Chapter 23: “We have forty million reasons for failure, but not a single excuse - Rudyard Kipling”

Onew opened his eyes, feeling his whole shirt draped in sweat. He took the white damp cloth from his forehead. Forcefully, he sat upright, looking at the pink flowery sheets he was lying in and some matching comforters and pillows. He winced; looking at his white shirt completely wet from his perspiration. In the next room, he could hear women’s voices talking in hush tones, most likely about him. He hardly recognized which dorm he was in until he remembered Sooyoung from the office, begging him to leave.

The door opened, Sooyoung---in her pink pajamas---entering with a tray of tea. “Good. You’re awake.”

“Did you bring me---”

“Hell no,” she giggled, sitting next to him. “Mr. Choi helped. You’re too heavy.”

His face dropped, lowering his gaze back to the window next to him. “Is that so? Did you ask him---”

“I was with him when I went to the office,” she handed him first his cup, Onew accepting and drinking at once.

“Well, you’re thirsty,” Sooyoung observed. “The hospital was a bit farther so I had to take you here.”

“I told you I’m not sick,” Onew complained, still unsatisfied.

She stuck her tongue out, smiling. “Our maknae would be studying medicine soon, and she says what you took worsen your condition so you needed another kind of supplement I have no idea what. We had to inject it to you because you won’t wake up. I was going to tell you that I would be leaving next Monday early for my Christmas Break. I get to spend it with Siwon... can you believe it? Just the two of us and his family at their beach resort in Jeju Island.”

So it was confirmed, then. They were indeed going out together, as a couple, no doubt. Onew’s heart dropped, his mouth opening in attack, and an assault to his breathing...he was running out of breath. He lost it; he lost her...the chance of being with her. Wait...why did he expect to be that way in the first place? Why was he thinking of her this way as if it would actually work out? Did he really believe that miracles like those in fairytales happen? How stupid. How stupid of him to trust such nonsense.

“You two are far too different,” Onew intimidated her.

She pouted, still with thrill at that statement. “Well...you know what they say, opposites attract.”

“No, not really,” he said, reflecting on his soul slowly being grated into dust.

“Jealous, Chief?” Sooyoung rendered a comeback, grinning in bliss. “Just say it out loud.”

“What time is it?” he asked agitatedly.

Sooyoung looked at the clock by the bedside, completely forgetting that he was avoiding the question. “A quarter to one in the morning.”

“I need to change,” Onew said lazily. “I don’t have an extra shirt, though.”

Sooyoung chuckled. “Not to worry. Siwon handed me one of his extra jerseys.”

Onew rolled his eyes. “Well, do we look like we have the same body size?”

“It’s smaller,” she told him, taking out a gray jersey and throwing it to her Chief. “Go on. Try it on for size.”

“You know what,” Onew began, looking at the shirt in disgust. He folded the comforter, as his feet reached the floor. “I’m planning to go back to my own room now. Thank you for taking care of me. Can I leave now?”

“You can’t,” Sooyoung suddenly spoke up, heaving him back to the bed. She stared at the surprised expression he was showing, unable to move another inch. She had to come up with a decent excuse. “You’re still...weak. It’s practically nighttime. Are you nuts?”

“You shouldn’t have yanked me back,” Onew said. “I’m feeling better already.”

“No, you’re not,” she insisted, still keeping him there.

“Why aren’t you letting me go?” he said, suspecting something. He looked at the blush Sooyoung was relentlessly trying to hide from him. She was gorgeous even with that kind of hairstyle. “You don’t want me to go, right? Because you’ll miss me, right?”

She punched his right shoulder, knocking him back to his pillow. “No jokes, Chief. I’m not in the mood.”

“Why?” Onew asked, rubbing his shoulder in pain. “You don’t have to hurt me, you know. I can understand words better than actions.”

“See, just rest.” Sooyoung suggested. She wanted to change the subject. “This room is mine, actually. Supposedly, I should have a roommate. See, there are two beds. Because I get scared at night, I stay at Yoona and Taeyeon’s room. This...place isn’t used.”

“Why are you scared? That’s something coming from you,” Onew replied, listening intently. “I mean, I always find you very...”

“Brave? Fierce? Courageous?” Sooyoung was initially expecting these words.

“Assertive, pushy and annoying,” Onew smiled, gazing up at his nurse. “Now let me go home.”

“When I played as your girlfriend,” Sooyoung started, forcibly putting Onew to a halt. He didn’t anticipate her to be discussing this kind of matter. “I really didn’t agree to it.”

“Tell me about it,” Onew recalled. “You are such a bad kisser.”

“How would you know that? That was probably your first kiss as well! You too but I’ll take...that as a compliment,” she muttered. “Because it was...my first kiss. And you know what I wanted my first kiss to be like when I was younger?”

“Clearly better than that sort of harassment from your boss,” he answered. “Probably like those fairytales you women seem to enjoy reading and watching.”

“Well...no,” Sooyoung decided, confessing. “Almost but not entirely. I wanted my first kiss to be...with someone I really love. And---”

“But I spoiled it,” he admitted, blameworthy. “I’m sorry. I get it. I’m not like Siwon Choi. I’m sorry.”

“Aish...Chief, it’s not that,” Sooyoung regretted mentioning it. “You didn’t ruin it. It was still special to me even if I shared it with someone like you.”

Onew didn’t feel any better, knowing that all she desired was someone like Siwon, not him. Never him. How could Sooyoung even say the kiss was still special? There wasn’t anything behind it, nothing but his foolish heart committing idiocy of falling in love with her. His competition was with Siwon Choi----handsome, rich, desirable, y, genius...everything he seemed to be in a paralleled universe.

“Can I sleep in this room?”

She again agreed. “Sure. No one’s using it.”

Onew bit his lower lip, as Sooyoung started to leave the room, turning off the lights. “Wait, I---”

“What?”

“Can you stay just for a little bit until I fall asleep again? I...really can’t sleep in the dark...alone. My roommate Key always holds it on,” Onew told her. “Leave it on, please.”

“Why? Back at your dorm, you guys leave the light on? Bunch of babies,” Sooyoung smirked, feeling restless. “Chief...I really have to go back to bed.”

“Oh,” he said, giving up in persuading her to stay with him. “Okay, then.”

She chortled, laughing to herself quietly, covering in elation. She quickly pounced on the other bed, enclosing herself in the comforters.

“Good night, Chief,” Sooyoung said, hiding herself after the blush on her face reappeared. “Sleep tight.”

Still shocked, he smiled to himself, lying back on his bed and feeling overjoyed that she agreed. He sighed, turning his back on her, wanting to conceal the reddening face away from the darkness. It was a good thing the whole place was enveloped in black or else they would see each other’s flushes, reddening ever so bright.

“You know what I wanted my first kiss to be like?” he began, waiting for her to reply.

“I don’t want to hear it, Chief.”

He laughed. “I wanted...my heart to beat like...drums or large speakers when I can feel...her lips shudder under mine.”

“Large speakers?” she asked, observing the weird metaphor.

“Yes,” Onew continued. “Large speakers that would make anyone want to dance to the beat. It’s so strong they’re going to hear it thumping. It’s so strong anyone can hear it, even from afar. It’s so strong that anyone can sense how much I love this person. I wanted my first kiss to be real.”

“That’s it, I’m feeling guilty,” Sooyoung whined, covering her ears with the pillow.

“It was real,” Onew quickly added, surprising the poor girl. “Just wasn’t timely.”

“And not the right girl,” Sooyoung ignored this remark, speaking up in her inner voice a sweet goodnight, before entirely falling asleep.

-o0o-

That Saturday afternoon, Kyuhyun found himself bored with the new games his father had left him. He actually mailed it to his dorm, able to track down his illegitimate son. He received a letter that says ‘Have fun. I’ll see you soon.’ Kyu wasn’t sure what he meant by that, but he just didn’t want to play with all of the new dull playthings. It was already snowing outside, reminding himself that he was spending Christmas alone this year. He had to go back home lonesome again, enjoying the evening of 24th with Mr. Ma, he’s old butler.

He picked up his cell phone and thought of Seohyun, how she was doing in this fine winter day. She should be wearing proper clothing or else she would go cold, and she should be conscious of her health, because she might get sick. If that Yonghwa did not take care of her, Kyu was going to beat him up as soon as he sees him. He better be a good boyfriend. After that restaurant incident, they hardly talked or communicated---no attempts at saying hi in hallways or hello in certain rooms. Seohyun wasn’t ignoring him, Kyuhyun thought. She was just...busy.

In his hand the phone vibrated, Kyuhyun wishing it was Seohyun at that time. He was thinking of her so much she might have sensed his presence. But it wasn’t.

“Hello?” answered Kyuhyun, noticing it was Hyelim.

“Oppa, let’s go to the arcade,” she asked. “Are you doing anything now?”

“Are you willing to push me on the wheelchair?” he countered, chuckling.

“You’re kidding, right? I know you can walk now,” she muttered. “Come on, I’m bored.”

“Do what you want, paint your nails or something,” Kyuhyun suggested, still laughing. “Don’t drag me into one of your foul schemes.”

“Oi, they’re not foul, they’re clever,” Hyelim retorted. “Pretty please? Or you just chicken to face me? Huh? Is that why?”

“Chicken? Hyelim, you’re crazy,” Kyuhyun decided. “Fine. I’ll show you what it means to be the real deal. And you’re dealing with gamer Kyu here.”

“Gamer Kyu his ,” she replied, giggling. “I’ll meet you there, okay? You pay your own games this time.”

“Unfair,” Kyuhyun snapped. “You’re the one inviting me. You should pay all the games I play.”

Laughter excused itself from her lips, flowing through the phone. “Nah, it is fair. Now come on. I’ll meet you in the arcade in 30 minutes. Last one there...can pay for all the games we both play.”

“Brilliant! I’ll race you!”

-o0o-

Enduring, Kyuhyun observed his watch from the bench in front of the arcade house as he waited for Hyelim. All sorts of music filled Kyu’s ears, the sound of various background melodies of a simple game being won and the clucking of money on the floor...electrical games and the plunging of amusement in everyone else. He could not wait to get inside and playing for free this afternoon.

Across him he noticed Seohyun and Yonghwa walking towards the arcade as well. What a coincidence it was, Kyuhyun thought, rolling his eyes at the sight of the couple. He hid behind the post, as the pair strutted towards the entrance of the game station, the universe Kyuhyun matured from, his realm and his kingdom. Thinking decisively on what to do when Hyelim arrives and when they start playing, Kyuhyun was startled by a silly boo behind him, turning around to find the girl he was just thinking about.

“Don’t you ing scare me like that,” Kyuhyun muttered darkly when she pounced at him. “You’re late and---”

“Yes, as planned, I’m going to pay,” Hyelim responded.

He smirked. “Okay. Let’s go in. What do you think we should play first?”

“Well, I don’t know...what do you think?” Hyelim’s mind couldn’t think of anything else but winning all of the games against him.

Kyuhyun, as the two of them entered, immediately spotted Seohyun and her boyfriend, playing with the claw. The claw was a very familiar game Kyuhyun was an expert at, maybe he should play next to them, boasting of his expertise.

“Hey, do you want some stuff animals today?” Kyuhyun asked Hyelim who was trying her best in picking.

She looked at him, flushed, lowering her head in embarrassment. In the arcade, only couples would say that, playing for the sake of getting a gigantic price for the girl they were courting.

Kyuhyun rolled his eyes, understanding at once, why she suddenly blushed at what he said. He scoffed, laughing and pressing both of her shoulders. “I meant the claw, Hyelim. I challenge you to that. How about it? Why don’t we go there?”

She grinned, shaking her head. “Yes, of course. That...stuff animal...thingy.”

The two of them approached the nearest joint; their next-door neighbors were none other than the potato-loving couple, as Kyuhyun once discovered. Seohyun was begging her oppa to get the pink one, but it would seem Yonghwa couldn’t get it done for nearly the second time.

Kyuhyun snickered, rolling his eyes and focusing on his own game. He looked at Hyelim in contempt, an eyebrow at raise.

“Which one do you want?” Kyuhyun asked her, still seeing past through Hyelim and to the other girl.

Hyelim was undecided, shrugging. “Whichever, I don’t care. Whichever is the hardest should be the one you pick to prove how good you really are at this.”

He smirked. “No problem.”

The girl inserted a coin, as the mechanical claw began moving, Kyuhyun controlling from the outside. He picked the one at the farthest end, the brown teddy bear leaning on the glass. Hastily, the claw heaved it upward, not ever losing its balance to fall, and down it went through the hole. He grabbed the small-sized bear and gave it to Hyelim.

She grinned, clapping her hands in joy. “Amazing. Can I try?”

“The guy should be the one doing this for the girl,” Kyuhyun told her loudly, anticipating the glances of the other couple. He noticed Seohyun looking up, losing her focus on which animal to pick up. She realized it was Kyuhyun, his face blank and uncaring if she was