were drowned in the loud chatters around him and he was thankful of that.  

Jonghyun walked in with a black designer tee and a pair of tight jeans. Jinki took note of the biker boots; it was one of many Kibum’s favourite styles. He slipped into the seat beside him. Rubbing his eye with the back of his hand, he yawned involuntarily. “Morning hyung,” he murmured softly as he laid his cheek on his textbook like the other.

Jinki hummed back. “You seem tired this morning.”

“Yeah,” He sighed, “Kibum made me learn all my parts for the dance in one night since I’m missing two practices in a row. How dare he not give me a short break? That little .”

Jinki watched the other weave his fingers through his hazel hair, making it even messier. He patted the other softly on his shoulder and offered a small smile. “He’s probably just upset that Minho is making you miss all his practices.”

“Do you always have to take his side?” The younger boy pouted.

He shrugged in return.

“Well, Kibum didn’t have to explode on me. My arms and legs are aching so badly now!” Jonghyun stretched his arms out and tilted his head left to right.

“I’ll give you a massage?”

“Offer taken hyung!” He grinned childishly immediately. At the corner of his eye, he noticed his best friend stride in and coming towards him. “Oh no, Bummie is here… save me hyung~”

Once again, Jinki smiled. “Good luck,” he mouthed. His eyes flickered towards the beautiful boy; his fingers fumbled through random pages in his textbook. Unconsciously, he pressed his palm against his chest, anything to calm down the fast beats.

“Morning Jjong,” Kibum breathed out in his velvety voice and it was music to Jinki’s ears. He lightly poked the other on his built arm, giving him an apologetic smile. “Are you ignoring me Jjong?” Sensing no response, he glanced over at Jinki with a helpless expression.

Feeling weak on his knees (because of that simple glance), Jinki nudged Jonghyun on his thigh. Jonghyun rolled his eyes at the eldest. He knew Jinki would help Kibum; it was so typical of him. “Morning Kibum,” he murmured tiredly.

By now, Kibum slipped into his seat in front of Jinki and beside the empty seat that belonged to Minho. “I got you a cup of coffee from Starbucks.” He pushed the cup into the other’s hand. “Lots of milk and a spoon of sugar, just the way you like it.”

Jonghyun grinned; He was weak when it came to Kibum treating him nicely. “Thanks Bummie.” He took a small sip, feeling energized.

Kibum chuckled at how easily Jonghyun was pleased. “Forgive me?”

“I always do.”

“Did you call me a again this time?”

Jonghyun beamed sheepishly, scratching the back of his head. “Sorry Bummie~”

It was times like this that Jinki would want to dig a hole and stick his head inside it until it was over. It was hard, almost achy, to know that he would never have a close enough relationship with Kibum.

Jinki wanted Kibum to come to class every morning and give him, and only him, his mesmerizing smile, He wanted him to greet him good morning with his velvet voice and use nicknames with one another. He wanted the other to share a cup of coffee with him and for Kibum to know how to make it to his taste.

“Morning Jinki hyung, Jonghyun hyung and Kibum,” Minho rushed in with two textbooks at hand and his stuffed sports bag. He took a seat beside the flamboyant boy while flashing them all a smile (especially Kibum).

“You stupid frog.”

“I’m assuming this is about my extra practice for the team?” He raised his brow at the group. Sensing the cold shoulder from Kibum, he continued quickly, “I’ll make it up to you Kibum. Why don’t we all go for ice-cream after practice today, my treat?”

Kibum crossed his slender arms over his chest. His feline-like eyes glared at the captain since he knew he was weak when it came to free ice-cream. “Fine.” The word was gritted through his teeth.

Minho slung his arm around the other casually as he threw in another apologetic smile. “You’re the best Kibum!” Turning around, he said, “We are going for ice-cream after school. You guys are free right?” His gaze lingered on Jinki.

The eldest nibbled on his lip. He heard Jonghyun agree within a heartbeat and now two pair of eyes were on him. He knew what they thinking. This is your chance hyung!

“Jinki hyung?”

He felt Kibum’s gaze on him and his shaking fingers came up to smooth out his hair nervously. “Huh? Oh yeah, yeah, I’ll go.”

Minho grinned along with Jonghyun. “Awesome, this will be fun with the four of us.” He added with his signature wink.

The teacher continued on with the lesson from yesterday, filling the blackboards with notes.

Jinki tried concentrating but he couldn’t. His notebook was empty and he knew he would regret not listening to the lecture later on that night. Everything just seemed to be distracting him.

He titled his head to the side and drowned in his thoughts once again.

What if Jinki embarrasses himself with his dorky jokes and Kibum doesn’t laugh along? What if Jinki pulls something typical of him, a clumsy act of tripping over thin air? What if after today, Kibum didn’t like him, not even as a friend?

He was doing it again, doubting himself over and over again. However, he couldn’t stop. All these possibilities were scaring him and he became an emotional mess.

“Pst, Jinki hyung~” Jonghyun whispered, not bothered by the fact that it was exceptionally louder than a hush. Jinki nodded as he twirled his ball pen around his fingers. “Today is your big day!”

“My big day?” The other was genuinely confused. He was thankful Kibum was sleeping in front of him.

“You get to go out with Kibum today despite Minho and I are tagging along of course. Don’t tell me you’re not excited.”

“Ah.” Jinki opened his mouth, wanting to say something back, but no words came out. He must have looked like a gapping fish to Jonghyun. “About that… maybe,” He spoke rather softly, “maybe, I shouldn’t go.”

Jonghyun’s head jerked up from the table, wobbling it, as he stared at his hyung with wide eyes. His arms reached out and gripped on his shoulders. “Are you crazy?” He frantically shook his shoulders back and forth, back and forth. “Are you crazy?” Jonghyun repeated again.

“No, last time I checked I was sane.”

“How can you pass up an opportunity like this hyung?” He stopped shaking him and his head bobbed along like the other’s. It was amusing to him.

“I don’t know.” His voice trailed off.

Jonghyun smiled. “It’ll be fine, trust me. Be yourself and have fun.” He laid his head on Jinki’s broad shoulder and he continued, “Plus, Kibum thinks you’re a decent guy.”

“Me? A decent guy?”

“Apparently you’re intelligent and cute too.”

“Who’s intelligent and cute?” Kibum interrupted unexpectedly. He rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand and pulled out his favourite hand mirror. His slender fingers were quick to fix a few stray hairs.

 “Hyung.” Jonghyun spat out quickly with a low chuckle. He clung onto his arm as he snuggled even closer to Jinki. It was his way of being cute so the other won’t kill him for spilling his name out later on.

“What are you talking-” Jinki tried saving himself.

“Jinki hyung?” Kibum set down his hand mirror on his textbook and took a note of the two’s closeness. Jinki hid his face against Jonghyun’s hair. When the silence was starting to become uncomfortable, he caught Jinki’s gaze and his lips slowly curled upwards. “Jinki hyung is intelligent and cute.”

Jinki choked on his thin air and started to cough uncontrollably. Jonghyun lightly patted him on his back. He his sudden dry lips and tried to calm his racing heart down. The six words made his cheeks tint five shades darker and he tried to smile normally back. “Thank you Kibum,” He murmured faintly and kept his head down. He really didn’t need his two dongsaengs to poke at him for turning a darker shade again.

“You look like a tomato Jinki hyung.”

Too late. Thanks Minho.

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The track and field practice ended with five extra laps around the field, courtesy of the team’s captain. Jinki, along with Jonghyun, dragged themselves back to the school’s boys change room. Sweat droplets rolled down their smooth skins as the two boys panted heavily.

“Seriously, that stupid frog is trying to kill us hyung!” Jonghyun complained loudly, knowing Minho was still at the field cleaning up. Jinki spared him a hum in response, trying to catch his breath. “But at least, he’s treating us to ice-cream. I’m going to order 5 scoops just to piss him off.” He stuck out his tongue childishly at the tall figure coming towards them.

“You guys worked hard today!”

Jonghyun rolled his eyes. “I’m going to take a quick shower since I’m sweating like a pig for working my off out there.”

“That’s the spirit Jjong!”

Slinging his bag over his shoulder, Jonghyun mumbled in Jinki’s ears, “That guy is so clueless.” He made sure to roughly bump into Minho’s shoulder as he walked past him.

It was hot and stuffy in the change room. Jinki took no time to take off his shirt and started fanning himself. His fluffy blue towel rested around his bare shoulders and he wiped away the glistening droplets off his chest. “I’m beat.” He heaved out tiredly.

“Jjong?” A sharp voice called out behind him.

Jinki automatically froze at the sound of his voice. His hands gripped tightly on his towel and his eyes popped wide opened. “Kibum?” He mouthed to Minho to only receive a mischievous grin.

He was aware of the fact that his upper body was shirtless and bare. It was exposed to everyone and Jinki normally didn’t mind. But this time, it was different. Kibum was standing right behind him and he minded being shirtless for once.

“Jinki hyung?” 

 Jinki let out the breath he was unconsciously holding. He was thankful to have his back turned to the boy. “Yeah?” He took a fugitive glance over his shoulder and caught sight of his beautiful crush.

“We’re still going for ice-cream together right? That stupid frog didn’t cancel on us right?” Kibum took a seat on the bench beside Jinki’s bag and his abandoned tee. He played with the straps on his backpack, watching the other attentively.

“W-we’re still going.” He gulped hard.

“Aren’t you going to change hyung?” The question was innocent and it made Jinki flush yet again.

Slowly, he turned around. He remembered to keep his eyes down at the floor to avoid further embarrassment. His blue towel was pressed hard on his hot skin as if it would cover more surfaces. It was making him excited to know that Kibum’s eyes were on him, him of all people in the change room. He rummaged through his bag for a clean shirt only to the other sitting on his shirt. “K-Kibum ah, you’re sitting on my shirt.” His gaze flickered up to meet the pair of cat-like eyes.

Caught red-handed, Kibum quickly looked down at his sweaty palms to distract himself. It wasn’t his fault for staring at Jinki like that. He just never knew of the faint abs and the broad chest. It was interesting- if that was the right word. “Huh? Your shirt?” He stood up and shoved the yellow tee in the other’s hands.

“Thanks.”

Then silence fell between the two of them. Jinki slipped on his shirt and cleared his throat uncomfortably. Kibum scratched the back of his head sheepishly.

“How are my best buddies?” Jonghyun, skin a little moist, wrapped his arms around their shoulders.

“You’re late!” Kibum snapped at him.

Secretly, Jinki thanked him for coming in the right time. He watched the other two bicker like usual all the way to the front entrance. He trailed behind with Minho who rambled on about the next practice’s exercises.

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The four boys sat in a circle table at the nearby ice-cream parlor. Jinki had ordered his favourite, chocolate chip cookie dough, and Jonghyun actually stuck to his words with five scoops of multi-flavours. Minho looked a little grumpy at the fact that his wallet was now empty, shooting glares at Jonghyun every now and then. Kibum on the left of Jinki and he at the remaining bits of strawberry ice-cream.

“Got any one in mind Kibum?” Jonghyun asked.

“What do you mean?”

Jinki felt a slight nudge on his foot and caught the brow wiggle from the other. “I mean, any guys you want to date?” Jinki choked on a chocolate chip while stomping back at the other’s foot, signaling him to stop. Jonghyun winced.

“Dating…” Kibum pondered, tapping his creamy index on his lips. “I haven’t thought about that much but someone is on my mind lately.” He took a swift glance to his right.

“Who is this someone?” Jonghyun pushed for more information in a whisper. His body leaned over the table. Even Minho was anticipating for his reply as he exchanged glances with Jonghyun.

“Well, actually-”

Jinki pushed his chair out, the bottom scraping loudly on the tiles. He stood up and mumbled, “I’m going to the washroom.” His plush lips were in a frown while he made his way to the restroom down the hall.

Once inside, he supported himself on the marble sink counter top. He looked ahead at his reflection in the mirror. His cheeks were rosy; they always were around Kibum. Turning on the tap, he splashed the water on his face. It was an attempt to calm him down and make his heart beats steadier.

He wasn’t ready to hear about Kibum’s crush on another boy. His fragile heart would break and despite knowing that hiding from the truth would do him no good, he couldn’t help but to escape. It was best if he didn’t know. Jinki just wasn’t ready.

Jinki smoothed out a wrinkle in his shirt and exited the restroom with a deep breath. He slipped back in seat beside Kibum and blinked a few times at the overly exaggerated expressions on Jonghyun and Minho. “Is there something on my face?”

“Nope! Well, Minho and I have to catch the bus now! Good bye and we’ll see you guys tomorrow. Have fun!” Jonghyun hastily grabbed at Minho’s wrist and dragged the boy out the door. He turned around, sending a meaningful wink towards Jinki and a wave. The two disappeared across the street all within a minute.

Kibum was on his pink plastic spoon. He shifted in his seat. Jinki was playing with the rim of his ice-cream cup. He coughed. “So-” The two said in unison. “You first.”

“H-how are you getting home Kibum?”

“My mom said she would pick in up at five.”

Jinki looked at the clock hanging on the creamy wall ahead. “Another twenty minutes. I’ll wait with you.”

Kibum shook his head. “No, it’s okay. If you have something to do, you can go first hyung.”

“I want to stay.” And it was true. The words were coming straight from the bottom of his heart. Jinki smiled faintly as he twirled his index fingers over each other nervously under the table. 

It was rare to spend time alone with Kibum, just the two of them. He wasn’t going to let this chance pass him by.

The other yawned softly, covering his mouth with his muffler.

“Are you tired? Take a power nap; I’ll wake you up when your mom comes.”

“Really? Thanks hyung,” He said cutely with his pouty lips. He closed his eyes; his head tilted to the side. Eventually, he rested his head on Jinki’s soft shoulder with a light thud. The other tensed up at the skinship.

Jinki’s gaze lingered on his strawberry lips. His trembling hands reached out and brushed Kibum’s bangs away from his eye gently. He smiled; it was a picture perfect moment.

“Jinki hyung.”

“Yeah?

“Jonghyun told me I would like to lean on your shoulders.” He spoke softly as he snuggled closer to his warmth. His slender arms wrapped around Jinki’s waist. “And I think he’s right. It’s so comfortable.”

“Kibum…”

“He also told me of your crush.” By now, his hot breath was tickling Jinki’s neck. His nose glided to the corner of his jaw. “But I really want to hear it from you.”

Jinki’s throat tightened. “My crush…” He felt the other’s fingers playing with the hem of his shirt and it was distracting him from thinking straight. He took in a deep breath. “Well, I have this crush on the most beautiful boy in school. No, make that in the whole wide world. His smile melts my heart and his voice is music to my ears. He is perfect in my eyes and I would not want to change a thing about him.”

Kibum took a hold of his hand, intertwining his fingers together tightly. He looked up and met his glistening gaze. He bit his thin bottom lip in attempt to hide his smile. He squeezed his hand as the other leaned in cautiously.

Jinki pressed a soft innocent kiss on his lips. He felt him smile back in the kiss. “And I love you just the way you are Kibum.”

Throwing his slender arms around his neck, Kibum pulled their bodies closer and rested his forehead above his. “It took you long enough to confess to me Jinki.”

“Patience is key.”

Kibum pressed a chaste kiss on his plush lips. “Do you really blush like a tomato when I’m around?” He poked his cheek playfully.

Jinki groaned, scrunching up his face in the other’s collarbone. “What else did Jonghyun tell you?”

“Nothing much, just that you check me out all the time and ravage me in your imagination.” 

He gasped in horror. “I don’t!”

The younger clicked his tongue. “I think it’s y when you ravage me in your imagination.”

“Oh!” Jinki quickly changed his tone. He flashed him a greasy grin as he wiggled his brows up and down. “I’ll have to show you what I imagine sometime then.” His voice was deep and it was driving Kibum crazy.

“Babo,” Kibum kissed him again. He really liked being in his arms, just like Jonghyun said. The pair of arms around him tightened as if he would disappear in thin air. He pulled apart, just enough to whisper against the tips of his lips. “I love you Lee Jinki.”

Jinki laughed though it sounded more like a giggle. “Then you’re all mine~”

“I’m yours.”

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Every relationship will start off with a big spoon of doubt but eventually it would dissolve, bit by bit, over time. Every ingredient of a recipe would come together as one, making the most precious and most beautiful results. In this case, Jinki’s special recipe led him into the arms of Kibum.

It was still early. Jinki took his seat by the window in his chemistry class. He looked out the window, enjoying the sun’s rays on his skin. Today was a beautiful day.

Jonghyun’s loud voice cut through the chatters around him and he turned his head towards that direction. He smiled instinctively, hoping his cheeks would stop glowing red for once. Kibum was beside his best friend in a simple outfit.

“Good morning Jinki,” Kibum murmured softly with his velvet voice. His thin lips were in a mesmerizing smile. The boy slipped in the seat beside him. (Jonghyun pouted and resorted in taking Kibum’s old spot.)

“Morning lovely,” Jinki smiled back. He took his hand in his easily, without thinking about it.

“Lovely?”

“We can work on nicknames later on baby.”

Kibum pushed a warm cup of Starbucks coffee into his free hand. “I have no clue how to make your coffee to your taste yet but I am willing to learn.”  

It was like everything Jinki had imagined it to be and more. He bent to softly brush his lips against his. “I love you so much Kibum.”

“I love you too dubu.”

“Dubu?”

“We can work on nicknames later on babe.”

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