Chapter 25: “Time is the fire in which we burn – Delmore Schwartz”

-o0o-

The sunset shone, bright on the two of them, silhouettes in the rising twilight, both screaming emotions hidden under a bunch of poker faces. He, holding his breath as she hugged him, was crying.

“I’m sorry,” Seohyun told him, regretful of the pain that she had him undergo. “I...I couldn’t...I couldn’t understand as well, but...but...it’s the truth.”

Yonghwa moved away from her, smiling even as his arms were outstretched on her. “I get it. I never thought that we’d ever end like this. But...yeah, see you, Seohyun. I get...have to get back to my dorm and pack my things for the break.”

Seohyun, keeping a sacred symbol Yonghwa gave her, handed it back, enclosing the object into his hand.

He kissed her forehead, noticing another boy by the swing, staring at him in wonder. Yonghwa gave Seohyun one strong hug. He approached Kyuhyun, giving him a nod as he walked away from the scene, like it was some kind of drama he was found of writing. Heartbroken, Yonghwa looked at his hand, tears falling on the silver ring he personally made to fit Seohyun’s hand, as a sign that he would never...leave her.

Kyuhyun watched as Seohyun fell to her knees, weeping. Sitting next to her, he embraced her, a sullen moment he didn’t even know until she stood up and hugged him back so tightly, Kyuhyun couldn’t feel air in his lungs anymore. She was crying on her shirt, confused and doubtful.

“I don’t know why I did that,” she admitted, eyes still closed.

 Kyuhyun her hair, as he looked at the sunset.  “Why did you that?”

“Because I...I knew it wouldn’t work,” she replied. “But...it hurts. It hurts to see him cry, to see him go away.”

“You have me, Seohyun,” Kyuhyun said, staring in her eyes as if longing for her to understand everything hidden behind his presence here. “I know you know that.”

“See, that’s why I broke up with him,” Seohyun responded, also regretting. She stopped sobbing, gazing into his eyes now and wondering why he gave her such an odd look of despair. “Why? Kyuhyun-oppa, why do I love you? Why? From the first time, I knew there was something...an unbelievable...something I couldn’t explain. I don’t want to love you because you...you can’t...I don’t need a man like you. You only care for yourself. But that’s what I thought. Until that night at the hospital that I realize you were different. Don’t leave me, please. You’re all I have. Please...oppa...”

“I won’t,” he answered, shivering in the cold night. “I won’t, Seohyun. I never will.”

Still embracing him, Seohyun whispered. “Will you? Or is it just the Kyu everyone else sees in? The player, the gamer, the...Kyuhyun everyone thinks as a complete devil? The selfish Kyu? The glutton Kyu? The evil maknae everyone is afraid to approach? The boastful Kyuhyun?”

“I promise you that,” he gathered his pride, his lips in the cold. “I promise as Cho Kyuhyun. You have my word. I will never leave you because you know I can never do that. I won’t be able to...” With Kyuhyun’s response trailing off, Seohyun took the opportunity of kissing him intensely, holding on to him like there wouldn’t be a tomorrow.

He gasped, as he pulled back, eyes widening with a shocked smirk on his lips. “Finally. I was running out of words to say.”

“You could say you love me,” Seohyun suggested, avoiding his gaze as she parted from him a little to breathe properly.

He shrugged, taking her hand. “That’s such a corny line. Try another one.”

As a blessing, the skies wept a few bright dusts and let it fall on the two of them, snow finally reaching this part of Seoul. It was the prettiest thing that ever touched her eyes, as he playfully blew a snowflake towards her.

“What’s the matter? Never seen snow before?” he laughed genuinely, wondering why she looked so perplexed at the sight of them.

She smiled. “No, but...ever since a child I was prevented to go out and play in them. I...didn’t know how it was so soft when you get to hold it. It just...slips right through your fingers. Amazing, isn’t it?”

Kyu went closer, standing next to her. “Why? You’re not allergic to it, are you? It’s the most wonderful thing you’ll see in Seoul. The whole city is filled with whiteness. You can’t imagine how tall they get to be when they wind up in your doorstep. It’s really...beautiful.”

He looked at her, cupping her chin in amazement.

“Can...can you wait for me?” Seohyun asked, worried. “Because...he said he couldn’t. I want to be a doctor. So...it’ll take me more years to finish studying. I have to study abroad and that stuff.”

“I’m...going to study law,” he answered, eyes growing big. “So...it’s even. We’ll both be studying still. Do you think...it’s possible for love to last that long?”

She nodded. “You must not let go. Nobody should let go. We’ll be there for each other. And we will make this work. Until forever, is that okay?”

He laughed, still holding her hand tightly and another arm over her shoulder as they walked back to their homes. He stared at the blank heavens, the pureness and whiteness it has. If only he could let it last. “Perhaps. I...I don’t believe in forever.”

“But...you promised you won’t leave me,” she pouted.

He kissed the left side of her head, whispering, “I will love you until you say that forever ends. Count on it.”

-o0o-

A few months have passed and the brothers have finally started to grow apart, but even as so, in the years to come they promised to be friends no matter what the circumstances were. At the final weeks of May, the seniors of the university were preparing for their graduation ceremony almost everyday...until that very day they were finally leaving. Hangeng was no more, three months before the exact date of their flight. He was already asked by the admin to pack his bags and go. Heenim was the only one in Dorm 13 who would be strutting to the center stage, receiving his diploma for all the hardships he endured at the school.

Leeteuk, on that very day, was going to miss his graduation, since he received his diploma beforehand. Staring at the mirror in front of him, Eeteuk tied the black tie, as he loaded the coat over his shoulders, looking shabbier than ever. Who’s to complain? Hyunae delivered the tuxedo herself a night before, telling him to get ready for their wedding. And here he was, nervous about completing the vows in front of her whole family and his own, afraid that he might be mistaken, that maybe it wouldn’t...be forever. What if? What if exactly that thing he was worried about happened? He loved Hyunae so dearly, what could he do. Cancel the wedding? She would erupt into pieces.

Sighing, Leeteuk opened his drawer, seeing untouched two movie tickets to the third installment of Narnia. Instantly, he fell silent, remembering everything that happened after the professor declared him with the best romantic production for the year. He jumped up and down, Taeyeon shaking his hand in congratulations. With a burdened heart, she gave him a wink and said, “The deal”.

Gleeful, Eeteuk tried calling Hyunae of his success but she wouldn’t answer. At the ticket counter, he ordered two tickets to the latest movie, accepting the win. He managed to smile himself, as he was going on a date with little Taeyeon. On his way out, he saw her, hands locked with Jonghyun as they got in the movie house, laughing and enjoying life as it is.

So, they got back together. Were the tickets worth anything? Was the deal worth something to her? Did he at least mean something to her?

 He had to turn his back on the past, let go of the sad truth and get on with life. Hyunae was simply waiting on the al