LUHAN POV
Can i keep you?
"i'll be gone for three years, but im coming back Luhan, you have to believe me" Lay tells me, but even when my heart wants to believe him. it doesnt. he forgot about me ones, what makes this time different?
we continue to hug and he hugs me tighter. saving the moment makes it seem like forever is not always like that. i try so hard not to cry, because if i do it would only break him more. it would probably make him stay, even when i do want that but he has to go. i cant keep him with me. at least i can say that i did had Lay.
~
i knock on the door, it only takes one knock for Suho to open the door "oh hey Luhan" "hi" Suho opens the door so i can come in "so hows Lay?" my mouth couldnt keep his name inside any longer "oh i havent call him, i think it would be to soon" i nod, i respect his opinion but i guess i expect to much. Suho makes a sign for me to take a sit on the couch.
"so how you being Luhan?" i dont say anything, the question makes me think of two possible answers one lie, two tell the truth.
"can i ask you something?" i nod
"why didnt you make him stay? he was waiting for you to say those words"
"make him stay...so you can remember me?.....to waste his time with me?" Suho sighs, his arguing with a fool. i look up to see Kai making Suho turn around "oh Kai what are you doing here?" "i thought Chen was here, sorry for just coming in the door was unlock" Suho gets up and stands next to Kai "no is fine, let me bring something to drink"
i stand up feeling alittle awkward "no is fine im leaving" "Luhan you might taking a walk with me?" i nod slowly, me and Kai dont have nothing to say to each other, mostly when we never really talked. but his close to Lay and that gives me a feeling of Lay being close to me.
we start to walk outside as the climate is pretty good "do you miss him?" Kai puts his hands in his pockets making him look like a model "yes" we continue to walk.
"Luhan would you might going with me and watch a movie? Chen doesnt like zombies movies, dont tell anyone but his scared of them" i find myself nodding as Kai begins to smile because i said yes. if Lay would be here he would've of come with us. im sure.
~
weeks pass, and Kai and me became closer. a month pass and i realize that Kai and me moved in. a year pass and i find myself kissing Kai "more coffee please" a customer calls for me, i pour more coffee in his cup he gives me a small 'thank you' i nod and i go back to my place. regretting every step i made. and the thing that hurts the most is that im hurting Kai.
how am i going to tell Lay.....how am i going to tell Kai that my heart belongs to someone else. someone thats not....him.
~
"Luhan!" i hear Kai yelling all over the apartment, i run towards his voice and his smile says words that he hasnt said yet "Lay is coming! his taking a plane right now! so he would be here tomorrow!!!" Kai shakes me trying to make me jump like an idiot, but i cant. i feel nervous and guilty. but i put one of my fakes smiles, and i try to jump.
Kai begins to talk but i dont understand what his saying, his voice lose sound and my thoughts are the only thing that are loud enough for me to pay attention. this is not right.
~
time skips, Lay lies. Lay continues to say sorry. my heart is a mess, this life is a mess. i begin to pack as im in my old house, a house that Lay suppose to know. but i know he doesnt. leaving the pass behind it actually good in this case. remembering this can only hurt so much, not only one person but all of them. i was afraid of being alone so i came back, to see if Lay could finally be with me.
but i was selfish, because Lay has a life. and i just enter to make it worst. i hear a knock on the door, i stop packing and i wait to see if it was a matter of fact a knock and not just a weird sound. but the sound comes back, it was a knock.
i go downstairs and i open the door just to find Lay, saying a low 'im sorry'. my hand moves by itself and grabs Lay's hand. i take him upstairs to my room, making the last time we would see each other.
i open the door of my room and Lay looks around, does he remember? "i know we would never be something, but i swear Luhan i was afraid that you would let go of me" i dont say anything. i continue to watch him, to take a picture on my mind so i wouldnt forget him "im sorry that i cant remember you, im sorry that i couldnt stay here. but above all im sorry that i hurt you"
i begin to kiss him, saving the taste of his lips. so i can tell myself that he wasnt a dream, that in fact i did kiss him. i did taste his lips and in one time i did call Lay mine. i move my lips to his neck swallowing not only his taste but his smell. i move him to the bed and we just lay down. this is not a dream, i put my head on his chest and the rhythm of his heartbeat moves me.
Lay closes his eyes and i slowly get up, its better this way. you would thank me later when your happy, and you dont remember my name. i leave a note and i put it on the door, wishing no hoping he would understand my words.
~
how long has it been? i change myself, and i know he change himself. his picture appears in a newpaper every ones a month, his company is getting really famous and i know it was became of him.
its midnight and i just close my store. the air feels different, it feels like a sign. telling me to run away, for me not to walk on that road. but i dont listen, i continue to walk and far from me is Lay. my brain is telling me to look away, not to pay attention to Lay and that person next to him. but i do anyway, his smile doesnt seem sad like it used to when he was with me.
his eyes shine as the simpless touch the other person gives him. i was forgotten, he didnt remember me.
but i remember you, mine Lay.
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