“I knew you’re gonna make it!” “I know. Thanks for believing in me. I’m so happy right now”, Baekho said and put his arm around Ren. “Well… We also are happy for you, Baekho! Congratulations!”, JR said. “Thanks JR. Thanks Aron. With my new driving license I’ll  drive wherever you wanna go to!”, Baekho said and laughed. “Good. What about driving us all to my concert?”, JR asked. “Okay. But… it’s today, isn’t it?”, Baekho answered and secretly pulled Ren closer to his hip. “Yes. In four hours strictly speaking. If it’s okay for you all, I would like to go right away. I need some time to prepare myself before going on stage” “Sure. That’s okay”, Aron said. Ren looked a bit disappointed but said: “Okay. Let’s go. I want to sit next to Baekho, so you two have to sit on the back seats. You don’t mind, do you?” “No. We don’t.” Aron smiled at JR. “Okay. Fine. I’ll get my stuff and then we can go. I’ll only need a few minutes”, JR said and walked away to get his stuff. Ren laughed when he saw Aron, who couldn’t let his eyes off JR. “Get in the car now. JR will be back soon. And stop laughing!!”, Aron said. “You’re the boss”, Ren said, laughed but then obeyed him and got into the car. “Don’t be rude to my boy, Aron. I think you would regret it if you were.”, Baekho said to Aron and followed Ren into the car. Aron was annoyed for a second but then he saw JR coming out of the house again and his heart started beating. “Come on, Aron!”, JR said and opened the door.

“When will we be there?”, asked Ren. “It will only take like half an hour or so.”, answered Baekho. “Ren you’re so impatient”, said Aron and laughed silently. At some moments he suddenly realized how similar his brother was to him. “You’re not allowed to say anything! You’re impatient too!”, Ren said. “But you’re more  impatient than I am”, said Aron. Ren twisted the eyes and said: “No I’m not.” “Yes you are” “No I’m not” “Ah could you please just be silent? You’re more impatient than me. The end” “And you say he’s more impatient than him? You can’t even take a fight longer than he can”, said JR and burst out laughing. “I can, I just don’t want to”, Aron said. “You obviously can’t”, Ren said. “You know that..” “Hey! I’m still a beginner! I only have my driving license a few hours now so would you please be silent and let me concentrate! It’s not that easy, you know? Well no obviously you don’t but I tell you when you’re in my situation you…” “Baekho!! Take care!! The car!!!!”   The last thing Baekho could hear was Ren screaming and the car crushing into another car.

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. “It’s my fault. It’s only my fault. I shouldn’t have… I can’t.. Why didn’t I let someone else drive? Why? It’s my fault”. Baekho burst out in tears. “Hyung. It’s not your fault! Don’t blame yourself. If it was someone’s fault, then it was the fault of the other driver. How could he drive on the wrong site of the street? Don’t blame yourself! Ren wouldn’t want that”, JR said. “It’s my fault. It’s my fault. I shouldn’t have been talking. I should have been concentrated on the street and I should have seen the car and got out of the way .How should I not blame myself? It’s all my fault. He’s my boy. I drove that car. It was my job to take care of him and save him from anything. And I failed. It’s my fault. He’s hurt and it’s all my fault” “It’s not your fault. He’s my little brother. It wasn’t your job to take care of him! It was mine! But I had to argue with him. I was annoyed and I kept arguing. It was my fault that you couldn’t concentrate. It was me who should have taken care of him. He’s my brother. It’s not your fault. The only one to blame is me”, Aron said and a single tear rolled down his eyes. “Stop saying something like that. It’s not your fault, Baekho and it’s not your fault, Aron. Do you think Ren would want us to stand next to his bed arguing about who to blame? He loved both of you and he wouldn’t want any of you to cry and he wouldn’t blame one of you either! So just shut up and pray that he’ll make it trough!” Baekho pressed Ren’s hand carefully and couldn’t help but feeling tears coming up again. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. “Excuse me, are you Minki’s brother?”, a doctor asked Baekho. “No. I’m his brother”, said Aron and stood up. “Good. We’ve called your mother. She will be here as fast as possible. At the moment Minki’s state is stable but he has lots of injuries. We know about lots of them but there might be ones that we haven’t realized yet. We hope he will make it but it might take months until he can walk again. We’ll do anything that is in our power. And you, Mr. Kang, should take care of your arm! It’s not broken but you still shouldn’t put weight on it. I will look after Minki again later. I hope his mother arrives soon. We completed all life-saving operations but we might start another ones. But we need a permission for them. Luckily the operation on his open heart was successful.” The doctor’s pager beeped and he hurried away. Baekho closed his eyes and leaned back for a second. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. “Baekho. Relax. I’m sure he’ll make it! He’s strong”, said JR and put his arm around Baekho. Baekho looked at Ren. He didn’t wake up since they’ve reached the hospital. To Baekho it didn’t matter what the doctor said. He wanted his boy to wake up and tell him about his pain so Baekho could take it away. But Ren didn’t wake up.

*Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep* “Ventricular fibrillation in room 214! Defibrillator!! Hurry!”

~We loved with a love that was more than love