chapter 4
Can i keep you?
"here you have to sign this" Chanyeol gives me a contract, im been doing this for quite sometime. i know the rules, i know how to take care of this company. i grab the contract and i begin to sign it "here" i give it back to Chanyeol. and Chanyeol looks at it and gives it back to me
"well, we have to make another one" his voice didnt sound happy "why?" i look at the paper and i realize i had sign as 'Luhan'
"Yixing, you have to pay attention"
"im sorry, is just.."
"hey i know you miss him, but you have to do this now. this is were you belong" belong, i belong here. not with Luhan. what a cruel reality "your right, im sorry" he nods and leaves my office. i get up and i look at the window, London is beautiful. but something was stopping me for having a good time.
i look at the clock and i see is my time to go home. i grab my things and i leave my office. i enter the elevator, the same song everyday. sometimes it gets stuck on my head that now is my favorite song. the receptionist tells me to have a good night, i smile at her and i can see her cheeks with a tint of red. which made me smile alittle bit more.
i start to walk on the busy streets of London. i always forget that at night is not cold, not like home.
~
i open the door of my apartment. alone again in this big room. it always gives me the same feeling, that no one is waiting for me at home. i sit down on the couch and i can only hear my breathing. i wish in a blink of an eye three years would pass. i wish i could run to Chen's or Kai's house right now.
i grab a piece of paper and i pen.
i begin to write a letter to Luhan, one that i would never send. i begin the letter by telling him that i hate it here. that i feel more alone, that sometimes i dont even notice that im crying. that i hate the fact that i have to grow up, and live far away.
i stop, to think what i other thing i can say. i cant say i love him, or i need him. because no matter how much i want to say it, i know is a lie. but i do want to get better for him. i want him to look at me, and say 'yes this is the old Lay that i remember'.
i fold the letter and i put it on drawer, with the other three letters. i lay down and i stay here. thinking, like thinking could actually help me. things fly around my mind. some good things, some bad.
it would get better, i keep reapeating to myself.
~
"here is the new contract" Chanyeol puts it on my desk, i read it and go to the next page. i keep reading and i circle things that i dont like. i go to the next page "wow" i look up "what?" "is just within a month you know everything" i smile "well i did learn from the best" Chanyeol touches his heart as he takes my words as a compliment
"i didnt mean you, i meant my father" Chanyeol puts a fake sad face just so i can laugh. and i did. the phones rings and i answer it "Yixing! is me Suho" a smile appears on my face, without me noticing
"how you been?" i ask him, he sounds the same. which is good
"im been good, and you?"
"working hard" Chanyeol makes a sign telling me his leaving and his coming later. i nod.
"you sound like your father" i smile at that thought
"hows everyone?"
"Chen is going to be a music teacher" i chuckle, is theres a thing Chen hates the most, is kids
"what? no way"
Suho laughs too "he came yesterday to the house, almost jumping telling me thats what he wants to do with his life" it doesnt sound like the Chen i know
"and Kai?"
"oh he comes too and visits me, not alot since his helping Luhan"
"Luhan? with what?" i stand up, like i could just run to the house. to Kai's or even Luhan's and stop whatever they are doing.
"i dont know he didnt tell me, you want me to ask?"
"no, no i dont care" i lie.
"so hows London? is it beautiful?"
"yes" i lie again.
"i bet you dont even miss it over here"
i chuckle "i dont, i hope this three years go slow" another lie.
"well i have to go Yixing, please take care of yourself" i nod.
"yes, i will. and take care of yourself too" Suho is probably smiling right now, my voice sounds like it cares for him. maybe it does.
"dont fall in love" Suho says joking around but he hopes it happens, i can tell by the sound of his voice
"i already did" this time it wasnt a lie.
~
three years pass and now im taking a plane back home. im so nervous to see everyone again. are they even nervous or happy to see me? the plane stops and the stewardess tells us not move into the doors of the plane open. i continue to bite my nails.
theres so much things i want to say to them, that i know i wouldnt have the guts to say. the doors of the plane open and everyone gets up. they pick their suitcase and they all stand on a line.
slowly the line moves, and i feel like pushing people. good thing that i took my medicine. the lines begins to move into finally i was out. i walk in the airport finding the exit and finding the missing words that i know i need to get out.
i feel my phone vibrate, Kai had send me a message.
'hey Yixing, im glad your back! everyone is waiting for you at the house, hurry up'
and with that message a picture was attach.
a picture of Kai with the biggest smile i ever seen. so big that i bet it hurts him now, eyes that are shining and i know it wasnt because of the flash. his arms around a small figure that looks a bit older.
and that figure have eyes that look like they didnt miss me. his arms are around Kai's waist too, that boy is Luhan. my feet couldnt move, i know i should be running and stop them for being cute together. but they couldnt move.
my feet prefer London. my eyes want to pretend they didnt see that picture, and my heart is beating so fast that i cant control it. how can in three years Luhan forget my promise to him?
how can Luhan forget....me.
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